When to move baby to their own room?

fits

awec wrote: »

Like what?

These benefits have been mentioned a few times now, but nobody has been able to specify a benefit for a child sleeping in the same room as their parents at 2 years old.

This thread is about moving a baby into their own room. It is not recommended before 6 months of age so the baby is in close proximity to their parents and they can respond to baby when needed.

After that I can only speak from my own experience as you can only speak from yours. I breastfed my children and parented them responsively, including at nighttime - Trusting that they would learn how to sleep themselves when they were developmentally ready to do so. I know you find this hard to understand, as 1. you are not a mother, and 2. you did not breastfeed.

Of my twin 2 year olds, both actually sleep in their own room. One of them sleeps through and the other, who has special needs, sleep apnea, and god knows what else going on, needs my support from some time in the middle of the night. He will grow out of this in his own good time Im sure. When he calls me, I leave my bed which I share with my husband and join my toddler in his.
Im not reallly sure what is so wacky about this. Its just responsive parenting.

Most of the people on boards advocating that babies move out asap and ignored in the middle of the night seem to be either male or in senior years.

awec

Cakerbaker wrote: »

Much like you haven’t been able to specify any disadvantage other than your own dissatisfaction with the set up and your incorrect assumption that it means worse sleep for the baby.

It's not my dissatisfaction, you can do whatever you want and my satisfaction is irrelevant. It's just a bit weird for a child that old to not be allowed to sleep on their own, and in a thread were someone is asking for advice on what age to move their child out it seems like crazy advice to be talking about 2 years plus!

The child will have to move to their own room eventually, I don't see any point in prolonging having to do this when it's of no benefit to them at all.

Cakerbaker

awec wrote: »

Like what?

These benefits have been mentioned a few times now, but nobody has been able to specify a benefit for a child sleeping in the same room as their parents at 2 years old. We're talking about toddlers here, not babies.

Can you link me to something that outlines the benefits of a child sleeping in their parents bedroom post-12 months? Genuine question.

After a quick google - https://www.livestrong.com/article/245233-long-term-effects-of-sleeping-with-children/

Now I will admit to never having looked this up before as It just seemed natural to me to keep them close at nighttime.

fits

awec wrote: »

This is bizarre. You have to wake up to the child either way. You are saying if you wake up, but stay within your bedroom, you don't get tired the next morning, but if you've to wake up, and walk to another bedroom in the house, you are exhausted?

There is a massive difference between half waking up when baby begins to stir and getting baby onto boob - drifting back to sleep., and actually getting out of bed and into another room. Massive. I know its hard to comprehend unless you go through it.

iamwhoiam

Cakerbaker wrote: »

Much like you haven’t been able to specify any disadvantage other than your own dissatisfaction with the set up and your incorrect assumption that it means worse sleep for the baby.

I have to agree to each his own and we must all suit our own lives and do what we find best for ourselves
I can’t see the harm in keeping them close but would draw the line at as a poster earlier said at opening wardrobe doors and talking on the phone in the room
I always wouldn’t like my toddler in a room with a TV on and lights on and off . I think that would be very unfair on a young child.
But in a quiet TV free lights dimmed room I don’t think it can be any harm if that is what suits the family
Personally my own three were out at about 9-10 months as they were moochers in the cot !

awec

fits wrote: »

This thread is about moving a baby into their own room. It is not recommended before 6 months of age so the baby is in close proximity to their parents and they can respond to baby when needed.

After that I can only speak from my own experience as you can only speak from yours. I breastfed my children and parented them responsively, including at nighttime - Trusting that they would learn how to sleep themselves when they were developmentally ready to do so. I know you find this hard to understand, as 1. you are not a mother, and 2. you did not breastfeed.

Of my twin 2 year olds, both actually sleep in their own room. One of them sleeps through and the other, who has special needs, sleep apnea, and god knows what else going on, needs my support from some time in the middle of the night. He will grow out of this in his own good time Im sure. When he calls me, I leave my bed which I share with my husband and join my toddler in his.
Im not reallly sure what is so wacky about this. Its just responsive parenting.

Most of the people on boards advocating that babies move out asap and ignored in the middle of the night seem to be either male or in senior years.

Ah here we go, I'm a man, so couldn't possibly understand parenting like you can. Give us a break with this patronising, self-indulgent bollocks.

