Is Adult Children Living in the Family Home a Good Thing?

various artistes

If I had the mortgage paid off I'd like to think I would charge them something, but put it into a savings account and give it back to them as part of the deposit needed for their own homes when the time comes. Be a nice surprise.

I don't think many people's parents or the school system teach kids the importance of having a savings account from the age of 18. I only started one when I was 29!

Mind you, in my early 20's house prices were rising so ridicilously that we effectively "knew" at the time that we would never own a house and wouldn't have bothered saving (this being a time when homes on my estate went from about 200k to 380k in about 3 years, at the time it seemed likely, with our admittedtly poor ecoonomic knowledge at the time, that by the time we were 30 they'd be about 700k at that rate).

It's amazing really, for all the doom and gloom these days housing is a lot more affordable than at the height of the last boom, only difference is no 100% mortgages. Which is a good thing.

splinter65

It’s amazing to me that there are posters like Ignacio Ashy Goose who I think is either engaged and building a house/getting married who has no experience of meeting or mixing with people who don’t come from a very comfortable farming background like his own.
Imagine reaching your early 30s and not realising or accepting that lots of parents can’t afford to have an adult child living at home without expecting them to make some financial contribution ? It’s like the twilight zone to me.
For example, people living in council houses have their rent go up by €30 a week minimum if a person aged 18+ comes to live with them.
Is Ignacio Ashy Goose suggesting that parents on low income should just absorb this??

niallers1

The chan chan man wrote: »

MOD NOTE

Thread split from a discussion of fair contributions while living in the family home.

Am I in the minority here?

My parents never charged me “rent” and I certainly won’t be charging my boys when they’re older. They can stay as long as they want! I just want us all to enjoy the time together.

Should adult children be living with their parents? Answer = No

But if they are they should be paying their way while looking for their own place to live. There is no dignity in being a freeloader.

Parents believe it or not have their own life to live without paying for or still having their adult children to mind

A parents responsibility is to bring you up and educate you. Part of that education is to give you the skills to lead an independent life away from them. Living with your parents any later than 25 is ridiculous unless it's for some sort of emergency.

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

I would say it’s the rule. I know a lot of people who lived at home well into their late 20’s and 30’s or still live at home friends, family member etc and I’ve never heard of people paying rent to live at home. Money going the other way (I.e. parents helping out their children with extra money, hosue deposits, help buying cars etc) would be something I’ve heard of whereas paying rent not really.

I was in my late 20’s before I ever even herd of the concept after reading it on here.

I paid about 40% of my wages back in the 70’s.

My own kids didn’t pay anything out of their weekend jobs, but were each expected to put some into a savings tin which was opened December 1st and was our Christmas money.
They were only expected to pay once in full time employment. I didn’t set a rate, but both were generous. Any extra money was again put into the Christmas tin.
It teaches budgeting which I’m hoping is standing to them now that they’ve both set up their own homes.

To answer the OP, there’s nothing wrong with adult children living at home. There’s more to sharing than paying ones way. Respecting each other’s space is very important too.

AulWan

Princess Calla wrote: »

I said in a previous post that I was 30 when I moved out, that was a swipe at me

No, I didn't notice what age you left home at.

Masala

My kids blow their wages on Overseas holidays, meals out 2-3 times a week and clothes that never get worn.

So taking rent is a way of getting them ready for the real world. I am not subsidizing their lifestyle and I have told them that. 5ey can rent downtown and see how good they had it at home. Kids making €40k a year should pay rent is my feeling anf my rule I& living at home getting fed and watered.

lawred2

The chan chan man wrote: »

MOD NOTE

Thread split from a discussion of fair contributions while living in the family home.

Am I in the minority here?

My parents never charged me “rent” and I certainly won’t be charging my boys when they’re older. They can stay as long as they want! I just want us all to enjoy the time together.

You know what.. the vision I have in my head is of my adult children staying with us, with decent jobs/careers, being fiscally prudent, saving and building their own independent wealth. So when they do leave the house they are armed with both an understanding of money management and a decent wealth fund to get them started on their own. I'd be more than happy to fund that and never seek a cent from any of them.

However, work shy, dropping out of college, money wasted routinely on drugs or alcohol - you're getting charged rent.

nutjobb

My own experience, I'm 28 now and so is my girlfriend, we are living with her parents just over two years now while we stepped up our saving for a deposit, after renting ourselves for 4 years previous. We are now sale agreed and hopefully will be good to go in Feb/March.

We contribute 50 euro each weekly as well as doing the recycling every week. For one year I worked every Saturday for her father while he was running a business operating machinery, I did this largely for free.

In my opinion, it brings me great pleasure in being able to be able to give back something to people that have spent years raising you to say thanks. In this case it's my girlfriend's parents but i try to do as much as i can for my own parents too.

One of the benefits of having kids is having someone to look after you when you get old..

Masala

Masala wrote: »

My kids blow their wages on Overseas holidays, meals out 2-3 times a week and clothes that never get worn.

So taking rent is a way of getting them ready for the real world. I am not subsidizing their lifestyle and I have told them that. 5ey can rent downtown and see how good they had it at home. Kids making €40k a year should pay rent is my feeling anf my rule I& living at home getting fed and watered.

