How do I get my boyfriend to stop sending me money without seeming ungrat

Dj Stiggie

anon2323 wrote: »

Hi all. I'm home from visiting him

I put off having a conversation about the money straight away but it came up when he showed me a CV he had made for me and told me he had been handing them around the shops where he lives and got me a job in the local newsagent. He said this to me like it was great news and I was a bit shocked. We never even discussed me moving down with him. I told him I was applying to jobs in Dublin in the field I studied in and we got into an ugly argument that turned physical which has never happened before. He accused me of not wanting to pay him back and I said I would when I could. I told him I wanted to leave and asked him to drop me back into town so I could get the bus and he refused. He wouldn't let me leave and I got quite scared because I hadn't managed to tell anyone where I was going before I left. I chickened out of telling a friend.

He let me leave yesterday and was very apologetic and lovely but I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him ever again. I assured him that like a poster here said, I would go straight home and take a loan from the credit union and we would be finished and the money would be settled.

He told me that he would only accept in-person cash payments for the money he loaned me and knew a solicitor who could make it so that I would be never able to get a loan from a bank or a credit card if i didn't do it. I'm genuinely sick to my stomach and awfully embarrassed that I couldn't see what he was truly like sooner and I really don't know how to think. Could he do what he says?

I half think things would be easier if i never caused a fuss about it in the first place.

Under no circumstances do you give back the money in person, you need a paper trail. And as the above poster said, no solicitor can do that.

You should write down exactly what happened while it's fresh in your mind in case you need to recap what happened later.

If you're close to your parents, it might be a good idea to tell them the situation if you don't want to go to the Gards. You can leave out the BDSM bit with them, but you'll have to be honest with the Gards because it's your word against his.

rainbowtrout

anon2323 wrote: »

He let me leave yesterday and was very apologetic and lovely but I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him ever again. I assured him that like a poster here said, I would go straight home and take a loan from the credit union and we would be finished and the money would be settled.

He told me that he would only accept in-person cash payments for the money he loaned me and knew a solicitor who could make it so that I would be never able to get a loan from a bank or a credit card if i didn't do it. I'm genuinely sick to my stomach and awfully embarrassed that I couldn't see what he was truly like sooner and I really don't know how to think. Could he do what he says?

I half think things would be easier if i never caused a fuss about it in the first place.

Hi OP,

You've had a lucky escape. It's good to hear that you're OK for the most part. First off no solicitor can prevent you getting a loan or a credit card, that is nonsense. That is his last ditch attempt to maintain the 'relationship' and keep control of you.

He does not get to decide how you pay him. Do as you say you will, get the credit union loan. Pay it into his bank account. Give your bank instructions to block any payments from him. Send him a text as suggested above. Send him an email and a registered letter if you have to. But the bank record should be enough evidence anyway.

Then stay well away and cease all communication. Do not contact him or respond to him under any circumstances. He got physical with you and prevented you from leaving his house. He is dangerous.

He might have done up your CV but I'd say there's every chance he didn't hand it in anywhere. But had you moved to live with him, then you would have been entirely dependent on him for everything.

Make a report to the guards anyway. Even if you choose not to take it further. Put it on record. He is depending on your silence and your fear that you will continue to meet him in person to hand over cash. You can be damn sure that if the guards come knocking on his door to make enquiries you won't be hearing much from him again.

You might want to mention some of this to your family. You don't have to go into detail on the BDSM aspect of the relationship. You can simply tell them that you got involved with an older man and the relationship has turned nasty and you need help. If your family care I'm sure they would prefer to know the basics and want to support you rather than here a fraction of what happened the last couple of days ... or what could have happened. He is also trying to use the knowledge that none of your circle of friends/family knows about him to continue his control and abuse. Time to take that control away one way or the other.

Stay safe OP.

tara73

on the reporting to the guards, it's vital but, my feeling is you won't do this out of shame or shyness or still having feelings for this guy. But please, have a think: do you want this experience or worse !! happen to somebody else? I think you have some responsibility now to help prevent this happen to other women.

