Am I being overly sensitive about being reprimanded by a colleague?

Blazer

I’d leave it off this but if it happens again pull her aside and explain that you will not tolerate her talking to you like this again.
Might be best to do it in public though if she attempts it again so as to have witnesses to what’s actually being said etc.

kurtainsider

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Imagine what question your colleague could post here:

Eg how should I deal with a co-worker who knows perfectly well how to do their work, but can't be ar$ed actually doing it. Time after time, I have to tell them to get basic information- and I cannot do my job until they get it. I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me. What next -dob them into management or turn up the heat myself?

After reading your post I thought that I had missed part of the story so I scrolled up to read the missing posts. Turns out I hadn't missed anything and you had just made up a whole load of things regarding the OP.

What way is that to conduct a discussion? It's most unhelpful if people just make things up and present them as fact. Boards would be pretty pointless if all posters behaved like that.

stateofflux

WorkerWoes wrote: »

A few days ago while I was in work, an accident occurred with a colleague. This colleague does not work in my department but due to the nature of the job, often the department I work in will have to assign tasks to them. I took in a call and did not get enough information so my colleague reprimanded me on this, which was completely fair but the way she went about it did not sit right with me and upset me for a bit.

5 minutes after I assigned the task to my colleague, she came over to my desk and stood by it. At first I was confused so she asked me: "Why do you think I am standing here looking down at you?". This caused me to become nervous as I instantly knew she was frustrated me but initially, I honestly wasn't sure what I had done. I hazarded a guess and she immediately rolled her eyes and responded "I don't care about that." Then I suggested that I had not put enough information in the task. She said this was correct and proceeded to say did I know how big such a location was and what I had written was not on and not acceptable. I then said I understood what she meant and she proceeded to walk out the door.

While this was going on, my other colleague (who works in my department) was sitting just a few feet away could hear everything. There was only 3 of us in the office at time, myself, my colleague from my department and the colleague who reprimanded me and our supervisor (her boss). After this happened and she walked out the door, I felt incredibly stupid and humiliated as I wished she had not been so condescending and not reprimanded me so publicly.

A few moments later, she came back in again (after I had called the client back and got all the relevant information). She did not say a single word to me, just walked by my desk and into her office space. She then emailed me information to pass onto the client. 10 minutes she walked out again and was chatting to my other colleague (they are quite good friends and knew each about 6 months before I joined as it's a tiny office). She turned to me and asked had I sent everything out. I responded that I had and she asked me "Do you understand now why it's so important to get all the information?". I told her I realised this and that was that.

Later in the day, my colleague who had heard everything, told my other colleagues who came in later in the day. They all told me that they did not agree with how everything was handled and that given that she is essentially just a fellow colleague to us and not our supervisor/boss that she should not have been so condescending in her attitude towards me.

I've been thinking about it all day and I am wondering am I just being over sensitive? As I said, I completely get the message she was trying to get to me, I just feel things could have been handled better i.e. not make me try and guess what I had done wrong.

Does anyone have any advice moving further as it is not the first time she has come to me when I've made a mistake (this is the second time it has happened with both incidents being a few months apart) and basically asked me to guess what I've done wrong.


Thanks!

OP you are right to be irked.. A public reprimand is unacceptable..end of story.

It is a form of bullying. I have in the past had this ****e pulled on me. When it did i went to the person in private and told them i will not tolerate it and will take things further if it happens again.

Forget about what people are saying here about 'thats office culture'' blah blah...respect is universal to any job...without it you have nothing.

Mrs OBumble

kurtainsider wrote: »

After reading your post I thought that I had missed part of the story so I scrolled up to read the missing posts. Turns out I hadn't missed anything and you had just made up a whole load of things regarding the OP.

What way is that to conduct a discussion? It's most unhelpful if people just make things up and present them as fact. Boards would be pretty pointless if all posters behaved like that.

Did you even notice that my post started with the word "imagine"?

None of us know the full story.

But the OP knew that s/he had screwed up even before the colleague approached. My guess is that it wasn't a one off - but that's just a guess.


And as for thd people claiming it's bullying: bollox. The basic definition of bullying includes that it's repeated behaviour. Nothing in the OP's post suggests this

kurtainsider

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Did you even notice that my post started with the word "imagine"?

None of us know the full story.

