Sex as Fun (?)

seenitall

I've always heard this a lot, even used the expression myself, as interchangable with sex, but I don't think it has ever quite gelled with me. And I know it isn't just me being a woman not a man thing, at all. (But it could be a part of it?)

What is it then, why can't I get on board - or do I even want to (I don't think so)

For me, sex with another person (as opposed to with myself, heh) is a helluva intense situation. I have been with many people in my life, had ONS and other casual setups but - Fun is still the last word that comes to mind. Does that make sense to anyone else here..?

Fun is going to cinema. Traveling to a new destination. Having a natter with a friend over some good food. Laughing with my daughter about some crazy meme she has just discovered online. Fun is fantastic, but it is not something my quality of life will suffer greatly if it is not forthcoming for a while.

Sex is a need. For a physical release, and for a human connection, the likes of which it is impossible (or in any case, much more difficult) to realise with your clothes on. Intimacy like that, with another human being - so important to have that once in a while. However, I've never ever been able to get down and dirty with anyone I haven't been wildly attracted to (I don't drink, so no drink goggles thing has gone on!). Most people are different to that, as I understand? Especially men?

Sex is a way of communication, an expression of trust, a wonderful means to an intensity of oblivion.

But fun? Hm.

(No PMs please. Don't even.)

Quantum Erasure

seenitall wrote: »

But fun? Hm.

(No PM's please. Don't even.)

...odd

Captain Red Beard

You're over thinking it and sound like you're overdue a solid drilling.

seenitall

Quantum Erasure wrote: »

...odd

You'd understand if you'd seen the contents of my inbox through the years. I'm sure most female posters have the same.

Ubbquittious

Beechwoodspark

Captain Red Beard wrote: »

You're over thinking it and sound like you're overdue a solid drilling.

You’ve totally misread the post

Stark

Procreation not recreation

TheValeyard

Stark wrote: »

Procreation not recreation

Definitely more of a recreation fan of sex. The procreation part seems to kill off any and all recreation activities.

eviltwin

If sex isn't fun what's the point

seenitall

Beechwoodspark wrote: »

You’ve totally misread the post

Nah, they are right up to a point. However I am celibate at the moment for a valid reason, and that is how it will stay for a while. We always overthink on the stuff we miss!

Bigdig69

As a straight man who has a quite a record, some of which included VERY foolish choices, I agree 100% with the OPs sentiments.

SEPT 23 1989

Sounds a bit gay chief

Plumbthedepths

My wife and I have all different types of sex. Frantic, romantic, intense, messy and fun definitely features aswell.

BorneTobyWilde

I thinking sleeping around for you has become a bad habit. That you only date players, and it always ends up the same way.

Gynoid

seenitall wrote: »

You'd understand if you'd seen the contents of my inbox through the years. I'm sure most female posters have the same.

Nope, not a one, ever. Just warnings in any of my mails over the years, an occasional co-conspirator on a political topic. No love letters. You just gotta be enough of a big ol forbidding argumentative scary bitch and.... people leave you alone.

I do have sex for fun though. Sometimes. Depends. Anything can happen, from the reluctant mercy fcuk all the way to raw need. Tis life.

OP . Maybe you need to “unsee” it all, and start again?

Beechwoodspark

Beechwoodspark wrote: »

You’ve totally misread the post

Are you licking up to the OP?

You are, admit it :P

Beechwoodspark

OP what about a sexual creativity course ?

Sounds like you’ve hit a dead end

Did it myself over the years. A feeling you have done every position and fetish in the book and not in the book!

Then you meet a lady who only have reserved vanilla sez with but you are ok with that ... cuz you know the downside of the complete no holes barred life.

BorneTobyWilde

GreeBo

seenitall wrote: »

I've always heard this a lot, even used the expression myself, as interchangable with sex, but I don't think it has ever quite gelled with me. And I know it isn't just me being a woman not a man thing, at all. (But it could be a part of it?)

What is it then, why can't I get on board - or do I even want to (I don't think so)

For me, sex with another person (as opposed to with myself, heh) is a helluva intense situation. I have been with many people in my life, had ONS and other casual setups but - Fun is still the last word that comes to mind. Does that make sense to anyone else here..?

Fun is going to cinema. Traveling to a new destination. Having a natter with a friend over some good food. Laughing with my daughter about some crazy meme she has just discovered online. Fun is fantastic, but it is not something my quality of life will suffer greatly if it is not forthcoming for a while.

Sex is a need. For a physical release, and for a human connection, the likes of which it is impossible (or in any case, much more difficult) to realise with your clothes on. Intimacy like that, with another human being - so important to have that once in a while. However, I've never ever been able to get down and dirty with anyone I haven't been wildly attracted to (I don't drink, so no drink goggles thing has gone on!). Most people are different to that, as I understand? Especially men?

