Anyone else fed up of dating apps?

Thelonious Monk

Anus Von Skidmark wrote: »

Eh, priests generally prefer to suck off lads that are FAR younger than 25!

not from my experience!

PoisonIvyBelle

JustJoe7240 wrote: »

Why do people swipe right if they’re just going to tell the other person they’re not interested? Speaking from a male perspective but know of guys who do the same!

Surely if you’re not interested from the offest you’d just swipe left from the get go?

Ah I'm talking about POF in that sense, not Tinder.

PoisonIvyBelle

S.G.M. wrote: »

I call it arrogance. Humility is a nice asset.

Pretty sure I've met this guy IRL. He's not being arrogant. Just truthful!

Also re: arrogance, there's a fine line, but honestly I'd take a bit of extra confidence over the whole insecure needy attitude any day.

PoisonIvyBelle

S.G.M. wrote: »

You can suggest that I need to work on myself as often as you want to try and belittle my point. I know myself well enough so don't need any advice. Thanks though.

C'mon now, take it handy. His comments were never an attack on you personally but you have taken them very personally. Why?

You got enraged by a lad saying he believes he's attractive and witty. Do you not want to take a minute to think about why that upset you so much? A stranger, on the internet, is confident about his looks and personality, and it offends you to the point of escalating an argument.

Take just one minute, that's all. Look back at your posts. Look at his. And think about it. That's the kind of self reflection that will lead to the kind of self awareness that will help you to work on yourself and your own confidence so that you're not bothered by things like this.

Re: what you said earlier about messaging a girl a few times if she hasn't replied in case it hadn't "landed". I block those guys. Because I know they know I've read their message. And when I get 2 more in a row I just think "does this guy not have any respect for himself"? You can be sure if I messaged a guy and he didn't reply I wouldn't be chasing him with 2/3 more messages over the next month "in case" he didn't get it.

You have two options now:

• get annoyed at me too and try to start another argument in the thread
• think about why you reacted how you did and what it means.

Mister Vain

RacoonQueen wrote: »

I've never been one to seek out a date or do or go to something in the hope I meet someone, things always just happen...online and bars and clubs(with the specific intent of 'pulling') would never work for me. That's just me, everyone is different in their approach.

In an ideal world it would just "happen" for everyone. Some people land in relationships without pursuing it. For others it can take an awful lot of effort to even get their foot in the door. I agree that the Irish tend to tiptoe around the issue and its not really the norm here to ask people on dates outside of the bar/club scene. I met my ex in work at a time when I wasn't looking for anything. It just happened, but that would be a very rare occurrence.

zapper55

Yup that reminds me, if I get more than one message from a guy before I've even had a chance to answer the first one I'd think he had no cop on and just block him. Not going to wait for the third message or the why wont you respond malarky.

Earthhorse

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

Take just one minute, that's all. Look back at your posts. Look at his. And think about it. That's the kind of self reflection that will lead to the kind of self awareness that will help you to work on yourself and your own confidence so that you're not bothered by things like this.

SGM can still reply to your post, unlike the poster you’re defending, who’s been banned from it. Perhaps it’s he who needs to reflect on his posting style and how seriously he’s taking the debate? Perhaps you need to reflect on whether you’re not just defending him because you believe you’ve met him in real life?

You are reading far too much into a simple disagreement.

Galwayguy35

I've been on and off dating sites for years now, met some sound people and others who were complete timewasters who just never showed up for the date after arranging to meet.

PoisonIvyBelle

Earthhorse wrote: »

SGM can still reply to your post, unlike the poster you’re defending, who’s been banned from it. Perhaps it’s he who needs to reflect on his posting style and how seriously he’s taking the debate? Perhaps you need to reflect on whether you’re not just defending him because you believe you’ve met him in real life?

You are reading far too much into a simple disagreement.

Not at all. I only followed up on the thread today since my first post in it and all I could see was the back and forth between them, instigated by someone saying he thought he was attractive.

