Affair with Married Man (28yr/48yr)

never_mind

OP, you are facilitating the hurt of another woman - get out now before you really become ashamed of yourself.

Anna2834

Really interesting thread...

I will tell you about a "friend" of mine....who absolutely loves men...be it married or single...if she likes you....you will be her's (I am actually being serious here).

She is in her late 40's actually she will be 50 soon...but she is one hell of a great looking 50 year old...I mean she would put 20/30 year old's to shame...

Her job allows her to meet a lot of men and I mean a lot of men every day...

I'll tell you of one single story (there are several) where she met a married man who was absolutely besotted by her....he was about 18 years younger with a wife, child and another one on the way...

She loved the attention and the s&x she advised was absolutely brilliant, couldn't keep their hands off each other, be it work, her place or a hotel. All was "fine" for about 1.5 years...until the wife found out. And trust me the wife always finds out...

Lets just say that my "friend" almost ended up in ER as the wife got in contact with her...it was not a pleasant month for all involved. It still hasn't stopped her as she went on to have other affairs with married men...but they all ended and none left their wife.

The moral of the story is...you will always be left on the outside, same as my "friend".

Don't be the reason a marriage ends (if it ends). It's just not worth it...

AulWan

OP_here wrote: »

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me. Reason being, he is constantly telling me how 'sweet' and 'kind' I am, and he is essentially risking his marriage by spending time with me, which surely demonstrates that he really trusts me? He also added me on both Facebook and Instagram, which is an usual thing to do for someone who is trying to be discreet. Similarly, when we go out for meals, he wears his wedding ring. This makes me feel quite awkward as I have seen people next to us look at it and then look at me. Why would he do this by the way? Lastly, he tells me I can text him any time, any day, even when he is with his wife. I never do (obviously), but how can he be this relaxed? They must have a rather unusual relationship.

It may be that he doesn't have to hide because they have an open relationship.

My aunt and uncle had a arrangement. They were married but each had "affairs" with other people from time to time. It's more common in Europe.

He will never leave his wife, and she will ignore your existence because you are no threat to her or their marriage.

AlphabetCards

Crazydecision1234 wrote: »

Formerly married man here who had a family of 3 children & a stay at home wife who was the love of my life. Some guy thought it would be nice to sweet talk her online while I was working, this resulted in a full blown affair which I knew nothing about until she looked for a divorce.....the emotional & financial costs of this to me alone can’t be articulated, my childrens’ lives are forever changed, one of them needs regular visits to a child psychologist. We lost our beautiful family home, I lost half my friends as families end up splitting and taking sides so my sisters-in-law and parents in-law disappeared from my life, they were embarrassed.
Sure it was only a bit of fun for this guy who reeled her in...3 months after leaving me he dumped her and left her in her own!
Cheating with a married person hurts many many people & destroys lives, you won’t be an anonymous person, if he’s found out you will have families on both sides with tremendous bitterness towards you if it causes the destruction I experienced.

Walk away, that’s my advice, but sadly you’ve crossed the line already and seem to have zero empathy for the lives you are harming.

You do realise that your analogy of OP to the bloke who stole your wife literally shows the OP that she will suffer none of the consequences, and that she can come out of this on top?

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Anna2834 wrote: »

Really interesting thread...

I will tell you about a "friend" of mine....who absolutely loves men...be it married or single...if she likes you....you will be her's (I am actually being serious here).

She is in her late 40's actually she will be 50 soon...but she is one hell of a great looking 50 year old...I mean she would put 20/30 year old's to shame...

Her job allows her to meet a lot of men and I mean a lot of men every day...

I'll tell you of one single story (there are several) where she met a married man who was absolutely besotted by her....he was about 18 years younger with a wife, child and another one on the way...

She loved the attention and the s&x she advised was absolutely brilliant, couldn't keep their hands off each other, be it work, her place or a hotel. All was "fine" for about 1.5 years...until the wife found out. And trust me the wife always finds out...

