Returning emigrants who big themselves up in an unsuccessful bid to impress

ILoveYourVibes

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

What happens?

Dothebartman wrote: »

I don't follow?

You lose the ability to understand your mother tongue

Dothebartman

Deleted User wrote: »

You lose the ability to understand your mother tongue

Must be getting that American accent. :pac:

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, it’s only natural for people to talk about what they are up to currently. That’s not really bragging.

However, talking about your job outside of a few cursory sentences is so goddamn dull. I hope he didn’t talk about that too much.

Talking about the job, the better pay and the wider opportunities he's enjoying is probably exactly the kind of thing that would get somebody's back up. In particular if it was someone who'd never have taken any steps to expand their own horizons, beyond an occasional holiday abroad or whatever. I think there's an awful lot of oul' thicks who feel they're losing something in some way, without realising they could have done the same if they wanted to and would have taken the steps the emigrant took to find a 'better' life for themselves, away from the boredom/isolation/tedious life they'd otherwise have led.

Some fellas just hate the idea that someone else is looking down on them, when the 'emigrant' is really only looking forwards in their own life and enthusiastic about everything that's possible in the place far away from where the conversation occurs.

It's begrudgery. They just don't realise it.

Sunny Disposition

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Have been an emigrant. Had some business success in those days too. But there is no way I would try and fit as many boasts as possible into any conversation! Being an emigrant doesn’t excuse it, but I’d like to understand why someone might do it.

What did he say? He's paid really well, does something he thinks is important and where he's valued, has a nice home and gets to travel? Could that be true?

Well then what's the harm of saying it then? What difference should it make at all if a man much younger than you feels like he's making his way in the world and doing well for himself?

There's really only one explanation for it in my mind.

Dothebartman

JayZeus wrote: »

What did he say? He's paid really well, does something he thinks is important and where he's valued, has a nice home and gets to travel? Could that be true?

Well then what's the harm of saying it then? What difference should it make at all if a man much younger than you feels like he's making his way in the world and doing well for himself?

There's really only one explanation for it in my mind.

Hit the nail on the head, People are hardly going to say I hate it, hate travelling, hate the lifestyle, hate the money, I want to come home etc.

ILoveYourVibes

Dothebartman wrote: »

I don't follow?

You said something happens to your mind or yourself when you live abroad?

What happens? Describe it?

I had always thought of it as ......adapting to a new way of life and thus becoming a different person in your new environment and detaching from the old influence the old environment had on you and your old identity. Without the influence of family friends etc ..some people become ..new. Some don't.

That's if people are influenced by environment.

What happens to your mind when you live abroad from YOUR experience?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

JayZeus wrote: »

Talking about the job, the better pay and the wider opportunities he's enjoying is probably exactly the kind of thing that would get somebody's back up. In particular if it was someone who'd never have taken any steps to expand their own horizons, beyond an occasional holiday abroad or whatever. I think there's an awful lot of oul' thicks who feel they're losing something in some way, without realising they could have done the same if they wanted to and would have taken the steps the emigrant took to find a 'better' life for themselves, away from the boredom/isolation/tedious life they'd otherwise have led.

Some fellas just hate the idea that someone else is looking down on them, when the 'emigrant' is really only looking forwards in their own life and enthusiastic about everything that's possible in the place far away from where the conversation occurs.

It's begrudgery. They just don't realise it.

No, anybody talking about their job at length or even a medium amount of time, no matter what the job, no matter where it is, whether high-achieving or minimum wage drudgery, is deadeningly dull.

It’s not begrudgery, it’s boredom.

Maybe the occasional person likes to talk careers at length. I don’t come across them very often though.

Dothebartman

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You said something happens to your mind or yourself when you live abroad?

What happens? Describe it?

Basically with the travelling, the money you just think to yourself you've made it!

Dothebartman

Dothebartman wrote: »

Hit the nail on the head, People are hardly going to say I hate it, hate travelling, hate the lifestyle, hate the money, I want to come home etc.

Ah sure, that's exactly what people want to hear. They want to be reassured that their decision to stay or to return long ago was the right one, that they're not missing out on anything and that they're clever.

They want to be able to say 'Ach, sure wasn't I talking to him in the pub on Stephens day and sure isn't he fierce lonely. Well now, he'll have to sort himself out and eat some humble pie when he comes back with his tail between his legs'.

con___manx1

Lived abroad twice myself during the recession . It wasn't for me. I prefer here even if the weather is shíte and the cost of living is at an all time high and the public transport is a joke.
I just like it here.
When I meet people like the op described I already no the positives and negatives from at least 2 popular destinations for Irish immigrants
The grass can't get any greener than it is here .that's all you need to tell these people op

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

No, anybody talking about their job at length or even a medium amount of time, no matter what the job, no matter where it is, whether high-achieving or minimum wage drudgery, is deadeningly dull.

