Sex and the City author "Truly alone"

ToddyDoody

Deleted User wrote: »

Is she not half elf or something?..can they even procreate at all?

It does throw everything we're talking about in this thread out of the water... but why?

kikilarue2

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Ah seriously. This reads like the central premise of almost any episode of Sex and the City. The whole point was that to have it all you'd need to be 4 completely different women.

The consequences and compromises needed for women to balance their lives were what drove the whole damn thing.

You and Harvey should probably watch the show instead of guessing what it's about. It's just embarrassing.

I don't think you are reading my posts, I did watch the show and enjoyed it. I could probably quote it better than you could.
I'm not anti Women in any way, I have a lot of Women in my life, probably more than most men. What bothers me is that Women are being bullsh1tted in order to get them in into the workforce and away from childrearing and families. Telling them to have a career first and children later or not at all, which leaves many Women devastated. Which left many of the Women in my life devastated because they left it too late

That may be your experience, but it’s not universal. I know plenty of women with great careers and wonderful families.

Most of them focused on their careers in their 20s, and started having kids between 33 and 36.

The women in my life who are unmarried and don’t have children are that way for the most part because they have not met the right guy - it’s nothing to do with careers.

Women these days don’t have to settle, because they have financial independence (which their careers give them)

kikilarue2

Autumn August wrote: »

kikilarue2 wrote: »

That may be your experience, but it’s not universal. I know plenty of women with great careers and wonderful families.

Most of them focused on their careers in their 20s, and started having kids between 33 and 36.

The women in my life who are unmarried and don’t have children are that way for the most part because they have not met the right guy - it’s nothing to do with careers.

Women these days don’t have to settle, because they have financial independence (which their careers give them)

A lot of the time they don't meet the right guy because they leave it too late, their options diminish.

That’s a load of bollocks. As Charlotte in SATC once said, we start dating at 15 and don’t stop until we meet the one.

It’s not like you’re barred from having relationships while you’re building your career. Women, much like men, do both at the same time.

bitofabind

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

Women have a shelf life and all that time going from relationship to relationship searching for something can often be time wasted. And pursuing a career to the detriment of everything else often leaves Women childless and alone and can often be something they bitterly regret.

who are these women having relationships with though, Harvey? of all the hundreds of women i know i can't think of any that are going from relationship to relationship for the craic, "nah he's only a 9 out of ten, NEXT!" Relationships break down for many complicated reasons caused by the fault of two individuals usually, not women being picky or getting bored and hopping onto the next fella that looks her way because she feels like it.

in fact any single 30+ woman will attest to the shocking amount of men out there going through perpetual male adolescence where they're addicted to dating apps and messing around with short flings and fcuk buddies and freaking out at the first sign of anything vaguely resembling a serious, committed relationship. i know because i've met them, latest one was ten years older than me at 44!

what do you suggest we do about these men, Harvey? the ones that date women ten years younger and look at women their own age like they've got some sort of disease, the "might want to have a serious adult relationship with long-term plans" disorder. trap them into relationships by accidentally getting pregnant perhaps? oh wait no that's another thread about women being evil/stupid/selfish/take your pick

Harvey Weinstein

Autumn August wrote: »

A lot of the time they don't meet the right guy because they leave it too late, their options diminish.

Exactly, thats the point. Although it seems to be lost on some here.

ToddyDoody

Has the war of the sexes grown more intense over the years or is it just the Summer?

Arghus

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Has the war of the sexes grown more intense over the years or is it just the Summer?

Just boards being boards.

There's always lads banging on about this sh!te here.

kikilarue2

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

Autumn August wrote: »

A lot of the time they don't meet the right guy because they leave it too late, their options diminish.

Exactly, thats the point. Although it seems to be lost on some here.

