Partners ex refuses to leave his house

Wabbit Ears

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Am not dumping him and he's not pretending anything. If we have to wait we have to wait and see what happens. Would just be perfect for all of us to be in a better place if the ex would at some stage, not now but some day in the future move on

Grand, Ive known a few women in your situation and it all ends the same. Come back in a few years to this thread and let us know how it all went when you finally realized you've wasted a large chunk of your life on an unavailable man.

Dundalkshelly

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Also if this is the case, and his daughter doesn't know about you, and he is working - he's not seeing very much of his child, is he? Sounds like some catch...

He spends enough time with the child and its more quality time than quanity

Dundalkshelly

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Grand, Ive known a few women in your situation and it all ends the same. Come back in a few years to this thread and let us know how it all went when you finally realized you've wasted a large chunk of your life on an unavailable man.

Its either going bad or you're all invited to our wedding lol, am in a strange situation I know but I have to find out, but thanks Wabbit Ears

Dundalkshelly

lunamoon wrote: »

Just to ask another question. When the child is 18, doesn't the mother still have the right to live in the house she's lived in for 20 ish years? He can't just kick her out.

Don't know, what if the mother decides to move on and find another partner? Those things sometimes happen

Donald Trump

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Don't know, what if the mother decides to move on and find another partner? Those things sometimes happen

Or maybe after the daughter grows up and moves out the four of ye can live together in the house.

An interest in swinging maybe?

izzyflusky

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

He spends enough time with the child and its more quality time than quanity

Hard to imagine. The regular topic amongst my circle of friends who work and are parents is that there is very little time spent with their offspring when working a regular full time job.
I know myself that sometimes it's just bedtime or not even that during the week, so if you see each other everyday it doesn't sound like he prioritises his child or sees her very much. Says a lot really.

decky1

lawred2 wrote: »

what does that even mean?

would love to hear his take on this , guess you know what i mean ,but i'm not going to win this one.:rolleyes:

con___manx1

marieholmfan wrote: »

It's much more her house than his and that's just how it is.

why do you think that?
is it that she spent more time in the house because she never worked?
the poor op out breaking his back working for twenty years and you think its more her house.

con___manx1

con___manx1 wrote: »

why do you think that?
is it that she spent more time in the house because she never worked?
the poor op out breaking his back working for twenty years and you think its more her house.

If she’s on the dole, his wages cannot be that high. He most likely cannot afford a second home, either to buy or rent.

Eric Cartman

lunamoon wrote: »

Just to ask another question. When the child is 18, doesn't the mother still have the right to live in the house she's lived in for 20 ish years? He can't just kick her out.

nah, either he gives her half the houses worth or she buys out his half or she stays in the house and hopes the chap is so bet down from decades or torture that he just leaves her there and gives his half to his child in his will.

Sadly OP theres no way I know of a man keeping majority custody of a child and the 'family home' and just booting an ex who can't provide out.

Donald Trump

Deleted User wrote: »

If she’s on the dole, his wages cannot be that high. He most likely cannot afford a second home, either to buy or rent.

There might be a chance that she is not "officially" living there.

Or it could be the case that he is not "officially" living there in order for her to qualify for it or single parent's allowance previously!

Marcusm

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

I don't agree, she has a roof over her head and food on the table for free and raising a child doesn't give you the rights on taking over the house, a house is a big thing, relationships ends that's life, its better to move on and get a job and stay independent, sure the other half has to pay for the child I agree with that, but children get older and go to school and getting a job and working for a few hours wont kill any mother, times are different women don't have to raise 10 children anymore

Read the link in my earlier post and you will realise that the length of the relationship and the child does indeed give the expectation of some right over the property.

Marcusm

ittakestwo wrote: »

Very hypothetical question and of topic. I don't know the legal position there.....

If you brought up a kid to 10 years believing it was yours and then found out it was not would you abandon them?

I read an interesting case where a hospital mixed up two baby's that were born at the same time in the hospital. The parents found out this after 6 months but neither couples asked for the children to be swapped back as they had already formed very strong bonds with the baby's.

Anyone who abandoned a child after 10 years of believing he was the parent is a lowlife. Feel aggrieved towards the partner etc but don’t take it out in the child who would undergo a life changing upheaval.

Marcusm

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Am not dumping him and he's not pretending anything. If we have to wait we have to wait and see what happens. Would just be perfect for all of us to be in a better place if the ex would at some stage, not now but some day in the future move on

Move on as in leave the property or move on as in accept that their relationship is over? This is a critical dostinction.

Donald Trump

Marcusm wrote: »

Anyone who abandoned a child after 10 years of believing he was the parent is a lowlife. Feel aggrieved towards the partner etc but don’t take it out in the child who would undergo a life changing upheaval.

I'd say to put yourself into those shoes before you'd actually know how you'd react.

Looking after a kid for 10 years and then realise that that kid is the literal physical manifestation of an on-going 11 year lie that your partner was cheating on you. and perhaps you had your own parents and family sacrifice things and time to take care of that child as well.

