Leaving work to become a stay at home mother?

Horses1234

Hello. Can you please post anonymously. Just wondering have any mothers out there left their careers to be a stay at home mother, whether it be by choice or by losing your job/redundancy? I am considering staying at home with my children for a few years, but money would be quite tight due to this. It's easy for me to say now we will skip a holiday next year if needs be, but maybe I'll feel differently if always having to be worried about money. At the same time, my kids are small and I feel I'd like to be at home with them now and then go back to work in a few years when they are in school as it wouldn't be for long term. I have the opportunity to take redunancy now ( and I'm well aware that money won't last too long!) or potentially transfer into another. My heart wants one thing and says you could scrape by for a few years while they are young as it's time you won't get back but my head says another financially that I'm mad to give up an income, pension etc. The other thing is, I currently work from home 2 or 3 days a week, which I suppose is like gold dust as at least I'm around a bit. So I'm conscious if I leave now and go back to work in a few years, I'll probably be back in an office 9-5 and end up seeing the kids less again! However, I don't know if I'll like the new role too much and I don't want to be always stressed out and if I take it then I've lost the option of redundancy. So I'm just torn between the different options and don't know what's best long run? Has anyone changed to be a stay at home mother, even if money was tight? What are your thoughts on it??

lashes34

There are a few things to consider. Are you married? If so, you can transfer 1650 of your credits and some of your cut off point (about 9000/10000 I think) so your husband will tax less tax. You can also claim the Home Carer Tax Credit but again only if you are married.

Work out your husbands new net taking the above into account and see if you would be as badly off as you think.

Kids are only small for a few years but also think if you will be able to get a job in your field with a career break of 5 years or whatever is the plan. Would moving to part-time be an option? Keep your experience up to date and see the kids more.

farmchoice

Horses1234 wrote: »

Hello. Can you please post anonymously. Just wondering have any mothers out there left their careers to be a stay at home mother, whether it be by choice or by losing your job/redundancy? I am considering staying at home with my children for a few years, but money would be quite tight due to this. It's easy for me to say now we will skip a holiday next year if needs be, but maybe I'll feel differently if always having to be worried about money. At the same time, my kids are small and I feel I'd like to be at home with them now and then go back to work in a few years when they are in school as it wouldn't be for long term. I have the opportunity to take redunancy now ( and I'm well aware that money won't last too long!) or potentially transfer into another. My heart wants one thing and says you could scrape by for a few years while they are young as it's time you won't get back but my head says another financially that I'm mad to give up an income, pension etc. The other thing is, I currently work from home 2 or 3 days a week, which I suppose is like gold dust as at least I'm around a bit. So I'm conscious if I leave now and go back to work in a few years, I'll probably be back in an office 9-5 and end up seeing the kids less again! However, I don't know if I'll like the new role too much and I don't want to be always stressed out and if I take it then I've lost the option of redundancy. So I'm just torn between the different options and don't know what's best long run? Has anyone changed to be a stay at home mother, even if money was tight? What are your thoughts on it??

if you can survive money wise id say do it. having two parents working is a rat race, its just crap. we have to do and compared to many we have it easy ( flexible jobs close to home, no hassle with childminders etc)but there is no time for anything during the week every day is a slog and has to be run like a military operation from morning to night and over time, as the years go by it gets to you.
by the time they are all in school its over and you can get back to your life a bit more but those years when they are young and tough enough so make it as easy as possible on yourself.

fits

I worked part time from home for 7 months when I was pregnant, took 13 months off completely after they were born (with no maternity benefit) and worked half time for another 15 months with my twins.

I really really did not want to go back to work after a year as I was heartbroken to be separated from them, but I am really glad I did. I think its very difficult to get back into the workforce if you are out for an extended time. In interviews its very difficult to talke about things you did a few years ago and convince them that your knowledge and skills are up to date.

I think the ideal for me would be to work part time, 3 days a week. Keep your pension contributions going, your skills up to date and spend good time with the little ones too.

shesty

Speaking as a mum whose first has just started school....school runs require lots of juggling.It can be harder to go back then, and actually easier to stay at home or work part time when they are in school to fit in the runs.
Just bear it in mind, it may not be the natural cut-off you think it is to return to work.