Lets just say that my "friend" almost ended up in ER as the wife got in contact with her...it was not a pleasant month for all involved. It still hasn't stopped her as she went on to have other affairs with married men...but they all ended and none left their wife.

The moral of the story is...you will always be left on the outside, same as my "friend".

Don't be the reason a marriage ends (if it ends). It's just not worth it...

It's just one big ego stroke on both sides really, the reality is that it screams of low self esteem and insecurity. Rare to find happiness in these situations.

She might end up very lonely and on the shelf after a while.

lunamoon

The fact that he wears his ring, tells you to text him anytime and brings out of publicly for dinners/lunches etc just shows how little respect he has for his wife. He doesn't care if he gets caught. He probably knows she won't leave him and he'll never leave her either.

You are his bit on the side and you're the one who'll end up on the scrape heap.

Anna2834

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

It's just one big ego stroke on both sides really, the reality is that it screams of low self esteem and insecurity. Rare to find happiness in these situations.

She might end up very lonely and on the shelf after a while.

Oh she's old enough to realize what she wants from life...I am no one's moral compass, even though I did try. I do agree with you and I'd say she knows that too.

emo72

You're only 28. Why pick a relationship that can only end in tears. Your actually robbing yourself of a chance of happiness.

Jaysus 28, your only starting out. The sands of time don't move that fast!

Naggdefy

Anna2834 wrote: »

Really interesting thread...

I will tell you about a "friend" of mine....who absolutely loves men...be it married or single...if she likes you....you will be her's (I am actually being serious here).

That's rubbish. There's no woman or man who can have anyone. There's a large group of men and women who are, loyal, family orientated and won't cheat. No matter what she looks like at 50, superficial beauty is skin deep, real beauty goes a lot deeper.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Naggdefy wrote: »

That's rubbish. There's no woman or man who can have anyone. There's a large group of men and women who are, loyal, family orientated and won't cheat. No matter what she looks like at 50, superficial beauty is skin deep, real beauty goes a lot deeper.

You'd actually be surprised the lengths that some people will go to to get what they want.

Being loyal and trustworthy in nature doesn't mean they might be completely immune to an attractive woman who's probably willing to stop at nothing to get what she wants.

And yes agree good looks will only get you so far in life, which probably partly explains her behaviour.

Naggdefy

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

You'd actually be surprised the lengths that some people will go to to get what they want.

Being loyal and trustworthy in nature doesn't mean they might be completely immune to an attractive woman who's probably willing to stop at nothing to get what she wants.

And yes agree good looks will only get you so far in life, which probably partly explains her behaviour.

Personally I don't care if Shakira came after me in the morning, I'm happy with who I'm with

Helluvakind

Whatever makes you happy, you aren’t the one cheating but you are the most likely one to end up alone in the end. Enjoy the ride but be sure to keep your options open

sportsfan90

I know someone in a similar situation as OP.

She has an on-again off-again relationship with the father of her toddler while the man she's having the affair with is married with very young kids and is 18 years older than her.

I'm not friends with her but unfortunately I occasionally end up in her presence. I just can't look at her the same way without thinking how unbelievably selfish she is (obviously the man is too but I don't know him).

She has lost friends over it and when she gets lonely with no friends to turn to, she would text him looking to hook up. Last I heard he has now banned her from contacting him in case his wife sees the message and that only he can be the one who texts her first, which is once every few weeks.

She actually believes they're going to end up together. I cant decide if she's more stupid or selfish.

OP, do the right thing and walk away.

kylith

emo72 wrote: »

You're only 28. Why pick a relationship that can only end in tears. Your actually robbing yourself of a chance of happiness.

Jaysus 28, your only starting out. The sands of time don't move that fast!

100% this. OP, while you're mooning after this prick you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to meet someone who actually does care about you and want to be with you. Why would you do that to yourself?

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

You'd actually be surprised the lengths that some people will go to to get what they want.

