Buying house in rural area, is it cruel on childen

machaseh

I grew up in a small town in rural Netherlands and I honestly didn't really mind it that much, I could walk to the grocery store and could bike to school and various activities. When I went to university I just moved out as the nearest one with my education was 3 hours by public transportation one-way.

I knew plenty kids that lived much further out without any nearby shops and thats fine too as long as both parents can drive a car to shuttle the kids around. If you can afford only one car which you use to go to work I wouldnt do it.

Me mam was nearly blind so my father had to do all the driving, it was only doable because we at least had some walking/bike distance amenities close by which me mam could access while my father was at work. For anything farther out we were dependent on the evenings and weekends when my father was there with the car.

Mad_maxx

Whether or not the OP is from the area or at least is of local "stock" is important

Rural people can be unbelievably clannish, our neighbours won't bid us the time of day despite their two kids being exactly the same age as ours

machaseh

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Whether or not the OP is from the area or at least is of local "stock" is important

Rural people can be unbelievably clannish, our neighbours won't bid us the time of day despite their two kids being exactly the same age as ours

As someone who's from a rural community (albeit not in ireland) I find that city folks often overestimate the close mindedness of rural communities.

What we rural people dont like, is people moving into our area without any form of participation in local life at all. In my area in rural netherlands specifically we had many Belgian people moving in from across the border and they would send their kids to schools in Belgium, would work in Belgium, would have all their social life in Belgium without any form of interaction with the local community and that is what we didnt like.

If you go to your local pubs, if applicable attend a local church, send your kids to the local football club or GAA, send your kids to local schools, perhaps get involved in the local community with some volunteering etc. Then you will find that any rural folks would accept you in no-time at all.

A small minority of the Belgians in our area did exactly just that and they were very much loved and respected unlike those who used our area only as a location where they could cheaply buy a house and commute back to belgium every day.

Plumbthedepths

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Whether or not the OP is from the area or at least is of local "stock" is important

Rural people can be unbelievably clannish, our neighbours won't bid us the time of day despite their two kids being exactly the same age as ours

We moved to the countryside 15 years, from the moment we moved here we felt welcomed but you have to make an effort to be part of the community. Get involved, participate join local clubs.
If your neighbours don't want to bid you the time of day I would think there's more to it than 'blow in syndrome'.

Baybay

We have two (now older) children who were brought up in the country/sea side.
Local primary school in walkable distance as they got older, albeit a bit on the hilly side for the walk home. Similarly local shop, pub, church, beach, golf.
Midway between two local towns, 10km in either direction away, for second level, shopping centres, cinemas, restaurants, banks, libraries.

Big, oldish house with prefect sized garden for football, basketball, hide & seek, tree climbing, tadpole pond, rabbits, pheasants, foxes, apples trees etc.

A bit of organisation & a freezer meant few unexpected dashes to shops.

High points: the whole of both of their classes could come back after school, particularly on Fridays for 15 or 16 aside matches! (Another advantage is small class sizes!)
But also, and I accept this may say more about me but I had an element of control over who my children were friends with as I did the collecting & dropping or the sharing of same.

We have since moved house after nearly twenty two years. Not because we fell out of love with where we were or the country side etc but simply because our circumstances changed. We no longer need the big garden so instead of a joy, it became a chore. We are abroad a lot so a lock up & leave scenario became important for us. We now live in town but I still shop once a week despite being in walking distance to all the conveniences & we still make great use of the freezer!

Mango Joe

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

We moved to the countryside 15 years, from the moment we moved here we felt welcomed but you have to make an effort to be part of the community. Get involved, participate join local clubs.
If your neighbours don't want to bid you the time of day I would think there's more to it than 'blow in syndrome'.

I think its fairer to give Mad Max the benefit of the doubt and assume these people aren't unfriendly just because they're rural people (as he puts it) or because he somehow offended them...

It's much more likely that they're ignorant pricks who just so happen to live in a rural area.