I'm sure he's already on the internet or wherever on the lookout for another woman he can use and abuse.

Lotus Flower

This line is pretty chilling "I half think things would be easier if i never caused a fuss about it in the first place"

Women in abusive relationships are terrified to make a fuss, afraid of upsetting the apple cart and walking on eggshells constantly.

I'm so sorry this happened to you but am so glad you got away from this awful man.

Lotus Flower

tara73 wrote: »

this post didn't get much recognition but it seems it wasn't too far from the reality..

absolutely shocking this update. Please go to the guards and report this person. For illegal restraint and physical abuse. His attempts to scare you off with his solicitor stuff about the money is laughable. Get the loan and transfer the money to hm asap. You will have a record of giving him the money back.

And please, please, do some work on your self esteem, on your way of seeing others and yourself. Get some professional help from a competent counsellor. You have serious issues with your (mis)perception of people and also yourself. It seems you can't see realities. If you are not doing something about it, I guarantee you, you end up again in a short while in some potential dangerous situation involving whatever form of abuse. I'm really worried about you!!

That relationship was the first thing I thought of also. I was also shocked by some posters saying that he doesn't sound dangerous and people are overreacting. I really feel that women have been taught to quash their instincts and made to feel silly or overreacting but instinct and gut is everything

Honeydew3456

anon2323 wrote: »

He let me leave yesterday and was very apologetic and lovely but I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him ever again. I assured him that like a poster here said, I would go straight home and take a loan from the credit union and we would be finished and the money would be settled.

He told me that he would only accept in-person cash payments for the money he loaned me and knew a solicitor who could make it so that I would be never able to get a loan from a bank or a credit card if i didn't do it.

Hi Op,

You poor poor thing, this must have been so frightening. I can't imagine being kept prisioner after being physically abused. So glad to hear you are home and safe now.

This man is dangerous and manipluative. He does not care for you. Only cares what he can get from you.

Actions speak louder than words and talk is cheap. It doesn't erase what he did to you. He might have been apologetic and lovely afterwards but please do not meet him for in person payments. His rage will be building now. He will try to use words to soften you up and no doubt hold you against your will if you see him in person again.

What a joke saying he can ensure your never get a loan again. Who the f**k does he think he is. It would never happen. A dom bully. Pathetic.

You have a bright future ahead if you stay well away from this man and concentrate on yourself and the type of man that actually deserves you. You gave him 4 years. Enough now.

As advised, threaten the guards if need be and please please please block him everywhere.

Fakediamond

tara73 wrote: »

on the reporting to the guards, it's vital but, my feeling is you won't do this out of shame or shyness or still having feelings for this guy. But please, have a think: do you want this experience or worse !! happen to somebody else? I think you have some responsibility now to help prevent this happen to other women.

I'm sure he's already on the internet or wherever on the lookout for another woman he can use and abuse.

I would agree, log it with the guards, even if you don’t want him prosecuted, it’s for your protection and others. He may go away quietly, or he may not, making the report now will add weight to any complaint that you might have to make in the future. Try and make an appointment with a Garda who specialises in domestic abuse. Don’t worry about being judged, they’ve heard it all before and probably worse.

If you don’t have his bank account details to make the transfer, the credit union will issue a cheque, made out to him, make a photocopy of it and post it to his address. If he chooses not to cash it, that’s his choice.

Block all means of communication, including letters, if he writes to you, return the letter unopened. Do not open or read any communication from him, they will be designed to frighten, control, coerce you, if you don’t look at them, you’ll feel stronger. Delete his texts without reading.

Heres Johnny

Glad you can see it now for what it was, a controlling abusive relationship. He has a very low opinion of you really, giving you money, not wanting you working then even doing a cv for you like you couldn't do it yourself.

