Buying house in rural area, is it cruel on childen

Graces7

pinkyeye wrote: »

By the way I agree with other posters in the rural people can be very clannish, doesn't bother me because I don't need or want any more friends but could be isolating if you're a sociable person.

Another poster said you can solve this by going to the pub, the GAA, the church. What if you're not into any of these things???

It takes a long time. I am just starting to break the ice after 2 years here. One was a friend from the start is all.

In some places like here, folk are slow as often newcomers do not last.

And as you rightly say, depends on what you are seeking. I have enough here for my needs and wishes.

pwurple

pwurple wrote: »

. No planning needed, just see who is around, no permission or arrangement needed. .

This would be seen as a bad thing by many and a major advantage of living in the country, much easier to keep control over kids as they can’t just walk to street corners and hang around or go off with other kids to potentially cause trouble. Parents have a much better handle on where they are especially when they are teens etc.

Also many people in county areas are able to walk to friends houses and often country living people are living next door to their siblings who also have kids so they all play together etc.

Growing up in the country we could have done everything we wanted that any city person could do a lot of it within a 5 mile drive like soccer, GAA, music, youth club, horse riding etc. everything else 20 mins drive into the city with is a nothing drive and to be honest you would be into the city as quick as people living one side of the city would be across to the other side for activities like swimming which have very limited locations.

Overall though two things. Firstly some kids are doing far too many activities nowadays it’s taking over every evening of the week and it’s just way too much for themselves and their parents to have to be bringing them. Secondly people are kidding themselves thinking kids walk to most or any of their activities even if they live in the city or Suburb it’s just does not happen in the vast majority of cases they are driven regardless of where they live.

Id personally hate the thought of growing up anywhere but the country it was just brilliant and there was stuff I could do that no city kid could (learning to drive at about 8 years old for example and regularly driving on private property or fields from then on). Only place I’d bring up a child is the country also.

bee06

It depends on how rural you’re talking. I grew up in the country but 20 mins from Cork city. Never had any issues with it and neither did my brothers and sisters. My husband and I then built a house close to my parents so our two children will have the same. From a financial standpoint we are much better off living here than buying a house in the suburbs. We’ll have our mortgage paid off long before the kids go to college etc.

CelticRambler

pwurple wrote: »

For me in the country there is a lack of freedom for children. You have to plan, invite people over etc.

Adam Uptight Kindle wrote: »

some kids are doing far too many activities nowadays it’s taking over every evening of the week and it’s just way too much for themselves and their parents to have to be bringing them.

This idea that country dwellers are somehow more handicapped by planning than their town-living peers is bizarre. The vast majority of us live from week to week according to a combination of fixed obligations like work and school, and occasional appointments like visits to the doctor or taking the car in for a service.

My experience, looking on from the sidelines, is that my suburban siblings' children's lives are so packed with "opportunity" - i.e. all those after school activities - that their parents have every week planned to precision - and that includes inviting people over.

I would argue that this takes freedom away from my nephews and nieces: they are constantly coming in from, or getting ready to go to, some organised activity. Yes, they've got a green outside with a dozen children from the estate, and a SuperValu down the road where they can hang around outside, but they're lucky if they get time to do that more than once a week.

When they come to stay with me, they (re)discover what it really means to be able to do things spontaneously (which usually involves spending several hours making/building/preparing whatever it is they need to do whatever it was they decided to do).

The J Stands for Jay

Purple Mountain wrote: »

What about the 4 million odd children who grew up in the countryside?

Didn't most of those 4 million grow up in towns and villages rather than I mcmansions in the middle of nowhere?

Hillman2020

As a twenty something who grew up in a 'one-off' in the countryside, please listen to me when I tell you it was a miserable way to grow up. While most of my peers spent their after-school time outside kicking around a ball, hanging out playing games or whatever I was stuck inside bored out of my mind and lonely. And yes, I did plenty of after-school activities (which my parents had to taxi me back and forward to) but I barely got the chance to play with kids my own age without it being a supervised activity.