Being loyal and trustworthy in nature doesn't mean they might be completely immune to an attractive woman who's probably willing to stop at nothing to get what she wants.

What does that even mean? You can't badger someone into having an affair with you unless they actually want to.

Lesalare

I really don't think the OP will reply to this thread again...

leggo

Lads the OP wasn’t the person your exes cheated with, so taking it out on her when she’s looking for help achieves precisely nothing. I know being cheated on sucks, it’s happened to me too, but you don’t right that wrong by dressing down randomers who’ve done nothing to you when they’re struggling.

Rosepetals85

I don’t want to sound harsh but you are naive and he knows this. Of course he is going to wine and dine you and tell you what you want to hear... how else would he get you into bed. A man like that would make my skin crawl. He doesn’t think much of you wearing his wedding ring. If his marriage was on the “rocks” why would his wife move here but I’m sure he has a lie to back that up.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

leggo wrote: »

Lads the OP wasn’t the person your exes cheated with, so taking it out on her when she’s looking for help achieves precisely nothing. I know being cheated on sucks, it’s happened to me too, but you don’t right that wrong by dressing down randomers who’ve done nothing to you when they’re struggling.

To be honest I don't think anyone has given her a dressing down, solid honest advice more like.

She specifically asked 'Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did it end?'

tastyt

The next couple of times you meet up, tell him you're a bit tired and not really in the mood for sex.

See where the spark goes then.....

leggo

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

To be honest I don't think anyone has given her a dressing down, solid honest advice more like.

Are you sure though?

sallyanne12 wrote: »

OP youre a wicked woman and so selfish.

This post got loads of thanks.

zapper55 wrote: »

Or the OP could show some respect for herself, not request items in return for sex which would make her a hooker, and just get out of dodge.

NewMan1982 wrote: »

OP. Do you have no morals or integrity?

This was all found with a quick scan, I could go on I'm sure.

The reality is if someone cheats on their spouse, it's THEIR fault and not the person they cheated with. It's easier to lambaste a mysterious stranger and imagine they're the enemy and that your partner was just misguided and truly loved you...I get it. But it's not true. If your exes didn't cheat with that specific individual, they'd have cheated with someone else, and the most likely scenario is that the person they cheated with is someone similar to yourselves that just fell for the same thing you did without realising they were falling for a scumbag (or rationalising/believing their lies). Laying out your own story of heartbreak and asking the OP to prevent something like that from happening is a totally pointless exercise because the OP has zero control over whether this lad cheats on his wife or not. It's just laying guilt on for the sake of it.

So trying to take it out on them (someone posted about how ugly the person their ex cheated on them with was, for example, IIRC) while letting the ex off the hook is delusional and not actually helping yourself. That's the kind of logic that sees one partner who was cheated on walk straight into the arms of someone else who'll hurt them just as badly.

And you know what else helps nobody? Lashing out at someone who was 'the other woman' in a relationship that doesn't even involve you! You're just doing that for your own catharsis. It changes literally nothing except you felt better for about 2.5 seconds and made another person, who's struggling, feel worse about themselves.

Anna2834

Naggdefy wrote: »

That's rubbish. There's no woman or man who can have anyone. There's a large group of men and women who are, loyal, family orientated and won't cheat. No matter what she looks like at 50, superficial beauty is skin deep, real beauty goes a lot deeper.

Unfortunately its not. Fringegirl put it very nicely....and I agree with her.

I also agree with you that superficial beauty is skin deep but hey that's life.

sallyanne12

leggo wrote: »

Lads the OP wasn’t the person your exes cheated with, so taking it out on her when she’s looking for help achieves precisely nothing. I know being cheated on sucks, it’s happened to me too, but you don’t right that wrong by dressing down randomers who’ve done nothing to you when they’re struggling.