So to cut a long story short, there are no benefits whatsoever to a toddler sleeping in their parents bedroom.

awec

fits wrote: »

There is a massive difference between half waking up when baby begins to stir and getting baby onto boob - drifting back to sleep., and actually getting out of bed and into another room. Massive. I know its hard to comprehend unless you go through it.

fits, I think you're confused. You're talking about babies.

The rest of us are talking about toddlers. This whole tangent started because of talk of keeping them in your room when they're like 2.

fits

awec wrote: »

So to cut a long story short, there are no benefits whatsoever to a toddler sleeping in their parents bedroom.

Im not sure how you keep coming to that conclusion. It suits some and not others.

And yes, you are a man, so you can not understand the breastfeeding mother-infant dyad in the same way as someone who has actually breastfed.

fits

awec wrote: »

fits, I think you're confused. You're talking about babies.

The rest of us are talking about toddlers. This whole tangent started because of talk of keeping them in your room when they're like 2.

No - thats just you tbh.

Everyone else is talking in more general terms

Cakerbaker

awec wrote: »

fits, I think you're confused. You're talking about babies.

The rest of us are talking about toddlers. This whole tangent started because of talk of keeping them in your room when they're like 2.

You do know it’s possible to still be breast feeding a 2 year old too ....

awec

fits wrote: »

Im not sure how you keep coming to that conclusion. It suits some and not others.

And yes, you are a man, so you can not understand the breastfeeding mother-infant dyad in the same way as someone who has actually breastfed.

How is this relevant?

While I know they recommend breast feeding for as long as possible, I do wonder how many people actually breastfeed their 2 year olds, and of those that do, I wonder how many do it without expressing.

Not many, I bet.

fits

awec wrote: »

How is this relevant?

While I know they recommend breast feeding for as long as possible, I do wonder how many people actually breastfeed their 2 year olds, and of those that do, I wonder how many do it without expressing.

Not many, I bet.

Why on earth would anyone bother expressing for a 2 year old.

I still breastfeed my two. Twin 1 just at bedtime and when he wakes up (and we might miss one or the other - he's winding down.

Twin 2 at bedtime and when he stirs in the middle of the night.

I returned to work 3 days a week when they were 13 months old and have never expressed since they were tiny infants only briefly to relieve pressure when I started back at work. I work full time now.

bee06

awec wrote: »

How is this relevant?

While I know they recommend breast feeding for as long as possible, I do wonder how many people actually breastfeed their 2 year olds, and of those that do, I wonder how many do it without expressing.

Not many, I bet.

Still breastfeeding my 19 month old here. No expressing because why would I need to?

awec

Cakerbaker wrote: »

You do know it’s possible to still be breast feeding a 2 year old too ....

How many times does your 2 year old wake up during the night for a feed?

Cakerbaker

awec wrote: »

How many times does your 2 year old wake up during the night for a feed?

I didn’t make it to 2 years with my first. Was just pointing out that it is possible as you had assumed references to breastfeeding were references to babies.

awec

Cakerbaker wrote: »

I didn’t make it to 2 years with my first. Was just pointing out that it is possible as you had assumed references to breastfeeding were references to babies.

I was more making the point that the night time regime is very different between babies and toddlers, and this is one of the big reasons for keeping them in your room for 6-12 months.

Babies wake up a lot and they stay awake for a long time, constantly wanting fed. Toddlers don't really do this.

Which is really why I'm questioning the "it's easier to breastfeed" reason for sleeping with a toddler.

But I think this discussion is going nowhere other than round in circles, so to go back to the OP, moving them out between 6-8 months is what most do, but as you can see from this thread others go earlier and some much later.

lazygal

Breastfed till 4.5 years. He was in his own room from six months but it was more hassle getting up at night. He stopped feeding at night completely by about 11 months. Never bothered expressing.

Sheepdish1

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Sheepdish1 wrote: »

There is benefit depending on what works for a family. I find there are more pros than cons sleeping in same room for longer.

There is no tip toeing around. My house is busy and loud....they are used to the noise and once fallen asleep it would take a lot to waken them. I am in and out of my room all the time....opening and closing door, making phone calls, speaking normally, tidying stuff away into wardrobes, moving furniture etc and it wouldn’t waken them.

