Is Adult Children Living in the Family Home a Good Thing?

Graham

Mod Note

some posts discussing current/historical property prices have been moved to more appropriate threads.

AulWan

Princess Calla wrote: »

To be fair, that's just an expression. I don't think anyone is resentful to pay rent to their folks.

I'd say 95 % of adults want to get out of their parents hair as fast as possible... I know I certainly did. I also think the majority are extremely grateful to their parents.

Maybe Nox.

lulu1

Same as another poster from the time i started working i always gave money to my mother. She never asked for it and i wouldnt have called it rent but all my friends always gave their parents at that time.

user.name

I'm 25 and still live at home. I pay my parents €300 per month and give some more money at Christmas time/pay the odd bill myself.

I got a promotion in work recently so I'm on a good wage now. Planning to move out after Christmas to rent in Dublin. While I don't consider the rental market ideal, I have no plans to buy a house in the near future, as it would be impossible to get somewhere nice on my own for prices at the moment. The urge to move out is moreso for independence and living on your own. It is nice to live at home with dinners etc., sometimes you just want to have your own life.

I recently viewed a place and could afford to rent it and still save the same amount each month as I'm saving at home. It will mean that I've less income for general spending, but that will help me in wasting money spent on clothes, drink etc.

Paul_Mc1988

I paid my last contribution this week as I have just bought my own house. €70 a week I handed up to the house. Was an apprentice electrician from 2007 to 2012 and had a few stints off work. During them stints they wouldn't take a penny. Went back to college from 2012 to 2015 and didn't pay anything. Got a job from 2015 till present and have been paying up the last four years.

I would be paying 5-7 times that on my own so it's the least I could do.

Princess Calla

Paul_Mc1988 wrote: »

I paid my last contribution this week as I have just bought my own house. €70 a week I handed up to the house. Was an apprentice electrician from 2007 to 2012 and had a few stints off work. During them stints they wouldn't take a penny. Went back to college from 2012 to 2015 and didn't pay anything. Got a job from 2015 till present and have been paying up the last four years.

I would be paying 5-7 times that on my own so it's the least I could do.

Congratulations on your new home, may you have many years of happiness

Assetbacked

petros1980 wrote: »

Outrageous?? :pac::pac::pac::pac:

You see its dim attitudes like your own that result in kids living at home into their late 30s/40s etc

Do you seriously not see the logical flaw in your argument?

Yes some children will see not paying anything towards rent/living expenses as a good opportunity to save for their own place etc;

But, an many children will see also it as a good opportunity to live lavish lifestyles while sponging off their folks and will therefore be happy to carry on doing so.

The parents are adults as well so they shouldn't allow the kids to stay if they see they are just going out into town every weekend, buying a new car, eating takeaways etc. So I stand over my point that it is outrageous for parents to demand more than enough to cover expenses.

Parents who take minimal rent from adult kids living at home who are living lavish lifestyles are stunting the emotional growth of their adult kids by not forcing them to better fend for themselves. I suppose an alternative could be to take proper rent from the kids, but put it into a savings account for them which they can access to buy or move out.

Electric Sheep

Cyrus wrote: »

When were the good old days in your opinion ? I’m not much older than you in case you think otherwise

The brief Celtic tiger blip of 100% mortgage. You'd be surprised how many people think that was the historic norm.

Claw Hammer

CrabRevolution wrote: »

it'd break my Mother's heart for me to move out!

That is exactly why you should move out. You are a continuing child in that arrangement.

Claw Hammer

Claw Hammer wrote: »

That is exactly why you should move out. You are a continuing child in that arrangement.

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.

Cyrus

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.

detachment?

its independence nox, try it sometime.

Claw Hammer

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.

It is not about cutting ties, it is about developing fully as an adult. I haven't lived under my parents roof since i was 18. I pity those who stay at home.

Cyrus

Cyrus wrote: »

detachment?

its independence nox, try it sometime.

I don’t really understand the whole “independence” thing. To me it just means seeing less of people you care about very much and often brining hardship on yourself in the process..

I’ve lived away from home for quite a few years (though home almost every weekend, all my holidays spent at home etc) and I saw it as nothing more than a waste of money renting a room really (it was too far to commute only reason I didn’t stay living at home). Loved getting home at the weekends and for a few weeks for holidays etc.

I’m now mostly living at home again and will be getting building started on a house next door in 2020. I am delighted to be settling down at home and wouldn’t want it any other way.

Claw Hammer wrote: »

It is not about cutting ties, it is about developing fully as an adult. I haven't lived under my parents roof since i was 18. I pity those who stay at home.