I agree with you Leggo that the OP wasnt the person our exes cheated on us with. But we are being compassionate and not selfish, unlike a lot of people who are only out for themselves. The person who the OP is cheating on is a person with feelings, somebodys daughter, somebody's friend. We are supposed to love and care for each other as people not hurt and betray. I just feel if people like the OP stopped going for married men, less people would get hurt. I have no sympathy for the OP. She knew what she was doing. It wasn't like he lied to her, he was upfront about loving his wife and she continued. She's an incredibly selfish person and frankly deserves to be hurt (because even then she would only experience a fraction of the wife's pain) as maybe then she would see how it is wrong.
That said I agree that the man is a selfish a**hole too and would cheat with someone else if not the OP.
And to quote the OP " Initially I felt guilt, but now that has completely disappeared"
Ehhhhhh ok then....
I'm sure she felt guilt alright

leggo

I don't think you registered what I was saying at all: you went on a big rant about how the OP is a selfish person then tacked on at the end "Oh yeah and your man is an asshole too..."

No. He is the only arsehole in this. The OP never pledged to commit to his wife, he did.

I'm sorry you got cheated on. Like I said, I've had it happen myself and it sucks. I don't know you but I know that you didn't deserve that to happen to you. But the person who your partner cheated on you with is the not the one who wronged you, your ex is. And you can try deflect the pain of that away by directing all your rage at the other person, but it's not the truth of the matter. Your ex betrayed you, your ex rejected you, your ex didn't love/respect you enough to treat you better. That's what happened and that's why you're in pain and calling strangers on the Internet 'wicked women'. Nobody tempted and forced him to do it, he did it because he wanted to **** someone else. And, if it wasn't with the person he did cheat with, he likely would've done it with someone else because that was his attitude towards that relationship (or relationships in general).

Accepting that painful fact and holding the right person responsible - instead of deluding yourself that the random stranger they cheated with was the big bad in your life struggles - will help you recover from it fully. Lashing out at strangers and calling them names on the Internet when they're asking for help won't, it'll make you feel better for a few seconds and just continue the cycle of pain, simple.

LegacyUser

Leggo has hit the nail on the head for me. I posted here seeking constructive feedback, and although I did receive constructive advice in the beginning, the thread appears to have been derailed by women who seem incapable of parking their emotions and giving practical advice. One post lost all credibility in my eyes, and that is the post from the woman who stated that the woman whom her ex-partner cheated with was "ugly". I cannot see any relevance in a comment like that.

I do not feel guilty and I will explain why. I am not the cause of your partners cheating. I am not 'helping' them to cheat. If a man/woman seeks pleasure/company elsewhere, they are obviously not committed to you. It's not easy to find someone who you are compatible with, and I am merely giving this a shot (although, as I already stated in my OP, I do not believe for a second he will leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me) but do I believe he loves his wife? No, I don't.

I have made up my mind though and I am going to ask him straight out why he is pursuing me and ask him where he sees this going.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

OP_here wrote: »

Leggo has hit the nail on the head for me. I posted here seeking constructive feedback, and although I did receive constructive advice in the beginning, the thread appears to have been derailed by women who seem incapable of parking their emotions and giving practical advice. One post lost all credibility in my eyes, and that is the post from the woman who stated that the woman whom her ex-partner cheated with was "ugly". I cannot see any relevance in a comment like that.

I do not feel guilty and I will explain why. I am not the cause of your partners cheating. I am not 'helping' them to cheat. If a man/woman seeks pleasure/company elsewhere, they are obviously not committed to you. It's not easy to find someone who you are compatible with, and I am merely giving this a shot (although, as I already stated in my OP, I do not believe for a second he will leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me) but do I believe he loves his wife? No, I don't.

I have made up my mind though and I am going to ask him straight out why he is pursuing me and ask him where he sees this going.

I think you got some really good advice too, although maybe you aren't open to hearing it yet.

Do you really think he will be honest when you ask him? He told you repeatedly that he does in fact love his wife so either you believe him or not (as you said 'but do I believe he loves his wife? No, I don't.')