Sex is a way of communication, an expression of trust, a wonderful means to an intensity of oblivion.

But fun? Hm.

(No PMs please. Don't even.)

Sex is not the same as making love any more than kissing your granny is the same as kissing your partner or your child.

seenitall

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

I thinking sleeping around for you has become a bad habit. That you only date players, and it always ends up the same way.

Thank you. Will consider that. I've certainly plenty of time to, at the moment.

ChikiChiki

I think the fun part is the chase tbh.

BorneTobyWilde

seenitall wrote: »

Thank you. Will consider that. I've certainly plenty of time to, at the moment.

Repetition forms habit, and then becomes second nature.

Temptamperu

I havent had sex since I quit drinking. I dont trust like that.

Panthro

Top tip: Keep it fun by telling a few jokes while yer banging.
And everyone loves a good magic trick.

Panthro

Panthro wrote: »

Top tip: Keep it fun by telling a few jokes while yer banging.
And everyone loves a good magic trick.

OMG- sounds like an episode of Ireland’s Got Talent :eek:

seenitall

Beechwoodspark wrote: »

OP what about a sexual creativity course ?

Sounds like you’ve hit a dead end

Did it myself over the years. A feeling you have done every position and fetish in the book and not in the book!

Then you meet a lady who only have reserved vanilla sez with but you are ok with that ... cuz you know the downside of the complete no holes barred life.

Ok, this is a bit off topic, but I am actually pretty vanilla, compared to what I hear kids get up to these days... and the reason I have a good bit of experience is, ugh, my age essentially. Anyone getting to my age who hasn't been in some big long termers will have the same (well, hopefully!)

Raconteuse

eviltwin wrote: »

If sex isn't fun what's the point

That's the only thing it could be?

Totally agreed OP. Fun is having a house party. There are many many other positive experiences besides fun so i don't know why that term is used about sex. I don't think it suits it either.

You'll get snarky comments of course because people always feel the need to tell folk here that any alternate way of looking at sex (outside of "it's fun!") makes them feel uncomfortable, but ignore.

misterme123

seenitall wrote: »

(No PMs please. Don't even.)

Maybe you just haven't been PMed by the right guy.

seenitall

misterme123 wrote: »

Maybe you just haven't been PMed by the right guy.

Lol. I'm not thanking this, for the obvious reasons!

eviltwin

Raconteuse wrote: »

That's the only thing it could be?

Totally agreed OP. Fun is having a house party. There are many many other positive experiences besides fun so i don't know why that term is used about sex. I don't think it suits it either.

You'll get snarky comments of course because people always feel the need to tell folk here that any alternate way of looking at sex (outside of "it's fun!") makes them feel uncomfortable, but ignore.

Did I say it's all it can be? It can be a lot of things but it should most definitely be fun. Sometimes it's just riding someone you really fancy, you've no need to form a mental connection, you just want to enjoy the experience and there is nothing wrong with that.

seenitall

Gynoid wrote: »

the reluctant mercy fcuk

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I don't get, I don't feel. I think I'm just not emotionally detached enough from getting nekkid with someone, for feeling like I could/would provide them with a mercy fcuk.

Zamboni

Sex is a shared DMT trip for the male and the female. That level of physiological and psychological alignment is otherworldly.
All lost in the era of Snapchat dick pics and insta tits.

Porklife

I couldn't agree less. Sex is the most fun I've ever had. Admittedly, it's a different type of fun then say going to a gig or dancing at an 80s tribute night but it's still deep and intense fun. I'd choose sex over pretty much anything tbh and if it's with somebody I'm into then forget about it!
Nothing excites me more than knowing I've a night of sex aka fun ahead with a guy I like!

JohnnyFlash

Raconteuse wrote: »

That's the only thing it could be?

Totally agreed OP. Fun is having a house party. There are many many other positive experiences besides fun so i don't know why that term is used about sex. I don't think it suits it either.

You'll get snarky comments of course because people always feel the need to tell folk here that any alternate way of looking at sex (outside of "it's fun!") makes them feel uncomfortable, but ignore.

Of course fun is a word that can be used to describe sex. I rode a middle-aged woman during the week and the sex was great fun.

Gynoid

seenitall wrote: »

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I don't get, I don't feel. I think I'm just not emotionally detached enough from getting nekkid with someone, for feeling like I could/would provide them with a mercy fcuk.

