Buying house in rural area, is it cruel on childen

rocheyy

So, currently house hunting. It's within the south east and I myself come from the town so always had other children around to play with.

We found a house that we really like but it's very secluded. I worry that this isn't fair on my son. With the isolation, I feel that it will have an affect on him being social and having friends.

Have people experience with a similar situation or am I only over thinkig it. I most certainly will be bringing him to sports training and events in the town.

Graces7

rocheyy wrote: »

So, currently house hunting. It's within the south east and I myself come from the town so always had other children around to play with.

We found a house that we really like but it's very secluded. I worry that this isn't fair on my son. With the isolation, I feel that it will have an affect on him being social and having friends.

Have people experience with a similar situation or am I only over thinkig it. I most certainly will be bringing him to sports training and events in the town.

School? which is where kids make most friends? When he makes friends there will be interaction as there is in a town

Purple Mountain

What about the 4 million odd children who grew up in the countryside?
We met our friends for 6 hours at school, then maybe GAA one evening a week or another activity, play dates every few weekends.
He'll be fine!

rocheyy

Graces7 wrote: »

School? which is where kids make most friends? When he makes friends there will be interaction as there is in a town

Should of been more specific. We both work in town and for more convenience (family members close by for collection) I suspect he will be going to school in town, another year or so to decide on schools.

It's a fear in which I've created from comparison to my childhood, which I know is wrong, but I think I could of been very lonely in an isolated area as I'm generally quiet and shy.

eviltwin

Plenty of county kids out there aren't lonely. You might have to plan things because he's not going to meet kids the way he would in a more populated area but it's doable. Don't let it put you off if the house is otherwise perfect and don't put your insecurity onto him.

awec

Will the child be more lonely than if they lived around other children? Of course.

Is it possible to counter this loneliness? Of course, but will require a lot of effort on the part of the parents, and even then it will not be the same.

But this is completely normal for lots of kids in Ireland.

Ursus Horribilis

If you have never lived in the countryside, it will probably be a bigger culture shock to you than for your kids. If you're used to things being within walking distance, having to rely on your car might be a big change for you. What you and your OH will find yourselves doing a lot more of is ferrying your kids around in the car.

AllForIt

My nieces and nephews, who live in the same rural area I was brought up, are extremely active. Constant'y being left here and left there by either their parents or my parents, their grandparents. That is in stark contrast to my upbringing where I basically spent all my childhood stuck at home which will always be something I thing of with regret. No wonder I moved to London at 19! Couldn't get away fast enough. So it's all about how you manage it OP. I'd say you don't have to move too far away from the nearest town to get that rural setting which you desire - if that's something you can control. Distance from town/village makes a difference.

drunkmonkey

Nearly done it was in the bidding process but my solicitor, bank manager and accountant all convinced me not to and two of them have big houses in the country side, when I say country there both within 5km from a town and I would have been as well.
Reasons your a taxi service with kids, going out is an event rather than a short walk.
My friend done it against all our advice, they got over the constant driving but when the house up the road was robbed his wife didn't feel safe in the countryside anymore so he'd always end up having to stay at home as she didn't want to be on her own incase they were broken into. They eventually sold up after a few years and moved back into town.
I'd say if you can't walk to a shop don't do it if you want an easy life and more free time. Head for the edge of town.

boege

Having moved to a remote village many years ago, the one mistake we made, that we both agree we would not repeat, is to have not put our kids in the local rural school.

Attendance at the local school is how kids integrate in rural areas. It is also how parents integrate into the rural community.

Our kids continued to attend the city school and both our kids, and we, made few friends locally.

krissovo

How old are the kids? Under 9 you are fine, over it would be cruel for kids as they start losing their adaptability and have formed lifetime friends by then. Plus as already stated there are mainly only 3 social platforms for them school, church & GAA.

As parents you will find you need to engage more as sending them out to play is no longer an option during the week and most weekends unless play dates are made. I get ours involved with gardening (large 1+ acre), STEM activities (lego robots and programming), cooking, community projects etc. if not they will revert to iPads & computer games.

elderberry

krissovo wrote: »

How old are the kids?

Post from OP indicated not yet going to school so presume under 5. As some others have mentioned it may be harder for parents to adapt than young children. Going to be on the road a lot so need to weigh that up versus the appeal of the house.

pwurple

Yup. I'm afraid so.

And more than that, it means you will spend your lives in the car ferrying them around. Environmentally wasteful and your time burnt spent in a car.

We were considering it because of cheaper housing and rented for a year rurally. It was just bloody awkward, and we had a lower quality of life.

Try a smaller house within easier distance of school, public transport, sports and friends.