The point isn’t lost on us. We just don’t agree with you.

bitofabind

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Women these days don’t have to settle, because they have financial independence (which their careers give them)

this is another part of it though. What women in this day and age can afford to NOT be financially independent? Look around and you won't see teenagers leaving school and getting married and babied up in their early 20s like a few generations ago. wives at home, men the bread winners

women HAVE to fend for themselves, get educated to a high level and set the standard high for themselves financially these days because we're not handed husbands on a plate in the way it happened in good old catholic Ireland.

i've dated since i was a teenager, in that time had a longterm relationship that heartbreakingly didn't work out and by GOD am i glad that i never took my eye off the ball in my career because now i'm single with only myself to rely on and have a fairly decent career and salary which means if i don't meet someone, at least i can still afford to give myself a good life. and of course i'd love to meet someone - but its a bloody jungle out there! everyone has so many options that fewer people - and fewer men - are choosing to settle down and do the old fashioned thing as was expected in generations passed.

SusieBlue

Autumn August wrote: »

A lot of the time they don't meet the right guy because they leave it too late, their options diminish.

This repeatedly crops up on threads time and time again yet I can’t think of a single woman I’ve ever met that has intentionally avoided all romantic relationships for indefinite amounts of time in order to focus on her career.
I know plenty of women that would be considered ‘career types’ and they all have relationships and date and some are even married.

Most women who are single are single because the relationship(s) they were in didn’t work out. Not because they’ve been intentionally avoiding meeting someone and leaving it too late on purpose.

So who on earth are these women who are spending decades of their lives forgoing any sort of relationship whatsoever in order to focus on their career?
Because I can’t think of one single woman who fits that description.

People’s core life goals and desires rarely deviate much in adulthood.
This notion that women spend ages 18-30 living as cut throat corporate careeer women avoiding any sort of emotional connection, only to wake up at 30 and suddenly want a husband and babies is absolute BS of the highest order.

Harvey Weinstein

bitofabind wrote: »

who are these women having relationships with though, Harvey? of all the hundreds of women i know i can't think of any that are going from relationship to relationship for the craic, "nah he's only a 9 out of ten, NEXT!" Relationships break down for many complicated reasons caused by the fault of two individuals usually, not women being picky or getting bored and hopping onto the next fella that looks her way because she feels like it.

in fact any single 30+ woman will attest to the shocking amount of men out there going through perpetual male adolescence where they're addicted to dating apps and messing around with short flings and fcuk buddies and freaking out at the first sign of anything vaguely resembling a serious, committed relationship. i know because i've met them, latest one was ten years older than me at 44!

what do you suggest we do about these men, Harvey? the ones that date women ten years younger and look at women their own age like they've got some sort of disease, the "might want to have a serious adult relationship with long-term plans" disorder. trap them into relationships by accidentally getting pregnant perhaps? oh wait no that's another thread about women being evil/stupid/selfish/take your pick

First of all there's no need for the aggressive tone.

Secondly, you're right, there is an epidemic of men stuck in perpetual adolescence. One of the reasons for this is the fact that in previous generations most people settled down in their 20's and there was a paucity of available Women for a man looking to settle down. Whereas now there's and endless supply of available Women for men on the make. The Tinder age ultimately benefits men, because most men prefer younger Women, thats the reality.
Tinder statistics show that the prime years for a Woman (on Tinder) are her early 20's but with men its much much later.
A Woman at say 37 years of age is not an attractive prospect for a man looking to have a family, when he has the option of younger Women at his fingertips.
A man looks at a 37 year old Woman and thinks, we have to hit it off, then go out for a few years, then live together, then talk about getting married and having kids, you get the picture. By the time they might be trying for kids the Woman might be in her 40's. Why do that when you can meet a 30 year old.

This is where the likes of sex and the city comes in, which in a way encourages Women to waste away their prime years partying, careers, travelling, whatever. Then they end up in their late 30's and find that the men their own age don't want them.

As another poster says..Women have been sold a pup.

And it goes without saying every man knows plenty of good men who have been passed over by Women because they didn't cut the mustard, it works both ways.

kikilarue2

Not to mention that one of the main places people meet partners is at work.

metaoblivia

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

First of all there's no need for the aggressive tone.

