Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

SusieBlue

S.G.M. wrote: »

I didn't look down on him, I called him out for what I felt was poor behaviour as I would do to any guy that was nasty to women as I stated earlier. I don't appreciate the last comment at all as I have a lot of female friends and I see the **** they go through when it comes to dating. A lot is frankly terrifying so don't throw that dirt my way.

Saying he considered himself to be witty, good looking, intelligent etc. is poor behaviour that needs to be called out? Really?

It sounds like you felt the need to take him down a peg or two for daring to have a good opinion of himself.

Jimmy Bottlehead

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Biggest load of shi*e i've read on here in a while... and thats saying something!
I'd expect shi*e like that to be said on some dating forum. Like "look at me girls... i'm a nice guy" angle. But ffs :pac:

Go on, I'm curious. Break down why it's ****e.

Homelander

To be honest SGM it sounds like you have your own insecurities triggered by someone elses confidence in their appearance, personality and success with women.

'Poor behavior', 'arrogant', 'looking down on other guys in the thread'? Seriously? I didn't get that from his post. In fact I didn't even really pay it much attention until it clearly resonated with you.

You might not realise it, but it genuinely makes you look bitter or jealous/envious.

ToddyDoody

Humans and their stupid need for 'love'.

S.G.M.

SusieBlue wrote: »

Saying he considered himself to be witty, good looking, intelligent etc. is poor behaviour that needs to be called out? Really?

It sounds like you felt the need to take him down a peg or two for daring to have a good opinion of himself.

It was that coupled with his looking down on the other guys that I felt was poor behaviour.

S.G.M.

Homelander wrote: »

To be honest SGM it sounds like you have your own insecurities triggered by someone elses confidence in their appearance, personality and success with women.

'Poor behavior', 'arrogant', 'looking down on other guys in the thread'? Seriously? I didn't get that from his post. In fact I didn't even really pay it much attention until it clearly resonated with you.

You might not realise it, but it genuinely makes you look bitter or jealous/envious.

We'll have to agree to disagree then as I saw quite an arrogant tone.

Dial Hard

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Biggest load of shi*e i've read on here in a while... and thats saying something!

I genuinely don't get this. Why the assumption that because someone's experience doesn't directly match your own, they must be bullsh*tting?

SusieBlue

S.G.M. wrote: »

It was that coupled with his looking down on the other guys that I felt was poor behaviour.

He was looking down on guys for having self entitled, bitter attitudes towards women for unwarranted reasons. Yet instead of calling out those guys, you chose to call out him instead?
While judging him for being arrogant? That's completely bizarre, sorry.

Jimmy Bottlehead

S.G.M. wrote: »

We'll have to agree to disagree then as I saw quite an arrogant tone.

An arrogant tone?

Tremendous.

Do tell, is any admission of self confidence arrogance? For example, if you were me, how would you describe your own looks?

S.G.M.

SusieBlue wrote: »

He was looking down on guys for having self entitled, bitter attitudes towards women for unwarranted reasons. Yet instead of calling out those guys, you chose to call out him instead?
While judging him for being arrogant? That's completely bizarre, sorry.

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel better than them.

S.G.M.

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

An arrogant tone?

Tremendous.

Do tell, is any admission of self confidence arrogance? For example, if you were me, how would you describe your own looks?

I have nothing against you as I don't know you from Adam but as I mentioned earlier the way you described yourself saying how great you were and then add that to implying that so many other men in this thread aren't as good as you.
I have no interest in arguing with you tbh but I'm the type of person that values modest, that's all.

ceadaoin.

S.G.M. wrote: »

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel inferior than them.

Hurting? Is that the new term for bitter and entitled? Theres only so many times you can tip toe around someone's entirely self inflicted problems before a bit of bluntness becomes necessary

SusieBlue

S.G.M. wrote: »

I did call out another guy for those views where I said 'Women don't owe him anything' if you looked close enough.
Those guys are hurting. They have no right to treat women the way they do but as I said call them out and instruct them on how to correct it rather than saying how great you are coupled with a statement that makes you feel inferior than them.

Those guys are hurting, but their behavior isn’t acceptable and you are all but justifying it here.