Anyone on €40k a year can afford their own gaff!

Masala

Deleted User wrote: »

Anyone on €40k a year can afford their own gaff!

I agree.... but only started in October and still on probation. Gotta build up some savings for deposit etc.


Is looking but no joy as yet so start looking again after Xmas.

Heres Johnny

I moved out as soon as I finished college and got a job so was never really an independent adult in my parents house. But my sister lived there until 35, had a decent job, drank like a fish and partied like a pirate and refused to pay anything towards the house all the time crying poverty and causing rows with my parents, my mother in particular. Made me sick to be honest, thought it was shocking carry on and it's alienated her from myself and my other 2 brothers. We just didn't agree with it at all. I thought she should have been put out on her ear but parents, being parents, will never do this.

antimatterx

I'm 23, live at home, I don't pay up exactly as my folks don't need/want it, but I do buy stuff for the house. Although I might be slightly weird in that I'm saving about 70% of my wages. I'll be able to buy a 2 bed apartment in Dublin in 18 months.

Masala

antimatterx wrote: »

I'm 23, live at home, I don't pay up exactly as my folks don't need/want it, but I do buy stuff for the house. Although I might be slightly weird in that I'm saving about 70% of my wages. I'll be able to buy a 2 bed apartment in Dublin in 18 months.

Well done You....as a parent I would be happy to support you as you save like this and have a plan.

Eric Cartman

Ive always found a weird divide in this

in rural places its very common for the son to stay living in the home till he's with a woman he's engaged to / likely to be married to then building a house on the land or getting a house is common . For people from urban environments its common that the son(s) would move out of home, share a house with a few lads and keep that going till he gets a place with an other half.

For women it seems to make no odds urban or rurally, unless theres a geographic requirement (for college/work) they tend to stay living at home in adult years until they are in a committed relationship / engaged.

However when women move out they tend to only depend on their parents for advice and/or money (the parents paid for their car, they ring to know where the fuse box is....) but are more independent day to day.

Lads from urban environments tend to be pretty independent but from rural environments are home every weekend for mammys dinner, do the washing, look after basically everything for them.

Now these are obviously not a blanket categorisation for everyone but if you think about it, the trend becomes very clear.

Women tend only to leave home as a requirement of work/college or when they have a partner to handle half the cost and all the non day to day incidents. Where men tend to leave as a right of passage but some cling on to being coddled by parents.

I left home at 18 and havent depended on the parents for anything since, so I find it very odd that people stay but this is just what ive observed. If I went up to my ma every friday expecting a weekend of dinners and the washing done she'd quite rightly tell me to f*ck off.

eviltwin

My eldest still lives at home but pays rent. She's emigrating next September so tbh I'm only too happy to have her stay, she's going to be gone forever soon

I do charge rent but it's minimal. Luckily we can manage without it. She buys her own food, helps out with pet and baby sitting so I feel we all do okay out of it.

handlemaster

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

You are in the minority here as boards posters do have some very odd opinions on the topic compared to the real word where you and I would be in the majority in seeing paying rent at home as bizarre.

I never even heard of the concept, didn’t even enter my head that people actually pay rent to live at home until I saw people posting on boards about it.

Another way to look at it is, the property is their parents not theirs. When you become an adult you are expected to use the life skills that you have learned to look after yourself.

I moved out of home at 17, so there was never an option to pay rent. But when I had part time jobs & summer jobs as a teenager, my Mam took money from me.
It was to teach me about life & money & budgets etc. I learned the value of money & when I moved away at 17 I took care of myself from then on, I never needed to ask her for a penny.
Good lessons

lozenges

I moved out of home as soon as I started working full-time. Stayed in parents house during college - was living in Dublin so would have been prohibitively expensive for me to move out, we were a fairly low-income household at the time. Worked part-time every weekend, was expected to (and did) pay a monthly amount to my mum for board/upkeep.
Quit working during final year of college during which I didn't pay anything, paid her back once I got my full-time job. Have never had anything paid for by her since and would regularly loan or give her funds for things as her income remains much below what mine currently is.

I definitely think as an adult you should contribute to the household you're living in, it teaches budgeting/saving skills and most importantly independence. I would be ashamed of living off somebody else and not making any sort of contribution, even if it's more as a gesture than anything else.

Gumbo

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

You are in the minority here as boards posters do have some very odd opinions on the topic compared to the real word where you and I would be in the majority in seeing paying rent at home as bizarre.

I never even heard of the concept, didn’t even enter my head that people actually pay rent to live at home until I saw people posting on boards about it.

Here, in Dublin it would be the norm.
Kids would hand up a wage to their parents once they start working, full time in my experience.

When I was still in school and working part time, my parents took nothing. But once I went full time in my professional career, I started paying what I could. For me, at that time it was €50 a week. My brothers done the same.

My parents provided all foods, utilities etc, it was the very least we could do.
All of my friends the same. It would be considered normal here in Dublin.

