Shocked by long term partner’s actions

ITman88

ITman88 wrote: »

Hi all, hope this is the right place for this but I’m really in need of some advice. It’s a long winded story so please bear with me.
I finished work early today and texted my girlfriend, of 10 years and who I live with, to say I would be late home because I was meeting friends in the local and not to keep dinner for me because I would stop in the chipper.nd
After a fantastic evening of great discussion with great friends, aabout 8 Guinness, I stopped and got a lamb mix kebab and garlic chips which I devoured on the short walk home.


Has anyone ever experienced anything similar with a partner and has anyone any advice?

............and you didn't fart once after consuming the above???????

Peatys

[Deleted User] wrote: »

............and you didn't fart once after consuming the above???????

It's not about him farting.. try and keep up.

Noodles81

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2F81%2F90%2F4c%2F81904cbf130ae7275db1a08acef4a20c--so-funny-funny-dogs.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Frobertakerr%2Fpet-humor%2F&tbnid=_XiRktVkY7XbOM&vet=1&docid=NKUDyPHICwfMoM&w=236&h=312&itg=1&q=dog%20fartingneme&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim

Wibbs

Potential-Monke wrote: »

We need pics. Depending on what she looks like, she could probably play the Trombone in my mouth with her farts.

James Joyce, he lives!

CrankyHaus

Honestly I love really obvious troll posts like this. The way OP throws in the kitchen sink to rile people up is great, especially the follow on post. ITMan88 as the OP's name is merely the icing on the cake. The fatal flaw was throwing it up at 01:00 when something around 10 or 11 this morning would have surfed the lunchtime outrage wave perfectly.

JohnnyFlash

ITman88 wrote: »

Appreciate all the non confrontational replies so far, some are light hearted which I do enjoy, some are more serious highlighting I may be over reacting which is also perhaps valid.

What is staggering and frightening is the aggression in some of the replies. I’m shocked. Being told to F of by a mod, someone talking about incest and neck beards, wow.
If I see a thread that Iv nothing constructive to add to I simply don’t comment, anyhow I’ll rethink things in the morning

There’s a lot of anger around here, dude.

randd1

ITman88 wrote: »

Hi all, hope this is the right place for this but I’m really in need of some advice. It’s a long winded story so please bear with me.
I finished work early today and texted my girlfriend, of 10 years and who I live with, to say I would be late home because I was meeting friends in the local and not to keep dinner for me because I would stop in the chipper.
After a fantastic evening of great discussion with great friends, and about 8 Guinness, I stopped and got a lamb mix kebab and garlic chips which I devoured on the short walk home.
After arriving home I joined my girlfriend watching tv on the couch. It was at this stage I felt some stiffening in the groin, so after pointing it out to my OH we soon headed for the bedroom to get down to business, where we had some fun playing hide the sausage for a number of minutes. Afterwards we lay together talking and joking(I was feeling in good form up to that point).
It was at this point my girlfriend laughed and then farted, before saying something about the spaghetti she had earlier for dinner.
I can only say I was horrified, disgusted at her. It was the most horrific sound I ever heard, I was furious at her, and the juvenile excuse didn’t help, although I don’t think she detected my disgust.
She’s asleep beside me now, and I can barely look at her.
We have always had what I thought was a solid relationship, in fact I was thinking about proposing soon, she is the more successful career wise, and if I’m honest the better looking of us both, I went bald very young and have gained weight lately(although I am working very hard to change that). However after what happened this evening I’m thinking we need to seriously think about our future and I’m wondering if counseling may be an option for us.
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar with a partner and has anyone any advice?

Quit being the bitch in the relationship, man up, and do the farting in bed yourself.