Not the kids fault of course, but it wouldn't be your responsibility. The same as you could decide to keep looking after the kid as your own only to find at 16/17 the kid learns how to tell you to fuck of because "you're not me da"

Dundalkshelly

Marcusm wrote: »

Move on as in leave the property or move on as in accept that their relationship is over? This is a critical dostinction.

Both of course, relationship is over since years

joeguevara

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Both of course, relationships over since years

Do you feel as if you have an inherent right to this property? Why are you asking these questions in this thread?

Dundalkshelly

joeguevara wrote: »

Do you feel as if you have an inherent right to this property? Why are you asking these questions in this thread?

No I don't care about his property and have no interest in it. Read the thread I am just asking if his ex has the right to just stay in the house as I don't get why she just stays in the same place as they are not in a relationship anymore. I don't care about properties or what somebody owns, might be a tent, caravan or castle. I don't have any intensions am just annoyed somebody (I know its the mother of the child etc.) sharing living space with my partner.

joeguevara

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

No I don't care about his property and have no interest in it. Read the thread I am just asking if his ex has the right to just stay in the house as I don't get why she just stays in the same place as they are not in a relationship anymore. I don't care about properties or what somebody owns, might be a tent, caravan or castle. I don't have any intensions am just annoyed somebody (I know its the mother of the child etc.) sharing living space with my partner.

Tell him to live with you. There is not a chance she will be leaving for at least the next 10 years.

Has your partner contacted a solicitor yet?

Dundalkshelly

Deleted User wrote: »

Has your partner contacted a solicitor yet?

No he didn't and no action to be taken too soon anyway, just me inquiring in general

mlem123

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

I don't agree, she has a roof over her head and food on the table for free and raising a child doesn't give you the rights on taking over the house, a house is a big thing, relationships ends that's life, its better to move on and get a job and stay independent, sure the other half has to pay for the child I agree with that, but children get older and go to school and getting a job and working for a few hours wont kill any mother, times are different women don't have to raise 10 children anymore

I'm a bit confused?

Do you not think someone who stays home to look after a child or children has brought no value to a relationship and deserves the boot when he decides?

You say that even though he lives there but he's with you every day? "Quality" time is hard to believe.

I assume, as he's out everyday working and spending free time with you, that it's the "lazy" ex who gets the child up and ready for school, does the washing and housework, feeds the child dinner, does homework with them etc but yet you have her pinned as some sort of deadbeat? Maybe she isn't winning any #1 mum trophies but all we have is the opinion of a new flame who's never met the woman.

But back to the main topic - if he kicks his ex out, does that mean he kicks the child out too? If your partner looking to get full custody? if he can't afford to move out do you think he can pay for childcare? (On a side note, you've expressed how you think childcare offers no value so maybe don't bother) If he does get full custody, will you still be seeing him everyday? He won't have that freedom he has now and seeing as the child is too fragile to meet their dad's new partner now, I doubt you'd be moving in too quick, or will you just move in as the ex leaves? (Surely the child knows they separated 3 years ago??)

Have you considered that it might not be in the best interest of the child for the dad to kick their mum out? Seeing as the child spends the majority of their time being cared for by their mum, your partner's relationship with their child could be changed permanently. Or you'll be blamed and be the evil stepmother who kicked their mum out..

Btw - of course he would tell you that his ex tricked him into getting pregnant, because oral bc has never failed and he's not responsible for his mickey :rolleyes:

dancingqueen

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

I know, sadly you are right, its easier to live on the tax payers or somebody else's costs than get out there and find a job, just my honest opinion, I know not everybody will agree.
I know he has to get legal advice and its his decision.

Do you get child benefit? Do you also have a single parent tax credit? If so, you are also living off the tax payers.

marieholmfan

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

It's petty not to wish the father of the child all the best too.

What to keep his wife in his bed and Dundalkshelly in a hotel bed and to have them accept it.



I don't wish him the best.

Dundalkshelly

dancingqueen wrote: »

Do you get child benefit? Do you also have a single parent tax credit? If so, you are also living off the tax payers.

Yes and no, I also worked and paid 500 Euro rent a month

Dundalkshelly

marieholmfan wrote: »

What to keep his wife in his bed and Dundalkshelly in a hotel bed and to have them accept it.



I don't wish him the best.

Not his wife its his ex and Dundalkshelly is happy living in her own little place

dancingqueen

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Yes and no, I also worked and paid 500 Euro rent a month

There is no "no". You received government money, for your child. Tax payers funds make up this money. You cannot compare yourself to another mother and think that you are better than her because you worked.

It sounds like this guy has you both fooled, and is probably telling you what you need to hear. Be careful.

marieholmfan

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Not his wife its his ex and Dundalkshelly is happy living in her own little place

You're a grown woman but you're being played like a fiddle.

bladespin

Wow, a thread about legal entitlement to a home after a relationship has gone from legal argument to a relationship dissection, partner vilification and to even questioning the OP's character and sanity, wow. OP's had a hard dose of reality on these pages, hopefully your partner is sincere (we know nothing other than what she has said) and I wish you all good luck.

