Newly single and struggling

Trish54321

Hi, I'm hoping I can get some direction or hope from this post. After 20+ years, I'm now 7 months single. The relationship was bad for years and I made the choice to end it. But now, even though I know it was the right decision, I'm really struggling. I've no children, no family nearby. I've great friends but their busy with their own relationships and families. I didn't realise my confidence in me was totally gone. I'm in a home which I can't move from as it's in negative equity but it's really rural and I don't know a lot of people near me. I've a lot of work to get done but no one to do it, I'm struggling financially and today I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I've a good job which I enjoy, good workmates but their not friends as such. I've animals so not totally alone. But today, I'm terrified.... please say there's light at the end of the tunnel.

miamee

Hi Trish, I'm sorry to hear that. Twenty years is a very long time and it will take more time for you to adjust to being single. The good news is that you will adjust in time. It's a big shock to your system even if the break up was your idea. Have you made any changes to your life/lifestyle since he left? Is there anything that you can plan to look forward to, a new class, a couple of nights away to visit family or a friend? Sometimes just keeping busy helps as well as spending time with people who care about us. You said you have great friends, you should lean on them a little bit and let them know how you are feeling. I'm sure they will be happy to make time to see you if they can.

Other people have been in your situation and have come out the other side of it creating a new and different life for themselves and I'm sure you can as well. But for now be good and kind to yourself until you feel a bit stronger to start making changes and taking on new challenges

Trish54321

I know in my gut I will get there and I've been keeping busy. Friends have visited, family as well, they are great. I'm really bad to ask for or take help. This thread is the first step for me. Today, everything I'm trying to juggle just seems impossible. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure, but I need to start talking and listening to others. I can only imagine the pain if it was a breakup I didn't want/need. The optism and positivity in the reply is greatly received, ty

miamee

No worries at all, I knwo it's hard to ask for help but sometimes we have to swallow our pride a little bit and just do it

SirChenjin

Trish54321 wrote: »

I know in my gut I will get there and I've been keeping busy. Friends have visited, family as well, they are great. I'm really bad to ask for or take help. This thread is the first step for me. Today, everything I'm trying to juggle just seems impossible. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure, but I need to start talking and listening to others. I can only imagine the pain if it was a breakup I didn't want/need. The optism and positivity in the reply is greatly received, ty

It's very very normal to feel like this when a relationship ends, even when it had gone sour and you were the one to be brave enough to end it. Counselling might be helpful in terms of talking everything out of your system and working on strategies to build your confidence back up. I know you mentioned struggling financially but there are low cost options available which might be worth a look.

In terms of work to be done, try to break it down into a list and prioritise - if the roof is leaking, well that comes first ahead of say painting that needs to be done, but can wait until finances allow. Writing things down often helps to take away the overwhelmed feeling. Look on local Facebook pages and the likes for recommendations for tradespeople. Also family and friends would more than likely be very glad to help if they have the skills to do so. Don't be afraid to ask.

All the best, look after yourself. Onwards and upwards.

amdublin

There definitely is light at the end of the tunnel. Stick in there.

Think more short term. Don't worry about the tunnel. Thought will show soon. Think about just taking things day by day, even hour by hour. Heck even 5 minutes by 5 minutes.

The big picture is you werent happy in the relationship. Life is so short. Better be happy through your own means rather than unhappy with someone.

It will come. Stick in there. You are doing great. 20 years is a long time.

Soon the good days will start outweighing the bad.

ashes2014

You were brave enough to remove yourself from a bad situation, so you will be absolutely fine. Whatever happens, its better than where you were!!

You have great friends and a good job and animals who love you so you have a strong foundation under you.

You mentioned you have a lot of work to do in the house and no money-I have been there and im absolutely hopeless at diy (still am) but I did try and learn how to do a few things myself, like put up shelves, paint, learned about planting vegetables etc.
In time it might be something you might like to try. Its great when you do something you were not able to do before, it gives your confidence a boost and you have done something productive and saved money.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and its okay to not be okay.

truthseeker1

Hi, I just saw your post and am about to end a 12 yr marraige so a lot resonates with me. I withdrew emotionally years ago, but kept trying. Now I just need to take the plunge.

I live in rented acomodation so my bigest worry is my rent. I live rural also, my grown children live overseas, but dogs I do have. I havent worked since I came back to Ireland 7 years ago and at my age am unlikely to find anything. Ageism definitey exists.

I do hope you find your happy place inside. I meditate and take long walks, listen to spiritual talks on awareness and meditation. Maybe if you look local you may find a yoga group, always great people doing yoga.

you are blessd that you have job you like. Sometimes we just need to focus on whats good at this moment, it can give a differen perspective.

Be Happy