Returning emigrants who big themselves up in an unsuccessful bid to impress

Dothebartman

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

When i am at peace i don't take pictures. I only take them out of a feeling of obligation nowadays for other people...its their birthday party and they want to etc.

I just keep stuff on my phone more now too ...social media is ...too public.

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

ILoveYourVibes

Dothebartman wrote: »

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

every flight? like actually when they are just on the airplane? thats weird

Yurt2

Dothebartman wrote: »

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

That bugs me also.

Also, people posting "any recommendations for Rosario/Innsbruck/Taipei" just for the sake of telling people they're going to (insert city here) and not really wishing to solicit helpful information from people.

Sometimes I feel like replying - "Yeah actually, I was in Irkutsk a few years back running rare earth metals across the Mongolian border for my Chinese handler as it happens. I stumbled to an underground cock fighting sheebeen / jazz bar just off Lenin Square. The tapas were excellent - although I must warn you, the hostess is a woeful anti-Semite. I'll pm you the instructions for the secret knock now hun."

Spider Rico

brendanwalsh wrote: »

There’s always the begrudgery from the locals about so and so who is back from America for the holidays with his american wife and sure didn’t he get the green card now to go with his big job.

You find similar big man talk too about Tommy back from Dublin where he works for citi bank and he got the few days off for Xmas to return to Leitrim and he got mammy Ralph Lauren slippers for Xmas.

Most Irish people abroad miss home and are making the best of it. Most Irish people stuck in their small pub in rural Ireland are bored and have nothing better to talk about than badmouth the former.

Anyone familiar with Plato’s Cave? Strange video but stick with it. It explains a lot about the topics discussed in this thread: https://youtu.be/d2afuTvUzBQ.

Shefwedfan

The problem is people returning home and going to the local. It’s normally full of a pack of waster, all the big men at school but never realized been the big man at school doesn’t mean you get a job

Walk in, say hello and they are so bitter at you doing something decent with your life now your too big for them blah blah blah....

crybaby

To be honest I have felt it i the opposite direction as an emigrant, despite living abroad for 12 years, there are still people in my extended family who think I am off having an adventure and will maybe one day return to "normal life", despite the fact that for the past 12 years I have basically been working my bollocks off and raising a family.

mandrake04

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Live in a small town. Met a young man last night home from abroad for Christmas who had a conversation with myself and another guy for about 20 minutes. He subtly bragged about how much he was earning, how important his ‘role’ is, how well his family are doing.

At the end of the conversation I was feeling sympathetic to him more than anything. For some reason having made the decision to go away and build a life elsewhere he still needs the validation of the opinion of the community he comes from.

Would many of our emigrants on here understand this? Most people would dismiss the guy as a dckhead, but I think it’s more complex. Genuinely interested in why people feel like this.

Why would you feel he needs validation? he just might be just really happy with his life and just wants to share his success ok it maybe considered a bit rude talking about money etc but once he is on the plane I doubt he give two F**ks about the conversation as he might never see you again... so what ever was said doesn't really matter.

What odds if people think he is a dick, is he going lie awake at night worried what people think? I don't think so.

I been living overseas for 15 years, I class myself as extremely fortunate/lucky so no real reason to come back. I am usually back in Ireland at least once or sometimes twice a year, sure people always ask how i'm getting on and would I ever come back... my only comment is never say never and leave it at that.

Shefwedfan

Shefwedfan wrote: »

The problem is people returning home and going to the local. It’s normally full of a pack of waster, all the big men at school but never realized been the big man at school doesn’t mean you get a job

Walk in, say hello and they are so bitter at you doing something decent with your life now your too big for them blah blah blah....

.... Someone got their lunch money taken off them at school once or thrice :P

Mr. teddywinkles

We have another thread of someone coming back from being abroad stating how pretentious Ireland has gone with money. Ya couldn't make this up.

puppieperson1

Go to Rath keale in County Limerick the cream crackers have been doing this for yonks porche jeeps top of the range mercs all bull**** all hired and all to impress the local yokels who stayed at home to care for the country !