Mad_maxx

machaseh wrote: »

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Whether or not the OP is from the area or at least is of local "stock" is important

Rural people can be unbelievably clannish, our neighbours won't bid us the time of day despite their two kids being exactly the same age as ours

As someone who's from a rural community (albeit not in ireland) I find that city folks often overestimate the close mindedness of rural communities.

What we rural people dont like, is people moving into our area without any form of participation in local life at all. In my area in rural netherlands specifically we had many Belgian people moving in from across the border and they would send their kids to schools in Belgium, would work in Belgium, would have all their social life in Belgium without any form of interaction with the local community and that is what we didnt like.

If you go to your local pubs, if applicable attend a local church, send your kids to the local football club or GAA, send your kids to local schools, perhaps get involved in the local community with some volunteering etc. Then you will find that any rural folks would accept you in no-time at all.

A small minority of the Belgians in our area did exactly just that and they were very much loved and respected unlike those who used our area only as a location where they could cheaply buy a house and commute back to belgium every day.

I went to the pubs in the local community for several years, once the long term patrons had collected all the facts ( and they feel very entitled to them indeed), they stopped talking to me altogether

BarryD2

awec wrote: »

I think most people, when they say they want to move from urban life to the quiet countryside, are really after a happy medium. A house on the edge of a village, versus a house in the middle of nowhere.

I think you maybe right there and it's why we get ribbon development of towns & villages, one off housing etc.

machaseh

Mad_maxx wrote: »

I went to the pubs in the local community for several years, once the long term patrons had collected all the facts ( and they feel very entitled to them indeed), they stopped talking to me altogether

There's probably more sides to this story than you are presenting.

Mad_maxx

machaseh wrote: »

Mad_maxx wrote: »

I went to the pubs in the local community for several years, once the long term patrons had collected all the facts ( and they feel very entitled to them indeed), they stopped talking to me altogether

There's probably more sides to this story than you are presenting.

The funny thing about that is there is nothing i could say which would disprove what you said.

I guess folks will just have to take what i said at face value as usually happens with anonymous forums

Plumbthedepths

machaseh wrote: »

There's probably more sides to this story than you are presenting.

My take aswell, totally at odds with my experience and that of another family member of mine who also moved to a rural location.

Wesser

I dont think it is 'cruel' but he may resent it when he is a teenager as he cannot be independent ie cant hang out with friends... need a car to get anywhere.... cant get a car as lessons/ insurance too expensive.

It probably will end up being cruel on you essentially acting as a taxi driver until he is 21.....

i would try and stick near a town if i were you as it save you alot of work in tje long term. otherwise you will feel guilty forever and end up a slave to being his taxi driver.

Conall Cernach

I suppose it depends on how the OP defines "secluded". I grew up in the country 6 miles from the nearest town and 2 miles from the nearest village. I still had neighbours and my best friend lived a field away. If we wanted to hang around with others we hacked across the fields to the village. We went to the village school for primary and got the bus to town for secondary. I thought I had a pretty good childhood.

My brother, having lived in Dublin for years, moved out into the arse end of nowhere in the midlands. He is 6 miles form the nearest village and the nearest town isn't exactly Mega City One. He's pondering moving to a country town where he can have some of the amenities without the big city problems.

Graces7

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

The hogwash I see on these urban v rural threads never ceases to surprise me.

It is that word " sacrifices" that concerns. As if a change is a sacrifice and not just a change? A negative approach. closed to different things?

Donnielighto

awec wrote: »

Will the child be more lonely than if they lived around other children? Of course.

Is it possible to counter this loneliness? Of course, but will require a lot of effort on the part of the parents, and even then it will not be the same.

But this is completely normal for lots of kids in Ireland.

They won't be lonely,, child will be used to their own company of it isn't a change but always there.

Macha

krissovo wrote: »

This makes no sense what so ever, 2+ hours to school. The only scenarios here is going to a private school or decent public school that you already attended before moving. There is not a rural location in our small country where access to a school is more than 1 hour away. In our rural areas most have busses that collect the children and take them to school.