Lucky escape, as I said before I was manipulated emotionally in a relationship and couldn't see it for a while but hopefully you're in the clear now.

Be careful in that bdsm world you're living in, by its very nature it attracts some very odd characters.

Toots

OP he's full of crap about damaging your credit rating. He can't do that. You really should report this to the Gardai, I know it is hard, but he assaulted you and it would be no harm to have it on record, just in case.

If he's insisting on in-person cash payments, tell him you'll happily do it in the local garda station. But seriously,he can't force you to do that, and you'd be insane to even consider meeting him again.

Take out a CU loan, transfer the money to him, and then close your bank accounts and open new ones. If he has your bank details he can keep sending money just to mess with you. I'd also change your phone number and email address too. I don't know if he's got your home address, but if he knows where you live, make sure to call the Gardai if you see him lurking around nearby.

cannotlogin

anon2323 wrote: »

I made a throwaway account to post........he does some things that make me uncomfortable.....Our relationship power dynamic is naturally lopsided......this has been made all the more so by all the money he keeps giving me.......I feel really over my head with the debt......He is insistent whenever I refuse........I feel a bit trapped......My family and friends don't know about him or our relationship

I'm glad you're ok but if you look at your opening post, the alarm bells were ringing and you knew it. **** happens and all do stupid stuff at times but what causes you to ignore your gut that there was something badly wrong here? The fact you told no one about him means you were uneasy from the start.

Why go against your own judgment? It's there to keep us safe.

pinkyeye

I wouldn't pay him back a penny. He transferred the money to you bank account. Does he have a record of you asking for a loan?? No. Why should you pay it back.

mkhall

tara73 wrote: »

this post didn't get much recognition but it seems it wasn't too far from the reality..

absolutely shocking this update. Please go to the guards and report this person. For illegal restraint and physical abuse. His attempts to scare you off with his solicitor stuff about the money is laughable. Get the loan and transfer the money to hm asap. You will have a record of giving him the money back.

And please, please, do some work on your self esteem, on your way of seeing others and yourself. Get some professional help from a competent counsellor. You have serious issues with your (mis)perception of people and also yourself. It seems you can't see realities. If you are not doing something about it, I guarantee you, you end up again in a short while in some potential dangerous situation involving whatever form of abuse. I'm really worried about you!!

+1 on this, was going to write something very similar OP and very glad you ended up safely in the situation. You had a very lucky escape from this man and there is absolutely no shame in getting any sort of help to avoid these situations going forward. (Wish I’d done similar in my early 20s in hindsight!)
Re the solicitor thing, holds no weight whatsoever. I would only pay him back to get rid of him or weight off your shoulders, the sooner you can talk to someone to even get this off your chest you’ll also see how irrational he is and the hold he has had on you. Really hope you mind yourself OP and you can break free of this man altogether

Millionaire only not

pinkyeye wrote: »

I wouldn't pay him back a penny. He transferred the money to you bank account. Does he have a record of you asking for a loan?? No. Why should you pay it back.

I’d agree 100% , don’t be bothered paying it back and if the Gardaí call to him I’m pretty sure Ull never again here from him !
The money won’t bother him !

ILoveYourVibes

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Guys it doesn't sound like she is in danger etc. I think you are over reacting.

Oh dear. Only seeing the thread this morning. First reaction was OP is putting herself in a lot of danger. So many red flags. Not surprised at all to read her latest update. OP, to be blunt, you sound very vulnerable and naive. No matter what he says, NEVER meet this guy again. He may not be able to control his attempts to control you next time, and the next update we'll get will be from the national news.

zerosugarbuzz

Definitely go to the guards and make a statement. He may not let go that easy and it’s better that they are aware of him both for your sake and who ever his next victim is.

