Strange past time

JupiterKid

Rather unsavory activity by the OP’s alleged “friend.” Directly contributes to haemorrhoids, risking sharting, must look pretty disgusting and can lead to other problems.

BTW - edging when whacking off has no negative side effects.

Here’s another delightful pastime - scraping the dirt out of your toenails, sniffing and eating it...

EmmetSpiceland

Graysen Fat Bookcase wrote: »

Likely his bowel has stretched over time to accommodate his 'habit'. Not very good, could end up with long term complications.

And the farts must “stink”.

I mean, whatever about holding everything in you simply cannot stop the bacteria feasting on the shíte and causing large amounts of foul gas building up.

Can’t see him holding those in for too long.

JupiterKid wrote: »

BTW - edging when whacking off has no negative side effects.

Listen, J, I’m just advising caution when it comes to “edging”. I wouldn’t like to see anyone else requiring a “re-bore” should the “edger” befall any damage when taking it “too far”.

I’m sure, when it’s done right, the only real side-effect would be a good buzz and some “foamy” piss, after the fact. But there’s no harm in taking precautions.

Bigbagofcans

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

He must have piles the size of grapes.

Polyps more likely then.

Hector Savage

OP has he ever accidentally shat himself ?
He must have if he's been doing it 30 odd years ?

WHERE ARE THE NAPPIES?

ffs. nobody mentioned them until now!

Fiftyfilthy

Hector Savage wrote: »

OP has he ever accidentally shat himself ?
He must have if he's been doing it 30 odd years ?

Apparently at least a couple of times a year but the biggest issue is blocking the toilet

Hector Savage

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

Apparently at least a couple of times a year but the biggest issue is blocking the toilet

Jaysus!!!

He should get one of those American toilets installed .. they are designed to take hippo style loads due to the massive obesity epidemic over there.

Great big piles of oily sludge no problem for those porcelain beasts!

Fiftyfilthy

Hector Savage wrote: »

Jaysus!!!

He should get one of those American toilets installed .. they are designed to take hippo style loads due to the massive obesity epidemic over there.

Great big piles of oily sludge no problem for those porcelain beasts!

He gets it flushed away by pouring kettles of boiling water down the toilet then wrapping his hand in a tesco bag and smashing it up with his fist

Fiftyfilthy

The funniest thing or weirdest is that nobody would ever have guessed he would be capable of this behavior

He hasn’t been in contact with anyone since telling all of us. Think he feels very embarrassed and full of regret

EmmetSpiceland

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

He gets it flushed away by pouring kettles of boiling water down the toilet then wrapping his hand in a tesco bag and smashing it up with his fist

You should suggest he try use a, stretched out, wire hanger to help clear the “blockage”.

You can use the “hooked” end to get in under and “chop” the mass into smaller, more manageable, pieces.

Hector Savage

Or maybe have a few cups of coffee before going to the jax to loosen the streal of scutther !!

tim3000

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

He gets it flushed away by pouring kettles of boiling water down the toilet then wrapping his hand in a tesco bag and smashing it up with his fist

Thats the best post I have ever read

Utter Consternation

He's really playing russian roulette with his dumps there.

Hector Savage

He should be careful all the same pouring boiling water down there, porcelain can crack at such high temperatures..

Fiftyfilthy

Hector Savage wrote: »

He should be careful all the same pouring boiling water down there, porcelain can crack at such high temperatures..

Did not know that

Hector Savage

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

Did not know that

Yes, it's the rapid expansion .... tell him to knock the kettle off about 10 seconds before the full boil ...

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

Yes, it's the rapid expansion .... tell him to knock the kettle off about 10 seconds before the full boil ...

What if you put a metal fork in with it?

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

What if you put a metal fork in with it?

I suppose it all depends on the amount of hot water you'd be putting into the toilet. A metal fork may not absorb enough heat to ensure that the porcelain throne does not crack and fall asunder.

corks finest

Fiftyfilthy wrote:

My friend said that he likes to sit on the couch and start trying to **** but not actually follow through

Some strange friend you have, obviously not v choosy

Fiftyfilthy

corks finest wrote: »

Some strange friend you have, obviously not v choosy

In all seriousness how would I know someone kneels at the side of a bed reading and pushing a **** out not to the point of it fully falling out?

How?

EmmetSpiceland

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I suppose it all depends on the amount of hot water you'd be putting into the toilet. A metal fork may not absorb enough heat to ensure that the porcelain throne does not crack and fall asunder.

That’s a good point, U.

Perhaps he should just cut out the “middleman” altogether and just put that Tesco’s bag into the bowl, he could use the seat to keep it in place.

Then just “dump” into the bag, left it out, tie it up and toss it into the bin outside. Like you would with dog shít.

Just an idea.

Fiftyfilthy

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s a good point, U.

Perhaps he should just cut out the “middleman” altogether and just put that Tesco’s bag into the bowl, he could use the seat to keep it in place.

Then just “dump” into the bag, left it out, tie it up and toss it into the bin outside. Like you would with dog shít.

Just an idea.

That’s excellent

During the snow we had in 2010 or there abouts , the toilet had no water so I recall getting a tesco bag and placing it on the ground to hover over and **** into

Found it incredibly difficult and was completely off with my aiming

Managed to hit the side of the bag , the steam and stench was horrific

Cleaning up process was far worse than I would have imagined too

EmmetSpiceland

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

That’s excellent

During the snow we had in 2010 or there abouts , the toilet had no water so I recall getting a tesco bag and placing it on the ground to hover over and **** into

Found it incredibly difficult and was completely off with my aiming

Managed to hit the side of the bag , the steam and stench was horrific

Cleaning up process was far worse than I would have imagined too

My condolences, F. That can’t have been easy.