Other people having inferiority complexes and confidence issues is not PP’s problem. He shouldn’t have to modify how he talks about HIMSELF just because those other guys are oversensitive and will get butthurt.

S.G.M.

Jimmy Bottlehead, I don't wish to keep arguing as I have other things to do believe it or not. I felt your tone quite arrogant and condescending but its totally within your right to disagree if you didn't mean it like that.

S.G.M.

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Hurting? Is that the new term for bitter and entitled? Theres only so many times you can tip toe around someone's entirely self inflicted problems before a bit of bluntness becomes necessary

Well I don't know many guys that are bitter and entitled that deep down aren't happy with themselves or their lives. Hurting may sound like its letting them of the hook though which I by no means want to convey it like that.

Earthhorse

For the record, I agree with SGM's take here, more or less (but also don’t want to get bogged down in a back and forth).

I think you can recognise someone is in the wrong and call them on it in a way that’s less likely to make them defensive about it than many of the posts in this thread. But a lot of people go straight for the jugular online then wonder why there’s so much division in debate these days.

Ruraldweller56

This is a very funny thread.

Jimmy Bottlehead

S.G.M. wrote: »

I have nothing against you as I don't know you from Adam but as I mentioned earlier the way you described yourself saying how great you were and then add that to implying that so many other men in this thread aren't as good as you.
I have no interest in arguing with you tbh but I'm the type of person that values modest, that's all.

S.G.M. wrote: »

Jimmy Bottlehead, I don't wish to keep arguing as I have other things to do believe it or not. I felt your tone quite arrogant and condescending but its totally within your right to disagree if you didn't mean it like that.

I meant it as factual and confident. It's not my issue if you can't handle another person's self belief and confidence.

Maybe go and see what you can improve on and get to a point where you can say it loud and proud. I don't subscribe to 'The meek shall inherit the earth', and you sound more frightened of confidence than truly modest.

NewMan1982

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Sick of online dating myself, been on and off POF for years, am on Bumble as well, was on Tinder but found it the most boring of all.

All of my dates (5 in all, 2 with the same person) were got from POF, one girl she was nice but had a bit of baggage, and I think both of us thought it wouldn't go beyond the first date and contact with her fizzled out, another girl went on one date and she claimed to want to go out again but it was impossible to get a meet up with her, then last year I went on two dates with one girl who I thought was lovely, she friendzoned me after the second date, which I thought was a bit unfair, didn't really keep in touch with her.

Then in June I had this amazing date, talked to her on POF also, what led up to it was a said I was attending the Fleetwood Mac concert with a mate and she was a big fan of Fleetwood Mac but she couldn't go because of work, I said "oh Ill record your fave song at the front of the audience since I got a Gold circle ticket" her fave song was "Rhiannon"

At the gig my phone had a weird meltdown and switched off and couldn't get it to come back on, my mate knew I was in the process of chatting this one up, and saw my phone was f**ked and lent me his phone to get a snippet of the song, got the whole track on camera, sounded great, sent it to her the next day, she was delighted and couldn't believe I did that for her. Anyway, I got back home and was just chilling out after the journey home, she texts me saying she was off out with a friend, sent me a selfie asking she she look nice, the picture was gorgeous and I said she she looked fab and to have a nice time out.

An hour went by and I get another text saying her friend couldn't make it at the last minute, and asked was I around for the evening, I hadn't planned on it, and I spent enough cash the night before at the gig, but I said "f**k it, not often I land this kind of encounter" so I washed real quick, brushed my teeth, put on my best shirt and made my way down to the bar, which is both one of our local spots. Met her near the bar, she looked great, and we had a great night, just having a laugh and a few friends of mine came over and we had the banter and they went off to other bars.

Next thing she jumps on me in the beer garden, kissing, groping etc. Not something that happens on a first date for me anyway, I've always had to work for it, so it had been nearly 3 years since...eh...well...you know! Wasn't thinking of it as a possible one night stand, I was just enjoying the moment and the date in general, wasn't out looking for it either, kind of just happened. Next thing we're back in her house, where she stated she doesn't sleep around, I believed her, so the obvious happened, all f**king night. Easily the best date and sex I had in 5 years and she was up for it again the next morning, even some cuddling after, was the first time in years I felt good about myself after many a rejection.