Fakediamond

Regarding paying him back the money, it’s not technically a loan, as you didn’t ask him for it and even tried to resist taking it. If it makes him go away, it’s worth paying him just to get rid of him forever. If he is going to continue harassing you anyway, I wouldn’t bother as he will just find another means to keep trying to control you. Either way, never, ever communicate with him directly again. Every time you respond to a text, or answer a call, he sees that as a “win” and you will be back at square one in terms of trying to get rid of him. Remember that any contact, whether positive or negative, is continuing the relationship in his mind.

Take care OP, and take on board all the excellent advice given in this thread.

punisher5112

There are so many levels of wrong here.

Op no matter what, from today on cut contact, change your number and any social media accounts as this could get quite a lot more dangerous and sinister.....

Tell your close friends and I would also suggest telling your family even if it's not fully true such as you met someone online and it turns out they're violent in which is true.

No matter what feelings you have you need to use your brain and get away from such a nuts situation.

As others mentioned he is absolutely full of it and can't do anything about the money.

It's totally up to you whether you pay back or not but to be honest it would be best to get rid and that he has nothing over you even in his mind.

You have dodged a serious serious situation and you are extremely lucky to have walked away.

You were held against your will so in essence you were actually kidnapped.

Does this man know where you live?
If yes this would be worrying.

You need to be smart about this whole thing and look after yourself.

Oh forgot to say that ain't no boyfriend either.... Edited.

marilynrr

Definitely go to the guards.
You need this on record. You don't want him to start coming to your house using the excuse that he was just trying to get the money you owed him.

I am glad you're ok. What an awful experience.

I wonder is there a way to report dangerous people on dating and fetish sites. I'm sure they won't do much about it but they might have to keep a record of it, if they got a couple of reports from different women then maybe they'd have to take it more seriously and ban him from the site.

Purple Mountain

*Definitely pay back every cent via a bank transfer ASAP. You do not want to be beholding to him anymore.
Do not meet him to pay him back under any circumstances.
Send him an email when the transaction is gone through.
Tell him that you have paid X amount into his bank account on Y date and that he is never ever to have any form of contact with you ever again.
*Tell a few friends or family what had happened and make sure they know his name and address.
*Put a statement on record at the Garda station.
*Block his number and access to you on all contact platforms.

Faith

CMod note: username2020, your post was deleted as it falls short of the standard expected in PI/RI. Please read the charter before posting again.

anon2323

Thanks everyone for your advice on how to handle everything. It's been a really difficult few days so your reassurance has been great. I went to the credit union today and got the money and transferred it to him. Texted him to inform such and blocked his number. Every little bit has been so hard but I am so relieved I did that small thing. I know its not what most people here want to hear but I haven't told anyone what happened or made it down to the guards yet to tell them and honestly I don't know if i can. I'm all over the place. Thank you for your help and kind words regardless.

leggo

Look up Women’s Aid if you need to talk to someone in the meantime. It’s there only as a free support to advice women in exact situations like yours. Zero consequences or anything, just support and someone qualified to talk to.

punisher5112

Please tell someone, I'm sorry to say but I doubt it's the last you will hear off him.

StinkyMunkey

Counselling is the way to go, a friendly ear and no judgement. If nothing it will get this whole mess off your chest.

It's better you paid the money back otherwise you would have had that hanging over you.

Redser87

Fair play for making it this far. +1 on ringing Women's Aid, they are experienced and non-judgemental. They can help you to make a plan for what comes next.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

anon2323 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your advice on how to handle everything. It's been a really difficult few days so your reassurance has been great. I went to the credit union today and got the money and transferred it to him. Texted him to inform such and blocked his number. Every little bit has been so hard but I am so relieved I did that small thing. I know its not what most people here want to hear but I haven't told anyone what happened or made it down to the guards yet to tell them and honestly I don't know if i can. I'm all over the place. Thank you for your help and kind words regardless.

Four years of your life have been pulled out from under your feet, it's a lot to process, it's only been a few days, it's ok to be reeling.

I think you should aim towards telling some people in your life, not least because there is a possibility he'll escalate his behaviour somehow, and that would not be an ideal way for this to all come out.