This is where the likes of sex and the city comes in, which in a way encourages Women to waste away their prime years partying, careers, travelling, whatever. Then they end up in their late 30's and find that the men their own age don't want them.

As another poster says..Women have been sold a pup.

But as several posters have pointed out, that's not actually how a lot of women who end up single in their 30s and beyond spend their 20s. I did not spend my 20s partying, traveling or focused on my career and neither did any of the women I know. I do know many women who were in long term relationships during their 20s that fell apart in their early 30s and found themselves single. That's much more common in my experience than the picture you're painting.

Yeah, the influence of the internet dating age can't really be overstated here either.. like, you can't really blame either sex really.. it's uncharted territory..

eviltwin

No one needs to be "truly alone" even if the chance to have kids has passed. She can still have a great relationship, if she's really missing children she can foster I'm sure.

It's not all or nothing, there is a spectrum between being a housewife with kids or a career woman with cats.

suicide_circus

metaoblivia wrote: »

But as several posters have pointed out, that's not actually how a lot of women who end up single in their 30s and beyond spend their 20s. I did not spend my 20s partying, traveling or focused on my career and neither did any of the women I know. I do know many women who were in long term relationships during their 20s that fell apart in their early 30s and found themselves single. That's much more common in my experience than the picture you're painting.

men carry an enormous amount of the blame here.

using up women's "prime" years and then being too juvenile to commit.

eviltwin

suicide_circus wrote: »

men carry an enormous amount of the blame here.

using up women's "prime" years and then being too juvenile to commit.

They have choice too. If they don't want to settle down then why should they.

kikilarue2

Autumn August wrote: »

SusieBlue wrote: »

This repeatedly crops up on threads time and time again yet I can’t think of a single woman I’ve ever met that has intentionally avoided all romantic relationships for indefinite amounts of time in order to focus on her career.
I know plenty of women that would be considered ‘career types’ and they all have relationships and date and some are even married.

Most women who are single are single because the relationship(s) they were in didn’t work out. Not because they’ve been intentionally avoiding meeting someone and leaving it too late on purpose.

So who on earth are these women who are spending decades of their lives forgoing any sort of relationship whatsoever in order to focus on their career?
Because I can’t think of one single woman who fits that description.

People’s core life goals and desires rarely deviate much in adulthood.
This notion that women spend ages 18-30 living as cut throat corporate careeer women avoiding any sort of emotional connection, only to wake up at 30 and suddenly want a husband and babies is absolute BS of the highest order.

There are plenty of women who don't look for "husband material" until it's too late, they spend their youth and attractiveness banging men who aren't husband material. And of course there's nothing wrong with that at all, as a man who doesn't regard himself as "husband material" I'm very thankful for such women But some of these women don't realise how fast their attractiveness to men can diminish, and with it their options to choose a husband. So they might have to marry a man who they don't even fancy or just forget about it.

This is PUA bollocks. The only part I believe in that whole paragraph is that you’re not marriage material.

Men of substance don’t regard women as you do.

Ah, the reality is that a lot of women don't age well.. like, some of them hitting 40 you'd say might have been attractive 10 years ago, but it's faded..

Certain women age well..a lot don't..

kikilarue2

eviltwin wrote: »

No one needs to be "truly alone" even if the chance to have kids has passed. She can still have a great relationship, if she's really missing children she can foster I'm sure.

It's not all or nothing, there is a spectrum between being a housewife with kids or a career woman with cats.

Exactly. I very much hope to meet a life partner, settle down and have kids, but if I don’t I have a very rich life with siblings and extended family, friends, my own business, my pupper. A man would complement my life greatly, but it’s not incomplete without one.

