Unpopular Opinions - OP Updated with Threadban List 4/5/21

The Raging Bile Duct

Jequ0n wrote: »

I seriously wish I understood why people are such ****ing sheep when it comes to “special” says such as Father’s or Mother’s Day. So you have to celebrate and thank your parent for having spawned you into this world?
Particularly when you don’t even like your parent and always disliked spending time with them. But on THIS day you have to do it, because society and your ****ing siblings insist that it’s really important. The same people who will lay into you again, calling ME controlling without realising that they are doing the same thing and probably laid down the groundwork. Ah the irony..

Seems very specific rather than a universal issue.

Get on well with my parents, happy to show them a bit of appreciation on Mother's/Father's day. Happy to get spoiled by my kids on Father's Day. Never felt like I was 'spawned' so that might have something to do with it.

Jequ0n

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

i sincerely doubt people send cards to people they hate

It’s not a card, it’s a full blown full day visit that is demanded. Let’s see how many of the ****ty siblings demanding this will turn up themselves. I’d get it if there was an inheritance angle but there is none. Anyway

The Raging Bile Duct

Jequ0n wrote: »

It’s not a card, it’s a full blown full day visit that is demanded. Let’s see how many of the ****ty siblings demanding this will turn up themselves. I’d get it if there was an inheritance angle but there is none. Anyway

It sounds like you have an incredibly toxic relationship with your entire family. Are you taking part in any sort of counselling at present? It might be beneficial.

Jequ0n

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

It sounds like you have an incredibly toxic relationship with your entire family. Are you taking part in any sort of counselling at present? It might be beneficial.

This is not my family I’m talking about, it’s my gfs. Barely any contact with my own so I think I struggle to understand why people feel the need to keep up pretences.

Antares35

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

Seems very specific rather than a universal issue.

Get on well with my parents, happy to show them a bit of appreciation on Mother's/Father's day. Happy to get spoiled by my kids on Father's Day. Never felt like I was 'spawned' so that might have something to do with it.

You're lucky. Not everyone had wonderful parents growing up.

The Raging Bile Duct

Jequ0n wrote: »

This is not my family I’m talking about, it’s my gfs. Barely any contact with my own so I think I struggle to understand why people feel the need to keep up pretences.

For some people, it's not about keeping up pretences. They'll have genuine affection for their parents and are happy to express it on the likes of Father's Day or Mother's Day. The cynic in me knows it's just an excuse to sell tat but it's still nice to get a card from your kids or partner on the day. People enjoying a day like that doesn't make them sheep imo.

I also understand that some people's relationships with their parents are completely toxic and I wouldn't appreciate being forced into doing anything for someone I hated for the sake of appearances, especially if it was someone that had been abusive to me.

The Raging Bile Duct

Antares35 wrote: »

You're lucky. Not everyone had wonderful parents growing up.

I can appreciate that. I've seen toxic relationships at play between parents and children from my peer group and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm just saying that people celebrating a parent on a special aren't necessarily doing it just for appearances or being sheep.

Also, I wouldn't class my parents as wonderful. I think elevating people like that isn't necessarily a good thing. They are just people like everyone else. They got things wrong - just like I get things wrong now as a parent myself - and we butted heads on many issues but they were, and are still, coming from a place of love. There was no passive aggressiveness and never a need to put us down or make us feel small. That's all I could ask of them.

Antares35

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

I can appreciate that. I've seen toxic relationships at play between parents and children from my peer group and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm just saying that people celebrating a parent on a special aren't necessarily doing it just for appearances or being sheep.

Also, I wouldn't class my parents as wonderful. I think elevating people like that isn't necessarily a good thing. They are just people like everyone else. They got things wrong - just like I get things wrong now as a parent myself - and we butted heads on many issues but they were, and are still, coming from a place of love. There was no passive aggressiveness and never a need to put us down or make us feel small. That's all I could ask of them.

To me, coming from a place of love is wonderful. But I've a different perspective I guess But yes I get what you mean - people do that with valentine's too. Going on about how it's a "hallmark event" and "only marketing" or giving out because an early bird is a fiver more that night. And you're just like FFS it doesn't matter, if you're happy with someone sure what harm treating them on valentine's Day?! Who cares if it's just the "done thing" it's an excuse to be silly.

Jequ0n

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

I can appreciate that. I've seen toxic relationships at play between parents and children from my peer group and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm just saying that people celebrating a parent on a special aren't necessarily doing it just for appearances or being sheep.