Speaking about it out loud will probably be substantially more difficult than writing about it. You've spent years knowing this had to be kept secret, that he wasn't to be spoken about. Do you think you could work on being able to speak about it on the phone to a helpline, like Women's Aid? They might be able to advise or liaise with the gards too and I know it's hard, I know it's scary, but I really think you should try very hard to do that. If he's not still stuck on you he's probably hunting around for some other 20 year old to dominate, and he'll have learned from this.

Well done on ending it, getting the money resolved, and blocking him. Those are decisive, difficult steps and you nailed them.

Long term you do need to do a lot of reflection on this, what drew you to him, what signs you ignored.

Purple Mountain

punisher5112 wrote: »

Please tell someone, I'm sorry to say but I doubt it's the last you will hear off him.

I can't echo this enough.
It would be irresponsible of you not to tell someone.
Don't be embarrassed.

rainbowtrout

Fair play OP. It's a lot to take in in a few days. However you have set up boundaries by returning the money and blocking his number. Those are decisive steps.

I'd echo what other posters have said on ringing Women's Aid. It might be easier to talk to a stranger and just tell them what you've said here and what you've done so far. Speaking to someone on the other end of the phone means you've told one person and might make it easier for you to tell others (friends, family, guards). Even if you have a trusted friend, you could tell them some of the story. You don't have to tell them all of it, you can tell them that there is more to it but you don't want to talk about all the details just yet. Just so you have someone there for you.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I can't echo this enough.
It would be irresponsible of you not to tell someone.
Don't be embarrassed.

Please tell someone, just a brief summary will do but just make sure there is somebody you can discuss this with.

As long as its a secret then he will still have an element of control over you.

If he knows you want the whole thing kept secret then he can threaten to use this against you.

I get that you've let this go on so long without telling anyone, but you're out now and you will feel so much better when there's no more secrecy around this.

RustyMam

OP... I couldn't not comment. You are amazing..... I know you won't believe that but you are. Your gut told you something was off about this relationship and you took the incredibly brave step of looking for help.... and by posting here that's exactly what you did. And having made that first tough decision you then made the even more difficult decision of telling him what you weren't happy with. And then got yourself out of what was a terrifying situation. You need to give yourself credit for that, again you're amazing!

Now take a breath.... don't be beating yourself up about "making a fuss". You deserve better then what this guy was offering.

I know from experience that opening up and telling friends and family that you ended up in this situation feels impossible. A really good first step is picking up the phone and talking to Women's Aid. It's a hard thing to do but you've already done some really hard things in the last few weeks. Give it a chance, worst case scenario it's a wasted phonecall. But look what's happened with just one post to Boards. You are taking back control of your life. You've got this!

punisher5112

RustyMam wrote: »

FringeGirl... I couldn't not comment. You are amazing..... I know you won't believe that but you are. Your gut told you something was off about this relationship and you took the incredibly brave step of looking for help.... and by posting here that's exactly what you did. And having made that first tough decision you then made the even more difficult decision of telling him what you weren't happy with. And then got yourself out of what was a terrifying situation. You need to give yourself credit for that, again you're amazing!

Now take a breath.... don't be beating yourself up about "making a fuss". You deserve better then what this guy was offering.

I know from experience that opening up and telling friends and family that you ended up in this situation feels impossible. A really good first step is picking up the phone and talking to Women's Aid. It's a hard thing to do but you've already done some really hard things in the last few weeks. Give it a chance, worst case scenario it's a wasted phonecall. But look what's happened with just one post to Boards. You are taking back control of your life. You've got this!

Fringe girl isnt the op????

RustyMam

punisher5112 wrote: »

Fringe girl isnt the op????

Apologies have fixed that

punisher5112

RustyMam wrote: »

Apologies have fixed that

No need, just was looking and was like eh? ;-)

ShaShaBear

As others have said, PLEASE tell someone about this man.