It’s not begrudgery, it’s boredom.

Maybe the occasional person likes to talk careers at length. I don’t come across them very often though.

20 minutes, in the pub, after a year or more away. You must live fierce exciting lives with an awful lot happening to find that too tedious to be hearing about someone's life on the other side of the world, or whatever.

ILoveYourVibes

con___manx1 wrote: »

Lived abroad twice myself during the recession . It wasn't for me. I prefer here even if the weather is shíte and the cost of living is at an all time high and the public transport is a joke.
I just like it here.
When I meet people like the op described I already no the positives and negatives from at least 2 popular destinations for Irish immigrants
The grass can't get any greener than it is here .that's all you need to tell these people op

I don't think its greener. I think its different ..i think i would like to try it someday ..for a while ...somewhere warmer!

Plus canaries have a lower tax rate!

Sober Crappy Chemis

Their heads are all swollen and innocent...

ILoveYourVibes

Sober Crappy Chemis wrote: »

Their heads are all swollen and innocent...

Whose?

The people who immigrate or stay?

Dothebartman

JayZeus wrote: »

20 minutes, in the pub, after a year or more away. You must live fierce exciting lives with an awful lot happening to find that too tedious to be hearing about someone's life on the other side of the world, or whatever.

Lads who keep going on about it without been asked are absolute idiots but most people when you do come home ask how you are getting on grill you on everything, unless you give one word answers your going to sound like your bragging and then you get the people overhearing thinking your a wanker.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

JayZeus wrote: »

20 minutes, in the pub, after a year or more away. You must live fierce exciting lives with an awful lot happening to find that too tedious to be hearing about someone's life on the other side of the world, or whatever.

If the full twenty minutes is spent talking about the job, that’s pretty bad, yeah. If five minutes is spent on it however, that’s the cursory job mention out of the way, to the relief of all. Much more interesting things to be discussing - films, sport, current affairs etc.

Plumbthedepths

Ah ... a response to Tickers.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

If the full twenty minutes is spent talking about the job, that’s pretty bad, yeah. If five minutes is spent on it however, that’s the cursory job mention out of the way, to the relief of all. Much more interesting things to be discussing - films, sport, current affairs etc.

So, nothing of any substance, barring the current affairs. Which let's face it, usually involves local or national politics (irrelevant to the emigrant now), local scandals, national scandals, brexit, the border, complaining about motor tax, how the insurance is awful dear and sure how is a man supposed to buy 6 pints and pay the TV license...

Yeah, much more interesting things to be discussing alright.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

JayZeus wrote: »

So, nothing of any substance, barring the current affairs. Which let's face it, usually involves local or national politics (irrelevant to the emigrant now), local scandals, national scandals, brexit, the border, complaining about motor tax, how the insurance is awful dear and sure how is a man supposed to buy 6 pints and pay the TV license...

Yeah, much more interesting things to be discussing alright.

Well, I’d disagree that discussing films can’t be substantial but even if it isn’t - so? I don’t want to live in a world where it’s preferable for somebody to prattle on about their job in the pub. Luckily, I don’t live in that world. Phew.

Dothebartman

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

If the full twenty minutes is spent talking about the job, that’s pretty bad, yeah. If five minutes is spent on it however, that’s the cursory job mention out of the way, to the relief of all. Much more interesting things to be discussing - films, sport, current affairs etc.

Probably a debate on Man Utd and Liverpool for an hour or two, the housing crisis, the government every week while watching Mrs Brownes Boys in the pub.

That sounds SO interesting and zero craic.

ILoveYourVibes

Dothebartman wrote: »

Probably a debate on Man Utd and Liverpool for an hour or two, the housing crisis, the government every week while watching Mrs Brownes Boys in the pub.

That sounds SO interesting.

No one in Ireland likes Mrs Brownes Boys NO ONE. Everyone thinks its woeful.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Dothebartman wrote: »

Probably a debate on Man Utd and Liverpool for an hour or two, the housing crisis, the government every week while watching Mrs Brownes Boys in the pub.

That sounds SO interesting and zero craic.

Sure, look, if you think discussing your job is more interesting, knock yourself out.

Dothebartman

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Sure, look, if you think discussing your job is more interesting, knock yourself out.