But the OP knew that s/he had screwed up even before the colleague approached. My guess is that it wasn't a one off - but that's just a guess.


And as for thd people claiming it's bullying: bollox. The basic definition of bullying includes that it's repeated behaviour. Nothing in the OP's post suggests this

Mrs OBumble
I think that it's a bit rich describing an opinion that doesn't chime with yours as "Bollox"
I think that making up stories without any basis in what we know - as you have done - and are therefore 100% speculative is "Bollox"

JeffKenna

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

kurtainsider wrote: »

After reading your post I thought that I had missed part of the story so I scrolled up to read the missing posts. Turns out I hadn't missed anything and you had just made up a whole load of things regarding the OP.

What way is that to conduct a discussion? It's most unhelpful if people just make things up and present them as fact. Boards would be pretty pointless if all posters behaved like that.

Did you even notice that my post started with the word "imagine"?

None of us know the full story.

But the OP knew that s/he had screwed up even before the colleague approached. My guess is that it wasn't a one off - but that's just a guess.


And as for thd people claiming it's bullying: bollox. The basic definition of bullying includes that it's repeated behaviour. Nothing in the OP's post suggests this

This is ridiculous. Your post doesn't appear to have any grounding in reality and is pure speculation based on your own projections. And then you have the audacity to call other posts bollox.

The White Wolf

whampiri wrote: »

No, you're not. She has no business speaking to you in the manner described. Send her an email advising her that if she has an issue with your work in future, to go through the appropriate channels. I.e. her manager to your manager to you. Also advise her that if she speaks to you in such a manner again, you'll consider it bullying and will be reporting it to HR.

Alternatively, maybe she was just having a bad day and you could leave it go this one time but if she ever goes to speak to you like that again, stop her mid sentence and tell her where to take a long walk.

The bad day excuse is not acceptable for me; we all have those, but it's only the select few who think it's OK to bring that into the office. That type of person is liable to take the hump with colleagues on a semi regular basis.

I agree with what Mouse said earlier. It would probably look a bit tame to pull her up on it now. Just resolve to not allow her to speak to you like that again.

JustAThought

OP I doybt if anyone else in your office who saw or heard her/him was overwhelmed by their management skills. As you say you are concerned there will be kickback on you - you clarified with your boss -move on or bring it up with your boss in a consise email the way yku did here. Regardless you should be on your gaurd in csse s/he decides to speak to you like this in future as a habbit in person. I would caution that, as you mentioned, s/he is great friends with your boss and it is a very small office. Will a friend stand by their friend and senior colleague or by a sunordinate who had made an understandable omission - I'd leave it but keep a note in case it escallates or becomes habitual behaviour or is brought up later by any of them. Your work isnodoubt normally of a good standard - as is her behaviour - and they can make life difficult and messy for you. Keep a private ,dated, document but let it go & move on. Address it only if it escallates. Its not bullying - its fear on both parts and office dynamics.

nthclare

We have one of those in our workplace, if it's not you it's someone else.

We all just laugh at the situation because it's nothing personal and we're all in on the banter except the Jezabelle who's running the company in her own head.

It was John last week, Sarah today, Seamus tomorrow....

People like her are great teachers of tollerence, sounds like she's a bit nuts.

And if other people notice her behaviour you've nothing to worry about its obvious she's not very well respected....

Laugh it off

Always Tired

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Imagine what question your colleague could post here:

Eg how should I deal with a co-worker who knows perfectly well how to do their work, but can't be ar$ed actually doing it. Time after time, I have to tell them to get basic information- and I cannot do my job until they get it. I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me. What next -dob them into management or turn up the heat myself?

How is 'Do you know why I'm standing here looking down at you?'asking politely? And when does it say the OP laughed at them?

Making mistakes at work doesn't mean a colleague can speak to you in a condescending manner like that. She literally said she was looking down at the OP, while literally looking down on them.

I don't think I've ever seen you reply to a post where you don't admonish the OP, no matter how far you have to reach to do it.

evolving_doors

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Did you even notice that my post started with the word "imagine"?

None of us know the full story.

But the OP knew that s/he had screwed up even before the colleague approached. My guess is that it wasn't a one off - but that's just a guess.


