Nephew - parenting issue again!

Hannaho

Just asked recently re my nephew selling stuff and what others thought. One issue semi-sorted and another arises. He's over in my house again, angry and threatening suicide because his mother refused to let him go to Germany with his friends family this Saturday, as he has been really abusive to her - shouting and screaming at her when he is asked to clean up the sitting room he uses with his friends, refusing to take out rubbish bag which is overflowing, refusing to take glasses and cups to kitchen to be washed - some with mould growing in them, and some with cigarette butts stubbed out in them - she doesn't allow smoking in the house, and has told him this several times. He doesn't smoke but some of his friends do. My sister says she asked him to clean up the sitting room where his friends were in the last few days, and he refused to do so, telling her to 'f...k off' several times - this was a 9.30 a.m. this morning. Then, telling her he was going to town, though she said he wasn't to go, and telling her to 'f...k off' - then abusing her down the road as she went to the shop stating that 'she f...k...g hated him, and was trying to ruin his life.' He has been caught drinking and quite drunk in the park before - a couple of months ago, and was grounded for several weeks then. It's 3.00 p.m. now and he still has not tidied up as asked, still a big mess there. Just the other day my sister saw him with a boy of a similar age she asked him not to associate with as this boy is know by the other children to deal in drugs, and actually smashed my nieces computer one day, because he felt in a bad mood. My sister walks to the shop, and there is my nephew and this guy sitting together. My sister confronted my newphew and he said this guy came to my sister's house as buses free for July. My sister then said that she would not be giving my nephew money for bus for town in August because of this. My sister works long hours and has cardiac issues. My nephewr then h just headed off to town, - we live the other side of town - and stated that at this rate of treatment from my sister, he would be dead by the end of the year. My own son, and indeed my daughter, are no angels at all, many issues have arisen, but this stuff seems quite nuts and the dramatics of talking about suicide when just asked to clean up, and asked where the cigarette butts came from. What do people think of this behaviour in my nephew. My sister has already contacted her G..P. but I feel he is holding the family to ransom. Teenagers!! Not for the faint-hearted!!

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White Clover

What age is he?

Hannaho

Sorry, I just feel a bit dazed from it all - so just put it all out in one go.

Hannaho

He's 16 - just last month.

charlietheminxx

Ok, here goes OP (and I'm hoping I won't get into trouble for doing a bit of unplanned digging).

I couldn't remember the full details of your other thread about your nephew and his spending money, so I clicked on your profile. The first thing I saw was a message from a user about your niece and nephew needing counselling 6 years ago because of an intimidating/somewhat abusive parent. I don't know the ins and outs of that situation and I don't know anything about your family but, if this is the same nephew, I'm guessing there are underlying issues with this young man which come to more than you have been posting about in isolation.

Is he having any counselling or has he seen a doctor? If he's lethargic and having serious mood swings/outbursts, there might be something really wrong here and I wouldn't just brush off a young person bringing up suicide as "dramatics". On another note, I know you said you were sure he wasn't using drugs as well in the other thread, but with the mood swings coupled with the missing money, how sure are you?

antix80

The other thread is still active.

Op it's nothing you can fix. There's no advice you can scrape from this thread to give your sister so she can control her child considering she's as much a part of the problem as he is. I'm assuming he has no male role model who could have a chat with him.

SirChenjin

I don't know if it's fair really, even though I'm sure your intentions are good, to be putting so much information on a widely read forum, about a family member. How would they feel if they were to read it?

afkasurfjunkie

Mood swings, aggressiveness, missing money unaccounted for and is hanging around with someone who is known to deal drugs. If he can speak to his mother like that and use the suicide card when things don’t go his way, he is definitely capable of lying about what happened to the money. I’d be tempted to pack him off the the Gaeltacht for a few weeks and to any other camp that is not local. Come down on him hard. He’s playing ye like a fiddle and things will get worse before they get better.

splinter65

Needs huge strength and courage but there’s only one thing for it.
Cut off all his access to money. Not one penny.

Hannaho

I agree with the money thing. She is giving him no money now, and saying he can go into town with food from cupboard, and that she is not paying for his bus fare into town in Agust when free bus fares for kids are finished. Still, though the suicide when she told him that also. I couldn't imagine throwing the suicide card to my mother when I was that age. I would have told to get up to my room and stay there until I came to my senses, and stopped that stupid talk, but now, well ......

shesty

Hannaho, your sister seems overwhelmed here.
Barnardos offer a family support service, they might be able to give her some advice on how to handle this.

Cushtie

Stop doing his washing, cooking his meals and giving him money. Maybe a small dose of reality will bring him to his senses. If he wants money let him get a part time job.

Neyite

Mod:


A reminder that advocating violence on a child is not acceptable here. Post deleted.