Also, I wouldn't class my parents as wonderful. I think elevating people like that isn't necessarily a good thing. They are just people like everyone else. They got things wrong - just like I get things wrong now as a parent myself - and we butted heads on many issues but they were, and are still, coming from a place of love. There was no passive aggressiveness and never a need to put us down or make us feel small. That's all I could ask of them.

It’s none of my business what other people do regarding these days (I don’t get it but what’s new here), each to their own.
It also has nothing to do with my own family whose house id rather burn down than sending them a card. My annoyance is with this particular family dynamic where plans now need to be shifted to play happy family just as everyone expects it.

I guess it’s not my problem because I won’t join the happy party because I’d lose my ****.

The Raging Bile Duct

Jequ0n wrote: »

It’s none of my business what other people do regarding these days (I don’t get it but what’s new here), each to their own.
It also has nothing to do with my own family whose house id rather burn down than sending them a card. My annoyance is with this particular family dynamic where plans now need to be shifted to play happy family just as everyone expects it.

I guess it’s not my problem because I won’t join the happy party because I’d lose my ****.

Is your girlfriend happy to meet up with her parents and make plans with her siblings or are they trying to force her into something she doesn't want to do. Or is your opinion of family informing how you think she should act around hers?

Jequ0n

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

Is your girlfriend happy to meet up with her parents and make plans with her siblings or are they trying to force her into something she doesn't want to do. Or is your opinion of family informing how you think she should act around hers?

Her siblings leave most of the work to her (because none like the parent) and she is stupid/ insecure enough to oblige to stop the nagging. My own opinion certainly doesn’t help in this regard and she needs to figure it out herself.

Antares35

Jequ0n wrote: »

Her siblings leave most of the work to her (because none like the parent) and she is stupid/ insecure enough to oblige to stop the nagging. My own opinion certainly doesn’t help in this regard and she needs to figure it out herself.

Did that myself for years. I was always so good to my parents, did everything for them and helped them out financially as much as I could, and sometimes more than I could. Put them first and several times it came between me and previous partners. My brother on the other hand turned out to be an absolute àrsehole who only cares about himself.

He'd throw twenty quid in a card at Christmas and think he was great. Do the poor mouth even though (or perhaps because!) he was financing executive cars for himself. I found out years later they were hiving money (my money) to him on the quiet. Justified of course "oh Antares has a good job sure she has loads of money", not "Antares worked her backside off to get where she is".

Anyway found my breaking point (or they found it for me) and we now just keep a civil arrangement mostly for my daughter's sake, but I've built up an emotional wall now that they will never break down, and the days of them coming first to me are a distant memory.

Sorry, rant

85603

Antares35 wrote: »

Did that myself for years. I was always so good to my parents, did everything for them and helped them out financially as much as I could, and sometimes more than I could. Put them first and several times it came between me and previous partners. My brother on the other hand turned out to be an absolute àrsehole who only cares about himself.

He'd throw twenty quid in a card at Christmas and think he was great. Do the poor mouth even though (or perhaps because!) he was financing executive cars for himself. I found out years later they were hiving money (my money) to him on the quiet. Justified of course "oh Antares has a good job sure she has loads of money", not "Antares worked her backside off to get where she is".

Anyway found my breaking point (or they found it for me) and we now just keep a civil arrangement mostly for my daughter's sake, but I've built up an emotional wall now that they will never break down, and the days of them coming first to me are a distant memory.

Sorry, rant

If it makes you feel any better they were probably only redirecting your money to him because they knew it increased his prospects for passing on their genes.
Its often a logical move, if you have a son and daughter to plow most spare cash into the son. Most of the time a womans income doesnt matter in dating. But men cant be seen as broke. (aka a scrub).

The Raging Bile Duct

85603 wrote: »

If it makes you feel any better they were probably only redirecting your money to him because they knew it increased his prospects for passing on their genes.
Its often a logical move, if you have a son and daughter to plow most spare cash into the son. Most of the time a womans income doesnt matter in dating. But men cant be seen as broke. (aka a scrub).

How would that make her feel any better? Also, I've never heard such scutter in my life.

Are you overdosing on 'Watch Ben Shapiro destroy these libs!' videos on Youtube or is there some other source for this nonsense?

Jequ0n

Antares35 wrote: »

Did that myself for years. I was always so good to my parents, did everything for them and helped them out financially as much as I could, and sometimes more than I could. Put them first and several times it came between me and previous partners. My brother on the other hand turned out to be an absolute àrsehole who only cares about himself.

He'd throw twenty quid in a card at Christmas and think he was great. Do the poor mouth even though (or perhaps because!) he was financing executive cars for himself. I found out years later they were hiving money (my money) to him on the quiet. Justified of course "oh Antares has a good job sure she has loads of money", not "Antares worked her backside off to get where she is".