Also there is not more environmental impact, I guarantee that 2 car families are just as popular in towns and cities. Look at any town school run, they drive literally hundreds of meters to school with a cold engine spewing out twice the crap as they never get warm and they all bought diesels where the filters do not work unless you do serious mileage. Some of us culchies even drive electric cars, my village now has a healthy population of leafs, bmws an even a Tesla appearing. They are perfect to get the kids from a to b and we are cute enough to buy them because we do not have to compete with the rest of the estate for fancy cars and save a tone of money.

I would argue we have better quality teachers in rural schools as well, the league tables indicate that once you take off the private schools rural schools do very well. The bottom of any league table is inner city schools.

I didn't grow up in Ireland, I grew up abroad. When I came back to Ireland at age 10, I was in boarding school for 4 years and then my parents bought a house in the sticks. It didn't make sense to move us to another school for just 3 years, especially as we were already not particularly familiar with everything. No, it was not an ideal situation but as a teenager it was entirely crap.

Agree on the townie cars but they will be easier to replace in future with decent public transport. That's just harder in rural areas due to economies of scale.

sparksfly

We bought a small cottage on 2 acres in a very rural part of Co Kildare when we were going out together. Its about 4KM from town but the road is extremely quiet, about 6 cars would pass our house on a busy day. The area is zero crime.
That was 33 years ago, we are since married with one daughter aged 24. I can honestly say that she never was at any disadvantage living in such a rural setting. Our house was always full of her friends who flocked out to us for the freedom and open space and often stayed overnight. They went cycling and camping out in summer and in winter piled into the sitting room with various activities to keep them occupied. We had no restrictions on her friends staying over.
Even still, after she moved out she loves coming home with her partner and many of their friends still stay over at weekends.
Sure, we and the other parents had a bit of taxi work to do in the early days but the safety and health aspects made up for it. Go for it.

cacaonibz

Growing up in rural area gives you a great perspective on life. Would prefer to start out in a secluded area and move to an urban area if desired rather than vice versa.

markpb

cacaonibz wrote: »

Growing up in rural area gives you a great perspective on life.

Such as?

pinkyeye

I moved from a very urban setting to a rural setting nearly 5 years ago now and I love it but then I love my own company or that of very close friends/family.

I brought my children up in an urban setting and I'm glad I did that, they had so many opportunities and are so street wise and hardy as a result. They're grown up now and love to come visit but definitely wouldn't live here if I paid them, far too quiet for young people.

In saying that it might be completely different if they were brought up here, we'll never know. But OP does mention there's only one child, I think it would be much harder for an only child to live in a very rural location.

Might be easier to be within walking/cycling distance of a village at least and some friends houses.

The one thing I would change if I was to move again is to make sure you have good broadband. Nothing can be done these days properly without it. Mine is terrible and I can cope by doing things in work but it's very frustrating.

pinkyeye

By the way I agree with other posters in the rural people can be very clannish, doesn't bother me because I don't need or want any more friends but could be isolating if you're a sociable person.

Another poster said you can solve this by going to the pub, the GAA, the church. What if you're not into any of these things???

YipeeDee

rocheyy wrote: »

So, currently house hunting. It's within the south east and I myself come from the town so always had other children around to play with.

We found a house that we really like but it's very secluded. I worry that this isn't fair on my son. With the isolation, I feel that it will have an affect on him being social and having friends.

Have people experience with a similar situation or am I only over thinkig it. I most certainly will be bringing him to sports training and events in the town.

Made the move from Dublin 20 years ago with our son to an isolated part of the countryside.
From literally the first day he started school there were kids up at the house.
Don’t worry about your son’s social life, this house has been full of our son’s friends ever since.
Sleepovers, fields to play in, tree house building, camping out, so much for them to do rather than being stuck inside in the town.
Now aged 20, and the lads are still around the house.
Better social life than I ever had in Dublin.
But be prepared for life as a taxi service as they get older.

Ms2011

pinkyeye wrote: »

Another poster said you can solve this by going to the pub, the GAA, the church. What if you're not into any of these things???