Its not clearly not, I hate that crap. But its the begrudgers will look down on you when grilling you for all the details when you get home. I'd rather stay silent on anything they ask about living abroad.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Dothebartman wrote: »

Its not clearly not, I hate that crap. But its the begrudgers will look down on you when grilling you for all the details when you get home. I'd rather stay silent on anything they ask about living abroad.

Well, anyone grilling you and then resenting the answers is an idiot, obviously.

the_syco

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

He subtly bragged about how much he was earning, how important his ‘role’ is, how well his family are doing.

How he left the sh|thole he grew up in, and now is making mega bucks? Yup, met a few of them in Toronto.

ILoveYourVibes

To look down on the small success of others who had a small life in Ireland and fulfilled a small dream in leaving ... in a way is a kind of snobbery.

NSAman

Interesting thread and one I can absolutely relate to on both sides.

I left a few years ago after building a successful business in ireland from nothing.

Not my first time to leave Ireland in my life, but this time was certainly an eye opener on my return.

I have never discussed what I do abroad with anyone. I never discuss my job and what I do business wise, for being seen as a bragger.

My immediate family know (even my mother doesn’t understand how I make a living).

While in the pub with some “friends” one night just discussing local things and what had happened in the area, I was asked what I did for a living... I replied just a normal job.

Obviously, someone had googled me and found out what my job title was.

Leaving I went to the loo. Unbeknown to two of the “friends” they came in and started talking about what a “bragger” I was ... despite having said nothing ... that this lad thinks he is a “big deal” now. “If he is so successful why doesn’t he employ his family in his businesses?”

As I said I have never discussed what I do, I never brag about anything. I earn a living and try to be the best I can to all. So this was not about me, it was about these “friends”, pure begrudgery and seeing a job title and making assumptions.

Needless to say.. I now DO employ family members in Ireland (at the time I was building a business(es)) and those who talked are no longer part of the circle.

Oh the look on their faces after I left the loo having heard it all was priceless..;)

Lyle Lanley

touts wrote: »

Every Christmas there are an awful lot of UK reg Jags and Land Rovers and Porches driving around the Irish countryside. Funny thing is most of them will be back with the rental companies by the 2nd January. It's all a facade. Life's a struggle for everyone no matter if you love in Longford or London. But because Mrs Murphy's little bollox, who works for a city bank don't you know (but who actually served you at a desk in Middlesex back in June) came home with a rented Porsche last year you have to turn up in a Jag this year to let mammy save face.

Think this went away in the 90's. Since flights got cheap and regular not many drive home at all.

Don't let that stop you using it as a stick to beat all emigrants with though.

I'll try to remember to not talk about one third of my life when I meet old friends.

"How's the last ten years been?"
"Fine."
"How's life over there?"
"You know yourself."
"How's the family?"
"Grand."

You weren't talking to a friend, OP. You were talking to someone you don't like anymore.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Sure, look, if you think discussing your job is more interesting, knock yourself out.

What personal aspects of life are you happy to talk about?

Dothebartman

NSAman wrote: »

Interesting thread and one I can absolutely relate to on both sides.

I left a few years ago after building a successful business in ireland from nothing.

Not my first time to leave Ireland in my life, but this time was certainly an eye opener on my return.

I have never discussed what I do abroad with anyone. I never discuss my job and what I do business wise, for being seen as a bragger.

My immediate family know (even my mother doesn’t understand how I make a living).

While in the pub with some “friends” one night just discussing local things and what had happened in the area, I was asked what I did for a living... I replied just a normal job.

Obviously, someone had googled me and found out what my job title was.

Leaving I went to the loo. Unbeknown to two of the “friends” they came in and started talking about what a “bragger” I was ... despite having said nothing ... that this lad thinks he is a “big deal” now. “If he is so successful why doesn’t he employ his family in his businesses?”

As I said I have never discussed what I do, I never brag about anything. I earn a living and try to be the best I can to all. So this was not about me, it was about these “friends”, pure begrudgery and seeing a job title and making assumptions.

Needless to say.. I now DO employ family members in Ireland (at the time I was building a business(es)) and those who talked are no longer part of the circle.

Oh the look on their faces after I left the loo having heard it all was priceless..;)

Oh Lord, Begrudges do Begrudge.

I remember when I was in Ireland working and got a car on PCP the first thing everyone asked was it on PCP or new, how much am I paying back a week. I just didn't answer them.

The following week in the pub i was pretty hammered and a group of eight or nine started asking me what's your job title, what do you do in work, how much was the car, did you buy it outright etc. I just left.

ILoveYourVibes

Is this thread in which i am a pink donkey i forget!??

Dothebartman

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Is this thread in which i am a pink donkey i forget!??