Anyway found my breaking point (or they found it for me) and we now just keep a civil arrangement mostly for my daughter's sake, but I've built up an emotional wall now that they will never break down, and the days of them coming first to me are a distant memory.

Sorry, rant

A justifiable rant and good that you drew conclusions.

My own relationship with my family is destructive and beyond repair but I couldn’t care less. I think that’s why I can’t understand why people feel the need to maintain a bond that gives them nothing in return.

I appreciate I am on the other side of the spectrum though and cannot see family as anything more than people who you got stuck with for a while.

cnocbui

85603 wrote: »

If it makes you feel any better they were probably only redirecting your money to him because they knew it increased his prospects for passing on their genes.
Its often a logical move, if you have a son and daughter to plow most spare cash into the son. Most of the time a womans income doesnt matter in dating. But men cant be seen as broke. (aka a scrub).

Your lack of knowledge of the very basics of genetics, isn't surprising, given the rest of the slurry you post.

Antares35

85603 wrote: »

If it makes you feel any better they were probably only redirecting your money to him because they knew it increased his prospects for passing on their genes.
Its often a logical move, if you have a son and daughter to plow most spare cash into the son. Most of the time a womans income doesnt matter in dating. But men cant be seen as broke. (aka a scrub).

Well it would want to be a hell of a lot of money to cover some sort of never before seen genetic reprogramming given that he's adopted. He's also a complete and utter perverted incel so it's probably best if that particular gene pool is allowed to die out, wherever the hell he hails from.

Antares35

Jequ0n wrote: »

A justifiable rant and good that you drew conclusions.

My own relationship with my family is destructive and beyond repair but I couldn’t care less. I think that’s why I can’t understand why people feel the need to maintain a bond that gives them nothing in return.

I appreciate I am on the other side of the spectrum though and cannot see family as anything more than people who you got stuck with for a while.

I only started the process of "breaking up" with them about three years ago, so I'm still on my journey but have made good progress. I try hard to be grateful for the wonderful people in my life - fiancé, baby, close friends etc. They are worth more to me than people I got stuck with as a child with no voice. And you're absolutely right. We don't owe people anything simply because they are family. I've often seen people tolerate so much from family simply because they are related, where they wouldn't accept the same treatment from colleagues, partners etc. All this "oh they're family" rubbish. Being family should set the bar higher, not lower, in terms of how you treat someone.

Rothko

Falsely accusing someone of racism is a disgusting act and reflects incredibly bad on the person who does it.

Jequ0n

Antares35 wrote: »

I only started the process of "breaking up" with them about three years ago, so I'm still on my journey but have made good progress. I try hard to be grateful for the wonderful people in my life - fiancé, baby, close friends etc. They are worth more to me than people I got stuck with as a child with no voice. And you're absolutely right. We don't owe people anything simply because they are family. I've often seen people tolerate so much from family simply because they are related, where they wouldn't accept the same treatment from colleagues, partners etc. All this "oh they're family" rubbish. Being family should set the bar higher, not lower, in terms of how you treat someone.

Well I got my revenge but realise that this is not for everyone.
Good for you that you could turn things around so that you can now control your own life

Hamachi

Jequ0n wrote: »

Well I got my revenge but realise that this is not for everyone.
Good for you that you could turn things around so that you can now control your own life

Boards posters appear to have problematic relationships with their families at a rate that’s entirely disproportionate to the general population.

When I think of all the friends and acquaintances I’ve ever known, I can only recall one who ever had a particularly difficult relationship with their family. At that, it was nothing compared to the toxicity expressed in recent posts.

My unpopular opinion is that message boards tend to attract folks who have experienced particularly egregious familial relationships. The overwhelming majority of people with functional families are unlikely to articulate here.

85603

cnocbui wrote: »

Your lack of knowledge of the very basics of genetics, isn't surprising, given the rest of the slurry you post.

Whats wrong? They want their lineage to continue.
My content make more sense than anything Ive seen out of you.

I know for a fact there has been at least one thread in AH on the issue in the past. About parents giving an undue or unequal amount of inheritence to their foolish son, because the parents want to improve his odds and see grandchildren.

Im not inventing this, it makes perfect sense in the western industrial society for some time. In the east it would probably be less subtle and in the form of a lump sum dowry.
A many centuries old practice which could go in either direction. In the modern west it would almost always be in only one direction. And not so blatant. This is why men buy overly expensive cars known as pussy magnets.
Ever heard of a car saleswoman whispering to a woman that this car is a total cockmagnet?

