Is Adult Children Living in the Family Home a Good Thing?

witzky

AbdAlAla wrote: »

My parents have received 2 bedroom social house, I've my own room and pay my share of rent. I pay for everything myself including food etc... I see no reason to move out and suffer the consequences of high rents - what good would that do for me? By the way, my father has been working for 2 years and went on Disability allowance because he claims to be sick from work he hasn't been working since 10 years. So I have more years worked than him.

Nice try

AbdAlAla

witzky wrote: »

Nice try

What do you mean by that?

Plumbthedepths

AbdAlAla wrote: »

My parents have received 2 bedroom social house, I've my own room and pay my share of rent. I pay for everything myself including food etc... I see no reason to move out and suffer the consequences of high rents - what good would that do for me? By the way, my father has been working for 2 years and went on Disability allowance because he claims to be sick from work he hasn't been working since 10 years. So I have more years worked than him.

Welcome new poster, nice few bases covered there. You got the social welfare outrage side and the illegal sub letting covered in your in first post. Impressive. ;-)

AbdAlAla

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

Welcome new poster, nice few bases covered there. You got the social welfare outrage side and the illegal sub letting covered in your in first post. Impressive. ;-)

Oh you are silly. I've stated my situation and you are attacking me, nothing illegal or outrageous in the post.

By the way adding to the topic, I've heard in Dagestan parents have to build houses for their sons, would love if it were the way here.

Salary Negotiator

When I moved back in with my folks for 6 months a few years ago my dad said if I worked about 10 hours a week in his business I wouldn’t have to pay rent

Seemed like a fair deal to me.

I was on decent money so it wouldn’t have felt right to have them supplement my income.

MrMusician18

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

I would say it’s the rule. I know a lot of people who lived at home well into their late 20’s and 30’s or still live at home friends, family member etc and I’ve never heard of people paying rent to live at home. Money going the other way (I.e. parents helping out their children with extra money, hosue deposits, help buying cars etc) would be something I’ve heard of whereas paying rent not really.

I was in my late 20’s before I ever even herd of the concept after reading it on here.

There are three schools of thought on this. The first one is that the adult offspring hands up nothing. This is usually what're the parents are often comfortably off and/or are happy to have the adult still living at home with them

The second one is where a sum is handed up and the parent puts that money away for the adult with the intent to give it back to them when they need a large sum - such as a house deposit. The adult may not know that this is the intention for that money. And the parent can teach a valuable lesson regarding budgeting and paying ones way whilst still at home.

The third one is where the money is needed in the household or is cultural. The parents themselves may have been expected to hand up for example to their parents and thus this is seen as normal. In low income households it may also be a necessity. The handing up can sometimes take the form of handling a specific utility or a set cash sum per month, among many other variations.

How common any of the three scenarios above are, I couldn't say, but I suspect there latter is the most common.

afterglow

Parentalunit wrote: »

Absolutely not! It may be a necessity in some cases but it's an arrangement that the adult children should seek to end as early as possible, and if they don't they're parasitic arseholes. I would make an exception if the adult children are providing a caring role but I think that's probably a minority situation.

wow! Tell us how you really feel about it eh?
so the only circumstances one should live with their parents in, is if they're ' looking ' ' after ' them?
Not quite sure I agree with the parasitic reference, but sponging is definitely not ok

Princess Calla

Some parents especially if they are comfortable themselves will not take rent as they see it as an inefficient division of assets.

I suppose you could look at it as giving the kids their inheritance while they are still alive.

If the parents own a house especially Dublin the chances are the proceeds from the sale of the house will wipe out threshold A allowance in CAT. Resulting in every other cent in the estate being taxed at 33% or whatever the rate is at time of date. This is money the parents have already paid 50% tax on themselves.... Now add in "rent" paid by the child which they have also paid 50% tax on.

Some parents would rather their children live free than the taxman benefit so much from their hard work.

Obviously not every parent is in that lucky situation.

Wildly Boaring

My parents are happy but in semi retirement.

I lived with them for one 9 month stint in 2007 and this year me, my and our kinds were with them when waiting on our new house to be finished.

My dad in particular flat out refused rent both times.
In 2007 I bought new diswasher, powerwasher and painted the outside of the house.

This year I filled the kerosene tank and looked after their house lately while they were away.

I can see why parents wont take it but I can't see why children wouldn't sort it one way or the other.