Electric Sheep

pwurple wrote: »

Yup. I'm afraid so.

And more than that, it means you will spend your lives in the car ferrying them around. Environmentally wasteful and your time burnt spent in a car.

We were considering it because of cheaper housing and rented for a year rurally. It was just bloody awkward, and we had a lower quality of life.

Try a smaller house within easier distance of school, public transport, sports and friends.

It's OK when the kids are young, but as they get older it's horrible for kids to have to depend on lifts for everything. That at least was my experience.

BarryD2

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If you have never lived in the countryside, it will probably be a bigger culture shock to you than for your kids. If you're used to things being within walking distance, having to rely on your car might be a big change for you. What you and your OH will find yourselves doing a lot more of is ferrying your kids around in the car.

This is true and a trade off to be considered. No doubt that you'll run up a lot more miles and with a general government policy to centralise public services, you'll travel further to access them as well. On top of which, the same government will tell you're driving too much and should pay lots of extra dosh in carbon taxes on fuel.

That said, exchanged concrete suburbia for rural life many years ago and never regretted it.

Ardent

I think you are completely over-thinking things.

We moved out from Dublin city centre to rural Kildare 3 years ago. Kids are quite young, started school proper last month. They are loving life here so far, as are we. Lovely house, peaceful existence, great neighbours, lots of space to play, etc.

Made the decision to move here FOR the kids. Much better than growing up in a ****ty part of Dublin IMO.

Maybe they will feel differently about things when they become teenagers but for now it was absolutely the right move.

NIMAN

There will be plenty to do even after school, there will be no danger of him being left out of things.

Unless intentionally.

We live rurally, and kids have things most days after school and also at weekends.

In fact at times I wish they had less!

awec

NIMAN wrote: »

There will be plenty to do even after school, there will be no danger of him being left out of things.

Unless intentionally.

We live rurally, and kids have things most days after school and also at weekends.

In fact at times I wish they had less!

And how do they get to these things?

nutjobb

Just an observation from my own experience. Out of my group of friends we were all country lads and now art age 29 I can say it's clear that compared to the guys from the town we turned out a lot more successful in terms of jobs/careers.
Even the lads that dropped out at 16 and did trades, alot of em went out on their on and started their own business and are making good money. Other guys went to college and followed the money to the city where as the town lads are still in town doing the small town jobs with less ambition.

notobtuse

I live in the US. We bought a house in the countryside when our daughters were 5 and 1. Our closest neighbors are a cornfield, deer, bear, coyote and turkeys. It has been an overall good experience and kept them out of trouble that often comes with living in a town or city. One just graduated college, summa cum laude, with a degree in mathematics and the other just started college in a scholars legal program. They made a few friends around the area but we had to drive them everywhere. Expect them to join a lot of extracurricular activities or sports because the want to be doing things with friends. You just need to expect to be the taxi service in order to enjoy the country experience.

rocheyy

rocheyy wrote: »

So, currently house hunting. It's within the south east and I myself come from the town so always had other children around to play with.

We found a house that we really like but it's very secluded. I worry that this isn't fair on my son. With the isolation, I feel that it will have an affect on him being social and having friends.

Have people experience with a similar situation or am I only over thinkig it. I most certainly will be bringing him to sports training and events in the town.

Having reared my two in a rural area, I’d say that you’ve nothing to worry about. They’re still friends with the kids they went to playschool with. They went to the local primary and secondary schools. Luckily their friends mums were very open to sharing after school care and activities. It takes a bit of organising, but they didn’t miss out on anything. They both learned to drive as soon as they could and were able to drive themselves to some of their activities.
Getting to know your neighbours and especially classmates parents is invaluable.

RedXIV

If it's only a few km to the town, you'd be surprised how quick kids will adapt to a longer walk. I move as a 10yr old from smack in the middle of a town to about 3km outside it. Within a few months, walking to town was no big deal. Got a bike then around 14 and cycling from home to the next town which was an extra 5km was also pretty normal.

If your kids are still very young, yes you will be needed a bit more for ferrying but rural upbringing is hardly the sentence many are describing here

LirW

Kids are going to be fine but make sure they're integrated properly. Neighbourhood contacts are worth a lot, getting them involved in some activities is so important too.

That said, think of the future. Not saying this because it's a good or a bad thing but more of a preference and definitely something to think about: Depending on where you live and what activities your kids wanna do you will be signing up to be a taxi service until they're driving themselves. I spend a good chunk of the week driving my son around because the closest school is 5km away (our village doesn't have one), one class is 20km away, football requires driving county wide, rugby is 25km away and also requires driving for games.
And once they get older and want to hang out with friends you'll be dropping them places.
As long as you're aware of this and have no problem with it it's grand. Personally I have phases where it gets old and I'd rather not but it's part and parcel of rural life.