So either you don't believe him or he's a liar.

I do hope his wife accepts your above explanation when she arrives on your doorstep, don't be surprised if she finds it difficult to 'Park her emotions'.

Lesalare

OP_here wrote: »

One post lost all credibility in my eyes, and that is the post from the woman who stated that the woman whom her ex-partner cheated with was "ugly". I cannot see any relevance in a comment like that.

Because what that girl did with my ex utterly shattered me as a person for a very long time and the girl was ugly. She looked like a bloke. Sorry, but fact.

I don't give a rat's arse about my ex or her. I did find her repugnant that she would knowingly date a married man and stupidly put it on a social platform to 'gloat'. There's another example of 'ugliness' for you.

You say yourself it's hard for you to last long with any man you've dated so far and you find it hard to find someone you are compatible with. By your own admission you just come across as a gold-digger who is a bit dim.

Best of luck getting the answer you are desperately hoping for, as you say, you are in love with this guy so I'm guessing it will be devastating for you when you find out he probably won't be speaking to a divorce lawyer in the near future. Or perhaps not, sure you can just move onto your next one.

lunamoon

If you don't believe he'll leave his wife are you happy to be his side piece? And if so, how long? Do you want kids, marriage etc? If you do do you think he'll give that to you? If not, why continue with the 'relationship' when you could be out there finding someone who will give you those things.

I'd echo what someone else said here and tell him you're not interested in sex one night and see what happens. Might dawn on you then that that's all he's looking for from you.

bitofabind

Not that I'm condoning it for one second, but I kinda get the OP being blinded by her feelings and not seeing the bigger picture here in terms of the destruction and devastation her actions could cause. It it a bit selfish and short-sighted but it's also human. When we feel a rare connection with someone, we'll often ignore red flags and go into defence mode, and that "us against the world" thing can drive you further down the affair rabbit hole.

However OP - I'd encourage you to read all the emotive responses as an example of how this whole situation could blow up in real life if things escalate, with either this lad leaving his wife (unlikely) or her getting wind of the whole thing (more likely). This is the judgement you'll face. So you may think now - what have I got to lose? The answer is a lot. Your reputation, your self-respect, your emotional wellbeing if it's something people find out about. Ireland is a very small place, assuming that's where you live, and I've known situations where the mistress in these situations missed out on jobs, was disowned by families, essentially excommunicated from communities, etc. You might not feel guilty, but this is how society at large reacts to the "other woman". You don't get a free pass just because you weren't the one that made any vows.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

AnonymousOP wrote: »

Initially I felt guilt, but now that has completely disappeared.

I really wanted to get this off my chest. I am head over heels for this man. I am aware that my actions are irresponsible, and I know what he is doing is very disloyal to his wife

You are contradicting yourself...... so which is it because to me it sounds like you know what you are doing is wrong and this situation doesn't sit well with you either despite your emotional attachment to this man.

You've got plenty of advice and opinions and stories from others who have come across this type of situation.

I think you should take the time to consciously put yourself first here, really have a think about your own best interests.

blairbear

Lesalare wrote: »

Because what that girl did with my ex utterly shattered me as a person for a very long time and the girl was ugly. She looked like a bloke. Sorry, but fact.

I don't give a rat's arse about my ex or her. I did find her repugnant that she would knowingly date a married man and stupidly put it on a social platform to 'gloat'. There's another example of 'ugliness' for you.

You say yourself it's hard for you to last long with any man you've dated so far and you find it hard to find someone you are compatible with. By your own admission you just come across as a gold-digger who is a bit dim.

Best of luck getting the answer you are desperately hoping for, as you say, you are in love with this guy so I'm guessing it will be devastating for you when you find out he probably won't be speaking to a divorce lawyer in the near future. Or perhaps not, sure you can just move onto your next one.

This is just nasty tbh.

Where did the OP refer to herself in such a negative way?