Assetbacked

Parents charging rent that is more than just covering expenses is outrageous. For both parents and adult kids, it is not emotionally healthy to live together so the purpose for living at home into adulthood should solely be to save money to move out.

JustMe,K

Adult kids who are earning should absolutely pay their way, be it in rent, paying one or two bills, buying the groceries or whatever works for that household. All bills increase as a result of the amount of people living there, and even if the parents are comfortable financially, there is still a financial cost for an extra person being there.

petros1980

Assetbacked wrote: »

Parents charging rent that is more than just covering expenses is outrageous. For both parents and adult kids, it is not emotionally healthy to live together so the purpose for living at home into adulthood should solely be to save money to move out.

Outrageous?? :pac::pac::pac::pac:

You see its dim attitudes like your own that result in kids living at home into their late 30s/40s etc

Do you seriously not see the logical flaw in your argument?

Yes some children will see not paying anything towards rent/living expenses as a good opportunity to save for their own place etc;

But, an many children will see also it as a good opportunity to live lavish lifestyles while sponging off their folks and will therefore be happy to carry on doing so.

mad m

We got 100 euro a month from our eldest. She was working one day a week and over the xmas as a part time job. Did it for 4 years. The money we took off her we put into a post office account.

We knew once she finished college she would go travelling. The money we put into post office was around 3k plus, sometimes we didn't put it in. We gave her the post office book couple of weeks before she headed off for a year.

Sure lets just say it would of brought a tear to a glass eye when she opened post office book.

Now my young lad he is a different kettle of fish, little $hite is hard to get a hello out of him let alone money

subpar

Put a padlock on the fridge and zip up the purse.

DanyTargaryen

I lived at home until I was 27. I didn't pay rent but bought groceries and paid for my own health insurance, netflix etc. anything considered discretionary spending.

I was able to save up loads of money for a deposit which is great, I went sale agreed about 6 weeks ago. My Dad never asked me for money and was happy to have me living with him for that time however, him and mom were strict when I was younger and if I had decided to laze around/drop out of college/get fired then it would have been a VERY different story.

I definitely felt a bit self conscious telling new people I still lived at home, I felt like I should have been more independent but it was a great way to save and land on your feet. So to answer the original question "Is adult children living at home a good thing?". Mostly, yes but definitely not ideal.

pablo128

My folks made so much out of us living at home, they were able to buy another house down the country.

Graham

You must have been making a fair contribution to allow for that pablo128.

Cyrus

in my opinion anyone who has kids living with them beyond their college education years hasnt done it right, both you and the kids should want to move on at this point.

people need their independence and their own lives.

can understand a temporary arrangement to allow someone save a deposit for a year but thats it.

niallers1

https://www.optimumperformanceinstitute.com/failure-to-launch-syndrome/

CrabRevolution

I work full time, and pay a nominal rent at the moment due to study/travel (€25 a week), but none of my friends (who all work full time too) who live at home pay any rent.

I find this talk of "it's wrong and unhealthy to be living with your parents after college/21/whatever" strange. My relationship with my parents has changed over the years and we're all aware that it's not a simple parent/child dynamic anymore, we're adults living in the same house.

All my siblings have emigrated/moved out so I'm the only one left in the house with my parents. It's not a factor in my living decisions, but it'd break my Mother's heart for me to move out! She loves the company, the cooking and hosting, the life brought into the house etc. and even gets excited when my girlfriend or friends stay over.

SusieBlue

Cyrus wrote: »

in my opinion anyone who has kids living with them beyond their college education years hasnt done it right, both you and the kids should want to move on at this point.

people need their independence and their own lives.

can understand a temporary arrangement to allow someone save a deposit for a year but thats it.

Sorry but that just isn't reflective of the current economy or housing crisis at all. When the average houseshare now costs more than some people's mortgage repayments, how're young people supposed to afford rent, save for a deposit, put money away for a rainy day and actually live?
It just isn't possible for a lot of people on the average wage.

Don't get me wrong, I think anyone living at home should be handing up a decent portion of their income.
But it isn't quite so simple as moving out & getting a house.

Cyrus

SusieBlue wrote: »

Sorry but that just isn't reflective of the current economy or housing crisis at all. When the average houseshare now costs more than some people's mortgage repayments, how're young people supposed to afford rent, save for a deposit, put money away for a rainy day and actually live?
It just isn't possible for a lot of people on the average wage.