Ms2011

I was made redundant while pregnant in 2011 & have been at home with him & then his younger sister who came along in 2015.
I always knew I would stay at home once I had kids so the decision was easy for me.
I'm not a career driven person so leaving that life behind wasn't hard and when they are old enough I plan on going back to college to retrain in a new field anyway.

Goldenlady

I don't have much advice, I work full time since my maternity leave ended and I do work from home a few days a week too so when I can I pick him up earlier from creche etc to spend time with him. I too would fear I wouldn't get this type of flexibility if I was in an office full time. However, If financially we could do it I would stay at home or just part time if that was possible. For us its unfortunately not an option and I hope I don't regret this in years to come but all I can do is deal with the here and now. If you can do it, do it. Try it for 12 months with the redundancy monies, if it doesn't work out or if you are stressed re monies then you can return. Might just be worth the risk. Good luck x

AulWan

If you can afford to cut one income, would it be feasible for both you and your other half to both go part time?

I know a couple who did this and now they work split weeks opposite each other. They each availed of parental leave first to test it out. It means they still have one foot in work, and one foot at home. They have the best of both worlds, and found it worked out really well for them.

fits

AulWan wrote: »

If you can afford to cut one income, would it be feasible for both you and your other half to both go part time?

I know a couple who did this and now they work split weeks opposite each other. They each availed of parental leave first to test it out. It means they still have one foot in work, and one foot at home. They have the best of both worlds, and found it worked out really well for them.

That approach would work better for tax also. Not a lot of men will consider going part time though.

pwurple

fits wrote: »

Not a lot of men will consider going part time though.

And isn't it well for them to be let away with that! :eek:

It's the man here who is the stay at home parent. It is a little more complicated, as the credits aren't automatic, but otherwise worked out fine.

AulWan

I've noticed an upturn in the number of dads taking parental leave where I work, and a lot more would call in because the kids are sick then there used to be. Notably, its the younger dads, those still in their twenties. Maybe attitudes are starting to change a little, which I think can only be a positive thing.

GalwayGrrrrrl

shesty wrote: »

Speaking as a mum whose first has just started school....school runs require lots of juggling.It can be harder to go back then, and actually easier to stay at home or work part time when they are in school to fit in the runs.
Just bear it in mind, it may not be the natural cut-off you think it is to return to work.

I’ll second this. It’s very hard to find work that fits around school hours. School day is short and there are loads of holidays. You’ll still need childcare. Also it’s hard to get part time work as a new employee, much easier to have a full time job then reduce hours when needed. I’d ask your current employer if you can reduce contract hours or use parental leave to reduce your days.

shesty

AulWan wrote: »

I've noticed an upturn in the number of dads taking parental leave where I work, and a lot more would call in because the kids are sick then there used to be. Notably, its the younger dads, those still in their twenties. Maybe attitudes are starting to change a little, which I think can only be a positive thing.

I agree with this, most dads I work with do school runs, stay home with sick kids etc.My own husband does it.I would also agree with GalwayGrrl.They are only young once true, but it's a marathon, there are a lot of years ahead that you will need to juggle.
I guess what I am saying is that if you decide to give up, think about what you would do if it had to be for a longer time than just up to JI.

awec

I think the downside of both parents going part time would be the brake being put on the career prospects of both careers, which could lead to lower household income in future (lower than it otherwise could be).

You'd save money on child care in the short term for sure.

ted1

fits wrote: »

That approach would work better for tax also. Not a lot of men will consider going part time though.

I know plenty who will.
Only better for tax if both have similar salaries. You may pay less tax but you could be earning far less.

AulWan

awec wrote: »

I think the downside of both parents going part time would be the brake being put on the career prospects of both careers, which could lead to lower household income in future (lower than it otherwise could be).

You'd save money on child care in the short term for sure.

If your main career goal is maximising future income, don't have kids! :rolleyes:

Digs

I am in the lucky position of having had a choice. When I had my second I chose to stay home (I worked awful long hours in an industry I hated, it made for a bad work life balance and my daughter definitely suffered as a result). I’ve been home 3 years now and it was the best decision I ever made. We both fully agree. My eldest is 6 and in first class and yes, it’s handy being at home to juggle the school runs but more importantly for us our middle girl has started her ECCE hours in Naionra, 3 hours a day which she totally enjoys but then gets to come home for the rest of the day, that’s the real winner for me, it’s a good balance at her age. It worked well for our older girl at that stage too.