OP, you need to think of yourself in this. He is the one cheating, not you. He is 48, not some poor innocent tempted by an evil seductress. He made the decision to cheat. And it is a decision. Not a mistake or a slip-up.

You will inevitably get hurt. Getting hurt is not the worst thing in the world. You'll heal and learn and meet someone else in time. I guess you have to decide whether you accept that this will turn into a catastrophe (it will, in some way) and deal with the fall out, or leave things right now, ghost him preferably and move on with your life.

I was with a man for 2 years who left his girlfriend of 8 years for me (no physical overlap but obviously we established that we had feelings.) He cheated on me many times too, I found out after our relationship ended. He is married now and I am sure he is likely unfaithful to her too. These people are quite constant in that regard.

davo2001

Maybe the older fella the OP is seeing is a Muslim and "permitted" to have multiple wives / partners? Where in the world is he from originally and where is the wife currently located?

Lesalare

blairbear wrote: »

This is just nasty tbh.

Where did the OP refer to herself in such a negative way?

If you re-read through the OP's posts she has stated:

"I have dated a countless number of men over the years (all around my own age) and I've still yet to find that 'spark' with someone. I've no problem meeting men (mind you it never goes beyond a few dates)"

"It's not easy to find someone who you are compatible with"

I'm sorry but at 28 I am sure most people shouldn't find it that hard to meet non-married people they can get on with and form a relationship with together.

blairbear

Lesalare wrote: »

If you re-read through the OP's posts she has stated:

"I have dated a countless number of men over the years (all around my own age) and I've still yet to find that 'spark' with someone. I've no problem meeting men (mind you it never goes beyond a few dates)"

"It's not easy to find someone who you are compatible with"

I'm sorry but at 28 I am sure most people shouldn't find it that hard to meet non-married people they can get on with and form a relationship with together.

She did not call herself dim or a gold digger.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

davo2001 wrote: »

Maybe the older fella the OP is seeing is a Muslim and "permitted" to have multiple wives / partners? Where in the world is he from originally and where is the wife currently located?

I'm pretty sure adultery is frowned upon in Islamic faith, open to correction on this though.

Lesalare

blairbear wrote: »

She did not call herself dim or a gold digger.

She stated in her posts also that he pays for everything: wines and dines her, she never has to put her hand in her pocket, not once in the weeks (presuming) she has been seeing him.

Myself, being a woman who supports and promotes equality amongst the sexes and acknowledges it's 2019, frankly I find women that relish in a man paying for everything for her in return for sex, somewhat 'dim' and hard to respect. If she's so madly in love with this fella, has she ever made him a meal, at her place, using ingredients paid for out of her own pocket? Call me old fashioned, but I have certainly done that for my partner in the first few months and still do on an ongoing basis.

I used the term 'dim' as it's my own personal observation of this girl, and as agreed with amongst 85%+ of posters in this thread: her naivety as a 28 year old, is somewhat baffling re. this man's intentions and her willingness to act and be treated, like an escort.

ElizaBennett

OP you're certainly being used as a punching bag by some contributors here and that can't be easy. This is the real world and yes people fall in love with those they shouldn't. My partner and I fell in love and he left his girlfriend of four years to be with me. We're now together nearly six years and very happy. This can happen and does all the time. But in your case it's very very unlikely because of how you've described things to us. You didn't meet and innocently form a friendship that developed over time and slowly develop stronger feelings that you fought against etc etc. You kissed within hours of meeting in a pub! You claimed there was an instant connection both knowing he was married so you had your eyes wide open, especially him. There was never any innocence in this. I just can't see it ever turning into a relationship. I agree you should ask him straight out and then walk . When he inevitably tells you he likes things as they are and wants nothing more. Maybe he'll miss you if you go no contact. And maybe he won't.

leggo

Lesalare wrote: »

She stated in her posts also that he pays for everything: wines and dines her, she never has to put her hand in her pocket, not once in the weeks (presuming) she has been seeing him.