And as for thd people claiming it's bullying: bollox. The basic definition of bullying includes that it's repeated behaviour. Nothing in the OP's post suggests this

The OP did so maybe just take the issue on face value as most op posters would hope we do.
Public dressing down like that is unprofessional and creates a stink.

nthclare

evolving_doors wrote: »

The OP did so maybe just take the issue on face value as most op posters would hope we do.
Public dressing down like that is unprofessional and creates a stink.

Only if you let it stink, it's not hard to turn it around in one's favour.

Treat it like an 80's sitcom....

The aul bag in the office....

granturismo

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Did you even notice that my post started with the word "imagine"?

None of us know the full story.

But the OP knew that s/he had screwed up even before the colleague approached. My guess is that it wasn't a one off - but that's just a guess.
...

We dont know the full story but you can speculate that this wasnt an isolated incident and cover yourself by adding 'but that's just a guess'.

Wanderer2010

The White Wolf wrote: »

The bad day excuse is not acceptable for me; we all have those, but it's only the select few who think it's OK to bring that into the office. That type of person is liable to take the hump with colleagues on a semi regular basis.

I agree with what Mouse said earlier. It would probably look a bit tame to pull her up on it now. Just resolve to not allow her to speak to you like that again.

I see a lot of that though in the workplace, when someone brings their bad mood/personal issues into the office and spills their frustration to the nearest person sometimes even when someone is clearly busy with something else. This continues because either/or the co workers don't want to upset them or the managers are too spineless and allows the bully to rule the roost. Goes on a lot.

The White Wolf

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I see a lot of that though in the workplace, when someone brings their bad mood/personal issues into the office and spills their frustration to the nearest person sometimes even when someone is clearly busy with something else. This continues because either/or the co workers don't want to upset them or the managers are too spineless and allows the bully to rule the roost. Goes on a lot.

I do admittedly think it's a case of managers not wanting the bother. Good to know it's not just my place that feels like an anomaly in regards to that.

Voltex

I'd be putting a marker down here! It's fine to be told you made a mistake and you messed up - but at all times you should be treated with respect.

I wouldn't let anyone speak to me in that manner - don't care who they are! You don't have to be aggressive in doing so...just assertive. And the weird thing is, people will ultimately have more respect for you. If you allow yourself to be demeaned once, it'll happen again and become a habit.

Strumms

Because someone is having a ‘bad day’ doesn’t give them so much as a millimeter of leeway to speak to someone in the manner described.



As Voltex says though you need to be assertive and ‘calm’ too in the way you deal with it...

Take it on the chin, wait 30 minutes to an hour so they have deescalated their aggressiveness and approach them and advise something like...

“I’ve been having a think about what you told me earlier. As an aside I want to let you know that I find it unacceptable though the way you spoke to me in the office earlier. I’m speaking to you now, again about a topic important to the company, my voice isn’t raised, I’m being calm, I’m not letting emotion detract from what I’m trying to convey to you and most importantly I’m talking to you professionally and treating you with respect. That is a legitimate expectation on behalf of EVERY employee here. So going forward I’ll ask that you keep this in mind for any and every interaction we have so we can continue to work effectively and efficiently for our customers and colleagues and indeed ourselves without needing time invested in escalating situations to my superiors.”

Thinking about it it’s probably more prudent to send this in email so it’s documented.

ellejay

OP just take it on the chin and get some replies ready to dole out for future encounters.

Absolutely don't send anything by email, it's there forever and you don't know how it could be used in the future.

Reading between the lines in the opening post - I get from it that a colleague is fed up of mistakes being made by the OP > Does him a favour by trying to speak to him personally rather than escalating through a manager > Goes over to the OP to speak to him > OP ignores the colleague > Colleague gives a sarcastic opener because she's ignored before she even gets to the actual issue > OP is offended before anything about the issue is even said.

I think the OP is trying to look like a victim to take the sting out of making a mistake.

A more experienced office worker would have given as good as they got from her but I suspect the OP is new to the job and probably new to the workplace.

Office politics are dreadful but I think it's a bit of a stretch to call the colleague a bully.

OMM 0000

I would not let this slide.

I would talk to my boss, explain how the person was unprofessional, and humiliated me in front of a number of colleagues, and that I don't want that to happen again.

If you have a good boss, he'll deal with it.

If it happens again, I would e-mail the bitch, CCing my boss and her boss, asking she refrains from acting this ay towards me.

If it happens again, I'd get HR involved.