Necro

ITman88 wrote:

Hi all, hope this is the right place for this but I’m really in need of some advice. It’s a long winded story so please bear with me. I finished work early today and texted my girlfriend, of 10 years and who I live with, to say I would be late home because I was meeting friends in the local and not to keep dinner for me because I would stop in the chipper. After a fantastic evening of great discussion with great friends, and about 8 Guinness, I stopped and got a lamb mix kebab and garlic chips which I devoured on the short walk home. After arriving home I joined my girlfriend watching tv on the couch. It was at this stage I felt some stiffening in the groin, so after pointing it out to my OH we soon headed for the bedroom to get down to business, where we had some fun playing hide the sausage for a number of minutes. Afterwards we lay together talking and joking(I was feeling in good form up to that point). It was at this point my girlfriend laughed and then farted, before saying something about the spaghetti she had earlier for dinner. I can only say I was horrified, disgusted at her. It was the most horrific sound I ever heard, I was furious at her, and the juvenile excuse didn’t help, although I don’t think she detected my disgust. She’s asleep beside me now, and I can barely look at her. We have always had what I thought was a solid relationship, in fact I was thinking about proposing soon, she is the more successful career wise, and if I’m honest the better looking of us both, I went bald very young and have gained weight lately(although I am working very hard to change that). However after what happened this evening I’m thinking we need to seriously think about our future and I’m wondering if counseling may be an option for us. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar with a partner and has anyone any advice?

Dude that wasn't a fart.

In your drunken state you imagined your plastic sex toy was real, it was just your grunting and grinding against the rubber that produced that sound.

Sleep it off, 'she'll' be there in the morning for round two

Sardonicat

Necro wrote: »

Dude that wasn't a fart.

In your drunken state you imagined your plastic sex toy was real, it was just your grunting and grinding against the rubber that produced that sound.

Sleep it off, 'she'll' be there in the morning for round two

In every dream home, a heartache.

Hector Savage

Surely after 10 years you should be on farting terms with your girlfriend ?

Feisar

jester77 wrote: »

How is that going for you?

I love people who think they are working hard to loose weight.

AMKC

So your upset OP because your girlfrind of 10 years farted. Its natural get over it. Its the bodys way of getting rid of bad air. Maybe she should get rid of you as it sounds like you do not deserve her. Also what the hell like 10 years and you are only now thinking of proposing to her. Should have been done 5 years ago.

super_furry

Are you sure your house doesn't have a carpet frog problem?

AH rating for this thread : Terrible & Flatulent.

rtron

rtron wrote: »

There is light at the end of tunnel op...

Just not a naked flame around his GF :eek:

Aceandstuff

ITman88 wrote: »

Hi all, hope this is the right place for this but I’m really in need of some advice. It’s a long winded story so please bear with me.
I finished work early today and texted my girlfriend, of 10 years and who I live with, to say I would be late home because I was meeting friends in the local and not to keep dinner for me because I would stop in the chipper.
After a fantastic evening of great discussion with great friends, and about 8 Guinness, I stopped and got a lamb mix kebab and garlic chips which I devoured on the short walk home.
After arriving home I joined my girlfriend watching tv on the couch. It was at this stage I felt some stiffening in the groin, so after pointing it out to my OH we soon headed for the bedroom to get down to business, where we had some fun playing hide the sausage for a number of minutes. Afterwards we lay together talking and joking(I was feeling in good form up to that point).
It was at this point my girlfriend laughed and then farted, before saying something about the spaghetti she had earlier for dinner.
I can only say I was horrified, disgusted at her. It was the most horrific sound I ever heard, I was furious at her, and the juvenile excuse didn’t help, although I don’t think she detected my disgust.
She’s asleep beside me now, and I can barely look at her.
We have always had what I thought was a solid relationship, in fact I was thinking about proposing soon, she is the more successful career wise, and if I’m honest the better looking of us both, I went bald very young and have gained weight lately(although I am working very hard to change that). However after what happened this evening I’m thinking we need to seriously think about our future and I’m wondering if counseling may be an option for us.
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar with a partner and has anyone any advice?

LIES!

Everyone knows that women don't fart, OP!

jimgoose

Hmm. Tricky. Obviously it was an audible parp as opposed to the Ninja silent-but-violent. Are we dealing with long, high-pitched trombone sort of sound, or more of a staccato rally car anti-lag sort of thing?

This is important - I'd have much more time for the sort of woman who just lets rip like a 400HP Impreza WRX when nature strikes, than the sort of sneaky mare who clenches and throttles desperately at 4am in an attempt to gas me silently.