I don’t think you can decide a person isn’t “fully developed as an adult” just because they are close to their parents and want them part of their day to day lives. I find it sad and pity those who do have very close relationships with them.

AulWan

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.

You can still maintain a close relationship with family without having to live with them. Its kind of strange that you think moving out / away = becoming detatched or losing closeness with your family.

My parents are part of my day to day life every single day, and I moved out about 25 years ago. I speak to them on the phone every day and see them at least twice a week, minimum.

Maybe you need to experience living independantly to actually grasp what it means to not live with your parents.

Cyrus

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

I don’t think you can decide a person isn’t “fully developed as an adult” just because they are close to their parents and want them part of their day to day lives. I find it sad and pity those who do have very close relationships with them.

you can if they are living at home into their 30s,

you can be close to your parents without living like a teenager.

pablo128

AulWan wrote: »

You can still maintain a close relationship with family without having to live with them. Its kind of strange that you think moving out / away = becoming detatched or losing closeness with your family.

My parents are part of my day to day life every single day, and I moved out about 25 years ago. I speak to them on the phone every day and see them at least twice a week, minimum.

Maybe you need to experience living independantly to actually grasp what it means to not live with your parents.

Oh Jesus. Did you not read any of the posts from the person you quoted? He has worked and lived away. As have I by the way. I was working in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language when I was 19 and 20.

You must think we're all hanging out of Mammy's apron strings in our late teens and 20s.

Ballso

pablo128 wrote: »

Oh Jesus. Did you not read any of the posts from the person you quoted? He has worked and lived away. As have I by the way. I was working in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language when I was 19 and 20.

You must think we're all hanging out of Mammy's apron strings in our late teens and 20s.

We've been reading his posts on this forum for a long time. He very much is hanging out of his Mammys apron strings and far later than his late teens. He has never rented or owned a property, pays nothing to his family who subsidise him, has zero empathy for people who don't have this facility and constantly lectures people about their living arrangements on here. A cautionary tale on what can happen to someone who is dependent on his Mammy and Daddy into middle age. Sad.

wench

pablo128 wrote: »

Oh Jesus. Did you not read any of the posts from the person you quoted? He has worked and lived away. As have I by the way. I was working in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language when I was 19 and 20.

You must think we're all hanging out of Mammy's apron strings in our late teens and 20s.

And when he did, it was still going home to Mammy every weekend to be fed, and have his washing done.
He never fully left and set up his own life, he always planned to move back as soon as possible.

SusieBlue

Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »

Why do some people (on boards) have such an issue with others who like to keep very close relationships with their parents and that their parents are part of their day to day lives all their life?

This cutting ties, moving away etc is just not what a lot of people want to do. Even people who are moved away but go home every weekend.

Personally having a very close relationship with my family is important to me and its quite similar across most if not all my friends and family. Where living at home into late 20's, building next door to parents, very regularly visits home for those living away are all very common.

I'd personally hate the detachment some appear to strive for, really don't understand it and find it strange to be honest.

I don't think that's what the issue is. The issue is that your parents still subsidise your existence because you don't contribute towards the home you live in, despite the fact that you have your own income. You've made it clear that you think it would be unreasonable to do so and that you expect your parents to cover your costs, even though you are an able bodied working adult.

Its not about having a close relationship with your family - you can stand on your own two feet and pay your way and still be close to your parents. It doesn't mean you or they love each other any less, it doesn't mean you aren't close, it just means you are taking a bit of responsibility and being independant.

gourcuff

it seems to be mainly a dublin thing, most other irish people leave home at 18 or max once they finish college, i have read that it can cause developmental issues to live with your parents deep into your 20s, lack of self reliance, type of arrested development thing.


i never understand how it works when trying to date people, surely living in the parents house plays havoc with the social life and trying to get into a relationship with a girl?

Ballso

gourcuff wrote: »

it seems to be mainly a dublin thing, most other irish people leave home at 18 or max once they finish college, i have read that it can cause developmental issues to live with your parents deep into your 20s, lack of self reliance, type of arrested development thing.


i never understand how it works when trying to date people, surely living in the parents house plays havoc with the social life and trying to get into a relationship with a girl?

The price and availability of accommodation in Dublin is certainly a factor in people staying at home longer but I don't think it's a Dublin thing.

There's no question it impacts people developmentally, it goes a long way to explaining the ridiculous entitled attitudes which seem to pervade modern life. These people do not have healthy adult sex lives either.

thecowgoesmoo

I have A friend in their 30s still living at home. It’s unbelievable how much their babied.

