How do you move on?

Taiga

I know there's a departed pet thread but I can't bring myself to read through it. As some of you know, our beautiful little guy is gone (10 days now) and we're still in bits. I know we'll always love and miss him but when does it start to get a little better? Hubby is as bad as me. I've never seen him like this, he's heartbroken. There's a massive hole in our lives, his absence is an enormous chasm. Everywhere I look and everywhere I go I see him. He should still be here, he was in his prime. It sucks big time.

Also I can't stop wondering if he thought we abandoned him as he was in the vets for over a week before we had to call it. We stayed away as he was an anxious little fella and followed me everywhere and I didn't want to upset him by visiting and leaving again.

How do you make peace with it and come to terms with it? Don't say think of the good memories because I have so, so many but every time I see his happy little face I burst out crying. I miss the comfort and love he brought us. I just can't believe he's really gone and we'll never see him again.

I think the fact we got him cremated (I couldn't face holding his tiny, underweight body) is holding us back as we have no closure yet.

I know some of you have been where I am now, I'm just wondering how you got through it.

I know we'll get another dog. He can never be replaced but another little fella can help us to heal and he (or she) will bring their own awesomeness. I'm already casually looking at rescues, waiting for a suitable pup. We're in no hurry.


But how do we accept what happened and move on?

jellybear

Oh Taiga, I couldn't read and not respond.
I'm so, so sorry. It is honestly one of the worst things you can go through. I think it's hugely down to their innocence and, unlike people, our pets are always kind, loving and devoted to us. This makes it so hard to accept that such an awful thing can happen to them. Why, our beautiful pet? I've unfortunately been through it far too many times and it's never easy.
Here's what helps me:

-Knowing I gave them the best life possible. Some *insert expletive* could have gotten them and treated them terribly. You showed your pet nothing but love and kindness. They knew no fear or ill treatment.

-You loved each other unconditionally. That's something rare and priceless.

- Planting something in their memory...a tree, shrub, plant etc. By placing it near a bench or bringing a chair to sit by it, it has given me comfort and made me feel close to them as it's "their tree".

-Cry. It's okay to absolutely break down. It would, in my opinion, be stranger not to. In time, you will speak to your partner and others about your pet and smile but right now that's just not possible but it will be. Trust me.

I'm sure others will have advice etc. Just know we all understand and will be thinking of you at this difficult time.

Taiga

Jellybear thank you so much. That's it I think. Their innocence and they trust us so. As for crying, I'm certainly doing plenty of that. I hate the mornings, the moment I open my eyes the house feels empty. Even with our thankfully wonderful and healthy kids. We're thinking of burying his ashes and planting something special for him. He made the garden his after all. He patrolled it regularly and it was hilarious.

jellybear

Oh I know that empty feeling. We had our first dog to 18 and the house just wasn't a home without a dog. They are just such a huge part of your family as they rely on you so much. It just becomes routine but you really don't realise how much you do for them and how much your life revolves around them until they're gone.
I sometimes have that feeling you mentioned in your other thread, is it really worth the pain?
It is. Honestly. You gave him the best life possible. He could have had an awful life but he didn't. You did the kindest thing for him even though it was the hardest thing for you. There'll always be a piece of your heart missing but you're life was enriched for having him.

Even though my baby Milo is cuddled and kissed to within an inch of his life everyday, I'm going to give him an extra cuddle tonight. It's all about appreciating the time we have together and making it the best life possible.

Taiga

That made me well up Jellybear. Give him a massive hug and tell him how much you love him. He'll understand is his doggy way. Thank you so much for your words of comfort.

AryaStark

I lost my little guy this year through a terrible accident where he was hit by a car. He died in my arms but was only just gone 1 and I am still not able to think about it without drying. He was so happy and deserved to live as he made me so happy every day.... he was a rescue too and I had hoped to give him the most amazing time.

I have another dog and she was just as heart broken... she was so lonely and pining and that made me think of getting another quicker then I would have.
I put out work to some rescues that I do work with and we ended up rescuing a rottweiler pup.. he is amazing and so different to Gandalf who died.. it helps that they are so different.

I am not sure that anything but time helps.

I was asked recently if I could spend time with anybody who had died who would I pick and I immediately picked my dog Gizmo who I lost in 2013... she was a collie/whippet mix and the love of my life.. she died at 5 from Addisons disease and it almost broke me. So hard. (I did feel a bit bad later thinking I should have picked my Dad who I lost in 2011)

We have a huge garden and I have them buried together in the garden.. I planted trees for the two of them and spend some time there everyday having a tea and thinking about them.

aonb

Those of us who have been lucky enough to be born as 'dog people' know that the price for many (hopefully) years of unselfish love, trust, fun, companionship comes with the horrible price that our beloved pets dont have long enough time with us.

OP you've lost a member of your family - yes, he was a dog, but he WAS a member of your family. You LOVED him, he was part of your life. Give yourself time to grieve as you would if it were a human. I know I have grieved over a dog more than I have over some family members - Im sure non-dog-lovers would find that incredible, but its true.

Ive never been without a dog - I dont think I would ever want to be without a dog - who would you talk to, have fun with, walk with, stroke and cuddle, enjoy being with, curse at and yes, shout at - and at the end of the day have total and complete love and trust from! (I am now a cat convert, and should add that I wouldnt be without cats now either) - a life with a loved pet is a better life - even the studies into stress relief and mental health improvements with a pet validate that.

I think its never too soon to get another dog. Not to replace your lost dog, but to fill the void that he's left behind. Its miserable enough missing your dog, but feeling lonely, and the emptiness of the house without him, why not get another dog - it helps to get over the loss for sure - you'll have to be busy with your new dog, and walking and getting to know each other, and bonding etc etc - sitting here with my old guys grey head on my lap, cant imagine him not being around - hes a bloody nuisance in so many ways, but the BEST dog - but I do know that when he goes, I'll have another new friend to complete the home, just as this guy did when he came along so many years ago...

Taiga

Arya that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss too. Losing them when they're so young and with so much left to give is unbelievable. Yet we go again and again.

I've been nosing on rescues but I'm in no hurry. I don't want to wait too long either though. I was offered a pup yesterday by a man I was telling my woes to. I thought he would think I was mad but his eyes were so sympathetic. Turns out he has 20 dogs, I think he hunts. He has border/lakeland terrier cross pups. I'm thinking no as I like an active dog but I think they may be a bit too much. What I liked about him is he said he won't part with them until September as he likes them to be with the mother until at least 12 weeks and vaccinated.

I might ask the rescue where I got my little guy to keep me in mind if a suitable pup comes along.

More tears here today from us all. Even hanging out the washing he'd plonk himself in the grass keeping me company.