Shefwedfan

Augeo wrote: »

.... Someone got their lunch money taken off them at school once or thrice :P

Hide it somewhere even a Garda wouldn’t find :-)

JayZeus

JayZeus wrote: »

Everyone's to make their own decisions and go their own way in life. I think it's a bit foolish to think that someone going in a different direction to the one you'd choose for yourself is someone to be pitied in any sense.

If someone's life takes them abroad and they return to visit family and reconnect with the place they came from, you'd think people would see that as a good thing, in every sense. A testament to how important in some sense the small place they came from is to them, deep down. Especially if their life is truly better where they live now than it was when they were in the place you've decided will be your home, and they've decided won't be theirs any more, it really shouldn't bother anyone.

It's an odd way of thinking but I don't think someone can in any way understand the perspective of an emigrant unless they've been one themselves at some stage.

My post probably came across a bit different than I intended. Firstly when I said I don’t have to have interaction and am glad of it it’s referring to those who are a pain about it talking as if “why on earth would you want to be living here” etc.

The pitying them is just something in my own head that I can’t help really. I just hate the idea of living abroad and can’t help putting myself in their shoes and thinking how much I’d dread going back after Christmas etc, not being around my family and friends and missing out on all the stuff happening. I did live abroad for a year, didn’t really want to go and absolutely detested it (that’s with being home almost every month too).

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, it’s only natural for people to talk about what they are up to currently. That’s not really bragging.

However, talking about your job outside of a few cursory sentences is so goddamn dull. I hope he didn’t talk about that too much.

In fairness I don’t get the job talk hatred. I’m not taking about boasting about a job and how much money you make but actually about the job. I work in a very interesting area of tech and people are always asking me about it and spend ages wanting to talk about it. I’d be similar myself with friends in interesting jobs as we are all tech heads and like discussing the cutting edge stuff we work on.

Shefwedfan

Shefwedfan wrote: »

Hide it somewhere even a Garda wouldn’t find :-)

No need to be acting the wannabe hardman on the internet..... Sad to see childhood bullying having an effect decades later.
Maybe there's a counselling service or something that might help. My PMs are always open if you want someone to listen :mad:

Augeo

Augeo wrote: »

No need to be acting the wannabe hardman on the internet..... Sad to see childhood bullying having an effect decades later.
Maybe there's a counselling service or something that might help. My PMs are always open if you want someone to listen :mad:

You've picked him up wrong. Have a re-read with the less aggressive attitude.

scamalert

I used to do that emigrated to Ireland almost 2 decades back now, and first years would be yeah bragging how things worked out well, reality is some part once your away gets attached but home feeling stays there, many people leave out the grind to get to decent jobs sorting out place to live etc, and daily struggles they go trough over the years before they get settled in different country, so it might comes off as bragging etc. but id say only snobbery is if those that come back say oh threres nothing here - and so on. that might get on peoples nerves.


moving abroad is massive risk if one looks at at least 2-5 years starting from scratch. If they settle then its all ok, might as well share some advantages but dissing your old place town or comparing, id believe most wouldn't stand it past few minutes of hearing it.

Lyle Lanley

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

They were examples. There are many more topics. The very occasional person might have a fascinating job. Most people don’t. The minutiae is dull for pretty much every job. Taking your examples - my interest might be piqued by a dive instructor but a feckin’ banker?

It’s great that you like to hear about the jobs of others. Many don’t and it’s not for lack of intellectual curiosity. Anyone bemused at films being a topic of discussion can’t really take the high road.

Remember when the dive Instructor is raving about how great life is it's mostly a lie too.

Signore Fancy Pants

I know a 40ish year old woman who "emigrated" to Spain a few years ago. Moved out of her house, sold her car and all her stuff.

Anyway, she came back 3 weeks later.

Still to this day, she will start a conversation with "When I lived in Spain" or "Well in Spain they do this and that"

Apparently its sooo much better over there and blah blah blah.

MayoAreMagic

glomar wrote: »

being balsy enough to go out on your own with no backup is better than staying at home moaning about the current situation

Or you could be ballsy enough to stay and simply improve your situation...
It is important to ask yourself honestly, am I happy that I was ballsy and it worked, or am I happy in my life in general. Because they arent the same.