After that, we went out and I bought us breakfast some where nice and we chatted away, then went to Dunnes and helped her pick out a Father's day present, she bought a big heavy ceramic pot and I carried it back to her car which was 15 mins away near her house, she then gave me a lift home before she had to return to her parents for the weekend, got a kiss goodbye. It was nice.

Spent the weekend on a bit of a high, thinking I might have something going here, felt sure of it. Monday comes, I get ready for work, half an hour before I'm due in, a text rolls in from her, reading "hey I had a lot of fun with you the other night, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now can we be friends"

It was a total sickener, tried to convince her and talk her around but she wouldn't go for it, was just a slap in the face for me. Tried to not be the bollocks and tried to do the friends thing. Stayed in contact, didn't hound her with texts, she then gave me some spiel about needing to do an exam in order to obtain a promotion in work, and needed to focus on that until early September and she wasn't looking for a relationship, she took the same exam in June but didn't pass it, she mentioned it on our date and I said she'd be grand and she'll pass it the next time, and not to worry about it etc.

Didn't think about her for a while, but September came, and I was wondering could I win her over when she passed the exam, thought about sending her flowers if she passed her exam, so well into September I text and said "hey, how goes the study?" and she said she hasn't studied yet, and that was on holiday out in Ibiza and when she gets back she has two other trips to plan both Octoberfest and a trip to Japan, I said "oh well, ok, enjoy your holiday, have fun"

So, got on with life, about a fortnight later, I became an uncle for the second time, took a snap of my new niece, sent it to her, and she outright blocks me on whatsapp. The next day I text her asking what was her problem, she claimed she wanted to stay in touch, thought she'd have liked the snap, just blocked out of f**king nowhere after a friendly text, and I then text her said "No idea what I did to deserve to be blocked, just text you with some news and to see how you were. No reply for a few hours.

I was stewing after not getting a text back, and I fired one more saying "and to think, I was actually going to send you flowers when you passed your exam, thanks, thanks for making me feel like s**t, sorry I bothered, have a nice life"

Finally I get a text back saying saying I'm being unfair since we only had one date and she said she didn't want anything serious, and she was sorry that I feel bad, and that I'm a lovely guy and should put my energy into someone else, that we're too different and that she'd like to have a drink with me and chat, not all this negativity.

She f**king blocked me like! She didn't really know my exact feelings and what I was thinking of doing before she blocked me, which to me says she didn't even want to be friends at all.

I being tick at the time, text back "Unfair, you blocked me when all I did was send a friendly message, and also, too different? but good enough to bring home and discard a few days after, you can just f**k off now"

Probably nasty to send that, but I was really angry at being blocked like that, after I send a generally sweet kind of photo, you know? Thinking she'd be happy for me or whatever. I'm just generally sick of being the nice guy that never gets a look in or a chance like. I'm sure there are plenty of blokes that feel the same way.

Like this one is in her early 30's, she more interested in the career and galivanting around the globe than putting any effort into daily life at home, whats with all this waiting around? Who is she and women in general waiting around for? And choosing to rot on these apps for years on end. Like I'm no oil painting, I'm a pretty average guy, a lot of Irish men are f**king average, but come on, if you're in your 30's you should be thinking a bit more long term about your dating life and making more of an effort in person and on these dating apps, I mean in my area, I live in the south east, I use POF most of the time, and it's the same f**king handful of women aged between 26-35, that would be the age bracket I'd message I suppose, close to my age. And none of them would say as much as boo to you.

Honestly think Irish women are the pickiest women on Earth, and are only on these apps to be plamased more so than dating anyone! Probably a very long rant for this thread, but sure if people don't like what I said, whatever, my opinion.

You are far too eager. That’s gonna count against you dating.

You should have went home the morning after and played it cool.

Never believe the “I never normally do this” line

Airyfairy12

NewMan1982 wrote: »

You are far too eager. That’s gonna count against you dating.

You should have went home the morning after and played it cool.

Never believe the “I never normally do this” line

Regardless of playing it cool or not, true colours come out eventually and she would have cut contact sooner or later. You cant trick someone into liking you.

elizunia87

I used to be a member of pof. Liked the page, met some nice people. I also met my beloved man who became my husband now. Baby is on the way too.
So guys don't give up

S.G.M.

