Snide remarks from parent

Fleetwoodmac

Teach30 wrote: »

Thanks you for being understanding and non judgemental. Appreciate it greatly.

OP I'm certainly not aiming to be judgemental but I do struggle to understand why all of the siblings do not discuss the issue and support the least preferred sibling. This is what I was trying to say. I can't understand that. By allowing your Dad to continue to make snide remarks, you and your siblings are sending such a wrong message especially to the grandchildren who appear to be witnessing this. Surely no sum of money or land is worth this.

Teach30

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

All his money is not going to one child. You are getting your cut too.

All his is though, paying for a wedding is an easy and cheaper way out for him
if you read my posts the rest belongs to my mother who he is bullying into giving to one child which is not very fair on the rest who work as hard as that one.

Teach30

Fleetwoodmac wrote: »

OP I'm certainly not aiming to be judgemental but I do struggle to understand why all of the siblings do not discuss the issue and support the least preferred sibling. This is what I was trying to say. I can't understand that. By allowing your Dad to continue to make snide remarks, you and your siblings are sending such a wrong message especially to the grandchildren who appear to be witnessing this. Surely no sum of money or land is worth this.

We all support one another that’s why we wouldn’t fall out over any final decision that’s made However his dramatics and attitude towards his less favoured children and my mother are the problem. His favourite is keeping the head down and doesn’t expect everything but would take all of he was offered let’s be honest. Already a lot has been given his way and if I wasn’t getting married I’d get nothing, should I expect something? That’s debatable..

We can’t make a final decision on matters but we can support my mother in making a fairer choice and support her when he acts the pup to her. That’s another reason it’s not as simple as walking away. We offer support by being around if that makes sense. Life would be very lonely for the both of them if we all left, and after a good upbringing I don’t feel that would be terribly kind either.

At the end of the day I’m just saddened that he doesn’t feel the rest of us are worth anything despite the fact we all do our best. He’s just old fashioned.

General consensus from here is I’ll just get on with it so I suppose I will.

ILoveYourVibes

Teach30 wrote: »

Acts lovely to anyone he meets outside the house.

Any advice appreciated on how to react/what to say in situations.

House Devil street angel.

I am really sorry OP.

You can either leave without causing drama.

You can try to stay and feed only positive energy to the situation while trying to protect yourself psychologically.

I suggest you make a choice based on how you think you can cope or handle it and how you read the situation.

But its all about making a decision in the end.

I don't judge you.

But a wedding its only one day. Its not a marriage. And the important things are free.

JustAThought

the sense of entitlement is shocking - as is the idea of a houseful of children/adults fighting over their parents wealth and who is going to get what when they are dead. No wonder your father is just grunting replies and in bad form - he probably wants to stand by his family but woild prefer to have his way with his money and assets to choose to do whatever he pleases with and dosn’t want all the grief. You’d better hope neither fall ill or break a hip or get dementia or alzheimers or Varadker and his mates in the government will take it all via un’fair’ deal and inheritence taxes.

As for 20k and your ‘rights’ to it - try wirking a PAYE job and paying rent/mortgage and saving 20k - you seem to have little value on money but great expectations to be given a lot of it.

as far as supporting your father you could man up and tell him openly and in front of the others how gratefulyou are for his financial support and aLl he is doing for you. That might put him in sweeter mood for a start. As for having his meals cooked for him - so what? He is the head of the household and deserves some perks and democracy over his land, fortune and future. I find if shocking that a housefull of adult children are fighting over assers and ownership and watching theor parents relationship falter as a consequence. Did they work all their lives at rearing you all for this? Id be making noises into my chest too.

Teach30

JustAThought wrote: »

the sense of entitlement is shocking - as is the idea of a houseful of children/adults fighting over their parents wealth and who is going to get what when they are dead. No wonder your father is just grunting replies and in bad form - he probably wants to stand by his family but woild prefer to have his way with his money and assets to choose to do whatever he pleases with and dosn’t want all the grief. You’d better hope neither fall ill or break a hip or get dementia or alzheimers or Varadker and his mates in the government will take it all via un’fair’ deal and inheritence taxes.