Harvey Weinstein

metaoblivia wrote: »

But as several posters have pointed out, that's not actually how a lot of women who end up single in their 30s and beyond spend their 20s. I did not spend my 20s partying, traveling or focused on my career and neither did any of the women I know. I do know many women who were in long term relationships during their 20s that fell apart in their early 30s and found themselves single. That's much more common in my experience than the picture you're painting.

Well I know a lot of Women in the opposite situation, who focused on careers, partying etc but I get what you're saying.

But similar to yourself I know plenty of people who were in long term relationships and they fell apart.
And this is I think where both Men and Women have been duped, the idea of long term relationships, where people put off having families in their 20's and 30's only for the relationship to end. Back in the day the majority of people would settle down and have kids after 2 or 3 years or even less, not go out for 8 years before even thinking about it. Again, if someone wants a family this is a monumental waste of time. One of my friends went out with a guy for 15 years, had no kids, they broke up and he is now in another relationship and thinking of starting a family whereas its probably too late for her (early 40's) She is devastated.

SusieBlue

Autumn August wrote: »

There are plenty of women who don't look for "husband material" until it's too late, they spend their youth and attractiveness banging men who aren't husband material. And of course there's nothing wrong with that at all, as a man who doesn't regard himself as "husband material" I'm very thankful for such women But some of these women don't realise how fast their attractiveness to men can diminish, and with it their options to choose a husband. So they might have to marry a man who they don't even fancy or just forget about it.

Sorry but as a woman I just can’t relate or say that’s my experience at all.

I have always wanted to be married and have children and since I became an adult I have sought relationships with men I perceived to be suitable husband material and who had similar goals.
I wasn’t looking for an engagement ring at 21 or anything, but all my ex’s were men I could see myself marrying and having children with.

Unfortunately those relationships didn’t work out, but not because I was wasting my own time with men who didn’t want kids or commitment.
I never ever pursued or got into relationships with men I could see no future with.

Why would someone spend half their lives banging a waster/assh*le, wasting their fertile years only to call it quits when it’s ‘too late’ and go looking for someone to marry and have babies with?
That’s absolutely ridiculous. I’m not just saying it cause I don’t agree with you but I don’t know anyone who carries on like that.

kikilarue2

kikilarue2 wrote: »

Autumn August wrote: »

SusieBlue wrote: »

This repeatedly crops up on threads time and time again yet I can’t think of a single woman I’ve ever met that has intentionally avoided all romantic relationships for indefinite amounts of time in order to focus on her career.
I know plenty of women that would be considered ‘career types’ and they all have relationships and date and some are even married.

Most women who are single are single because the relationship(s) they were in didn’t work out. Not because they’ve been intentionally avoiding meeting someone and leaving it too late on purpose.

So who on earth are these women who are spending decades of their lives forgoing any sort of relationship whatsoever in order to focus on their career?
Because I can’t think of one single woman who fits that description.

People’s core life goals and desires rarely deviate much in adulthood.
This notion that women spend ages 18-30 living as cut throat corporate careeer women avoiding any sort of emotional connection, only to wake up at 30 and suddenly want a husband and babies is absolute BS of the highest order.

There are plenty of women who don't look for "husband material" until it's too late, they spend their youth and attractiveness banging men who aren't husband material. And of course there's nothing wrong with that at all, as a man who doesn't regard himself as "husband material" I'm very thankful for such women But some of these women don't realise how fast their attractiveness to men can diminish, and with it their options to choose a husband. So they might have to marry a man who they don't even fancy or just forget about it.

This is PUA bollocks. The only part I believe in that whole paragraph is that you’re not marriage material.

Men of substance don’t regard women as you do.

Autumn August wrote: »

kikilarue2 wrote: »

This is PUA bollocks. The only part I believe in that whole paragraph is that you’re not marriage material.

Men of substance don’t regard women as you do.

Yea most definitely not marriage material, don't do monogomy. PUA bollocks??? is that a new STI

Perhaps you regard whole demographics with generalisations, I treat and regard people on a cases by case basis regardless of their skin gender, skin colour, age, religion etc.