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I meant it as factual and confident. It's not my issue if you can't handle another person's self belief and confidence.

Maybe go and see what you can improve on and get to a point where you can say it loud and proud. I don't subscribe to 'The meek shall inherit the earth', and you sound more frightened of confidence than truly modest.

You can suggest that I need to work on myself as often as you want to try and belittle my point. I know myself well enough so don't need any advice. Thanks though.

NewMan1982

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Regardless of playing it cool or not, true colours come out eventually and she would have cut contact sooner or later. You cant trick someone into liking you.

I was trying to be nice. My real reaction was that he’s a bunny boiler.

Ruraldweller56

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Sick of online dating myself, been on and off POF for years, am on Bumble as well, was on Tinder but found it the most boring of all.

All of my dates (5 in all, 2 with the same person) were got from POF, one girl she was nice but had a bit of baggage, and I think both of us thought it wouldn't go beyond the first date and contact with her fizzled out, another girl went on one date and she claimed to want to go out again but it was impossible to get a meet up with her, then last year I went on two dates with one girl who I thought was lovely, she friendzoned me after the second date, which I thought was a bit unfair, didn't really keep in touch with her.

Then in June I had this amazing date, talked to her on POF also, what led up to it was a said I was attending the Fleetwood Mac concert with a mate and she was a big fan of Fleetwood Mac but she couldn't go because of work, I said "oh Ill record your fave song at the front of the audience since I got a Gold circle ticket" her fave song was "Rhiannon"

At the gig my phone had a weird meltdown and switched off and couldn't get it to come back on, my mate knew I was in the process of chatting this one up, and saw my phone was f**ked and lent me his phone to get a snippet of the song, got the whole track on camera, sounded great, sent it to her the next day, she was delighted and couldn't believe I did that for her. Anyway, I got back home and was just chilling out after the journey home, she texts me saying she was off out with a friend, sent me a selfie asking she she look nice, the picture was gorgeous and I said she she looked fab and to have a nice time out.

An hour went by and I get another text saying her friend couldn't make it at the last minute, and asked was I around for the evening, I hadn't planned on it, and I spent enough cash the night before at the gig, but I said "f**k it, not often I land this kind of encounter" so I washed real quick, brushed my teeth, put on my best shirt and made my way down to the bar, which is both one of our local spots. Met her near the bar, she looked great, and we had a great night, just having a laugh and a few friends of mine came over and we had the banter and they went off to other bars.

Next thing she jumps on me in the beer garden, kissing, groping etc. Not something that happens on a first date for me anyway, I've always had to work for it, so it had been nearly 3 years since...eh...well...you know! Wasn't thinking of it as a possible one night stand, I was just enjoying the moment and the date in general, wasn't out looking for it either, kind of just happened. Next thing we're back in her house, where she stated she doesn't sleep around, I believed her, so the obvious happened, all f**king night. Easily the best date and sex I had in 5 years and she was up for it again the next morning, even some cuddling after, was the first time in years I felt good about myself after many a rejection.

After that, we went out and I bought us breakfast some where nice and we chatted away, then went to Dunnes and helped her pick out a Father's day present, she bought a big heavy ceramic pot and I carried it back to her car which was 15 mins away near her house, she then gave me a lift home before she had to return to her parents for the weekend, got a kiss goodbye. It was nice.

Spent the weekend on a bit of a high, thinking I might have something going here, felt sure of it. Monday comes, I get ready for work, half an hour before I'm due in, a text rolls in from her, reading "hey I had a lot of fun with you the other night, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now can we be friends"

It was a total sickener, tried to convince her and talk her around but she wouldn't go for it, was just a slap in the face for me. Tried to not be the bollocks and tried to do the friends thing. Stayed in contact, didn't hound her with texts, she then gave me some spiel about needing to do an exam in order to obtain a promotion in work, and needed to focus on that until early September and she wasn't looking for a relationship, she took the same exam in June but didn't pass it, she mentioned it on our date and I said she'd be grand and she'll pass it the next time, and not to worry about it etc.