Gynoid

Hector Savage wrote: »

Surely after 10 years you should be on farting terms with your girlfriend ?

I would have thought if people are not playing Pull My Finger within a month of meeting then things are not looking good.
Shocking story, OP

Feisar

OP she was warming up her pooper. Unlucky for you, you missed your que.

Tacitus Kilgore

jimgoose wrote: »

Hmm. Tricky. Obviously it was an audible parp as opposed to the Ninja silent-but-violent. Are we dealing with long, high-pitched trombone sort of sound, or more of a staccato rally car anti-lag sort of thing?

This is important - I'd have much more time for the sort of woman who just lets rip like a 400HP Impreza WRX when nature strikes, than the sort of sneaky mare who clenches and throttles desperately at 4am in an attempt to gas me silently.

:pac::pac:




My aul doll has IBS, it's like living with a brass band.

It's fuckin hilarious, slays the hell out of me every time, we high five over them a lot, and tbh - I'm very jealous of her farting prowess.. I say this not in a James Joycey fart-facey way - but in a "farts are fucking hilarious" way...


OP is a gobdaw and doesn't know how lucky he is.

One eyed Jack

I’m thinking maybe the opening post was an attempt at humour that fell flat. Jesus it was drawn out. If anyone can think of a punchline to this post you’re welcome to it, I’m just too disappointed to care.

Peatys

Op, we've all seen enough prolapse porn to know that you've had a part to play in her inability to control her sphincter muscle.

You'll just have to take the good with the bad.

tylercheribini

Peatys wrote: »

Op, we've all seen enough prolapse porn to know that you've had a part to play in her inability to control her sphincter muscle.

You'll just have to take the good with the bad.

Arse like a yawning hippo.

Feisar

Peatys wrote: »

Op, we've all seen enough prolapse porn to know that you've had a part to play in her inability to control her sphincter muscle.

You'll just have to take the good with the bad.

In fairness when Ava Devine farts it probably sounds like silence!

ITman88

I appreciate any responses that weren’t unnecessarily aggressive.
I had a talk with my partner and we agreed that while I did overreact slightly we both had to accept we were wrong!
In future she is willing to change her diet so she doesn’t sound like an all army FCA shoot in Kilworth.
She really is a great girl and I genuinely feel if weren’t for her brother we would already be engaged!
Thanks for the responses guys and have a great Christmas.

furiousox

This is what you had last night OP...

"..8 Guinness, lamb mix kebab and garlic chips."

....but HER diet is the problem? :rolleyes::pac::pac:

ITman88

furiousox wrote: »

This is what you had last night OP...

"..8 Guinness, lamb mix kebab and garlic chips."

....but HER diet is the problem? :rolleyes::pac::pac:

yeah she is willing to make an effort which a lot to me personally

ITman88

ITman88 wrote: »

yeah she is willing to make an effort which a lot to me personally

All the same, it must have been quite deflating when you let the air out of "her".

furiousox

Ah, I've enjoyed the wind-up OP.
Here's my gift to you, make sure you watch it 'til the end.
It's an educational classic, you're welcome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G56DaSAeZfM

jimgoose

ITman88 wrote: »

...She really is a great girl and I genuinely feel if weren’t for her brother we would already be engaged!...

Why did I initially mis-read this as "if I weren't her brother..." :pac:

Someone is trying to be witty ..............

CrankyHaus

Cheers for the wind up OP.

There might be a good opening for you here on Boards now that Aonghus Von Bismarck seems to have hung up his Church's.

WrenBoy

Hopefully she'll buck up her ideas, thanks for sharing ITman

Comhrá

Buy her a bottle of this for Christmas - and have a drop yourself.

Sardonicat

Comhra wrote: »

Buy her a bottle of this for Christmas - and have a drop yourself.

Isn't that stuff banned now?

The One Doctor

Mr feilgen raising his ugly head again?

jimgoose

Sardonicat wrote: »

Isn't that stuff banned now?

Gripewater-style products containing alcohol are banned. These days it contains various herbs, lemon, etc.

Raconteuse

Peatys wrote: »

prolapse porn.

Peatys

Raconteuse wrote: »

Don't Google that.

debok

But its ok when she shïts on your chest?