Adult children still living with me (title edited by mod)

adrian92

I am in my sixties. Three adult children living here.
This causes me certain issues.


Am I alone.

wiggle16

Hi OP

You'll need to be a lot more specific in order for posters to give you advice you can use.

What are the issues it causes you?

Xterminator

Hi Op

there are advantages and disadvantages to having adult children at home. Certainly there is compromise for both the parent, and the adult children and that can be difficult but not usually insurmountable. usually with adults any problems or issues can be teased out and a compromise that each can live with decided upon.

If you want advice on a specific problem then you will have to provide more details.

But i would like to add that it doesn't have to be 'all negative' - One of the advantages are shared expenses, assuming all are contributing to the household costs, then your share should be less than living alone and having to pay all the expenses yourselves.. another can be shared housework and or things like painting gardening etc, again meaning that you don't have to do everything yourselves. You can take turns cooking again giving you an afternoon off, or a nice breakfast handed to you etc. Another of the less tangibles can be a strong support network, that if one of you are unwell there is someone who can help you - be it trips to the doctor or just moral support sometimes.

I know not everyone lives in the ideal walton family type household, but with a bit of give and take, it can actually be a good experience. I had my dad living with us for a couple of years and i can honestly say it brought him and my children so close together, I was privileged to have that experience both for myself personally and us as a family.

adrian92

I have three adult children in my house, who tell me to change the way, inter alia, how tidy I am.

Am I alone?

wiggle16

Mod:

I've merged your two threads together OP. Please keep all your posts on the topic in the one thread - you can't have two threads going at once, I'm afraid.

If you could give more details about the issues it's causing then posters will be able to give you advice.

seamus

Hi Adrian,

Without a lot more context, it's hard really to give an answer that will help you.

But taken in a general context, one has to assume that your children put your best interests at heart. When they say you need to be "more tidy", they are most likely expressing concern about your general health and wellbeing, and perhaps your personal hygiene too.

Can you provide more information here, e.g.;

- Are you married or living with your children's other parent?
- Are you working/unemployed/retired?
- When they talk about how tidy you are, are they talking about the cleanliness of your home, your personal hygiene, or perhaps the clutter within your home?
- Do they pay you any rent?
- When they raise other matters with you, is there generally a theme of health or well-being? E.g. do they discuss exercise, alcohol consumption, food, etc?
- Is it just one of your children who tends to bring up issues, or do they all seem to be "ganging up" on you?

facehugger99

<snipped>

Mod:

I've already deleted jokes in this thread. Next one is getting a card. There's plenty of places on Boards to make jokes, making fun of posters in PI is not on.

baby and crumble

adrian92 wrote: »

I have three adult children in my house, who tell me to change the way, inter alia, how tidy I am.

Am I alone?

This stood out for me - in reality if you're living with 3 of your adult children you're not really in a normal family home, like when they were younger - you're essentially in a house-sharing type situation. When you're living with peers you need to be aware that others' considerations need to come into the way you live. If your children are contributing to the bills etc, and are annoyed with how untidy you are then they have a right to ask you to be tidier, much like you likely did when they were younger, or if they were doing something that was annoying you. It's their home too, and they have the right to ask you to be tidier.

If they're just coming in and taking over and making demands without contributing then that's a bit rich, but otherwise I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask the people you're living with to be considerate and tidy up after themselves.

AulWan

Your house, your rules.

If you're adult children don't like the conditions in your home, they are free to leave.

JustAThought

what kind of adult - early 20’s or late 30’s of 40’s? Big difference. Dis they move out and come back or did they marry Nd their mRriages fail or are they unemployed or what? 3 is a lot. Is your home so lovely and your company so comfortable and relaxed that they really like it and dont want to move out?

Do you feel alone?
Is it that it cramps your style having a friend or partner back or wanting to have the option to consider doing that?

wiggle16

Mod:

Justathought, so you know, it is not the done thing in PI to respond to a thread which was last active about a fortnight or so ago.

We do not automatically close threads which go quiet, as this allows the OP to respond or update. However, posting on inactive threads is strongly discouraged as it moves an inactive thread to the top of the queue in the forum, were it does not necessarily belong. Please keep this in min mind when posting. Thanks.

JustAThought

wiggle16 wrote: »

Mod:

Justathought, so you know, it is not the done thing in PI to respond to a thread which was last active about a fortnight or so ago.

We do not automatically close threads which go quiet, as this allows the OP to respond or update. However, posting on inactive threads is strongly discouraged as it moves an inactive thread to the top of the queue in the forum, were it does not necessarily belong. Please keep this in min mind when posting. Thanks.

o - thanks - i was wondering why threads werw shut down so quickly and locked ao frequently here but now I know - thanks.

Emme

The OP doesn't seem to have posted since 7/1/20 but here are some questions:

How old are the children?
Are they working?
If working are they saving for a place of their own?
Do they have partners and/or children?
Do they cause you any hassle?

If they are working I hope you are charging them some rent for staying in your home. If they are saving don't charge them too much, just enough so they will appreciate staying with you as they will need to be able to save enough to get their own place and get out from under your feet.

If they are not working the Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to advise you. They still need to pay you something for the privilege of living under your roof. If they have partners or children they have a responsibility to them but they still need to pay you some rent.

If they cause you hassle tell them "My house, my rules, if you don't like it leave".

If they get on to you for being untidy tell them you would appreciate their help keeping the house clean. In fact there should be a cleaning rota so they all do their fair share of the housework - if you work it well you shouldn't have to do any!