I took over looking after a flower bed at the side of my house but part of village after it's previous carer became too elderly and it had become completely over grown, never asked just happened organically.
I get great compliments on it from locals & they will often come over & chat if I'm there doing some tidying or pruning etc.

uck51js9zml2yt

YipeeDee wrote: »

Made the move from Dublin 20 years ago with our son to an isolated part of the countryside.
From literally the first day he started school there were kids up at the house.
Don’t worry about your son’s social life, this house has been full of our son’s friends ever since.
Sleepovers, fields to play in, tree house building, camping out, so much for them to do rather than being stuck inside in the town.
Now aged 20, and the lads are still around the house.
Better social life than I ever had in Dublin.
But be prepared for life as a taxi service as they get older.

Did the same. Moved out of Dublin to the country. Have 5 acres, our own veg and reasonably self sustainable which should improve as the years go on.
The kids can play outside safely. Have more friends here than they ever had and are doing more than they ever would have done.

10 minutes to town, 10 minutes to the beach.
Get to work faster than I ever did. Have more time with my family than ever.

Have views many in Dublin would kill for but could never afford.

CelticRambler

pinkyeye wrote: »

I brought my children up in an urban setting and I'm glad I did that, they had so many opportunities ...

Such as?

Here's a (partial) list of the opportunities my rural-reared children enjoyed:

weekly activities (number of children doing it): horse-riding (2), drama (1), children's choir (3), dancing (3), theatre/cinema (4), arts&crafts (4), more arts&crafts (4), photography (1), content-making for YouTube (2), MMORPG (2), archery (1), cycling (4), weekend fête/festival/outing (4), music (3), Mass (4), gardening (4), swimming (2), airsoft (1)

occasional, or tried and didn't pursue due to lack of time/interest: skiing, water-skiing, soccer, American football, judo, tennis, flying, sailing, canoeing, tree-felling, archaeological digging, off-road driving, hiking ...

The only "opportunity" I can think of that they didn't have was easy access to fast food ... so they all learnt to cook for themselves.

Funnily enough, I have no memory of being a taxi service during my children's childhood.

Sheep breeder

Live in rural area and have to agree kids get on and make friends that suit them. Our two are in secondary now and have gone through different friends in each step in school and have no problems making friends, our older one friends are made up of 3 from Poland and two townies and the two local village girls have no longer any interest to her, because they were into walking the village all day and starting to smoke etc and after two days of this she was fed up and rather be at home running around, gardening, farm work, and spending time messing about and doing sleep overs with her friends.
The kids in the country make their own fun and now with social media etc they are well tuned in.

NIMAN

awec wrote: »

And how do they get to these things?

They would be driven.

How do most city kids get to their football training, piano lessons, swimming etc? I'd say in 99% of cases, they are driven too.

shamrock55

Great for kids, invite friends over, think of the freedom and adventure they'll have

NIMAN

I don't see any stunted development in my kids for living rurally.

They have something on for maybe 5 out of 7 days/nights.
They regularly have friends round or go visiting.

We have big gardens, loads of room to play. Don't see how it would be any better in a city?

pwurple

shamrock55 wrote: »

Great for kids, invite friends over, think of the freedom and adventure they'll have

I think that’s a matter of perception. For me in the country there is a lack of freedom for children. You have to plan, invite people over etc.

In a town, it’s just walk a couple of yards next door to the buddies, or 100m down the street for a game of tennis or football. No planning needed, just see who is around, no permission or arrangement needed. Not limited to the few activities, larger range of sport, art , music. That is the freedom, and some parts of the cities are great for it. I don’t know Dublin well, but dun laoghaire would have that, or Blackrock in Cork.


The ideal is walking distance to community facilities, and this is where suburban planning has failed a bit. In countryside towns, you are much nearer to the GAA club or other facilities than you would be in a commuter belt. In the older parts of cities you are usually well served for facilities in walking distance too. Country towns are super places to live.


In some of the badly planned housing estates, with no green, no playground, and nothing else to do, it can be a cultural wasteland where they all need to be driven around as well. If the choice is between that or a McMansion in a field, probably not much difference for kids long term.