There is two sides to this. I think a mistake people who go away make, is they assume that what they have done is better. In truth, it might be better for them (or indeed it might not and they may only realise that later), but it may not be for others. I can speak from my own experience and I went away for a decade. While I did I fully endorsed it and probably viewed the thing the same way as many on here have expressed. Then as i got older I realised what I valued as important and I returned.
What became apparant to me is that there are things more important than money and living in exciting places. And that the guys i might have cringed at in my formative years, were probably cringing at myself too, because they were further down the road than i was at the time.

faceman

Wah, who cares. Each to their own. I’ve lived abroad and I travel a lot so I see both sides. No one side is best.

Every country has its pros and cons.

America has outrageous healthcare cost and obscene property prices. Not to mention traffic challenges during rush hour in the cities. And little job security.

Australia is a tired, worn out hamlet for Irish people that is so far from Ireland. Probably for the best really.

You can bet many of the ex pats are boards.ie members, visit Irish bars from time to time, and have teabags, chocolate or Tayto shipped to them. They probably watch the rugby or GAA in some Irish bar too. They will have Guinness fridge magnets or some dumb Irish memorabilia hanging on the walls of their gaff.

But more serious challenges can arise when you’re an expat. Especially if you try start a family abroad. Usually you’ve no support network around you. If you’re in the US the cost of maternity cover is huge.

So what if Paddy in Two Mike Bridge is still skulling pints in his local every Friday night. Is every Friday night a riot in these far off lands? No.

I regularly host friends in Dublin, mostly American and they all get perplexed when I diss home as they think it’s so wonderful and easy here.

But the secret really is this. When you live abroad, it takes a long time before an ex pat would ever consider themselves an American or British or Australian or whatever. In fact the suggestion would probably insult them. Most ex pats barely read the local newspaper or have any rooted investment in the politics of the country etc. Bar pot hole politics, Ex Pats tend to to skip that stuff. On a subconscious it feels like it’s not of interest or their problem. They’re an outsider and will spend most of their ex pat life as one.

But that’s ok. It’s nice to hear how friends are getting when they come home. Even if they brag, let them do it. Get a sly dig in when you can, but be nice about it. No doubt they have their problems, behind closed doors, as we all do.

But I will say this. The only thing ex pats can truthfully brag about with no comeback is having better weather than Ireland. Give them that.

Now anyone up for a pint down the local? First round on me.

Stateofyou

MayoAreMagic wrote: »

Or you could be ballsy enough to stay and simply improve your situation...
It is important to ask yourself honestly, am I happy that I was ballsy and it worked, or am I happy in my life in general. Because they arent the same.

There is two sides to this. I think a mistake people who go away make, is they assume that what they have done is better. In truth, it might be better for them (or indeed it might not and they may only realise that later), but it may not be for others. I can speak from my own experience and I went away for a decade. While I did I fully endorsed it and probably viewed the thing the same way as many on here have expressed. Then as i got older I realised what I valued as important and I returned.
What became apparant to me is that there are things more important than money and living in exciting places. And that the guys i might have cringed at in my formative years, were probably cringing at myself too, because they were further down the road than i was at the time.

There's always something to be gained from a different experience. The fact is it does take a lot of guts and bravery to strike out in a completely new and unfamiliar direction such as moving abroad. There's been talk here about how it changes you and it's been asked, how? Putting yourself outside of familiarity, your comfort zone, your own people forces you to grow in leaps and bounds. To figure things out in ordinary life to socializing and all the little ways in between, it's a huge process. In living abroad you get a perspective on your own country and your identity that you just don't get when traveling on your holidays. It changes you to a point that in returning home reverse culture shock is actually a thing. Because it's just a fact that you're changed when you live abroad. Often times it's given you a strength, resilience and understanding that you wouldn't have otherwise acquired. So whatever the experience was, whether it turned out life is preferred here vs there, it's all a learning experience that forces one to grow. That's never a mistake to be regretted. It was what was needed at the time for whatever reasons. I still think it's an experience that teaches a lot, can be very rewarding, and is better than living with regrets wondering "what if" I had the nerve to do something big and scary and new!

suicide_circus

there is significant pressure on people who emigrate to be seen to have "made it". its a big thing in the eastern european diaspora

Sunny Disposition

suicide_circus wrote: »

there is significant pressure on people who emigrate to be seen to have "made it". its a big thing in the eastern european diaspora

Is there though? I don’t think there is, outside of people’s own heads. Certainly never felt like I needed to be bragging when I lived abroad and came home to visit. Why would anyone feel they need to tell anyone how much money they make abroad when someone asks them about the weather in New Zealand at Xmas time?