Stay with the same fella/girl for more than 3 decades and for either party there will be times you have sex just because the other needs or wants it, even though you or they would prefer tea and biccies in that moment - its not emotional detachment, if anything its the opposite. You are just required to grumble loudly at the start roll your eyes a lot, snort a bit and say things like come here then ya great big lummox and so on....then it qualifies as mercy.

seenitall

Gynoid wrote: »

Stay with the same fella/girl for more than 3 decades and for either party there will be times you have sex just because the other needs or wants it, even though you or they would prefer tea and biccies in that moment - its not emotional detachment, if anything its the opposite. You are just required to grumble loudly at the start roll your eyes a lot, snort a bit and say things like come here then ya great big lummox and so on....then it qualifies as mercy.

Ok, now I actually envy you! 30+ years - well done, both of you!

ETA: yeah, it wasn't the kind of situation I had in mind.

Raconteuse

eviltwin wrote: »

Did I say it's all it can be? It can be a lot of things but it should most definitely be fun. Sometimes it's just riding someone you really fancy, you've no need to form a mental connection, you just want to enjoy the experience and there is nothing wrong with that.

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

eviltwin

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

Good sex is fun to me. Fun is something I enjoy doing and I wouldn't have sex if I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it. If you don't think the word is apt fair enough but clearly some people do see it as a fun experience.

You betcha bottom dolla it's a helluva buzz. Why can't sex be synonymous with fun? Not merely a mechanical process.

dartboardio

Omg! I'm with you...


It might sound a bit exaggerative.. Well then maybe I'm a drama queen.

Yes, I enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it something I do as carefree fun and can just let loose..

I've always felt quiet under pressure to act a certain way or act 'sexy' and no i haven't been with the wrong people. It's actually me! Maybe some sort of weird oppression thing.

No one has ever put me under pressure but it's just like when I feel like I should be acting a certain way or doing certain things. I get to feel kinda embarrassed and like I'm on stage. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with it.

Woke Hogan

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

Only 80s nights are fun??? Maybe “in your 80s” nights!

Raconteuse

Deleted User wrote: »

You betcha bottom dolla it's a helluva buzz. Why can't sex be synonymous with fun? Not merely a mechanical process.

But nobody is saying it's either fun or a mechanical process.

Raconteuse

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Only 80s nights are fun??? Maybe “in your 80s” nights!

Somebody else used that as an example, I just repeated it.

And absolutely nowhere did I say "only" 80s nights are fun.

seenitall

dartboardio wrote: »

Omg! I'm with you...


It might sound a bit exaggerative.. Well then maybe I'm a drama queen.

Yes, I enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it something I do as carefree fun and can just let loose..

I've always felt quiet under pressure to act a certain way or act 'sexy' and no i haven't been with the wrong people. It's actually me! Maybe some sort of weird oppression thing.

No one has ever put me under pressure but it's just like when I feel like I should be acting a certain way or doing certain things. I get to feel kinda embarrassed and like I'm on stage. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with it.

Sorry to read that. The performance, on stage thing - may be down to your self confidence, a confidence in your body? You could work on that, I'm sure. Things are much more enjoyable when you are comfortable in your body and what you do and who you do it with. Then you may end up feeling like a great performer!! Just a thought.

Woke Hogan

Raconteuse wrote: »

Somebody else used that as an example, I just repeated it.

And absolutely nowhere did I say "only" 80s nights are fun.

“Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.“

Look at that last word there. Or, perhaps, you don’t mean ALL 80s nights?

seenitall

Deleted User wrote: »

I took the implication from the OP as the latter. And advocate for the former.

Not quite, the OP is just an exploration of the concept with the AHers. I am neither for or against anything, it would be stupid to be, as attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all. Just wanted a bit of a sounding board for my pondering. And just as I expected, all kinds of different opinions showed up.

Raconteuse

seenitall wrote: »

Not quite, the OP is just an exploration of the concept with the AHers. I am neither for or against anything, it would be stupid to be, as attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all. Just wanted a bit of a sounding board for my pondering. And just as I expected, all kinds of different opinions showed up.

And lots of snarkiness and putting words in mouths! Such a surprise!

The only sex that seems mechanical imo is porn or prostitution or having to shag shag shag anyone that moves due to an addiction.

"attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all" - indeed. If only you were afforded such open mindedness!

seenitall

Raconteuse wrote: »

And lots of snarkiness and putting words in mouths! Such a surprise!

The only sex that seems mechanical imo is porn or prostitution or having to shag shag shag anyone that moves due to an addiction.

"attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all" - indeed. If only you were afforded such open mindedness!

Hey no worries - it's the AH after all! No need to take it as seriously as I do sex - ba dum tish

Thank you, Storyteller girl

Pac1Man

I saw a woman today.

seenitall

Pac1Man wrote: »

I saw a woman today.

... is how all the best stories start.