And yes, of course I'm defending him because I've a fair idea I know what he looks like which means I can back up the confidence that SGM has taken offence to.

I'm also defending him because there's nothing wrong with his posting style. All he has done is be direct and defend himself and ask the person he unintentionally aggravated to take a look at himself.

Also, can I just say, this isn't about being attractive or not. That's subjective. It's about confidence. Or at least feigning confidence and not messaging women looking for external validation.

I've dated men who were sh1t hot and men who were attractive to "me" but not stereotypically good looking. I still found them attractive though. Why? Confidence was a MASSIVE thing. Personality was another. Little quirks, all of that.

There are a lot of bitter men (and women) around. They are the people who make dating apps sh1t. Get your own sh1t together before you start looking for someone else to bring into your life, or at least be aware of your own issues and be managing them. (not you specifically!)

Earthhorse

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

And yes, of course I'm defending him because I've a fair idea I know what he looks like which means I can back up the confidence that SGM has taken offence to.

SGM hasn’t taken offense to anything. You’re misreading his posts if you think that.

I'm also defending him because there's nothing wrong with his posting style. All he has done is be direct and defend himself and ask the person he unintentionally aggravated to take a look at himself.

Yet he is the one banned from the thread.

PoisonIvyBelle

Earthhorse wrote: »

SGM hasn’t taken offense to anything. You’re misreading his posts if you think that.



Yet he is the one banned from the thread.

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.
I've given mine.

Now I'm off to make some food before my stomach rumbles so much the fcuking roof caves in before this hurricane even hits.

Earthhorse

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.
I've given mine.

Yes, that’s how it works alright.

S.G.M.

PoisonIvyBelle wrote: »

C'mon now, take it handy. His comments were never an attack on you personally but you have taken them very personally. Why?

You got enraged by a lad saying he believes he's attractive and witty. Do you not want to take a minute to think about why that upset you so much? A stranger, on the internet, is confident about his looks and personality, and it offends you to the point of escalating an argument.

Take just one minute, that's all. Look back at your posts. Look at his. And think about it. That's the kind of self reflection that will lead to the kind of self awareness that will help you to work on yourself and your own confidence so that you're not bothered by things like this.

Re: what you said earlier about messaging a girl a few times if she hasn't replied in case it hadn't "landed". I block those guys. Because I know they know I've read their message. And when I get 2 more in a row I just think "does this guy not have any respect for himself"? You can be sure if I messaged a guy and he didn't reply I wouldn't be chasing him with 2/3 more messages over the next month "in case" he didn't get it.

You have two options now:

• get annoyed at me too and try to start another argument in the thread
• think about why you reacted how you did and what it means.

I'm not replying to this again cos I've said all I wanted to say with regards that poster I was replying to.
Also, I do have respect for myself but as I said, women have genuinely messaged me back after a second message and apologised saying they missed my first message and we got chatting from that. So if that's been the case a few times, why not do it if I find a girl attractive. If she wants to block me, then let her block me. I hold absolutely nothing against her.
Nothing to do with self respect. I don't base my own self worth on what others think about me so I have no problem taking that kind of risk.

S.G.M.

Earthhorse wrote: »

SGM hasn’t taken offense to anything. You’re misreading his posts if you think that.



Yet he is the one banned from the thread.

Thank you Earthhorse. I have nothing against that original poster. I took up his initial comment in a certain way and I made it known. He disagrees. Fair enough. I thought it was left at that.

Honeydew3456

Nothing more attractive than a confident but HUMBLE man....I think that was the key ingredient he was missing...

I think it's a little cringe to actually describe yourself as handsome and witty. Whethere you are or not is irrelevant and doing so has nothing to do with confidence.

Then to try make out everyone else was just jealous because of their own insecurities about themselves and his awesomeness.....smh and rolls my eyes.

Dial Hard

Honeydew3456 wrote: »

Nothing more attractive than a confident but HUMBLE man....

To you. Plenty of others find humility a turn-off.

Personally I find a *touch* of arrogance incredibly attractive, as long as it's warranted.