Hes working full time and only contributing 50 a week to the household. 50 a week is pittance and miss it a lot of weeks. Mammy and Daddy gave him a loan for car and insurance and they miss a lot of weeks paying them back. No concept of money and wasnt able to bring the shares in CU to 10% of the loan

They go out and blow their money on booze every week or gamble it and get calls from Mammy that dinner is ready and tea is ready, does all washing and ironing for him

He can’t actually survive on his own and has no concept of money. It’s sad really.


When I moved back home to save for a mortgage I took care of all bills and food for the house which my parents expected as both were 60 and only working part time. I paid electric, phone, oil and food etc. It came to around 600 a month. Didn’t mind though, rather be with my parents than in a random house share.

I still help them out as much as I can, if I see the oil low I make an order, make sure enough briquettes, coal etc. Transfer my 7K bonus every year to them.

AulWan

pablo128 wrote: »

Oh Jesus. Did you not read any of the posts from the person you quoted? He has worked and lived away. As have I by the way. I was working in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language when I was 19 and 20.

You must think we're all hanging out of Mammy's apron strings in our late teens and 20s.

Yes I did actually, but it was the first time he mentioned it, and we cross posted.

It doesn't change anything, in fact if anything it seems stranger to me that someone who has lived independently would go back to living with their parents again, (unless it's due to financial necessity or a breakup). It doesn't seem natural to me.

Birds that have flown the nest don't return.

AulWan

gourcuff wrote: »

it seems to be mainly a dublin thing, most other irish people leave home at 18 or max once they finish college?

And others have posted that its a country thing, living with the mammy and having her cook your dinner and do your washing until you eventually build your own house on the next field over.

Ballso

thecowgoesmoo wrote: »

I still help them out as much as I can, if I see the oil low I make an order, make sure enough briquettes, coal etc. Transfer my 7K bonus every year to them.

I give my folks 400 a month as they are semi retired and in their 70's now, even though I've moved out from the family home decades ago. I'm well paid and can afford it, in large part due to their sacrifices in supporting me while I got my education. People in that generation did not have the opportunities we had.

The idea that they would support me at this stage of their lives is outrageous!

Ballso

AulWan wrote: »

Yes I did actually, but it was the first time he mentioned it, and we cross posted.

It doesn't change anything, in fact if anything it seems stranger to me that someone who has lived independently would go back to living with their parents again, (unless it's due to financial necessity or a breakup). It doesn't seem natural to me.

Birds that have flown the nest don't return.

In fairness we are living with a dysfunctional housing market and people moving back into the family home temporarily to save for a deposit is reasonable enough, if not ideal. Even if they are paying 500-600 euro a month in rent this is a long way off the 1500-2000 figure people are paying to rent in Dublin.

Always Tired

My mother is widowed and I moved back home, she appreciates me being there, I do a lot of stuff around the house and pay rent which is going to the mortgage instead of some cowboy charging a bomb for a moldy room. I want to get back out on my own but it's ridiculous rents out there now. The majority of house shares have some hassle anyway with either the LL or other tenants and you have no security, they can use so many loopholes to get you out if they want to sell or get a higher rent.

I think in the future we will see a big rise in communal spaces they are starting to do them now but they are doing them in trendy city areas and still charging huge amounts. Basically in the future I think we will see modern bedsit type situations where people live like in a college dormitory having a bedroom and sharing bathroom and kitchen facilities.

Always Tired

AulWan wrote: »

Yes I did actually, but it was the first time he mentioned it, and we cross posted.

It doesn't change anything, in fact if anything it seems stranger to me that someone who has lived independently would go back to living with their parents again, (unless it's due to financial necessity or a breakup). It doesn't seem natural to me.

Birds that have flown the nest don't return.

Well of course it is from financial necessity or breakup. Mine was both, plus the death of my father that prompted it. It is an adjustment but I still prefer it to dealing with the cretinous landlord class.

AulWan

Ballso wrote: »

In fairness we are living with a dysfunctional housing market and people moving back into the family home temporarily to save for a deposit is reasonable enough, if not ideal. Even if they are paying 500-600 euro a month in rent this is a long way off the 1500-2000 figure people are paying to rent in Dublin.

As I said... financial reasons.

lainey_d_123

I just don't believe you can develop into a proper, fully functioning, independent, mature adult while living at home past about 25. I have yet to meet a single person in this situation who has made me think otherwise. It's one thing to return to the family home to be a carer for family members or to get back on your feet after a divorce or job loss or whatever reason, but to have a well-paid job and never have left home at the age of 30+? Sorry, it's not conducive to normal development, IMO. If someone is willingly doing this, there's something not quite right there.