Don't get me wrong, I think anyone living at home should be handing up a decent portion of their income.
But it isn't quite so simple as moving out & getting a house.

what age do you think someone should be buying a house at? its reasonable to expect people to rent from the age of 24-28/29/30 while they figure out where they want to live and what they want to do.

current economy is booming.

Princess Calla

Cyrus wrote: »

what age do you think someone should be buying a house at? its reasonable to expect people to rent from the age of 24-28/29/30 while they figure out where they want to live and what they want to do.

current economy is booming.

Economy might be booming but renting is ridiculous.

Some people are paying more in rent than what a mortgage would be. Why as a parent would you want your children in that situation?

Cyrus

Princess Calla wrote: »

Economy might be booming but renting is ridiculous.

Some people are paying more in rent than what a mortgage would be. Why as a parent would you want your children in that situation?

because i would want them to start living their own life and spread their wings

Electric Sheep

Assetbacked wrote: »

, it is not emotionally healthy to live together so the purpose for living at home into adulthood should solely be to save money to move out.

So it's a one way street.

SusieBlue

Cyrus wrote: »

what age do you think someone should be buying a house at? its reasonable to expect people to rent from the age of 24-28/29/30 while they figure out where they want to live and what they want to do.

current economy is booming.

I rented from the age of 23-27 with my ex, we spent €66k between us on rent in that four years. 33 grand each. What little we had left after rent, bills and living cost we did put towards saving for a mortgage but the car breaking down or a surprise bill quickly burned through quite a lot of it.
I’m now back living at home for the last year and saving every last cent towards getting a mortgage on my own. My parents charge me a negligible amount of rent because they know what I’m working towards.
Getting the mortgage would be completely out of reach, or at least another 5/7 years away if I was paying €700 per month on rent.
It just wouldn’t be financially feasible for me.

The economy might be booming but the rental market is a joke. You can’t even get a one bed apartment for less than €1100 per month where I live.

If you can prove you’ve paid your rent on time for X amount of years with no issue it should count towards reducing the deposit needed for mortgage.
Buying would be much more accessible to so many people if they didn’t have to come up with €20k while paying trying to pay €1800 per month on rent.

AulWan

This whole thread seems to have become about the benefits to the adult child of staying at home with their parents longer.

But turn it around. Of what benefit is it to the parent to have adult children still living at home with them?

If they are financially comfortable, able-bodied etc...?

pablo128

AulWan wrote: »

This whole thread seems to have become about the benefits to the adult child of staying at home with their parents longer.

But turn it around. Of what benefit is it to the parent to have adult children still living at home with them?

If they are financially comfortable, able-bodied etc...?

I've already given an example.

Although my father, retirement age now, hasn't been able to work since the early 80s due to an accident he was in. So not entirely comfortable financially.

AulWan

pablo128 wrote: »

I've already given an example.

Although my father, retirement age now, hasn't been able to work since the early 80s due to an accident he was in.

I can't say I see that many parents making a profit off their kids living with them.

Not within my circle anyway. Its much more the other way around.

Not saying there aren't some out there, but if the adult child thinks they're being over charged at home, then why not move out?

eviltwin

AulWan wrote: »

This whole thread seems to have become about the benefits to the adult child of staying at home with their parents longer.

But turn it around. Of what benefit is it to the parent to have adult children still living at home with them?

If they are financially comfortable, able-bodied etc...?

Depends on the parents really. It suits me having my 23 year old at home. I'm still quite young and working so the money comes in handy and she helps out a lot with babysitting my young son so that's a bonus. In return she gets to save. We all get on well so it's win win.

I can see how it easily can become a difficult situation for all involved though.

Vologda69

I have an older brother who lives with my parents who are on a state pension. They have to pay for internet, phone, property tax, electricity, bin charges, insurance etc. He pays €100 a week. For that he gets the run of the house, all his meals made for him, his washing and ironing. He's like s big man child. think he's getting a complete bargain. People who feel adult family should live at home gratis are in not living in the real world. Also he's on about 60grand a year salary

dartboardio

There's no right or wrong answer.

Through college my mam never charged me a penny rent, obviously because I only had a small source of income from working part time

Now that I am working full time and still living home she charges me €60 per week, which is fair enough if I have a weekly income of around €370

And she was never a stingey type either, she's extremely generous, I think that's more than fair, if you're working full time to be contributing some to bills and food.