A lot of people want to see their lineage continue.
Resources help men attract women.
If you had a son and wanted to up his odds of partnering up then giving him an unequal share of your money relative to your daughter makes sense.

85603

Antares35 wrote: »

Well it would want to be a hell of a lot of money to cover some sort of never before seen genetic reprogramming given that he's adopted. He's also a complete and utter perverted incel so it's probably best if that particular gene pool is allowed to die out, wherever the hell he hails from.

In the case of an adoption I suppose the same logic wouldnt apply, they may just do it out of parental love, adoptive or not.
Also, what I mentioned does indeed happen.

Jequ0n

Hamachi wrote: »

Boards posters appear to have problematic relationships with their families at a rate that’s entirely disproportionate to the general population.

When I think of all the friends and acquaintances I’ve ever known, I can only recall one who ever had a particularly difficult relationship with their family. At that, it was nothing compared to the toxicity expressed in recent posts.

My unpopular opinion is that message boards tend to attract folks who have experienced particularly egregious familial relationships. The overwhelming majority of people with functional families are unlikely to articulate here.

Makes sense, why would they use this thread to express how rosy everything is

paw patrol

Hamachi wrote: »

Boards posters appear to have problematic relationships with their families at a rate that’s entirely disproportionate to the general population.

When I think of all the friends and acquaintances I’ve ever known, I can only recall one who ever had a particularly difficult relationship with their family. At that, it was nothing compared to the toxicity expressed in recent posts.

My unpopular opinion is that message boards tend to attract folks who have experienced particularly egregious familial relationships. The overwhelming majority of people with functional families are unlikely to articulate here.

you probably only hear the problem or exciting stories here.
people rarely post mundane stuff , its generally to elicit a response off other posters so tends to be slightly more to the edges of normal events,

Hamachi

paw patrol wrote: »

you probably only hear the problem or exciting stories here.
people rarely post mundane stuff , its generally to elicit a response off other posters so tends to be slightly more to the edges of normal events,

Makes sense. It’s probably why everything posted on Boards should be taken with a huge grain of salt.

Reading another forum a few weeks ago, a poster described their aversion to children as being on par to their dislike of snakes. That was an eye opener for me and really indicative of the low level mental illness that permeates some forums.

cnocbui

85603 wrote: »

Whats wrong? They want their lineage to continue.
My content make more sense than anything Ive seen out of you.

I know for a fact there has been at least one thread in AH on the issue in the past. About parents giving an undue or unequal amount of inheritence to their foolish son, because the parents want to improve his odds and see grandchildren.

Im not inventing this, it makes perfect sense in the western industrial society for some time. In the east it would probably be less subtle and in the form of a lump sum dowry.
A many centuries old practice which could go in either direction. In the modern west it would almost always be in only one direction. And not so blatant. This is why men buy overly expensive cars known as pussy magnets.
Ever heard of a car saleswoman whispering to a woman that this car is a total cockmagnet?

A lot of people want to see their lineage continue.
Resources help men attract women.
If you had a son and wanted to up his odds of partnering up then giving him an unequal share of your money relative to your daughter makes sense.

What's wrong is that the offspring off all children have some of their grandparents genetic heritage passed to them.

You also seem ignorant of the practice of dowry, which has a long tradition. there is also the opposite in 'bride price'.

85603

cnocbui wrote: »

What's wrong is that the offspring off all children have some of their grandparents genetic heritage passed to them.

You also seem ignorant of the practice of dowry, which has a long tradition. there is also the opposite in 'bride price'.

While it is commonly thought that a dowry is always given by a woman to her future husband, it is the reverse in other cultures, where the groom offers a gift to the bride or her family upon marriage. The dowry can serve as a gift to in-laws or insurance for the bride should she choose to leave her husband. It is something she can take with her in the event of divorce to ensure her financial security.

https://www.brides.com/what-is-a-dowry-5074408


Synonym: bride price.
The point is that in the west dowries still exist in a more subtle form. Men use resources to attract a mate in the west, women generally dont.

So it makes sense in certain cases to give more to the sons, which is my newest controversial opinion.

Give your sons more of the inheritance if you want to secure your lineage.

Jequ0n

Hamachi wrote: »

Makes sense. It’s probably why everything posted on Boards should be taken with a huge grain of salt.

Reading another forum a few weeks ago, a poster described their aversion to children as being on par to their dislike of snakes. That was an eye opener for me and really indicative of the low level mental illness that permeates some forums.

Probably goes hand in hand with the many experts who are qualified to diagnose “mental illness”, which is even more worrying.

freshpopcorn

I have no interest in eating outside.
No matter how much you try and sell it to me and I know it's popular in Europe.