It was never considered "rent" and my parents never "needed" it as such. It was a financial transaction to help pay your way.
I started full time work when I was 21 and moved out when I was 25 so they didn't benefit from us being there that long

Same way my nanny thought me when I was getting my first credit union loan to buy a car. She said, it was one thing to buy the car, but I should be throwing a tenner a week in a jar in case something breaks on it!

AbdAlAla

My parents have received 2 bedroom social house, I've my own room and pay my share of rent. I pay for everything myself including food etc... I see no reason to move out and suffer the consequences of high rents - what good would that do for me? By the way, my father has been working for 2 years and went on Disability allowance because he claims to be sick from work he hasn't been working since 10 years. So I have more years worked than him.

witzky

AbdAlAla wrote: »

My parents have received 2 bedroom social house, I've my own room and pay my share of rent. I pay for everything myself including food etc... I see no reason to move out and suffer the consequences of high rents - what good would that do for me? By the way, my father has been working for 2 years and went on Disability allowance because he claims to be sick from work he hasn't been working since 10 years. So I have more years worked than him.

Nice try

AbdAlAla

witzky wrote: »

Nice try

What do you mean by that?

Plumbthedepths

AbdAlAla wrote: »

My parents have received 2 bedroom social house, I've my own room and pay my share of rent. I pay for everything myself including food etc... I see no reason to move out and suffer the consequences of high rents - what good would that do for me? By the way, my father has been working for 2 years and went on Disability allowance because he claims to be sick from work he hasn't been working since 10 years. So I have more years worked than him.

Welcome new poster, nice few bases covered there. You got the social welfare outrage side and the illegal sub letting covered in your in first post. Impressive. ;-)

AbdAlAla

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

Welcome new poster, nice few bases covered there. You got the social welfare outrage side and the illegal sub letting covered in your in first post. Impressive. ;-)

Oh you are silly. I've stated my situation and you are attacking me, nothing illegal or outrageous in the post.

By the way adding to the topic, I've heard in Dagestan parents have to build houses for their sons, would love if it were the way here.

Salary Negotiator

When I moved back in with my folks for 6 months a few years ago my dad said if I worked about 10 hours a week in his business I wouldn’t have to pay rent

Seemed like a fair deal to me.

I was on decent money so it wouldn’t have felt right to have them supplement my income.

MrMusician18

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

I would say it’s the rule. I know a lot of people who lived at home well into their late 20’s and 30’s or still live at home friends, family member etc and I’ve never heard of people paying rent to live at home. Money going the other way (I.e. parents helping out their children with extra money, hosue deposits, help buying cars etc) would be something I’ve heard of whereas paying rent not really.

I was in my late 20’s before I ever even herd of the concept after reading it on here.

There are three schools of thought on this. The first one is that the adult offspring hands up nothing. This is usually what're the parents are often comfortably off and/or are happy to have the adult still living at home with them

The second one is where a sum is handed up and the parent puts that money away for the adult with the intent to give it back to them when they need a large sum - such as a house deposit. The adult may not know that this is the intention for that money. And the parent can teach a valuable lesson regarding budgeting and paying ones way whilst still at home.

The third one is where the money is needed in the household or is cultural. The parents themselves may have been expected to hand up for example to their parents and thus this is seen as normal. In low income households it may also be a necessity. The handing up can sometimes take the form of handling a specific utility or a set cash sum per month, among many other variations.

How common any of the three scenarios above are, I couldn't say, but I suspect there latter is the most common.

afterglow

Parentalunit wrote: »

Absolutely not! It may be a necessity in some cases but it's an arrangement that the adult children should seek to end as early as possible, and if they don't they're parasitic arseholes. I would make an exception if the adult children are providing a caring role but I think that's probably a minority situation.

wow! Tell us how you really feel about it eh?
so the only circumstances one should live with their parents in, is if they're ' looking ' ' after ' them?
Not quite sure I agree with the parasitic reference, but sponging is definitely not ok

Princess Calla

Some parents especially if they are comfortable themselves will not take rent as they see it as an inefficient division of assets.

I suppose you could look at it as giving the kids their inheritance while they are still alive.

If the parents own a house especially Dublin the chances are the proceeds from the sale of the house will wipe out threshold A allowance in CAT. Resulting in every other cent in the estate being taxed at 33% or whatever the rate is at time of date. This is money the parents have already paid 50% tax on themselves.... Now add in "rent" paid by the child which they have also paid 50% tax on.

Some parents would rather their children live free than the taxman benefit so much from their hard work.

Obviously not every parent is in that lucky situation.

Wildly Boaring

My parents are happy but in semi retirement.

I lived with them for one 9 month stint in 2007 and this year me, my and our kinds were with them when waiting on our new house to be finished.

My dad in particular flat out refused rent both times.
In 2007 I bought new diswasher, powerwasher and painted the outside of the house.

This year I filled the kerosene tank and looked after their house lately while they were away.

I can see why parents wont take it but I can't see why children wouldn't sort it one way or the other.

Assetbacked

Parents charging rent that is more than just covering expenses is outrageous. For both parents and adult kids, it is not emotionally healthy to live together so the purpose for living at home into adulthood should solely be to save money to move out.