A lot of cultures don’t have separate rooms the way we have, it really depends on what works for a family imo and everyone is different

In my opinion everyone including children deserve a quiet space to sleep in . Away from doors opening and people talking in the room and moving furniture .
Our brains need to rest from daily noise and we all need it . Children need deep sleep to rest so they can grow and learn

Apologies, I didn’t make my self clear, I was trying to demonstrate noise that mine sleep through. The room is a quiet space but there is no “tip toeing” the way some people have to tip toe. At the same time I’m not obnoxiously loud. I do go in and out of room often, can speak on phone or talk to other child without wakening younger one. I get housework done before the youngest wakens and it doesn’t disturb little one at all. Obviously I don’t have much need to be moving furniture, but it doesn’t waken them if I need to. The room is a quiet space and relaxing.

There are no TVs or screens in room. It would be unfair to have noise of that level in the room in my opinion as this would disturb someone’s sleep in my opinion.

Many children also grow up sharing rooms with siblings. Not every child automatically has a room to themselves. I would think that is a relatively new “norm”.

Sheepdish1

awec wrote: »

Cakerbaker wrote: »

Much like you haven’t been able to specify any disadvantage other than your own dissatisfaction with the set up and your incorrect assumption that it means worse sleep for the baby.

It's not my dissatisfaction, you can do whatever you want and my satisfaction is irrelevant. It's just a bit weird for a child that old to not be allowed to sleep on their own, and in a thread were someone is asking for advice on what age to move their child out it seems like crazy advice to be talking about 2 years plus!

The child will have to move to their own room eventually, I don't see any point in prolonging having to do this when it's of no benefit to them at all.

Nobody advised the OP to keep their baby in the room until baby was 2. They were demonstrating that every family has different ages as to when they move kids into their own room, some said 2 others said much younger.

Most people in the thread gave different ages but recommended to look up safe sleep guide lines and do what works for the family and what is right for them.

Some keep their kids longer or shorter in their room than others depending on their experience, circumstances or what feels right to them.

I find it strange that people think it’s weird that some people keep kids in same room longer than others. Every persons reasons and circumstances are different and they are likely doing what works for them.

I find sometimes people give advice in parenting and feel it is their way only. I would find it “a bit weird” moving a baby into a room on their own, but only because it’s normal for me to keep mine in same room longer. It’s not a bit weird....it’s just someone else parenting in a way that works for them

iamwhoiam

Sheepdish1 wrote: »

Apologies, I didn’t make my self clear, I was trying to demonstrate noise that mine sleep through. The room is a quiet space but there is no “tip toeing” the way some people have to tip toe. At the same time I’m not obnoxiously loud. I do go in and out of room often, can speak on phone or talk to other child without wakening younger one. I get housework done before the youngest wakens and it doesn’t disturb little one at all. Obviously I don’t have much need to be moving furniture, but it doesn’t waken them if I need to. The room is a quiet space and relaxing.

There are no TVs or screens in room. It would be unfair to have noise of that level in the room in my opinion as this would disturb someone’s sleep in my opinion.

Many children also grow up sharing rooms with siblings. Not every child automatically has a room to themselves. I would think that is a relatively new “norm”.

Ah apologies I wasn’t judging you , it just sounded like you were trashing around the room where children slept ! I had visions of lights on and wardrobe doors banging and furniture being dragged !
I am a firm believer in to each his own and all families are different . But also believe children need a healthy sleep in a quiet room so their little brains can rest and grow

TheNibbler

awec wrote: »

How is this relevant?

While I know they recommend breast feeding for as long as possible, I do wonder how many people actually breastfeed their 2 year olds, and of those that do, I wonder how many do it without expressing.

Not many, I bet.

Oh wow, the idea of expressing for a 2 year old is quite entertaining! Note sure if any woman would make it to 2 years if she had to rely on pumping.

As others have commented - parenting is such an intensely personal experience that I'm not sure why any parent feels they can judge the choices of another parent (once well-evidenced safety advice is being adhered to). We're all just muddling by as best we can.

Sheepdish1

TheNibbler wrote: »

awec wrote: »

How is this relevant?

While I know they recommend breast feeding for as long as possible, I do wonder how many people actually breastfeed their 2 year olds, and of those that do, I wonder how many do it without expressing.

Not many, I bet.

Oh wow, the idea of expressing for a 2 year old is quite entertaining! Note sure if any woman would make it to 2 years if she had to rely on pumping.

As others have commented - parenting is such an intensely personal experience that I'm not sure why any parent feels they can judge the choices of another parent (once well-evidenced safety advice is being adhered to). We're all just muddling by as best we can.

Yes, plenty of people breastfeed two year old, I’d imagine not many would express but maybe some do?