Didn't think about her for a while, but September came, and I was wondering could I win her over when she passed the exam, thought about sending her flowers if she passed her exam, so well into September I text and said "hey, how goes the study?" and she said she hasn't studied yet, and that was on holiday out in Ibiza and when she gets back she has two other trips to plan both Octoberfest and a trip to Japan, I said "oh well, ok, enjoy your holiday, have fun"

So, got on with life, about a fortnight later, I became an uncle for the second time, took a snap of my new niece, sent it to her, and she outright blocks me on whatsapp. The next day I text her asking what was her problem, she claimed she wanted to stay in touch, thought she'd have liked the snap, just blocked out of f**king nowhere after a friendly text, and I then text her said "No idea what I did to deserve to be blocked, just text you with some news and to see how you were. No reply for a few hours.

I was stewing after not getting a text back, and I fired one more saying "and to think, I was actually going to send you flowers when you passed your exam, thanks, thanks for making me feel like s**t, sorry I bothered, have a nice life"

Finally I get a text back saying saying I'm being unfair since we only had one date and she said she didn't want anything serious, and she was sorry that I feel bad, and that I'm a lovely guy and should put my energy into someone else, that we're too different and that she'd like to have a drink with me and chat, not all this negativity.

She f**king blocked me like! She didn't really know my exact feelings and what I was thinking of doing before she blocked me, which to me says she didn't even want to be friends at all.

I being tick at the time, text back "Unfair, you blocked me when all I did was send a friendly message, and also, too different? but good enough to bring home and discard a few days after, you can just f**k off now"

Probably nasty to send that, but I was really angry at being blocked like that, after I send a generally sweet kind of photo, you know? Thinking she'd be happy for me or whatever. I'm just generally sick of being the nice guy that never gets a look in or a chance like. I'm sure there are plenty of blokes that feel the same way.

Like this one is in her early 30's, she more interested in the career and galivanting around the globe than putting any effort into daily life at home, whats with all this waiting around? Who is she and women in general waiting around for? And choosing to rot on these apps for years on end. Like I'm no oil painting, I'm a pretty average guy, a lot of Irish men are f**king average, but come on, if you're in your 30's you should be thinking a bit more long term about your dating life and making more of an effort in person and on these dating apps, I mean in my area, I live in the south east, I use POF most of the time, and it's the same f**king handful of women aged between 26-35, that would be the age bracket I'd message I suppose, close to my age. And none of them would say as much as boo to you.

Honestly think Irish women are the pickiest women on Earth, and are only on these apps to be plamased more so than dating anyone! Probably a very long rant for this thread, but sure if people don't like what I said, whatever, my opinion.

Maybe don't use 'dating apps'. Modern day equivalent to television. Rotting people's brains with silly degeneracy.

Get out in the great outdoors. Go to mass more often. Go fishing. Read books and less television and when you do try to make it TG4. Join the gym and clubs. Turn your back on illegal drugs and limit your alcohol intake.

Be the best zcorpian88 you can be. And renounce dating apps and the associated degeneracy that comes with them.

You'll be back on here the better for it. And you'll thank me for it.

ChikiChiki

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Just deleted it. **** it. For me Bumble is 10x better anyway. The women seem more genuine.

Isn't that just for women to contact men, a guy can't contact a lady.. That is even worse I'd imagine. All based on looks.

That's the problem. I have no problem making initial contact and it's the being ghosted straight away. Apparently "Hey, how's it going ?" doesn't cut the mustard anymore. Why bother matching with me in the first place ffs.

ChikiChiki

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

If it was me I'd create a dating app call Stuck On You , when two people message and reply, then you are now '' Stuck On You'' , and it takes 20 messages each, back and forward to break the '' Stuck '' and each message needs to be 10 lines at least.
That would get people talking at least.

Seriously that's a great idea. Maybe about 6 lines instead of 10 but I could see it taking off.

Jimmy Bottlehead

ChikiChiki wrote: »

That's the problem. I have no problem making initial contact and it's the being ghosted straight away. Apparently "Hey, how's it going ?" doesn't cut the mustard anymore. Why bother matching with me in the first place ffs.

To be fair, "hey how's it going" is as bland and lazy as it gets.

NewMan1982

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

To be fair, "hey how's it going" is as bland and lazy as it gets.