Getting lifts back and forward to each other's houses is fine when you're under nine but after that who wants to be driven everywhere by the parents. It was a hard sell to get anyone to get their parents to drive them to my house (when there was nothing to do there except play the playstation/watch TV). The plan was I could get a car when I was 16 but that is a massive expense (and you have to do 12 lessons/pass the test of course) and once 'nights out' become a thing when you're 18+ that's a whole other minefield of how to get home (taxi's are scarce in the vast majority of places).

The other guys/gals I went to school with it that lived in similar situations are all very quiet and not very street-wise. I cannot emphasise enough how restricting and depressing it was living somewhere where everything's a drive away. No doubt if you asked my parents they'd tell you I loved it despite the daily screaming matches. From a first-hand perspective, I'd advise you not to do it.

Hillman2020

Hillman2020 wrote: »

As a twenty something who grew up in a 'one-off' in the countryside, please listen to me when I tell you it was a miserable way to grow up. While most of my peers spent their after-school time outside kicking around a ball, hanging out playing games or whatever I was stuck inside bored out of my mind and lonely. And yes, I did plenty of after-school activities (which my parents had to taxi me back and forward to) but I barely got the chance to play with kids my own age without it being a supervised activity.

Getting lifts back and forward to each other's houses is fine when you're under nine but after that who wants to be driven everywhere by the parents. It was a hard sell to get anyone to get their parents to drive them to my house (when there was nothing to do there except play the playstation/watch TV). The plan was I could get a car when I was 16 but that is a massive expense (and you have to do 12 lessons/pass the test of course) and once 'nights out' become a thing when you're 18+ that's a whole other minefield of how to get home (taxi's are scarce in the vast majority of places).

The other guys/gals I went to school with it that lived in similar situations are all very quiet and not very street-wise. I cannot emphasise enough how restricting and depressing it was living somewhere where everything's a drive away. No doubt if you asked my parents they'd tell you I loved it despite the daily screaming matches. From a first-hand perspective, I'd advise you not to do it.

I would completely disagree with all of that as someone who grew up in a rural one off house, I wouldn’t change it for anything and would have hated growing up in an estate or city.

All of my friends grew up rurally also and like me they are all settling down rurally themselves also building their own houses etc and now wouldn’t dream of living in towns, estates or cities for bringing up their own families.

Caranica

Hillman2020 wrote: »

As a twenty something who grew up in a 'one-off' in the countryside, please listen to me when I tell you it was a miserable way to grow up.

Were you an only child?

The J Stands for Jay

I was lucky enough to grow up with the best of both worlds, in a housing estate on the edge of a town. An easy walk to all the town facilities, the city only half an hour away by bus, while on the other side, a hop over a barbed wire fence had you in a field with all the country shenanigans you could shake a stick at.

There's a few responses on here about all the activities that rural kids are brought to, and they all seem to be 'town' things (horses excepted). I had access to all of those, but was able to walk there myself instead of being driven. It was nice to have a bit of independence.

beauf

I think it would be very much pot luck if you have accessible friends, or access to the area around you to explore and play.

That's true of urban living as well as country side. You could be isolated in either environment, depending on circumstance.

Also depends of the age of everyone near by. You might be in a mature location where there are no kids, or you could be in place with lots of kids and young families.

Saying one is better than the other is too simple and can't possibly be true for everyone.

Ursus Horribilis

It really depends on your value system too. For some people, having shops/amenities close by is something they can't live without. For others, looking out the window at fields and not having to deal with neighbours is their idea of heaven. You can be just as lonely in a town as out in the countryside.

beauf

Social isolation is very common in todays modern life. Both in urban and rural life.

jester77

Adam Uptight Kindle wrote: »

I would completely disagree with all of that as someone who grew up in a rural one off house, I wouldn’t change it for anything and would have hated growing up in an estate or city.

All of my friends grew up rurally also and like me they are all settling down rurally themselves also building their own houses etc and now wouldn’t dream of living in towns, estates or cities for bringing up their own families.

Opposite for me. Not a single one of my friends I grew up with are living rurally. Same for family. All are living in a town or city or have emigrated.

DesperateDan

I am in the same situation in that we moved to the middle of nowhere because the other half loved the cottage and now we have a 2 month old.