You've already experienced the consequences of meeting him in secret without telling anyone where you were going and who with, and look what came of it. This man is extremely dangerous, I'm not even sure you yet grasp how much so, and it would be foolish of you to continue without anyone knowing about a potential danger in your life!

leggo

And also tell him that you’ve told others about him and his name if you somehow have to speak. Even if you haven’t, give him the sense that people are aware of his existence because that’ll serve as a deterrent for any ideas he could have. Definitely let people know, you can leave out the BDSM element and just explain that you kept it secret because of the age difference or give an edited version of the story, but also let him know that people know. I’d say that’ll mean it’s the last you hear of him because it makes him accountable for his actions, whereas keeping him secret only strengthens his position and weakens yours.

tara73

leggo wrote: »

And also tell him that you’ve told others about him and his name if you somehow have to speak. Even if you haven’t, give him the sense that people are aware of his existence because that’ll serve as a deterrent for any ideas he could have. Definitely let people know, you can leave out the BDSM element and just explain that you kept it secret because of the age difference or give an edited version of the story, but also let him know that people know. I’d say that’ll mean it’s the last you hear of him because it makes him accountable for his actions, whereas keeping him secret only strengthens his position and weakens yours.

this. he needs to know that he's reported to the guards and that people around you know about him (his name and where he lives!) to make him aware he's himself in danger when continuing his 'games'.

Alpha_zero

Clearly this chick will never pay the debt back, it’s to keep the sex flowing.

XsApollo

Do not pay him back a cent, he was feeding you money to trap you, he hasn’t a hope of getting it back and I would imagine won’t go through embarrassment of even trying legally.
Block all contact and never see him again.
Report the incident to your local Garda, so they have a record of this in case he comes looking to meet you again or does something worse, also to stop him moving on to someone else who might not get out like yourself.

Caranica

Lads read the thread, the OP has returned the money.

OP hope you're doing ok. 4 years is a long time for any relationship and the added nature of your relationship can make a breakup more intense. Mind yourself x

punisher5112

Alpha_zero wrote: »

Clearly this chick will never pay the debt back, it’s to keep the sex flowing.

It's been paid back?????

anon2323

Thanks all again for suggesting I should call Women's Aid. Tried a couple of times and finally managed to work up to talking to them about some of what was going on. They seconded the really good advice everyone gave here about how to handle things and I felt really in control of everything for a day or two.

However I've been trying to change all my social media accounts like suggested too but he kept popping up everywhere and I started to eventually reply to his messages and now I feel I have wasted everyone's time because I haven't been able to cut him off. I know in my head I have to block him but I need him in a way and I've definitely wasted all of your time because everything has gone back to how it was.

I'm not sure if Mods will want to lock or close this thread? Thanks to everyone for trying to help. Maybe it helps someone else.

El_Duderino 09

That was an unexpected plot twist.

Getting back with this guy is a terrible idea and I think you know that. Ultimately it’s your life to do with what you wish. I sincerely hope you cut ties with him and move on with your life.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

anon2323 wrote: »

Thanks all again for suggesting I should call Women's Aid. Tried a couple of times and finally managed to work up to talking to them about some of what was going on. They seconded the really good advice everyone gave here about how to handle things and I felt really in control of everything for a day or two.

However I've been trying to change all my social media accounts like suggested too but he kept popping up everywhere and I started to eventually reply to his messages and now I feel I have wasted everyone's time because I haven't been able to cut him off. I know in my head I have to block him but I need him in a way and I've definitely wasted all of your time because everything has gone back to how it was.

I'm not sure if Mods will want to lock or close this thread? Thanks to everyone for trying to help. Maybe it helps someone else.

Please, please just tell someone that you know in real life, a family member or a friend.

You haven't failed, you just need to reset.

Let me guess, what did he say - some what happened was your fault and no things didn't really happen the way you imagined it???