Yurt2

suicide_circus wrote: »

there is significant pressure on people who emigrate to be seen to have "made it". its a big thing in the eastern european diaspora

That's provincial Ireland to a tee as well. The first topic on everyone's lips after mass / down the pub in the new year will be that so-and-so is driving a 20-1 Volkswagen Tiguan, and Yvonne and Pádraig down the road got planning for the new extension. That's unfortunately currency in the valley of the peeping windows that is a lot of Ireland.

I couldn't give a rattlers what people think about my life abroad, but many people have plenty to say about it.

NSAman

Yurt! wrote: »

That's provincial Ireland to a tee as well. The first topic on everyone's lips after mass / down the pub in the new year will be that so-and-so is driving a 20-1 Volkswagen Tiguan, and Yvonne and Pádraig down the road got planning for the new extension. That's unfortunately currency in the valley of the peeping windows that is a lot of Ireland.

I couldn't give a rattlers what people think about my life abroad, but many people have plenty to say about it.

Funniest and most frustrating question when meeting people for the first time being home is “when are ya going back?”..:)

suicide_circus

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Is there though? I don’t think there is, outside of people’s own heads.

Well obviously all of this is on people's heads! i would exposed to the EE diaspora a lot and if they are planning on moving back they have to have acquired material statements of their success

andekwarhola

Sure there are people that want to boast but by the other token, I'm sure there's local people that just won't countenance a friend wanting to get away from Ireland /their city/town as well and prefering it abroad.

chrissb8

If you think someone is arrogant for telling you how they're life has improved in relation to where they were before that is on you. That is you having masked some insecurity in your life.

Do they think they're better than you for moving? So what if they do? If that's the case then they have their own insecurities and pathetically need to have lordship over someone in order to feel good in themselves. That is just an s**t person who even if they hadn't moved would just be bitter, twisted and still feel they're better than you.

People have ambitions and dreams big or small. Whether this is going to a far-flung place in the world or merely moving to just outside your hometown it doesn't matter. People are eclectic in everything. What matters is a foundation of empathy and understanding that as long as your happy so be it.

Also getting honest answers to straight forward questions like "why did you move? and are you coming back?" that may not tie in with your notion of maybe what you think of the place you both came from is not offensive. Each person has their own individual experience.

Aongus Von Bismarck

I'm an emigrant who regularly returns to Ireland, and who is wildly successful in life by any metric.

There's a type of insular and deeply depressing attitude that exists in small town Ireland whereby those who are successful are viewed as somehow getting above their station. It's an attitude that exists due to jealousy and classic Irish begrudgery (which does exist). I've had various former classmates pass remarks at me over the years when I bump into them in town over the Christmas period. Mostly harmless stuff that I brush off with my legendary good humour, but also some mean-spirited and nasty stuff - saying my arrogance brings shame to my family, that I should use my money to help out my good-for-nothing brother, that I'm not missed about the place.

These are from men who work in hardware stores or drive a truck for a living. The type who are bald by 30, marry an overweight woman, and who are usually seen with a clutch of those horrifically ugly Irish children - you know the sort: buck teeth, protruding ears, freckles, pale skin. It's not my fault they didn't have the intelligence and gumption to get a 3rd level education and move abroad for a few years. Living in BallyGoBackwards is a measure of their ambition.

Polar101

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Living in BallyGoBackwards is a measure of their ambition.

There's nothing really wrong with that, if that is what they choose to do. It's just when they don't understand that some people may want to live somewhere else, or do something else with their lives.

woohoo!!!

Just sounds like a young lad talking some ****e after a few drinks. My eldest is the same and that's just the way he is, no shortage of confidence etc, and he gets the old begrugery in spades.

cantalach

Dothebartman wrote: »

Yea i'm in the US the last two years and when you do live abroad and do well it has changed me to be honest. When i go home i see the usual people still sipping pints in the local pub it makes me cringe and think that my life is so much better than theirs and how boring my life was back in Ireland. Even successful people in Ireland i look down and think why the hell would you stay in Ireland.