The baby is 9 months. I’ve also been fortunate to be able to retrain as a primary teacher since staying home so will head back to work when she is a bit older.

I’m sure career prospects etc will be dependent on your role and sector etc. For me it wasn’t a death knell, I was an accountant but friends working in the top 5 are constantly talking about inclusion and the push to been seen as a supportive company, there’s a move to hire Mams etc. Although I knew when I left my last job there was no way I’d return to it again!

We manage our finances much better since I’ve stayed home, we do get away on holidays and are fortunate in a lot of regards but it has definitely taught us to be more conscious of what we spend and we are the better for it as a result.

I would always say to couples if it makes sense for your family absolutely do it. I will never ever regret these years I’ve spent at home with my girls.

lazygal

I know far too many people who left themselves in a very vulnerable position after years at home. It's difficult to get back into the workplace without contacts and up to date experience. Then there's the reality of relationship break ups or other such things. I personally did not want to lose my financial independence enough to stay at home full time so I moved to a thee day week. I'm not delighted with the juggling of work and home but it is what I am happy to do for the benefits for me and our family. I found staying at home during maternity leave a little isolating.

shesty

I think it absolutely depends on your industry too and whether you can make it work for you....Digs point about accountancy, to me it is not the most family friendly of industries (although equally it is a good career for part time work, although not with the top five).Some careers seem to lend themselves to part time work or flexibility more than others, which can help in the choice.I have to say I consciously worked my way to a specific company because of their location and what they do.It was a very targeted decision on my part, and I feel I have the best balance I can get at this point in time - a short working week, minimal commute and home by 4:30 every day, with the flexibility to work from home if needed. All these things do play in your decision.

Princess Calla

Would the option to take a career break for a year or so and then transfer into new role be there? Granted you won't have redundancy money but you have the security of a job at the end.

LegacyUser

I did it with zero regrets. I had been on the hamster wheel with my husband and took redundancy.
Stayed home for six years. I had no problem getting back into the workforce, in fact I ended up with a far more flexible working environment than I’d had previously. I can work from home and my hours are flexible.
Agree with the post about school runs but I’d also add in activities as kids get older. One of mine is sports mad, the others are involved in various other activities and it would be impossible to pursue these interests if my husband and I were running in the door from work at 6pm.

I have to be honest, when I was working fulltime before redundancy I had myself utterly convinced it was absolutely necessary to be financially independent. Once I made the leap I realised that wasn’t necessary for me at that time.
I was really happy being home with my kids when they were little.
Another experience changed my views, a good friend died at 39 leaving young children. Life is short. I started to keep a closer eye on the here and now.
I realise my experience isn’t universal but it’s not true that all sahms are risking the rest of their careers.

AulWan

RETIRED WOMEN HAVE 35% less income to live on compared to men on average, new research has revealed.

The ESRI has put the gender pension gap at 35%

Does this not worry those of you who choose to stay at home full time? And perhaps never return?

Princess Calla

AulWan wrote: »

RETIRED WOMEN HAVE 35% less income to live on compared to men on average, new research has revealed.

The ESRI has put the gender pension gap at 35%

Does this not worry those of you who choose to stay at home full time? And perhaps never return?

They were probably earning less to begin with.

Plus nothing stopping them from having a private pension themselves, obviously the husband would be funding this.

Don't get me wrong I know the importance of future planning but there is no guarantees of getting to pensionable age. Sometimes you have to deal with the here and now.

I too would be a huge advocate of financial independence but sometimes too many balls are in the air and you realise time is more important than money.

shesty

AulWan wrote: »

RETIRED WOMEN HAVE 35% less income to live on compared to men on average, new research has revealed.

The ESRI has put the gender pension gap at 35%

Does this not worry those of you who choose to stay at home full time? And perhaps never return?

Yes it does.
I will most likely up my pension contribution (we have a company scheme) to try and compensate for a four day week.
A previous employer asked as part of parental leave what way you wanted to handle pension contributions if you started to take parental leave too.