I should have pointed out that it might be best to “double bag”, those single use bags can have holes in the bottom.

Always best to err an the side of “caution”.

Fiftyfilthy

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

My condolences, F. That can’t have been easy.

I should have pointed out that it might be best to “double bag”, those single use bags can have holes in the bottom.

Always best to err an the side of “caution”.

True indeed. What stands out the most is I made a special effort to have the bag open leaving big area to dump into

Measured my stance several times and was very confident it would all go plain sailing

Felt awkward having to resort to this but was only solution to an unfortunate situation that presented itself

Was incredibly angry at myself for ****ing it up

EmmetSpiceland

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

True indeed. What stands out the most is I made a special effort to have the bag open leaving big area to dump into

Measured my stance several times and was very confident it would all go plain sailing

Felt awkward having to resort to this but was only solution to an unfortunate situation that presented itself

Was incredibly angry at myself for ****ing it up

Anyone judging you has clearly never tried shítting into a flattened bag. It is no easy “task”.

It’s hell to clean if any of the load getting onto the grouting. The level of tile “smearage” is also surprising, in a bad way.

Take nothing for granted, F. That’s all you can do.

Fiftyfilthy

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Anyone judging you has clearly never tried shítting into a flattened bag. It is no easy “task”.

It’s hell to clean if any of the load getting onto the grouting. The level of tile “smearage” is also surprising, in a bad way.

Take nothing for granted, F. That’s all you can do.

That’s incredibly accurate, was red tiles and was a massive clean up op

Don’t think I ever fully got the grouting to pre **** condition

Utter Consternation

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

That’s incredibly accurate, was red tiles and was a massive clean up op

Don’t think I ever fully got the grouting to pre **** condition

You'll have to kango out the tiles. It's the only way to deal with it.

Put down a whole new floor.

Fiftyfilthy

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You'll have to kango out the tiles. It's the only way to deal with it.

Put down a whole new floor.

Was renting at the time lol

Utter Consternation

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

Was renting at the time lol

Did you get your full 'deposit' back?

Keyzer

Fúckoff this thread....

Fiftyfilthy

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Did you get your full 'deposit' back?

I did indeed. Apartment was left in impeccable condition , except for the **** stained grouting

Would have to have an eagle eye to notice upon an inspection , unless tipped off

Hector Savage

Keyzer wrote: »

Fúckoff this thread....

I know right ?
Don't you hate threads you are forced to read and post in ?

What Would Peter Griffin do?

JupiterKid

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

I did indeed. Apartment was left in impeccable condition , except for the **** stained grouting

Would have to have an eagle eye to notice upon an inspection , unless tipped off

Hi there FlutterinBantam....

Haven’t seen you on the boards lately and was very badly missing your scatalogical threads...you just couldn’t resist re-reging to share your delightful fascination with toilet activities with us, eh??

lleti

Like OPs buddy, I myself do like when I'm dying for a **** and I hold it in.

I can't describe why I like it...can get really good sometimes though, your arsehole begins to quaver.

Plus the resultant **** when you do go is hugely satisfying. Slides out, full girth.

Deebles McBeebles

lleti wrote: »

I can't describe why I like it...can get really good sometimes though, your arsehole begins to quaver.

I'd get that looked at, mate.

Fiftyfilthy

JupiterKid wrote: »

Hi there FlutterinBantam....

Haven’t seen you on the boards lately and was very badly missing your scatalogical threads...you just couldn’t resist re-reging to share your delightful fascination with toilet activities with us, eh??

Someone on boards posts a thread about his friend ****ting so that automatically equates to a past boards member that once started a thread about ****? (I’m presuming)

Talk about 2+2=5

Utter Consternation

Fiftyfilthy wrote: »

Someone on boards posts a thread about his friend ****ting so that automatically equates to a past boards member that once started a thread about ****? (I’m presuming)

Talk about 2+2=5

There's always one 'contributor' in a thread who think they're doing everyone a fcuking national service by outing someone who they think is a re-registered member of boards.ie.

And when they're so obviously wrong it's even more embarrassing.

EmmetSpiceland

lleti wrote: »

Like OPs buddy, I myself do like when I'm dying for a **** and I hold it in.

I can't describe why I like it...can get really good sometimes though, your arsehole begins to quaver.

Plus the resultant **** when you do go is hugely satisfying. Slides out, full girth.

Sorry to “press” you on this but I can understand the first part sliding out with solid “consistency” but, surely, the latter part is mostly over-boiled slurry that’s been churned up far longer than it sure have been.

Falls out fast and hard, like an “afterbirth” causing excessive amounts of “splash-back”.

Fiftyfilthy

More like the poopiter kid

lleti

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sorry to “press” you on this but I can understand the first part sliding out with solid “consistency” but, surely, the latter part is mostly over-boiled slurry that’s been churned up far longer than it sure have been.

Falls out fast and hard, like an “afterbirth” causing excessive amounts of “splash-back”.

No it's the opposite. It's easier to keep a solid log in than a mixture of slurry/gas.

When I have a wet **** I tend not to do it because when you have that and try to keep it in it eventually seeps out unbeknownst to you and you end up with soggy jocks.

Keeping a solid log in does not churn it up, I would probably say it compacts it even more than usual. There's a weight in it and it tends to come out clean in one go rather than plopping out in sections.

jaxxx

What I did: entered thread, read a good few posts, instant regret.

What I should have done:

Ted_YNWA

It's past the time we need to see this thread.