Anyway, in my experience you get out of online dating pretty much exactly what you put in. If that's negativity, bitterness and low expectations, then nobody should be surprised when it doesn't work out for them.

Antares35

RacoonQueen wrote: »

As would I, personally wouldn't be up to dating someone I work with but it's a way to meet people. If you meet someone in real life and you are interested in them then you decide what you do about it. My whole post was about meeting someone through another aspect and realising you are interested in them rather than going searching for someone.



As above.

If you are trying to 'find' someone to date is a bizarre concept to me. I don't understand it, the obsession some people have with always being with someone or always having dates lined up is vomit inducing to me. Rather not be dating anyone than date someone just for the sake of it.
I've never been one to seek out a date or do or go to something in the hope I meet someone, things always just happen...online and bars and clubs(with the specific intent of 'pulling') would never work for me. That's just me, everyone is different in their approach.

Agree. I'd rather be alone that be with the wrong guy. When I joined the dating website it was very shortly after the breakup of a relationship. I didn't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, but a close friend suggested getting dressed up and going on a fun date might take my mind off things. I certainly wasn't planning or trying to find my other half, but I did!

SusieBlue

Being open to meeting someone with a view of potentially starting a relationship does not mean you're willing to shack up with the first person who gives you a bit of attention

I would also rather be alone than be with the wrong guy, but I would like to be in a relationship again so I am putting myself in more situations where I can meet new people and widen my circle, as well as online dating and trying to meet new people that way. When men try to chat me up on a night out I'm far more open to it and willing to engage than I was when I wasn't looking to meet someone.

Actively trying to meet someone does not mean you are desperate and "dating just for the sake of it", because you're afraid of being alone. Its taking ownership for your own life and being responsible for your own happiness.

Sitting back and just waiting for the perfect person to stumble into your life in a coffee shop or with your eyes meeting across a bar is like something out of a movie, and for the most part, completely unrealistic.
These notions are why a lot of people end up alone and disappointed, because they're literally waiting for a miracle to happen. It won't happen without an open mind and a bit of effort.

Antares35

SusieBlue wrote: »

Being open to meeting someone with a view of potentially starting a relationship does not mean you're willing to shack up with the first person who gives you a bit of attention

I would also rather be alone than be with the wrong guy, but I would like to be in a relationship again so I am putting myself in more situations where I can meet new people and widen my circle, as well as online dating and trying to meet new people that way. When men try to chat me up on a night out I'm far more open to it and willing to engage than I was when I wasn't looking to meet someone.

Actively trying to meet someone does not mean you are desperate and "dating just for the sake of it", because you're afraid of being alone. Its taking ownership for your own life and being responsible for your own happiness.

Sitting back and just waiting for the perfect person to stumble into your life in a coffee shop or with your eyes meeting across a bar is like something out of a movie, and for the most part, completely unrealistic.
These notions are why a lot of people end up alone and disappointed, because they're literally waiting for a miracle to happen. It won't happen without an open mind and a bit of effort.

Completely agree! I have a close male friend who is in his late thirties. Been lonely for several years now, and often complains that he "can't meet a girl". Several of us have tried to convince him to set up a dating profile but he won't have any of it. He thinks it is beneath him or something. Yet he still complains about being single. It's like he is just waiting for a girl to fall into his path and for true love to ensue.

Sottol

SusieBlue wrote: »

Being open to meeting someone with a view of potentially starting a relationship does not mean you're willing to shack up with the first person who gives you a bit of attention

I would also rather be alone than be with the wrong guy, but I would like to be in a relationship again so I am putting myself in more situations where I can meet new people and widen my circle, as well as online dating and trying to meet new people that way. When men try to chat me up on a night out I'm far more open to it and willing to engage than I was when I wasn't looking to meet someone.

Actively trying to meet someone does not mean you are desperate and "dating just for the sake of it", because you're afraid of being alone. Its taking ownership for your own life and being responsible for your own happiness.