No I think this is the one with the Blue Donkey. :(

ILoveYourVibes

Dothebartman wrote: »

No I think this is the one with the Blue Donkey. :(

So long as i am lil miss donkey all is ok!

Lyle Lanley

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I am gonna move to the canaries during winter and back to ireland in the summer i will teach yoga or something. #Dreamlife

Best of luck. I spent a few years in Tenerife. Beautiful place, but you won't make the money to stay there teaching yoga..

If you can keep an Irish wage and live in the canaries there are few better places to live imo.

Yurt2

I can understand the OP, this cuts the other way as well though. I work 'out foreign' at the moment and often when you come home local barfly down the pub invariably gets a stick up their a*s about your life abroad when they're the person that brought it up. It's like you're upsetting the social hierarchy which is stable the other 11 months of the year and where the 4x4 bought on PCP finance is all the social capital they need.

I honestly try to direct conversation away from my career and where I live.

ILoveYourVibes

Lyle Lanley wrote: »

Best of luck. I spent a few years in Tenerife. Beautiful place, but you won't make the money to stay there teaching yoga..

If you can keep an Irish wage and live in the canaries there are few better places to live imo.

Ill have to think of something else then

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Deleted User wrote: »

What personal aspects of life are you happy to talk about?

Lots of things. Can you not envisage people talking about personal things if it doesn’t involve rabbiting on about their job? People rarely discuss their jobs much in social settings in my experience and talk about other personal things all the time. Social gatherings are downtime from work.

Optimalprimerib

I think it could be that they lost what they have in common with you and the area they are from, and the only way they are able to contribute is by speaking of their life elsewhere.

Lyle Lanley

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Ill have to think of something else then

Caribbean! Way more money to be made and a similar or better quality of life!

Sorry if this is seen as boasting by the OP. Let it be known I don't currently live in the Caribbean.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Lots of things. Can you not envisage people talking about personal things if it doesn’t involve rabbiting on about their job? People rarely discuss their jobs much in social settings in my experience and talk about other personal things all the time. Social gatherings are downtime from work.

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

Optimalprimerib

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

Actually this is true. This is much more personal than the performance of a sports team or what streaming show to watch. I think the issue is than when discussing a story from a person's life, there is less to contribute by others hence the story seems self serving and boring. A bit like discussing "interesting" dreams.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

They were examples. There are many more topics. The very occasional person might have a fascinating job. Most people don’t. The minutiae is dull for pretty much every job. Taking your examples - my interest might be piqued by a dive instructor but a feckin’ banker?

It’s great that you like to hear about the jobs of others. Many don’t and it’s not for lack of intellectual curiosity. Anyone bemused at films being a topic of discussion can’t really take the high road.

bmcc10

I find the people who brag about how good it is and have the perfect life on social media are usually the most miserable ones abroad and it is all to try and justify there decision to emigrate in the first place.

brendanwalsh

There’s always the begrudgery from the locals about so and so who is back from America for the holidays with his american wife and sure didn’t he get the green card now to go with his big job.

You find similar big man talk too about Tommy back from Dublin where he works for citi bank and he got the few days off for Xmas to return to Leitrim and he got mammy Ralph Lauren slippers for Xmas.

Most Irish people abroad miss home and are making the best of it. Most Irish people stuck in their small pub in rural Ireland are bored and have nothing better to talk about than badmouth the former.

The most interested anyone from home has ever been in my life was a year ago when I thought my business had failed. I told them and it was like I was Albert Einstein unveiling a new theory of everything.

When I do go home eventually, I am going to tell the greatest load of lies ever just for the craic. I'm making two euros an hour. I got cheated out of all my money. I contracted malaria seven times. I lost my legs in a horrific motorbike accident. I live in a friend's basement. My toilet is a latrine. I'll have people sitting around me in the pub listening to every word. Their children's children will be hearing about my life.

Yurt2

bmcc10 wrote: »

I find the people who brag about how good it is and have the perfect life on social media are usually the most miserable ones abroad and it is all to try and justify there decision to emigrate in the first place.

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

glomar

being balsy enough to go out on your own with no backup is better than staying at home moaning about the current situation

bmcc10

Yurt! wrote: »

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

Not galling at all. I was just speaking from my own personal experience with flatmates or colleagues abroad. I just find the grass isn't always greener from either side.

ILoveYourVibes

Yurt! wrote: »

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

When i am at peace i don't take pictures. I only take them out of a feeling of obligation nowadays for other people...its their birthday party and they want to etc.

I just keep stuff on my phone more now too ...social media is ...too public.