Read back over your posts here and remember how you felt when he had you in the house (nobody knew you were there, nobody would even know you were in danger).

This guy seems to be manipulating you, take your chance now to make a clean break. You deserve more than this.

antoinolachtnai

This is not going to be easy. It might take a few attempts. You will need to make a plan to get out of this. But please don’t give up. No one is disappointed or let down because things didn’t work out. This might be the he hardest thing you ever do. Be kind to yourself.

Please call Women’s Aid again. They won’t be angry or even surprised to hear how things worked out. They deal with situations like this frequently, it’s what they are set up to do. It’s not easy to escape a person or situation like this. See if you can sit down face to face with someone at WA to discuss this.

We are all thinking of you. Please keep safe.

This is it

anon2323 wrote: »

Thanks all again for suggesting I should call Women's Aid. Tried a couple of times and finally managed to work up to talking to them about some of what was going on. They seconded the really good advice everyone gave here about how to handle things and I felt really in control of everything for a day or two.

However I've been trying to change all my social media accounts like suggested too but he kept popping up everywhere and I started to eventually reply to his messages and now I feel I have wasted everyone's time because I haven't been able to cut him off. I know in my head I have to block him but I need him in a way and I've definitely wasted all of your time because everything has gone back to how it was.

I'm not sure if Mods will want to lock or close this thread? Thanks to everyone for trying to help. Maybe it helps someone else.

What's the plan next time he's violent and/or won't let you leave?

rainbowtrout

anon2323 wrote: »

Thanks all again for suggesting I should call Women's Aid. Tried a couple of times and finally managed to work up to talking to them about some of what was going on. They seconded the really good advice everyone gave here about how to handle things and I felt really in control of everything for a day or two.

However I've been trying to change all my social media accounts like suggested too but he kept popping up everywhere and I started to eventually reply to his messages and now I feel I have wasted everyone's time because I haven't been able to cut him off. I know in my head I have to block him but I need him in a way and I've definitely wasted all of your time because everything has gone back to how it was.

I'm not sure if Mods will want to lock or close this thread? Thanks to everyone for trying to help. Maybe it helps someone else.

You don't need him. He is a danger to you. You know this. You just need to block him, do not respond to any of his messages. He is going to up the ante now that he knows you are breaking free, this is when you are at your most vulnerable and he is at his most dangerous.

Do you want a repeat of being trapped in his house and nobody knowing where you are? Is the short term mild discomfort that you might experience in telling someone about him worse than what might potentially happen to you if you go back to him????

ldy4mxonucwsq6

If you were my daughter, my friend, my sister I would want you tell me so I could help you get out of this situation and move on to better things.

Lotus Flower

Gutted to read the latest update OP, you do not need him in any way, shape or form, he has chipped away at your self esteem and made you feel that way but it's not true. Please don't resign yourself to a life with this controlling bully and abuser, you deserve so, so much better

Read up on Graham Dwyer and Elaine O'Hara and recognise the parallels. Sorry if that sounds harsh or extreme but it has to be said

punisher5112

You need him as much as I need a chocalate engine.....

Seriously op get a friend or family member to delete all your accounts and do no contact.
Change your phone number too.

Not that difficult to text or WhatsApp everyone who needs it....

DO NOT GO BACK.....

He is abusive and has abused you emotionally and physically.

How in the hell could you go back to a person that may well not let you leave next time.

I'm out anyway, I do hope you're not a troll a d you get your head straight and cop on and get away.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

OP this is going to be hard, you were off to a flying start there, a bit of backsliding is disappointing but not hugely surprising.

You do not need him. Every interaction with him is going to make you feel like that, or feel some other way that's false. Tbh, maybe you don't need social media right now, it gives him an avenue to you. Have you spoken to women's aid since you've been back in contact?

You're not wasting anyone's time. All of us are giving our time freely ok.

The fact you're still posting here is good. You know this isn't right and on some level you know the situation can be changed. Please keep trying.