Sitting back and just waiting for the perfect person to stumble into your life in a coffee shop or with your eyes meeting across a bar is like something out of a movie, and for the most part, completely unrealistic.
These notions are why a lot of people end up alone and disappointed, because they're literally waiting for a miracle to happen. It won't happen without an open mind and a bit of effort.

Amen!!!

Annurca Apples

The real world is much easier and more fun to meet romantic partners. Also I find I have much less competition as most men are terrified of saying hello to a woman in the daytime. They don't have any confidence to do that, which is great for the few men like me who aren't phased.

MetzgerMeister

The likes of Tinder can be a right PITA. Once you've swiped through people nearby you have to increase the distance. There's no guarantee that the people on whom you're now swiping have their distance set to the same thing so you're just swiping for the sake of it with no hope of getting a match but do you think Tinder care? Not as long as you keep swiping and using their app (especially if you've a subscription!).

Greyfox

MetzgerMeister wrote: »

Not as long as you keep swiping and using their app (especially if you've a subscription!).

Been honest I think the subscription is only for eejits.

Scarinae

SusieBlue wrote: »

Being open to meeting someone with a view of potentially starting a relationship does not mean you're willing to shack up with the first person who gives you a bit of attention

I would also rather be alone than be with the wrong guy, but I would like to be in a relationship again so I am putting myself in more situations where I can meet new people and widen my circle, as well as online dating and trying to meet new people that way. When men try to chat me up on a night out I'm far more open to it and willing to engage than I was when I wasn't looking to meet someone.

Actively trying to meet someone does not mean you are desperate and "dating just for the sake of it", because you're afraid of being alone. Its taking ownership for your own life and being responsible for your own happiness.

Sitting back and just waiting for the perfect person to stumble into your life in a coffee shop or with your eyes meeting across a bar is like something out of a movie, and for the most part, completely unrealistic.
These notions are why a lot of people end up alone and disappointed, because they're literally waiting for a miracle to happen. It won't happen without an open mind and a bit of effort.

I don't understand this idea either of trying to meet someone making you 'desperate'. I see online dating or dating apps as a way to widen your circle and meet more people; when I was younger I used to meet people through friends or in college, but as I got older I didn't meet as many new people organically so it made sense to try online dating.

I'm marrying someone I met on Tinder, I doubt our paths would ever have crossed without the app.

Church on Tuesday

MetzgerMeister wrote: »

The likes of Tinder can be a right PITA. Once you've swiped through people nearby you have to increase the distance. There's no guarantee that the people on whom you're now swiping have their distance set to the same thing so you're just swiping for the sake of it with no hope of getting a match but do you think Tinder care? Not as long as you keep swiping and using their app (especially if you've a subscription!).

Don't you have to pay to use Tinder properly now? I have a few matches I can't see because I'm not on Gold or some ****e.

I'm not paying for Tinder.

Homelander

You can pay to see who likes you, but you can still see who you actually matched with. So people who you didn't swipe on, people that swiped on you outside your distance filters, or whatever. You don't have to pay to match with people, so it still works fine really.

Church on Tuesday

Homelander wrote: »

You can pay to see who likes you, but you can still see who you actually matched with. So people who you didn't swipe on, people that swiped on you outside your distance filters, or whatever. You don't have to pay to match with people, so it still works fine really.

But it's not very instant like before though, I mean you could be swiping for quite some time before you match with the actual person who swiped right on you.

Greyfox

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Don't you have to pay to use Tinder properly now?.

You don't, all the features you can pay for are rubbish

S.G.M.

Scarinae wrote: »

I don't understand this idea either of trying to meet someone making you 'desperate'. I see online dating or dating apps as a way to widen your circle and meet more people; when I was younger I used to meet people through friends or in college, but as I got older I didn't meet as many new people organically so it made sense to try online dating.

I'm marrying someone I met on Tinder, I doubt our paths would ever have crossed without the app.

I agree. However, I hear a lot of people saying that 'the right person will find you when ya stop looking'. It's usually people in relationships that say this.