AulWan

While living somewhere rural sounds idyllic, what would happen if for some reason, your kids didn't get on with the other local kids or in the local schools?

I know so many parents who've had to change school for bullying or other reasons.

So I would say look for somewhere where there will be more then one option for school if for any reason, you need to move schools at any stage.

Baseball72

Maybe not quite the same scenario but we moved from south Dublin to the south east when the kids were small. In our case it was a bad decision for all concerned. Isolation, having to drive everywhere - generally driving a fair distance as well. I always advise people to view the house on a bleak afternoon in late November and if that doesn't put you off, then maybe it's for you. Unless you are born and reared and settled in a rural area, the country is no place to grow old in. Fortunate to be back in suburbia - which of course has its own challenges but still far preferable - just my own opinion and experience.

Macha

Yup, we lived about 2 hours from Dublin (via Dublin bus) and I spent my life on that damn bus. Sometimes it just wouldn't come and my dad would very begrudgingly drive me up to get a closer bus or DART.

I was always begging friends for favours to let me stay at their place when we wanted to go out and to be honest, I sometimes got myself into some awkward situations where I wasn't 100% safe.

It took forever to get home from school so I felt like I had done a full working day plus then dinner, homework and straight to bed! I hated it.

The cost of owning and running an extra car really adds up, plus the environmental impact of driving everywhere is not great.

NSAman

Grew up in the middle of nowhere. We were the only house in the town land. I had more freedom, more friends and more fun than when my parents moved us back to the town.

Town although it has more things to do, I could not settle at all and missed my friends...who are still friends to this day ALL these years later.

I currently live in the middle of No where and LOVE it. Mine are grown and gone but LOVE the rural area I moved to in the US. We as a family love the countryside, so recently we bought (well I bought) a rural home in Ireland again for my retirement (while keeping the town house for visitors).

I will agree, enrolling the kids in the local school is a very important part of their social life and yours.

I will also agree with the person who said the rural kids are higher achievers ( most of my friends are in very good jobs and all are university grads) smaller schools with more teacher attention is very appealing and good for creating good study patterns for later life.

uck51js9zml2yt

Moved from the city to a rural area. Watching the kids out playing in the field and being safe is great.
Best thing we ever did

krissovo

Macha wrote: »

Yup, we lived about 2 hours from Dublin (via Dublin bus) and I spent my life on that damn bus. Sometimes it just wouldn't come and my dad would very begrudgingly drive me up to get a closer bus or DART.

I was always begging friends for favours to let me stay at their place when we wanted to go out and to be honest, I sometimes got myself into some awkward situations where I wasn't 100% safe.

It took forever to get home from school so I felt like I had done a full working day plus then dinner, homework and straight to bed! I hated it.

The cost of owning and running an extra car really adds up, plus the environmental impact of driving everywhere is not great.

This makes no sense what so ever, 2+ hours to school. The only scenarios here is going to a private school or decent public school that you already attended before moving. There is not a rural location in our small country where access to a school is more than 1 hour away. In our rural areas most have busses that collect the children and take them to school.

Also there is not more environmental impact, I guarantee that 2 car families are just as popular in towns and cities. Look at any town school run, they drive literally hundreds of meters to school with a cold engine spewing out twice the crap as they never get warm and they all bought diesels where the filters do not work unless you do serious mileage. Some of us culchies even drive electric cars, my village now has a healthy population of leafs, bmws an even a Tesla appearing. They are perfect to get the kids from a to b and we are cute enough to buy them because we do not have to compete with the rest of the estate for fancy cars and save a tone of money.

I would argue we have better quality teachers in rural schools as well, the league tables indicate that once you take off the private schools rural schools do very well. The bottom of any league table is inner city schools.

Wanderer78

I don't think this act is cruel at all, in fact it could very well be the best thing for your family, be prepared to do a lot of driving though. Best of luck with it

Graces7

Baseball72 wrote: »

Maybe not quite the same scenario but we moved from south Dublin to the south east when the kids were small. In our case it was a bad decision for all concerned. Isolation, having to drive everywhere - generally driving a fair distance as well. I always advise people to view the house on a bleak afternoon in late November and if that doesn't put you off, then maybe it's for you.

Unless you are born and reared and settled in a rural area, the country is no place to grow old in.

Fortunate to be back in suburbia - which of course has its own challenges but still far preferable - just my own opinion and experience.

I have not found that to be true. Raised and lived urban then gravitated to as deep remote rural as I could, and am happier growing old out here

We are each and all different as you rightly say; there are no hard and fast rules