I use that. It’s just an ice breaker. You get to know someone by chatting to them not by their opener.

When I unmatch or blank someone it’s never the opening line that is the issue. It’s their looks or personality.

ChikiChiki

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

ChikiChiki wrote: »

That's the problem. I have no problem making initial contact and it's the being ghosted straight away. Apparently "Hey, how's it going ?" doesn't cut the mustard anymore. Why bother matching with me in the first place ffs.

To be fair, "hey how's it going" is as bland and lazy as it gets.

Tbf what's the point in swiping right if your not going to converse with someone. That line works out in the real world, it's a normal opener as basic as it is. No need to try overly hard to impress.

ToddyDoody

Ruraldweller56 wrote: »

This is a very funny thread.

Stop. These people are in pain.

nthclare

S.G.M. wrote: »

I call it arrogance. Humility is a nice asset.

nothing humble about that comment

Jimmy Bottlehead

ChikiChiki wrote: »

No need to try overly hard to impress.

With a winning attitude like that...!

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I find messaging very tough and I don't think it's on my part. It can be very repetitive and a lot of the time there is nothing coming back that you can work with

Maybe try not using the blandest line in the playbook. And try to impress. You can only make one first impression.

NewMan1982

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

With a winning attitude like that...!



Maybe try not using the blandest line in the playbook. And try to impress. You can only make one first impression.

It’s just different personalities. Some people like to be themselves and some people like to put on a front/act. I doubt those two different personalities would be into the same women regardless.

Jimmy Bottlehead

NewMan1982 wrote: »

It’s just different personalities. Some people like to be themselves and some people like to put on a front/act. I doubt those two different personalities would be into the same women regardless.

I don't think showing a modicum of creativity or interest in the individual is putting up a front.
But then again, I did find those who wrote to me with "hey how are you?" a tad dull. I always appreciated a bit of effort and interest.

NewMan1982

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I don't think showing a modicum of creativity or interest in the individual is putting up a front.
But then again, I did find those who wrote to me with "hey how are you?" a tad dull. I always appreciated a bit of effort and interest.

It depends how much effort we are talking about I suppose. If someone had a blank profile and just normal pictures there isn’t a whole lot else to say, if they have an interesting bio or funny pics then you can say something funny to them.

I still think if someone finds you attractive then they will reply regardless of the opener.

zapper55

If you cant find something interesting in their profile to mention, why on earth are you messaging them? Because they are hot? Grand but all the more reason to make an effort to stand out from all the other messages.

Also I see guys here complaining that girls they meet arent that interesting or have much going on. Yup a dating profile can be more of a indicator of a person than you might think.

And if I got a generic message I wouldnt care how attractive he is, I'd just think he was looking for the ride and ignore him.

Ruraldweller56

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Stop. These people are in pain.

And the first step in fixing their pain is to renounce dating apps and all their hollow degeneracy.

NewMan1982

zapper55 wrote: »

If you cant find something interesting in their profile to mention, why on earth are you messaging them? Because they are hot? Grand but all the more reason to make an effort to stand out from all the other messages.

Also I see guys here complaining that girls they meet arent that interesting or have much going on. Yup a dating profile can be more of a indicator of a person than you might think.

And if I got a generic message I wouldnt care how attractive he is, I'd just think he was looking for the ride and ignore him.

I’d say the majority of women have no info on their profile to show what their personality is like.

Why wouldn’t I message an attractive women to try and get to know her personality. Isn’t that the whole point of the apps?

NewMan1982

zapper55 wrote: »

And if I got a generic message I wouldnt care how attractive he is, I'd just think he was looking for the ride and ignore him.

A lot of assumptions are being made on this thread by everyone.

I can get a one night stand in the local pubs most weeks if I want. I use the online apps to see if I can click with anyone for something more serious.

So in my case at least you’d be wrong to assume generic hello... message is someone looking sex.

Out of interest what are you expecting the opening message to be? Why is hello... not good enough? Is it because you get too many messages each week that it’s the best way to try filter them out?

Our hearts are so fragile. Online dating, hell just dating, is fraught with fear and expectation. Strip away the content of your profile, the effort on getting the nice pic and what you have is a declaration of "Here I am. I would like to meet somebody and I really hope it happens for me". And also maybe "I've been hurt before so I'm scared. This may come across in how I interact with you".

