When will Jesus return?

up for anything

He already has. Her name is Greta.

Apiarist

up for anything wrote: »

He already has. Her name is Greta.

But is She a messiah? Or just a saint?

Midster

NIMAN wrote: »

Can I ask a serious question, how do YOU think Jesus will appear?

Will it be in human form?
How will we know it is him and not a nutter pretending to be him?

Well, if you believe in that sort of thing, you have to remember the first visit from Jesus, had he not been killed, looked as if it might have been a life long one. He was also at the time bringing with him a very happy vision of life after death.
On his second coming he won’t be bringing such great news to most of us, after the rapture is complete the rest of us are basically dammed.
This being the case I’d expect he would have no reason to be so kind in anyway to whoever is left.
This being such bad news for a good majority of the population, both god and Jesus would have to expect attempts for the remaining humans to wipe both of them out of existence however futile it might be to do so.
For that reason I’d expect Jesus to yes maybe look kind, be possibly in human form, but be immortal, and be a bit of a badass.

Midster

victor8600 wrote: »

But why do you fear the future? Isn't the coming of Christ something a christian would actually want?

Moving house causes tremendous anxiety

Midster

victor8600 wrote: »

But why do you fear the future? Isn't the coming of Christ something a christian would actually want?

Moving house causes tremendous anxiety

BorneTobyWilde

Jesus was the first magician, David Blaine would have been '' Jesus'' had he lived then.

So when something goes wrong, instead of saying '' Jesus Christ'' we'd be saying '' David Blaine !!! ''

Redneck Reject

I don't know why this comes up ever so often. But in the e Bible it states only Christ knows the day and hour.

Apiarist

Redneck Reject wrote: »

I don't know why this comes up ever so often. But in the e Bible it states only Christ knows the day and hour.

So even God does not know? :eek:

gctest50

Berserker wrote: »

Solve the housing crisis and turn the HSE into well-oiled machine which breaks even. If he manages to do that, it'd be hard to argue against him.

Too easy, replace all the flu vaccines with water
Not enough ? unleash a minor plague
Sorted.
Next.

blinding

I could do with a shemale called Jesus for an hour .

HorrorScope

If he returns he’s going to need a totally woke outlook on things and a totally woke movie series of some sort to appeal to the totally woke dickless wonders of this generation.

BrokenArrows

victor8600 wrote: »

So even God does not know? :eek:

When 3 become one.

Montage of Feck

Will it be the blue eyed blonde Jesus or the black Jesus who returns?

Bobblehats

Montage of Feck wrote: »

Will it be the blue eyed blonde Jesus or the black Jesus who returns?

The brasilian jeyzeus

1874

stratowide wrote: »

If he does come back the last thing he'll want to see is a cross...

Ok Mr Hicks, its been done already,

victor8600 wrote: »

I don't think it would be the "same" Jesus. I think he will be re-born and may or may not remember the old Jesus. Surely God could in the first place sent Jesus fully formed and with more spectacular superpowers, yet Jesus had to be born and mature as a human.

Like gandalf?

victor8600 wrote: »

But is She a messiah? Or just a saint?

Or the anti christ, ducks and runs for cover, Im kidding

youknowitstrue

The Church of Sweden declared teen star climate activist Greta Thunberg to be an appointed successor to Jesus Christ in a 2018 tweet that resurfaced in the wake of her speech before the United Nations.
"Announcement! Jesus of Nazareth has now appointed one of his successors, Greta Thunberg," the tweet said on Dec. 1, 2018.

HailSatan

blinding wrote: »

I could do with a shemale called Jesus for an hour .

Your own


Personal


Shemale

HailSatan

NIMAN wrote: »

Can I ask a serious question, how do YOU think Jesus will appear?

Will it be in human form?
How will we know it is him and not a nutter pretending to be him?

Mecha Jesus or Optimus Jesus Prime would be pretty coom

BrokenArrows

Montage of Feck wrote: »

Will it be the blue eyed blonde Jesus or the black Jesus who returns?

Midster

If Jesus is against greed and believes more in sharing, does that mean Jesus is
a communist.

Where has s/he gone?

Midster

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Where has s/he gone?

God knows

Apiarist

1874 wrote: »

Like gandalf?

Do you know how close you are for this not to be a joke? The creator of Gandalf, J. R. R. Tolkien was a staunch Roman Catholic. The whole Lord of the Rings saga is creative view of an Apocalypse with Sauron the Anti-Christ. Though Gandalf is only partly a Christ-like figure, there are big differences.

Redneck Reject

Redneck Reject wrote: »

But in the e Bible it states only Christ knows the day and hour.

Is that only available on Kindle?

Montage of Feck wrote: »

Will it be the blue eyed blonde Jesus or the black Jesus who returns?