Some people don’t realise other people’s circumstances are different to theirs and are very quick to judge. They assume that because people do something different to the norm that it’s “crazy” or “weird”. I also think some people overlook the fact some people have different circumstances to their own....some people parent alone or may have partners working abroad.

Some kids settle easier than others in room with parents, some don’t. Some parents sleep better having kids close by, some don’t. I find it strange how people get so bothered by other people’s choices.

Milly33

Kinda harsh words to awec with being a male and not understanding feeds, was actually quite shocked as i know some of ye from other threads.. People can be way to harsh on the dads and yep I am one of those women or men who actually think it is quite controlling of the mother to not let the dads give the babies or kids (however old) a feed.. Think a lot of the time while tis great to breastfeed some ladies use this as a clutch...

Hope you got sorted OP and do what ye feel suits ye

catrionanic

Milly33 wrote: »

Kinda harsh words to awec with being a male and not understanding feeds, was actually quite shocked as i know some of ye from other threads.. People can be way to harsh on the dads and yep I am one of those women or men who actually think it is quite controlling of the mother to not let the dads give the babies or kids (however old) a feed.. Think a lot of the time while tis great to breastfeed some ladies use this as a clutch...

Hope you got sorted OP and do what ye feel suits ye

I am actually struggling to find words in order to respond to this.

You seem to be implying that breastfeeding mothers who choose to feed their child exclusively from the breast, are being controlling or selfish, and doing so to avoid letting the dad feed the baby?

My mind is blown.

TheNibbler

Milly33 wrote: »

Kinda harsh words to awec with being a male and not understanding feeds, was actually quite shocked as i know some of ye from other threads.. People can be way to harsh on the dads and yep I am one of those women or men who actually think it is quite controlling of the mother to not let the dads give the babies or kids (however old) a feed.. Think a lot of the time while tis great to breastfeed some ladies use this as a clutch...

Hope you got sorted OP and do what ye feel suits ye

Most comments were critical of the judgement of the parenting choices of others, rather than of him being a male. Not sure what is meant by "a clutch". However, the insinuation that breastfeeding is in any way a selfish choice is so insulting to those of us who have overcome the often very challenging process of establishing breastfeeding. Fathers can bond with their children in a million and one ways other than feeding. And after 6 months they can feed them solid food if they want!

cant26

catrionanic wrote: »

I am actually struggling to find words in order to respond to this.

You seem to be implying that breastfeeding mothers who choose to feed their child exclusively from the breast, are being controlling or selfish, and doing so to avoid letting the dad feed the baby?

My mind is blown.

I know! To be honest I wouldn’t even bother responding.

cyning

Milly33 wrote: »

Kinda harsh words to awec with being a male and not understanding feeds, was actually quite shocked as i know some of ye from other threads.. People can be way to harsh on the dads and yep I am one of those women or men who actually think it is quite controlling of the mother to not let the dads give the babies or kids (however old) a feed.. Think a lot of the time while tis great to breastfeed some ladies use this as a clutch...

Hope you got sorted OP and do what ye feel suits ye

Must go tell my husband I’m controlling him by feeding our baby... Gosh they mightn’t have bonded at all because he hasn’t given him a bottle. And he never gave either of our girls one either: I must have used them as a “crutch” I assume too.

Op as you can see from this thread experiences differ wildly. My first two stayed in my room exclusively until they were 15 months and for the vast majority of the night until they were 3. But my newest baby is so so noisy there’s no way I will be able to do that. I will probably put him out for the first part of the night from 6 months ish: between the grunting and groaning he wakes me even when he’s asleep. I won’t move before 6 months as I just wouldn’t be comfortable with that. My girls used get far more sleep in the bed with one of us so it worked, whereas it doesn’t work for this baby.

linpoo

Sheepdish1 wrote: »

There is benefit depending on what works for a family. I find there are more pros than cons sleeping in same room for longer.

There is no tip toeing around. My house is busy and loud....they are used to the noise and once fallen asleep it would take a lot to waken them. I am in and out of my room all the time....opening and closing door, making phone calls, speaking normally, tidying stuff away into wardrobes, moving furniture etc and it wouldn’t waken them.

A lot of cultures don’t have separate rooms the way we have, it really depends on what works for a family imo and everyone is different

My child is the same!! Hoovered a spider in the room last week and he didnt flinch 😂😂

shesty

Ok folks - I think we have exhausted this topic. OP, I am going to assume you have sufficient advice to make your decision.