This post supports the theory that whenever somebody moves to the US from another developed country, it raises the average IQ in both countries.

Dothebartman

cantalach wrote: »

This post supports the theory that whenever somebody moves to the US from another developed country, it raises the average IQ in both countries.

Typical Irish begrudgery.

beejee

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I'm an emigrant who regularly returns to Ireland, and who is wildly successful in life by any metric.

There's a type of insular and deeply depressing attitude that exists in small town Ireland whereby those who are successful are viewed as somehow getting above their station. It's an attitude that exists due to jealousy and classic Irish begrudgery (which does exist). I've had various former classmates pass remarks at me over the years when I bump into them in town over the Christmas period. Mostly harmless stuff that I brush off with my legendary good humour, but also some mean-spirited and nasty stuff - saying my arrogance brings shame to my family, that I should use my money to help out my good-for-nothing brother, that I'm not missed about the place.

These are from men who work in hardware stores or drive a truck for a living. The type who are bald by 30, marry an overweight woman, and who are usually seen with a clutch of those horrifically ugly Irish children - you know the sort: buck teeth, protruding ears, freckles, pale skin. It's not my fault they didn't have the intelligence and gumption to get a 3rd level education and move abroad for a few years. Living in BallyGoBackwards is a measure of their ambition.

The inadequacy that requires a person to belittle easy targets is quite amusing.

Like a person up to their neck in quicksand, trying to pull their feet up, I suppose. It's almost fascinatingly stupid, and it made me smile

beejee

cantalach wrote: »

This post supports the theory that whenever somebody moves to the US from another developed country, it raises the average IQ in both countries.

Now now, the yankee doodles can't be dealing with such honesty!

elperello

beejee wrote: »

The inadequacy that requires a person to belittle easy targets is quite amusing.

Like a person up to their neck in quicksand, trying to pull their feet up, I suppose. It's almost fascinatingly stupid, and it made me smile

On the other hand it's nice to see those night classes in creative writing bearing fruit.

beejee

Dothebartman wrote: »

Typical Irish begrudgery.

Looking at what the poster quoted above, "I even look down on successful Irish people"....

Are you for real, or have you just spent so much time around Americans, some of the dumbest people I've met on planet earth, that you can't recognise an imbecilic statement/idea whatsoever?

While there is indeed an element in Irish society of begrudgery, there is also the startling ignorance of people who live in the United States. Lie down with dogs and you get up with fleas. Funny stuff

KaneToad

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Of course it’s interesting to hear about people’s life abroad. But telling me he was on a hyper income within 30 seconds of me asking about the weather in Auckland is very strange behaviour.

Those who claim to have loads of money rarely do. Those who have loads of money, keep it to themselves.

Those who tell me how brilliant their job/house/wife/dog is always get a positive response from me. It's all that the poor bastards are looking for. If anything, I'm a little flattered that they are seeking approval/validation from little old me...(!)

Dothebartman

beejee wrote: »

Looking at what the poster quoted above, "I even look down on successful Irish people"....

Are you for real, or have you just spent so much time around Americans, some of the dumbest people I've met on planet earth, that you can't recognise an imbecilic statement/idea whatsoever?

While there is indeed an element in Irish society of begrudgery, there is also the startling ignorance of people who live in the United States. Lie down with dogs and you get up with fleas. Funny stuff

You must be pretty dumb because I'm the one that wrote that post haha

beejee

Dothebartman wrote: »

You must be pretty dumb because I'm the one that wrote that post haha

He quoted you, your post.

That part of your post, that he quoted.

That post of yours, that he quoted, that I referenced.

I can't help you any more than that, I'm afraid.

Stateofyou

beejee wrote: »

Are you for real, or have you just spent so much time around Americans, some of the dumbest people I've met on planet earth

If they are they have competition... look in the mirror you ignorant shi*e. Only a jealous, spiteful fool would slag off an entire continent of people. State of you. Knew I'd have to use that here sooner or later.

Sunny Disposition

KaneToad wrote: »

Those who claim to have loads of money rarely do. Those who have loads of money, keep it to themselves.