You mean the 6 foot 1 white bloke from the Middle East with the shredded abs and mates called Mark and Luke?

Or do you mean

topper75

Midster wrote: »

If Jesus is against greed and believes more in sharing, does that mean Jesus is
a communist.

Certainly not.

Parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14–30 clearly says no.

Moreover, He said to render unto Caesar that which is his and render unto God that which is His.

He didn't say to render absolutely everything unto Caesar so that he can redistribute it regardless of how hard people have and haven't been working.

blinding

When he gets away with the Tequila .

AndyBoBandy

Jesus returns on October 17th in Italy, and early 2020 in America. Its not got a release date yet in Ireland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gENkMBnzF0c

Midster

Maybe Jesus never left, maybe he just shape shifted into an immortal eagle and has been traveling the sky all these years periodically taking a dump on anyone’s head he saw fit to.
Maybe when he was board of that he questioned his own sexuality, removed his holy penis with his magic hands, and pulled on his tiny nipples till he became a DDD bombshell.
Or... maybe one of us is married to him, maybe he’s a member of boards.ie, or a moderator, judging you all for your reckless replies to this un answerable question.

I smite you. Ha ha haaaaaa

Greta Thunberg is the second coming.

Always Tired

Would you come back after the doing you got the last day?

Beasty

Don't know about Jesus but I'll be back from Manchester in the morning if that helps.....

cj maxx

I'm just keeping an eye out over you all , deciding when will I will return or if I just get Daddy to sit the whole lot down

bfa1509

Only sightings I've heard of late were of him on a bike.

Midster

bfa1509 wrote: »

Only sightings I've heard of late were of him on a bike.

Motor bike maybe? Lol

4068ac1elhodqr

JC or a similar representative will ONLY arrive after the 3rd and final anti-JC shows up to wreck the place beforehand.

One American hypnotherapist specialising in past life regression even did a sketch of the next bad boy
Don't ask how she has details on him, was something to do with the Nostram lad, using one of her subjects as a communication vehicle, defying space, time and translation services.

Likely a good sci-fi script in there somewhere!

Her automatic drawing seems to put the next very bad lad to be either:
leonardo dicaprio, or the 'face guy' from the A-team - Pity he seemed so nice.

Midster

If Jesus was to arrive tomorrow as a fully formed adult, he would be asked for ID by immigration control and thrown in jail

blinding

Midster wrote: »

If Jesus was to arrive tomorrow as a fully formed adult, he would be asked for ID by immigration control and thrown in jail

If Jesus can’t organise Legal Immigration , Jail is the place for him .

ToddyDoody

Was he definately here in the first place?

blinding

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Was he definately here in the first place?

If he was he could have done a lot more . A bit of a dodger of hard work if you ask me .

ToddyDoody

blinding wrote: »

If he was he could have done a lot more . A bit of a dodger of hard work if you ask me .

Like what?

blinding

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Like what?

Made sure when I ambled along that there was an enormous legacy there for me

Ah heaps of stuff . He could have made sure everyone was nicer ......particularly to me

Peatys

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Like what?

Visited more than the Middle East
Cured childhood cancer
Made it so wild animals aren't eaten alive..

You know, God stuff..

blinding

Peatys wrote: »

Visited more than the Middle East
Cured childhood cancer
Made it so wild animals aren't eaten alive..

You know, God stuff..

Considering the powerful connections he had , he seems to have been a bit of a todger .

ToddyDoody

blinding wrote: »

Considering the powerful connections he had , he seems to have been a bit of a todger .

Its not what Jesus can do for you, its what you can do for Jesus.

Wanderer2010

Is there really enough evidence out there to say that 100% Jesus did NOT exist? This one seems to really be going on and on if hes not real. He is referenced so many times across different religions and civilisations that its either the biggest hoax out there or he really did exist. People are quick to dismiss his existence but not so quick to offer concrete evidence to back up his non-existence.

worded

_Brian wrote: »

Of course to “return” one would need to believe there was an initial visit ?

The return of the man that never came back ...

ToddyDoody

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Is there really enough evidence out there to say that 100% Jesus did NOT exist? This one seems to really be going on and on if hes not real. He is referenced so many times across different religions and civilisations that its either the biggest hoax out there or he really did exist. People are quick to dismiss his existence but not so quick to offer concrete evidence to back up his non-existence.

Jesus the man or Jesus the legend?

the_syco

If he came back, the first thing he'd see are all the reminders that if we see him again, we'll nail him to a cross!

blinding

I reckon he’d be on the Dole if he came back . Otherwise where would he find the time for doing fook all !

blinding

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Its not what Jesus can do for you, its what you can do for Jesus.

Said every Con-Person ever !