As for 20k and your ‘rights’ to it - try wirking a PAYE job and paying rent/mortgage and saving 20k - you seem to have little value on money but great expectations to be given a lot of it.

as far as supporting your father you could man up and tell him openly and in front of the others how gratefulyou are for his financial support and aLl he is doing for you. That might put him in sweeter mood for a start. As for having his meals cooked for him - so what? He is the head of the household and deserves some perks and democracy over his land, fortune and future. I find if shocking that a housefull of adult children are fighting over assers and ownership and watching theor parents relationship falter as a consequence. Did they work all their lives at rearing you all for this? Id be making noises into my chest too.

This post made me laugh as you seem to have a bad case of selective reading.
I never said anyone was fighting over inheritance, in fact I clearly stated we were asked what would we like to receive. Also the assets are not solely his so again you’d want to re-read what I wrote.

The 20k was only a ball park figure I’m sure it’ll be more than that when they’ve the house paid for etc. Your right though I do have very little value in money perhaps stemming from my parents and having everything handed to me. Same could be said for them though as they inherited a substantial amount. We all work hard, so those traits didn’t bypass me.
That’s how things work in some families I can’t go backtracking now.

I’ve taken to just avoiding him now, we don’t really have much to say so it does get awkward when I’m serving him his meals but it doesn’t bother me. id say he is delighted to offload me on someone else.

AulWan

Mortelaro wrote: »

That's not correct if it can be proven they weren't adequately provided for

Only applies to minors under the age of 18.

Over 18, no automatic entitlement to inherit from a parent.

Mortelaro

AulWan wrote: »

Only applies to minors under the age of 18.

Over 18, no automatic entitlement to inherit from a parent.

A judge might side with the son or daughter after they are 18 if it can be proved they weren't adequately educated or otherwise looked after while they were minors, the case taken after they're 18
I wouldn't have thought there was an automatic entitlement unless they die intestate I suppose
All immaterial to this thread, hopefully
By the way
I don't know what obligations a parent has to kids after 18 in terms of funding third level and whether if only 1 kid is educated to that level, the others could take a case against an estate due to favouritism or something, I'm curious

AulWan

Mortelaro wrote: »

A judge might side with the son or daughter after they are 18 if it can be proved they weren't adequately educated or otherwise looked after while they were minors, the case taken after they're 18
I wouldn't have thought there was an automatic entitlement unless they die intestate I suppose
All immaterial to this thread, hopefully
By the way
I don't know what obligations a parent has to kids after 18 in terms of funding third level and whether if only 1 kid is educated to that level, the others could take a case against an estate due to favouritism or something, I'm curious

Good luck with that.

Adult children, with a spouse, children, employment and even their meals provided for them have some cheek thinking they should have any say at all in what their Da thinks or says about where his wealth should go down the line.

Your mother married him and you said yourself she’s able for him.

Maybe if all of ye stopped hanging off his coat tails and gave them some space and stopped being so needlessly dependent (you included), your father and mother might sort out a few things themselves and get to enjoy a normal life without him feeling like some of you are just suffering him until you can take a deeper cut.

Harsh? Not really. You want to know how to deal with the comments and all that? Tell your siblings they need to grow up and treat the day at the farm as a day at work. Turn up, work, bring sandwiches and a flask, go home at the end of the day. Don’t be hanging around getting on his nerves and under his feet. Don’t have the cheek to be talking about his and your mothers assets, wealth, inheritences and all that while the man still breathes.

If he brings it up? “I don’t want your money. I’m thankful for the job and to be able to provide for my family the way you provided for yours when we were kids”. Stop the money talk in its tracks. It’s greedy entitlement and it’s at the root. Sure you’re saying yourself you’d be silly to leave and miss out on what you’re getting. As an adult, taking from another when you could do fine and atand on your own two feet. Sure you’re all at it from what you wrote.

Kill it or you’ll all end up rotten if not already so.

Sort that out and there’ll be no need for the comments. And tell the rest of them that you Dad can do what he wants with his money, your Mam with hers and that none of you should be brazen enough to think your have any sway or say otherwise.

Problem solved. But it’ll never happen. Once people start thinking they’ve a right to something that’s not theirs, they find it hard to admit they’re the ones in the wrong and creating the problems they have to face.

BTW, your Dad has a favourite. All do. He likely never showed it deliberately when you were all children, but those days are long gone and the more ye annoy him collectively the less inclined he’ll be to hide it. It’s tough but true.