Nearest village is a 10 min drive, town (Mullingar - 30 mins) pretty dangerous (tiny bendy country) road out the front, and there's only a handful of neighbours within walking distance.

I've lived 50/50 in the middle of nowhere and in villages. I have to say some of my fondest memories are doing random things with friends in those villages (meeting each other and hanging out until all hours etc.), so I am conscious my kid won't have that.

Also conscious of things like bike rides being a bit dodgy on our road, me not being into pubs / church / GAA so future relationships with locals being a little difficult, and generally my life becoming orientated around taxiing.

listermint

Hillman2020 wrote: »

As a twenty something who grew up in a 'one-off' in the countryside, please listen to me when I tell you it was a miserable way to grow up. While most of my peers spent their after-school time outside kicking around a ball, hanging out playing games or whatever I was stuck inside bored out of my mind and lonely. And yes, I did plenty of after-school activities (which my parents had to taxi me back and forward to) but I barely got the chance to play with kids my own age without it being a supervised activity.

Getting lifts back and forward to each other's houses is fine when you're under nine but after that who wants to be driven everywhere by the parents. It was a hard sell to get anyone to get their parents to drive them to my house (when there was nothing to do there except play the playstation/watch TV). The plan was I could get a car when I was 16 but that is a massive expense (and you have to do 12 lessons/pass the test of course) and once 'nights out' become a thing when you're 18+ that's a whole other minefield of how to get home (taxi's are scarce in the vast majority of places).

The other guys/gals I went to school with it that lived in similar situations are all very quiet and not very street-wise. I cannot emphasise enough how restricting and depressing it was living somewhere where everything's a drive away. No doubt if you asked my parents they'd tell you I loved it despite the daily screaming matches. From a first-hand perspective, I'd advise you not to do it.

Definite only child bang of this post.

pwurple

listermint wrote: »

Definite only child bang of this post.

How rude. You think there is something wrong with being an only child? Plenty of us have lost siblings or the ability to even have siblings due to bereavement etc.


I think the variables are so many... people here are saying they can walk to their neighbours in the countryside. We don’t know for the OP. some can’t some can.

People are saying they thing kids have nothing to do except hang around on street corners in the city. Somewhere that is true, some not.


The OP will have to look at the specifics of where they are choosing between... Can you walk or cycle to anything, or is it a busy road not safe for pedestrians or cyclists.
Are there local amenities for them to play.
How much will it cost you, in terms of transport, commuting, taxi-ing.
Are there peers locally.

Those questions apply no matter where you live.

beauf

Were I grew up was full of kids. But now it isn't. A kid moving there now will have a completely different experience to me.

Balf

beauf wrote: »

Social isolation is very common in todays modern life. Both in urban and rural life.

One of the more sensible contributions.

I suppose what folk need to ask themselves is whether isolation is helped by living in a rural location. There won't be one answer to that.

And I suppose folk also need to consider some of the wider debates out there, particularly as some others at least claim they're unaware of them. Whatever way people want to build these things into their decision is their own choice.

https://www.midlands103.com/news/midlands-news/westmeath-group-urging-government-to-consider-rural-ireland-in-carbon-tax-debate/

mariaalice

https://www.rte.ie/tv/programmes/1076971-raised-by-the-village/

Eric Cartman

It depends on what kind of parents you are too along with a lot of other factors.

if youre a helicopter parent who insists on knowing where the kids are and meeting all their friends parents , your kids are going to be miserable.

if youre prepared for when they become teens for them to go cycling off at night to go 6-7km away to the town / a friends house or them giving you a call on a whim that theyre going to be staying in a mates house and miss dinner then itll probably be ok.

it also depends how rural we're talking, if its within a distance that they could cycle to school/ the town when they become teens then I think theyll do a lot better than being fully dependant on you for the car.

Hillman2020

Caranica wrote: »

Were you an only child?

No, I wasn't only child, two younger brothers. We fought like cats and dogs because we only had each other most of the time. I don't what's worse, having no-one to kick around a ball with or having a brother three years younger than you (as a teen).

It was also another daily headache with school runs, activities and lifts back and forward to places multiplied by each child. I know this can happen in suburbs/urban areas as well but not to the degree of every single little thing requiring a car run.