Myself, being a woman who supports and promotes equality amongst the sexes and acknowledges it's 2019, frankly I find women that relish in a man paying for everything for her in return for sex, somewhat 'dim' and hard to respect. If she's so madly in love with this fella, has she ever made him a meal, at her place, using ingredients paid for out of her own pocket? Call me old fashioned, but I have certainly done that for my partner in the first few months and still do on an ongoing basis.

I used the term 'dim' as it's my own personal observation of this girl, and as agreed with amongst 85%+ of posters in this thread: her naivety as a 28 year old, is somewhat baffling re. this man's intentions and her willingness to act and be treated, like an escort.

You’re insulting a stranger because your ex cheated on you.

Seriously, take a step back here. That’s mental.

Abel Ruiz

leggo wrote: »

You’re insulting a stranger because your ex cheated on you.

Seriously, take a step back here. That’s mental.

Ah here. I read alot on the pi forum.
There are a lot of insults flung around in many threads.
The op deserves some insults. So does her 'partner'. He is a scumbag. But the op can't see it.
Two selfish people found eachother.
I hope it ends in tears soon, lots of tears.

eviltwin

Abel Ruiz wrote: »

Ah here. I read alot on the pi forum.
There are a lot of insults flung around in many threads.
The op deserves some insults. So does her 'partner'. He is a scumbag. But the op can't see it.
Two selfish people found eachother.
I hope it ends in tears soon, lots of tears.

You know it's possible to tell the OP that you don't think her behaviour is appropriate without getting personal.

I'm don't condone what she is doing and I don't have any sympathy for her but I respect that she is looking for advice and she should be able to get that without the antagonism.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm just not sure why she started the thread other than to wind people up.

Naggdefy

Anna2834 wrote: »

Really interesting thread...

I will tell you about a "friend" of mine....who absolutely loves men...be it married or single...if she likes you....you will be her's (I am actually being serious here).

It's the 'if she likes you, you will be hers' bit I have trouble with.

That's simply not true, yes fringe girl is right about her persuasiveness, but there's a strong cohort of men she'll never fool with her fake charms. Men see through that superficiality for what it is too.

IHeartShoes

Lesalare wrote: »

Because what that girl did with my ex utterly shattered me as a person for a very long time and the girl was ugly. She looked like a bloke. Sorry, but fact.

I don't give a rat's arse about my ex or her. I did find her repugnant that she would knowingly date a married man and stupidly put it on a social platform to 'gloat'. There's another example of 'ugliness' for you.

You say yourself it's hard for you to last long with any man you've dated so far and you find it hard to find someone you are compatible with. By your own admission you just come across as a gold-digger who is a bit dim.

Best of luck getting the answer you are desperately hoping for, as you say, you are in love with this guy so I'm guessing it will be devastating for you when you find out he probably won't be speaking to a divorce lawyer in the near future. Or perhaps not, sure you can just move onto your next one.

You seem a very bitter person. Unfortunately your insults and name calling relflect on you more than the people you ascribe them too. I know the devastation caused by an affair. That has been my experience too. After 14 years of marriage and a daughter together. He was the lying, duplicitous, manipulative one and entirely responsible for his choice to have an affair. It is him, similar to your ex husband that warrants any name calling necessary. They were the ones that committed to us and owed us their loyalty and honesty if they no longer wanted to be in the relationship. The other women owed us none of these things. The owed us nothing and are not accountable for our ex husbands' behaviour. Are they guilty of poor judgement? Probably. But no more than that. They might have targeted the married men. So what? Don't choose them as a friend! A husband is either vulnerable to such an approach or not. Not her fault. Doesn't give us the right to approach them, abuse them and demand an explantion for their behaviour. None of our business. My own view? I am better of without the person that would treat me so poorly. In any case, abusing a stranger on the internet won't change a thing.