Those who tell me how brilliant their job/house/wife/dog is always get a positive response from me. It's all that the poor bastards are looking for. If anything, I'm a little flattered that they are seeking approval/validation from little old me...(!)

But why would you boast? No one gets genuine validation for it, people almost certainly dislike you if you describe yourself as having a hyper income when you’re asked about climate!

Raconteuse

Person A: "Hi, happy Christmas, welcome back - how are you getting on in [insert adopted country]?"

Person B: "Hey, many happy returns, cheers! Yeah I love it over there, getting on great thanks - how are you keeping?"

Person A (thinking): "Uppity bastard, thinking they're too good for us, trying to show everyone they're so successful - and failing. Wait until I tell everyone..."

Dothebartman

Raconteuse wrote: »

Person A: "Hi, happy Christmas, welcome back - how are you getting on in [insert adopted country]?"

Person B: "Hey, many happy returns, cheers! Yeah I love it over there, getting on great thanks - how are you keeping?"

Person A (thinking): "Uppity bastard, thinking they're too good for us, trying to show everyone they're so successful - and failing. Wait until I tell everyone..."

:D In a nutshell.

MayoAreMagic

beejee wrote: »

Looking at what the poster quoted above, "I even look down on successful Irish people"....

Ya I found that comment a bit ignorant too. The fact that the guy had to move because he couldnt get ahead of said people kinda undermines it, and that is before you get to the crassness of it in general.
There are plenty of downsides to living in america too. The extortionate healthcare being an obvious one. Raising a family there is very very expensive. I have to say, I think the original poster has a bit of growing up to do.

Dothebartman

Dothebartman wrote: »

Yea i'm in the US the last two years and when you do live abroad and do well it has changed me to be honest. When i go home i see the usual people still sipping pints in the local pub it makes me cringe and think that my life is so much better than theirs and how boring my life was back in Ireland. Even successful people in Ireland i look down and think why the hell would you stay in Ireland.

And I would look at you and say why the hell would you want to be living in the US and not in Ireland close to your family and friends. I’d vastly prefer to be sipping pints in my local every week (in fact I very much enjoy this) rather than have to be living abroad.

Dothebartman

Madalyn Proud Sculpture wrote: »

And I would look at you and say why the hell would you want to be living in the US and not in Ireland close to your family and friends. I’d vastly prefer to be sipping pints in my local every week (in fact I very much enjoy this) rather than have to be living abroad.

I do enjoy this, more than most infact, but its exactly what I wanted to get away from. Very little happening at home.

Nothing much happened for me in rural village life except drinking pints in the local.

I do miss it to be fair and friends and family and the craic but I couldn't hack it any longer.

Raconteuse

Dothebartman wrote: »

Yea i'm in the US the last two years and when you do live abroad and do well it has changed me to be honest. When i go home i see the usual people still sipping pints in the local pub it makes me cringe and think that my life is so much better than theirs and how boring my life was back in Ireland. Even successful people in Ireland i look down and think why the hell would you stay in Ireland.

I'd never say anything and only mention the US if asked first and never hype myself up but it really does change you. I know it sounds like i'm a prick but its the same with a lot of people who are doing well abroad. Its a huge sense of achievement.

That's pretty bad in the arrogance department.

I can't stand the attitude of some here who think emigrating at all is a personal affront. But yours is the other side of the same coin.

I'm staying in Ireland because I don't want to be far from family and friends. And because the pace of life is easygoing here. And there's no political instability or crazy weather. Boring, but stress doesn't interest me.

beejee

Stateofyou wrote: »

If they are they have competition... look in the mirror you ignorant shi*e. Only a jealous, spiteful fool would slag off an entire continent of people. State of you. Knew I'd have to use that here sooner or later.

Ha!

The day I'll be "jealous" of living in that dump, surrounded by its armies of mass murdering sociopaths that can't pinpoint their own country on a map and where it costs 20 grand to get an eye exam... Yeah, that'll be the day all right

You got me there, state of you

lalababa

Just take a look at the cars they arrive home at Christmas in. Only from UK of course. Landrover, beemers, mercs, you name it.
Can't recall little Johnny made good ever turning up in a battered Vauxhall.

B.A._Baracus

Hey op,
No need to make a thread about this as you just met some wa*Ker who bigged himself up.

You meet them all the time.