I'm 21 so hopefully won't need to live home too much longer, although there's nothing like home comforts!

Anyway what's €60 per week when she's been paying a mortgage of €600 a month, all bills, food, car, for us my whole life on her own as a single mother!

pablo128

AulWan wrote: »

I can't say I see that many parents making a profit off their kids living with them.

Not within my circle anyway. Its much more the other way around.

Not saying there aren't some out there, but if the adult child thinks they're being over charged at home, then why not move out?

Exactly. We all had the choice. There's 6 of us. We used to hand up a quarter of our wages, give or take. Some of us were on more than others so some of us would have handed up more than others.

Having said that, the folks have a 4 bedroom house so there was a good amount of room in it.

lainey_d_123

Cyrus wrote: »

what age do you think someone should be buying a house at? its reasonable to expect people to rent from the age of 24-28/29/30 while they figure out where they want to live and what they want to do.

current economy is booming.

Sorry but you just don't get it. It's almost impossible to save up any kind of deposit when you're renting privately, especially as a single person. I'm 34 and had spent a six figure sum on rent by the time I was 30. For most of my adult life, my rent has been around 50% of my take home pay, for a crappy room in a shared house.

It's simply not an option for most people to rent for a few years AND save up a deposit, like in the good old days. The only people I know who are my age and own homes have had some kind of help, whether it was being gifted the deposit, inheriting a house or being able to live at home rent free in their twenties. Even the ones earning 'good' money.

I'm on an above average salary now and haven't a hope in hell of being able to buy in the next few years, even saving every penny I possibly can. It's the deposit that gets people - they simply cannot raise that money while paying extortionate rent every month. Something has to give.

AulWan

eviltwin wrote: »

Depends on the parents really. It suits me having my 23 year old at home. I'm still quite young and working so the money comes in handy and she helps out a lot with babysitting my young son so that's a bonus. In return she gets to save. We all get on well so it's win win.

I can see how it easily can become a difficult situation for all involved though.

She is your eldest though, isnt she?

Cyrus

Cyrus wrote: »

in my opinion anyone who has kids living with them beyond their college education years hasnt done it right, both you and the kids should want to move on at this point.

people need their independence and their own lives.

can understand a temporary arrangement to allow someone save a deposit for a year but thats it.

I really can’t see any sense in this. Some people have no desire to move out and many parents are very happy to have their adult children living at home and not wasting money on rent.

In my group of friends anyway there is a very close relationship between house ownership and living at home. The ones who lived at home the longest (until late 20’s) and never lived out of home own their houses sooner and more comfortably (generally built at home rather than bought in the case of my friends as we are from the country side).

Cyrus

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

I really can’t see any sense in this. Some people have no desire to move out and many parents are very happy to have their adult children living at home and not wasting money on rent.

In my group of friends anyway there is a very close relationship between house ownership and living at home. The ones who lived at home the longest (until late 20’s) and never lived out of home own their houses sooner and more comfortably (generally built at home rather than bought in the case of my friends as we are from the country side).

And I’m sure your mother will continue to do your washing and make your dinner. Wouldn’t be for me .

Cyrus

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Sorry but you just don't get it. It's almost impossible to save up any kind of deposit when you're renting privately, especially as a single person. I'm 34 and had spent a six figure sum on rent by the time I was 30. For most of my adult life, my rent has been around 50% of my take home pay, for a crappy room in a shared house.

It's simply not an option for most people to rent for a few years AND save up a deposit, like in the good old days. The only people I know who are my age and own homes have had some kind of help, whether it was being gifted the deposit, inheriting a house or being able to live at home rent free in their twenties. Even the ones earning 'good' money.

I'm on an above average salary now and haven't a hope in hell of being able to buy in the next few years, even saving every penny I possibly can. It's the deposit that gets people - they simply cannot raise that money while paying extortionate rent every month. Something has to give.

When were the good old days in your opinion ? I’m not much older than you in case you think otherwise

Foggy Jew

I am actually cringing reading some of these posts. Particularly the use of phrases like 'My mam CHARGES me rent'. FFS! In the vast majority of cases, the same Mam gave birth to you, wiped your snotty nose, your ****ty bum, refereed squabbles & fights, cooked umpteen meals, made sure you had adequate clean clothing, attended parent teacher meetings, took you on holidays, minded you when you were sick etc etc. She probably never charged for these services. By the time you have reached your early 20s she will have done enough for you. If circumstances dictate that you still have to live at home, well - cough up. The sense of righteous entitlement in some of these posts is quite astounding. Don't look at it as 'being charged'. Look at it as a contribution to the finances of house you are still allowed to live in. Like a grown-up. If I had an adult offspring sponging off me, I would actively consider down-sizing my property, or if that wasn't possible, I might decide to walk around my own home stark naked - as I am entitled to do. While their friends were over.