You’ve made a whole series of generalizations about women above... one example being that we don’t realize how quickly our attractiveness diminishes.

SusieBlue

First women were to blame because they were focusing on their careers, then because they were partying too much, then it was because they were intentionally pursuing unsuitable men until it was ‘too late’ despite wanting a commitment/a baby, now it’s because they don’t realize how fast their attractiveness diminishes.

Seems legit. Women are clearly to blame for everything.

Harvey Weinstein

The former Manchester Untied manager Alex Ferguson used to say that he wanted his players to get married and have kids at a young age as it kept them grounded and enforced responsibility and maturity on them, I think he was right in a lot of respects.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Autumn August wrote: »

A lot of the time they don't meet the right guy because they leave it too late, their options diminish.

That might be the case but I don’t think anyone should settle. I can safely say I’d much prefer to be alone than in a passionless union of convenience. Many people choose the latter.

SusieBlue

Autumn August wrote: »

Just my observations, I think there are quite a lot of women who spend their twenties partying and banging player types, again, nothing wrong with that, if I was a woman and I didn't want. family I'd do that. If I did want a family I'd probably stop doing that at about 23 or 24. Obviously there are plenty of women who don't do that.

Their whole 20’s though, 10 years?
I genuinely can’t relate or say I know anyone who actively avoided a relationship or commitment for that length of time at such a young age.
I know older people who have been cheated on or badly hurt who might, but I don’t think it’s common for young women to avoid any kind of relationship for that length of time. I certainly haven’t come across it myself.

I settled down at 22 with a man who had similar goals and found myself single at 27. Following the rule book is no guarantee of success or getting what you want. Life happens and sometimes things don’t work out despite taking all the right steps to achieve your goals.

That’s the reality for a lot of people - not that they were too busy having casual sex, living out of a briefcase in the corporate world, chasing the wrong kind of men or that they didn’t realize they were getting ugly.
It just doesn’t work out sometimes.

metaoblivia

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

Well I know a lot of Women in the opposite situation, who focused on careers, partying etc but I get what you're saying.

But similar to yourself I know plenty of people who were in long term relationships and they fell apart.
And this is I think where both Men and Women have been duped, the idea of long term relationships, where people put off having families in their 20's and 30's only for the relationship to end. Back in the day the majority of people would settle down and have kids after 2 or 3 years or even less, not go out for 8 years before even thinking about it. Again, if someone wants a family this is a monumental waste of time. One of my friends went out with a guy for 15 years, had no kids, they broke up and he is now in another relationship and thinking of starting a family whereas its probably too late for her (early 40's) She is devastated.

I get that, but it leads down another rabbit hole of people I know who got married in their 20s, half of whom are now either divorced or desperately unhappy in their relationships because marriage just didn't or doesn't suit them as a couple. To me, marriage for the sake of it shouldn't be a goal. And neither should children, for that matter. I can't imagine truly wanting either of those things without first having an actual someone I would want to have them with.

So I agree to an extent that many people have been duped. I just think that duping comes more along the lines of thinking marriage+children = happiness and there's no other equitable equation. As eviltwin posted above, the options in our lives are never as stark as getting married, having children and being happy v. not getting married, not having children and being left on the shelf. The only way a person can be left on the shelf is if they choose to stay there.

riclad

30 per cent of people who marry get divorced or separate after 10-20 years .She was married ,she got divorced .
She now has a boyfriend .
She is not alone.
life is not a disney film, marriage does not gaurantee complete happiness
forever .
I don,t think women just base their life on a few books or a tv show .
I think they are alot smarter than that .I think some women are focused
on their career , the timing doe,s not always work out,
as to when they want to start having children .

Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein wrote: »

The former Manchester Untied manager Alex Ferguson used to say that he wanted his players to get married and have kids at a young age as it kept them grounded and enforced responsibility and maturity on them, I think he was right in a lot of respects.

Didn't really work out did it.