Church on Tuesday

S.G.M. wrote: »

I agree. However, I hear a lot of people saying that 'the right person will find you when ya stop looking'. It's usually people in relationships that say this.

It will nearly always happen when you least expect it.

Mister Vain

S.G.M. wrote: »

I agree. However, I hear a lot of people saying that 'the right person will find you when ya stop looking'. It's usually people in relationships that say this.

To quote another poster from a different thread, "My own experience has been that meeting someone is not a good target in life or a good path to try and follow - rather it is something that happens along the way when walking other paths." I would agree with this. I think you should be able to put yourself out there and do things you're interested in without actually pursuing a partner. I know it won't always work but at least you'll be doing something you enjoy.

bitofabind

S.G.M. wrote: »

I agree. However, I hear a lot of people saying that 'the right person will find you when ya stop looking'. It's usually people in relationships that say this.

Yup, along with “what’s for you won’t pass you.” About as useful as a smack on the arse with a wet fish.

In practical terms, I’d say having low expectations and living a full life that’s not dependent on finding a partner to be happy does help though. It’s like there’s no smell of want off you or something.

Ficheall

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It will nearly always happen when you least expect it.

Yep. People are always finding the love of their life when they're stuck on the loo with a dose of the scutters, naming their haemorrhoids for entertainment because they forgot their phone.

Church on Tuesday

Ficheall wrote: »

Yep. People are always finding the love of their life when they're stuck on the loo with a dose of the scutters, naming their haemorrhoids for entertainment because they forgot their phone.

If you find her in there with ya and she stays through all of that, then she's a keeper lad.

Enough is Enough!

Dating apps? Just move to Thailand and buy a wife.

Iseedeadpixels

Enough is Enough! wrote: »

Dating apps? Just move to Thailand and buy a wife.

I'd still get turned down :pac:

MetzgerMeister

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Don't you have to pay to use Tinder properly now? I have a few matches I can't see because I'm not on Gold or some ****e.

I'm not paying for Tinder.

Yeah, there are very few features now on the free one. €44.00 for a half-hour boost? Come off it!

Tinder makes sense in a way given how much time people spend on their phones vs going out and being in the situation where you can meet someone.

Quick tip for saving money on tinder and other Google Play store apps get a VPN and change your play store location to Turkey it's way cheaper.

Bobblehats

I dated an app once, but it kept asking me my details and needed constant updating

Ficheall

Ficheall wrote: »

I just ask out everyone who thanks my posts on boards and seems female and intelligent.

Okay, Bewley's at 7pm next Sunday (13th). I'll buy you a coffee.

ToddyDoody

Ficheall wrote: »

Okay, Bewley's at 7pm next Sunday (13th). I'll buy you a coffee.

Remember, the gays will get you if you don't pick up a woman at some stage.

Elessar

Anyone else finding Tinder harder to get matches on lately?

I don't know what it is with it lately, but after a 3 years hiatus when I was in a relationship (with someone I met on Tinder no less) I'm back on it now and not getting any decent matches. I paid the €44 for the super boost thing and after 3 hours supposedly on top of the pile I got matched with 6 ladies who lets just say have let themselves go. Not meaning to toot my own horn or anything but in the past I never had too much trouble getting dates with some amazing girls. I've tried loads of different pics and pic combos to no avail. I do the boost thing every so often aswell but not getting anything there either.

Maybe I'm just ugly now

Thelonious Monk

Youre just ugly

Elessar

Elessar wrote: »

Anyone else finding Tinder harder to get matches on lately?

I don't know what it is with it lately, but after a 3 years hiatus when I was in a relationship (with someone I met on Tinder no less) I'm back on it now and not getting any decent matches. I paid the €44 for the super boost thing and after 3 hours supposedly on top of the pile I got matched with 6 ladies who lets just say have let themselves go. Not meaning to toot my own horn or anything but in the past I never had too much trouble getting dates with some amazing girls. I've tried loads of different pics and pic combos to no avail. I do the boost thing every so often aswell but not getting anything there either.