The cycling thing was tried a few times but the road was just way too dangerous to be able to do it (and obviously when the evening gets shorter which is the majority of the school year.

Long and short of it, from someone whose lived it I can confirm the OP's idea that it's cruel on the children. Live somewhere where you're children can have independence and freedom to walk everywhere and everyone will be much happier imo.

Lumen

I know lots of kids living in semi-rural houses and none of them consider that they are being subject to cruelty or have difficulty maintaining friendships.

Partly that's due to technology, kids are chatting to their friends online for a couple of hours a day.

However, take away their WiFi and they would be on to the human rights commission in 24 hours.

We were fairly in the middle of nowhere but there happened to be a lot of children on my road around me and my brother's ages. Parents had to do a lot less taxiing and my main hobby was golf and dad was driving there anyway. Bicycles worked fine and I could do 25 miles some days visiting friends.

It wouldn't be the same now, though. Far fewer young people on that road. Same families and everyone has moved away. Depends where you end up I guess.

s7ryf3925pivug

We have a nice big garden with lots of room to play, which our toddler loves.

We're beside a field that has cows in it about half the time. When it does our garden is full of flies, which is gross.

We are outside the areas where smoky coal is banned, so sometimes there is coal smoke in the garden. We also often had smoke from backyard burning, which is common in rural areas, though this ceased after we complained to council about one and warned the other of the same.

Not cruel, I personally would have found it preferable as a kid and my kid definitely likes it so far. I definitely need to do something about all the flies though.

Lackey

rocheyy wrote: »

Should of been more specific. We both work in town and for more convenience (family members close by for collection) I suspect he will be going to school in town, another year or so to decide on schools.
.

I don’t think it would be a good idea to put him into school in town and live rurally
If your going to do this move then You should send him to the local school and integrate into the community.
Otherwise it’ll be very difficult for him to socialise, it’s fine when he’s younger everything is organised by parents but as he gets older it’ll be tough going.

markpb

Kaiya Savory Sportscaster wrote: »

We have a nice big garden with lots of room to play, which our toddler loves.

Toddlers are not the age group that it would affect.

uck51js9zml2yt

My kids were more isolated in Dublin than in the country.
They have more friends which they see after school, more activities and more freedom.
They do things which they would never have done in the city.

CelticRambler

Amina Quiet Tour wrote: »

They do things which they would never have done in the city.

That's for sure!

Some of my most memorable W-T-F??? parenting moments would not have happened if my sons had been living in Dublin ... :pac:

Then again, I've never heard my sister roar at a child as ferociously as she did when she saw her son standing on the windowsill of my childhood bedroom - on the outside of a first-floor window! :eek:

pburns

rocheyy wrote: »

So, currently house hunting. It's within the south east and I myself come from the town so always had other children around to play with.

We found a house that we really like but it's very secluded. I worry that this isn't fair on my son. With the isolation, I feel that it will have an affect on him being social and having friends.

Have people experience with a similar situation or am I only over thinkig it. I most certainly will be bringing him to sports training and events in the town.

I think the fact you're aware of the pitfalls means there won't be a problem. With a little bit of effort it'll be fine. In fact he could have the best of both worlds...

jlm29

rocheyy wrote: »

Should of been more specific. We both work in town and for more convenience (family members close by for collection) I suspect he will be going to school in town, another year or so to decide on schools.

It's a fear in which I've created from comparison to my childhood, which I know is wrong, but I think I could of been very lonely in an isolated area as I'm generally quiet and shy.

We are in this situation- our kids are in school 25 min from home, because of work, and school hours. Kids play GAA locally, have gotten to know the locals through that. I found it was actually more isolating for me initially, I didn’t know anyone. On my last mat leave, I made the effort to go to local mother and baby group. I also have gotten to know a lot of people through my kids playing gaa.
Your kids won’t know any different, so it’s not cruel at all, but you will need to be prepared to work a bit at integration, and as others have said, a bit more driving etc. I personally think that as your kids get a bit older, it’s useful for them to be a bit more dependant on lifts, it’s easier to track them!