Princess Calla

Foggy Jew wrote: »

I am actually cringing reading some of these posts. Particularly the use of phrases like 'My mam CHARGES me rent'. FFS! .

To be fair, that's just an expression. I don't think anyone is resentful to pay rent to their folks.

I'd say 95 % of adults want to get out of their parents hair as fast as possible... I know I certainly did. I also think the majority are extremely grateful to their parents.

Graham

Mod Note

some posts discussing current/historical property prices have been moved to more appropriate threads.

AulWan

Princess Calla wrote: »

To be fair, that's just an expression. I don't think anyone is resentful to pay rent to their folks.

I'd say 95 % of adults want to get out of their parents hair as fast as possible... I know I certainly did. I also think the majority are extremely grateful to their parents.

Maybe Nox.

lulu1

Same as another poster from the time i started working i always gave money to my mother. She never asked for it and i wouldnt have called it rent but all my friends always gave their parents at that time.

user.name

I'm 25 and still live at home. I pay my parents €300 per month and give some more money at Christmas time/pay the odd bill myself.

I got a promotion in work recently so I'm on a good wage now. Planning to move out after Christmas to rent in Dublin. While I don't consider the rental market ideal, I have no plans to buy a house in the near future, as it would be impossible to get somewhere nice on my own for prices at the moment. The urge to move out is moreso for independence and living on your own. It is nice to live at home with dinners etc., sometimes you just want to have your own life.

I recently viewed a place and could afford to rent it and still save the same amount each month as I'm saving at home. It will mean that I've less income for general spending, but that will help me in wasting money spent on clothes, drink etc.

Paul_Mc1988

I paid my last contribution this week as I have just bought my own house. €70 a week I handed up to the house. Was an apprentice electrician from 2007 to 2012 and had a few stints off work. During them stints they wouldn't take a penny. Went back to college from 2012 to 2015 and didn't pay anything. Got a job from 2015 till present and have been paying up the last four years.

I would be paying 5-7 times that on my own so it's the least I could do.

Princess Calla

Paul_Mc1988 wrote: »

I paid my last contribution this week as I have just bought my own house. €70 a week I handed up to the house. Was an apprentice electrician from 2007 to 2012 and had a few stints off work. During them stints they wouldn't take a penny. Went back to college from 2012 to 2015 and didn't pay anything. Got a job from 2015 till present and have been paying up the last four years.

I would be paying 5-7 times that on my own so it's the least I could do.

Congratulations on your new home, may you have many years of happiness

Assetbacked

petros1980 wrote: »

Outrageous?? :pac::pac::pac::pac:

You see its dim attitudes like your own that result in kids living at home into their late 30s/40s etc

Do you seriously not see the logical flaw in your argument?

Yes some children will see not paying anything towards rent/living expenses as a good opportunity to save for their own place etc;

But, an many children will see also it as a good opportunity to live lavish lifestyles while sponging off their folks and will therefore be happy to carry on doing so.

The parents are adults as well so they shouldn't allow the kids to stay if they see they are just going out into town every weekend, buying a new car, eating takeaways etc. So I stand over my point that it is outrageous for parents to demand more than enough to cover expenses.

Parents who take minimal rent from adult kids living at home who are living lavish lifestyles are stunting the emotional growth of their adult kids by not forcing them to better fend for themselves. I suppose an alternative could be to take proper rent from the kids, but put it into a savings account for them which they can access to buy or move out.

Electric Sheep

Cyrus wrote: »

When were the good old days in your opinion ? I’m not much older than you in case you think otherwise

The brief Celtic tiger blip of 100% mortgage. You'd be surprised how many people think that was the historic norm.

Claw Hammer

CrabRevolution wrote: »

it'd break my Mother's heart for me to move out!

That is exactly why you should move out. You are a continuing child in that arrangement.

Claw Hammer

Claw Hammer wrote: »

That is exactly why you should move out. You are a continuing child in that arrangement.

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.