Maybe I'm just ugly now

i think its probably the better one and more popular one compared to bumble/pof but i think theres a lot of deactivated/unused accounts on it as i go on and off it and see the same and (get the same ones ive matched and just didn't click with).....ive just hit my thirties and find i think its probably better in early/mid 20's....i go on and off it often so i think it might be another break for me on it - and the other issue i have is that they match and they dont respond.....like why match if you dont respond....i get it

Bumble, while i think is good concept, its not popular enough and the lack of a distance filter is bad and i find its very popular in Dublin/Northern parts of ireland and not much else....IM A Cork guy so id rather find some woman in the cork vicinity rather than matching someone whose based in sligo (no offence)..POF i find is filled with fake accounts

zapper55

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

Dial Hard

Allyson Curved Celebration wrote: »

Bumble, while i think is good concept, its not popular enough and the lack of a distance filter is bad and i find its very popular in Dublin/Northern parts of ireland and not much else....IM A Cork guy so id rather find some woman in the cork vicinity rather than matching someone whose based in sligo (no offence)..POF i find is filled with fake accounts

Bumble added a distance filter about a month ago.

Dial Hard

Dial Hard wrote: »

Bumble added a distance filter about a month ago.

oh good...hopefully its picked up in numbers like tinder...just found i was getting matches with women from other side of the country

Elessar

zapper55 wrote: »

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

I think so, I think I've widened it actually. I should probably narrow it down. It was always a feast or a famine with me and online dating so maybe this is just the famine bit

TheEyeonyrBack

Hello everyone, I just joined this forum after reading a few comments on this thread. Yes, I've got nothing better to do but I feel alright

Some people around me are pushing me to give these apps a chance, but I have a few concerns about them.

For a bit of context, I'm not Irish and I've experienced the internet dating phenomenon when it first came in back in 2000 when I was in my early 20s, no swipe or scroll whatsoever, blind dates. Back to those days, it was new and fair enough to try. I never had anything serious, never met anyone outstanding.

I've met the men I committed to in a relationship in the old fashion style, no hunting, no picking, just felt off out of the blue, so to speak.

As a non Irish I find hard to get to know people, not necessarily for dating, unless they're drunk. I come from a land where men are way too invasive at times so I'm quite used to walk men off when they annoy me. I am sometimes told to go with tinder - never heard of the others being mentioned here,- but I refuse.

I rarely go out because I don't like getting stoned with alcohol and the type of music I like is generally disliked by my friends. I prefer spending my time with learning stuff and nurture my brain and, when I go out, I like having genuine conversations which possibly lead to peaceful discussions.

I've always thought that these apps are quite sordid because one misses the pros and cons of the chemistry between two people. It's like at grocery shop, and I can have plenty of occasions, if only I wanted, to head to a pub and pick up a fancy lad for a quick encounter, if we want to put it this way.

I'm pretty comfortable with staying out of these things to be honest, and encounters are just like Xmas, when it comes it comes.

Wibbs

zapper55 wrote: »

Elessar are you looking at the same age group as you were 3 years ago? If so perhaps you aren't the age group they are looking for now.

Could be that alright, though I suspect online dating has changed quite rapidly over the last decade or so and possibly even in the last few years. The abundance of apparent choice in those that have more, or feel they have more(generally more women than men as it's more a sellers market) tends to lead to a choice overload and ever more filtering and tickboxing. After all if Tinder user A is not 100%, then there are always more swipes to the "ideal". Which doesn't exist. I've seen this trend with men and women I've known who gone down the tinder route. They roughly fall into two categories; those that can't get a sniff, or if they do it escalates to dick pics or some other daftness and those that do get a sniff, but nobody they meet, if they even get that far, measures up(and they often seem to be looking for issues). Rinse and repeat. That's those looking for something more, the ones looking for the ride(tm) if they're in the more choice bracket get the ride and fine, whatever floats your boat. Of those I've known that did well off online dating, the majority did so years ago when the landscape appears to have been different. Like Elessar's experience above things seem to have changed.