OP. Absolutely. Have a full and frank conversation with him. You may be concerned it will push him away. If it does, it wasn't worth having in the first place. If it doesn't and he makes future plans or committments, then maybe consider some checks and measures to ensure that he follows through.


No matter the outcome whether it is in your favour or not, it is a tough road to choose I imagine...

S

Princess Calla

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm just not sure why she started the thread other than to wind people up.

I'm unsure too.

No one who has been the "other woman /man" is going to come out and give their perspective as they will be completely roasted!

Personally I think this will all end in tears.

However she's a consenting adult, she made no vows.

I just hope she doesn't miss out on a good guy while being caught up with this one.

bucketybuck

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm just not sure why she started the thread other than to wind people up.

I thought this was very evident to be honest.

Naggdefy

Is the following beyond the realms of credulity..

48 year old man is in a loveless marriage. He genuinely (sound like Miriam O'C here!) feels affection for the OP. They're a Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta Jones love match, just ordinary people. He has never had an affair before. He will dicorce his wife. He didn't remove his ring, while out, for no particular reason, not arrogance etc, just didn't dawn on him.

Is that all naivety, or say 10-20% possible??

Peatys

AnonymousOP wrote: »

Going unreg for this.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did it end?

Yeah, helping sort my sister's life out after her rat of a husband had a year long affair with a degenerate slut who knew about the marriage but is so immature they could only think of their own short term shíts n giggles.

You want a man in your life who'd do that to the woman he says he loves? Ye are well suited.

Just one of ye grow a pair and tell the wife

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Peatys wrote: »

they could only think of their own short term shíts n giggles.

You see I think part of the problem is that the other woman doesn't really see the wife as a real person sometimes. Of course they know they are there but don't really feel the reality of what their actions could do to another person.

Until they are forced to see them, and you can bet if the wife does find out then OP will probably not have any choice in facing the reality of her part in all of this.

All the fun and excitement will fast fade away once that happens believe me.

I know someone who got involved with an attached man and she came out of it a lot worse than he did.

Right or wrong her reputation was in tatters, she was branded all sorts and everyone she knew found out including family, friends and colleagues.

OP I don't think you fully understand what's at stake here but hopefully you can approach this with him and get a clearer picture. But don't waste your precious time on someone who only wants you for a short term fling while his wife is away.

Lesalare

leggo wrote: »

You’re insulting a stranger because your ex cheated on you.

My view expressed on this thread are based on what the OP wrote in her various posts and surmising her as a character on a public forum. If you don't want strangers to have an opinion, don't ask them to offer one. It's an incredibly sensitive subject and it's not as like the OP has shown much empathy to the fact she could be a contributor to really hurting someone IRL she doesn't know. She's almost flaunted she couldn't give a crap about anyone but herself.

I have, before my marriage and still do, personally feel people who get involved with married men or women are utter, selfish sH*t*.

As someone else said a few posts up, this whole thread just reeks of sH*t-stirring and attention-seeking.

splinter65

How sad I am to see that despite all the girl power and feminism that this is still going on in 2019.
50 year old sleaze ball (is he even currently married at all or just saying he is to avoid having to explain his lack of any commitment?) easily seduces conceited younger woman with dinners and drinks and compliments, thus guaranteeing himself sex on demand until he tires of her and/or she starts putting pressure on him to make a commitment.
He can then tearfully break up with her on the grounds that his wife has landed and he’s such a solid guy he will sacrifice his heartbreak and stick with his marital vows.
On to the next pushover.
Ugh.

https://youtu.be/l5grdfnGUss

Naggdefy

It's a funny old world.

Johnny Cash and June Carter were both married when they started their affair.

June is a heroine and, wrongly, Vivienne Liberto was portrayed as the nagging wife.

Johnny Cash is the outlaw, the legend, the man in black, he walked the line.

Some cheaters are afforded special status. It helps if your son John Carter Cash can write the script for an award winning film 'Walk the Line'.