A bunch of humans each hoping and acting within their own humanity.

Thing is though they are your hurts and your fears and your stuff. Not one person owes you a date or a response or a relationship. I've said this before but if your self esteem is shaky then avoid dating until you have a better handle on yourself.

Instead of being bitter at another's success be happy and see it as a positive that a relationship is possible from Tinder or PoF etc.
Instead of seeing one person's confidence as a slight against you, say "well done you". Maybe just maybe it's that person's attitude that has brought him luck.

My own experience was mostly positive. In fact I sometimes kind of miss the sites. It has been a number of years since I was last active and missed the Tinder boat. I had relationships, great dates, a few flings, and made a very good friend.

It was tough going when I'd send message (I'm not a woman scared to make the first move) after message and get nothing back.
Those men were not "too picky" or "arrogant". They just weren't interested. Tough yes but who I am didn't disintegrate because who I am isn't dependent in getting x number of dates or being in a relationship.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Dial Hard wrote: »

Dude, you have written absolute reams on here about your issues with women over the years. There comes a time, and I've said this to you before, when you have to accept that there's only one common denominator in these scenarios and it's you.

As a wiser person than me once noted, women are not vending machines that you put "nice" into until sex comes out. I think you'd do very well to keep that in mind. Neither are they other-worldly goddess beings that need to be placed on pedestals. You seem to absolutely fixate on every woman who has ever given you so much as the time of day on these sites.

Seriously, you need to calm down.

This may be the best thing I ever heard.

Sottol

NewMan1982 wrote: »

A lot of assumptions are being made on this thread by everyone.

I can get a one night stand in the local pubs most weeks if I want. I use the online apps to see if I can click with anyone for something more serious.

So in my case at least you’d be wrong to assume generic hello... message is someone looking sex.

Out of interest what are you expecting the opening message to be? Why is hello... not good enough? Is it because you get too many messages each week that it’s the best way to try filter them out?

Is it inappropriate to ask what your local pubs are?!

NewMan1982

Sottol wrote: »

Is it inappropriate to ask what your local pubs are?!

Haha. The local part is the main ingredient. My success rate drops significantly the further away I go.

Snails pace

It's being over a year since I last used tinder. Met my girlfriend in a night club. What I noticed with tinder was, girls were vain and boring, one or 2 word replies. It was near impossible to keep a conversation going. Also I noticed the friends of mine who still use tinder have nearly forgotten how to talk and maintain a conversation with a girl on a night out.

Mister Vain

NewMan1982 wrote: »

Out of interest what are you expecting the opening message to be? Why is hello... not good enough? Is it because you get too many messages each week that it’s the best way to try filter them out?

That's why I prefer bumble. I don't have to worry about the opening message. If a girl contacts me and I like her profile then I'll reply. There's plenty of time to get to know each other without the need for a witty opener.

Wibbs

NewMan1982 wrote: »

Haha. The local part is the main ingredient. My success rate drops significantly the further away I go.

Funny N I found the opposite true for me. The further away I go from women who know me, even leaving the country entirely, the success goes up. Oh hang on.... sh1te!... it is me. :eek::mad::( :D

Jimmy Bottlehead

Mister Vain wrote: »

That's why I prefer bumble. I don't have to worry about the opening message. If a girl contacts me and I like her profile then I'll reply. There's plenty of time to get to know each other without the need for a witty opener.

Apt username

branie2

I never use them

Tuco88

Huh, I'm so glad I still have the ol reliable... When all the odds are against me I seek the power from deep down... Not the tallest, no Tom cruise, It says hot but I still touch it kinda fella, Mr average at best....

If doubt ever sets in, I'll tell herself I have to go to the toilet see, thats my trick... And realise, then I remember followed by a great big Smile... And reel that pecker back in...

GYM all you want lads, Gimmick ass hair cuts, fake tan, and white emulsion teeth. It just screams insecurities.

An't no substitute for the main event.

Honeydew3456

I found POF full to the brim of catfish! Really enjoy bumble, great chats/dates with cool guys. It's exciting but definitely my preference is meeting someone on a night out. Feels more natural or something.