From close hand experience it is possible for a man (or woman) to be separated and remain in the family home for the sake of the children (and possibly their stake in the house), and be at amicable with their 'ex' (or at least pretend) without bedding them, it's happening all the time, it's also possible for a person (particularly men) to not know their rights (or lack of) and not want to rock the boat and risk loosing access etc etc. It's also quite possible for that person to meet someone new and want to start a relationship, how do we begrudge them that?

Dundalkshelly

mlem123 wrote: »

I'm a bit confused?

Do you not think someone who stays home to look after a child or children has brought no value to a relationship and deserves the boot when he decides?

You say that even though he lives there but he's with you every day? "Quality" time is hard to believe.

I assume, as he's out everyday working and spending free time with you, that it's the "lazy" ex who gets the child up and ready for school, does the washing and housework, feeds the child dinner, does homework with them etc but yet you have her pinned as some sort of deadbeat? Maybe she isn't winning any #1 mum trophies but all we have is the opinion of a new flame who's never met the woman.

But back to the main topic - if he kicks his ex out, does that mean he kicks the child out too? If your partner looking to get full custody? if he can't afford to move out do you think he can pay for childcare? (On a side note, you've expressed how you think childcare offers no value so maybe don't bother) If he does get full custody, will you still be seeing him everyday? He won't have that freedom he has now and seeing as the child is too fragile to meet their dad's new partner now, I doubt you'd be moving in too quick, or will you just move in as the ex leaves? (Surely the child knows they separated 3 years ago??)

Have you considered that it might not be in the best interest of the child for the dad to kick their mum out? Seeing as the child spends the majority of their time being cared for by their mum, your partner's relationship with their child could be changed permanently. Or you'll be blamed and be the evil stepmother who kicked their mum out..

Btw - of course he would tell you that his ex tricked him into getting pregnant, because oral bc has never failed and he's not responsible for his mickey :rolleyes:

Again, NOBODYS getting kicked out and I'm not looking to move in, she has custody and that's good and right like that. The question was in general about legal rights cause of the unclear situation and yes, if it satisfies you, I don't want to live like this till I kick the bucket. What would you do?

Caranica

My reply was the first, pages and pages back. I advised your partner seeks legal advice, this was echoed repeatedly by other posters. It's a complex situation and whether you like it or not, his ex has entitlements. Only a solicitor can give you specifics once they have all the details.

joeguevara

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Again, NOBODYS getting kicked out and I'm not looking to move in, she has custody and that's good and right like that. The question was in general about legal rights cause of the unclear situation and yes, if it satisfies you, I don't want to live like this till I kick the bucket. What would you do?[/

Well I wouldn't be spouting on about her being a scrounger, tricking a guy to get pregnant, disparaging her while giving yourself a glowing reference.

This forum can't give legal advice. If your partner wants legal advice he would get it. It seems you want to know your entitlements for the future. End of.

Dundalkshelly

Caranica wrote: »

My reply was the first, pages and pages back. I advised your partner seeks legal advice, this was echoed repeatedly by other posters. It's a complex situation and whether you like it or not, his ex has entitlements. Only a solicitor can give you specifics once they have all the details.

I know Caranica thanks a million

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

No I don't care about his property and have no interest in it. Read the thread I am just asking if his ex has the right to just stay in the house as I don't get why she just stays in the same place as they are not in a relationship anymore. I don't care about properties or what somebody owns, might be a tent, caravan or castle. I don't have any intensions am just annoyed somebody (I know its the mother of the child etc.) sharing living space with my partner.

Of course she has rights as his partner of 20 years and mother of his child. Doesn't matter who's name is on the title deed, you can bet a judge won't turf her and their child out.

Does your partner want her (and their child) out of the house?

Not a hope of that happening any time soon even if he does, glad you 'don't mind her living there' because this is what you'll have for the foreseeable.

Why doesn't he move out if it's such an issue............for you.

Three years together and he still lives with his ex, I'd say he's happy with the arrangement to be honest, can't be that bad if he's still there over 3 years later.

Cake and eat it comes to mind.

Spook_ie

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Again, NOBODYS getting kicked out and I'm not looking to move in, she has custody and that's good and right like that. The question was in general about legal rights cause of the unclear situation and yes, if it satisfies you, I don't want to live like this till I kick the bucket. What would you do?

The crux of it is in the bolded part, she has custody and he has maintenance to consider.

tuxy

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

No he didn't and no action to be taken too soon anyway, just me inquiring in general

This is good thinking, a situation such as this will drastically improve with time.
Leave it another 3 years before getting legal advice.

In the past I have seen some very unfair legal situations for men when it comes to their children.
It's good to see the upside like this case where a child gets to stay in its home with both parents and there is no fear of the mother being removed.

rainbowtrout

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Again, NOBODYS getting kicked out and I'm not looking to move in, she has custody and that's good and right like that. The question was in general about legal rights cause of the unclear situation and yes, if it satisfies you, I don't want to live like this till I kick the bucket. What would you do?

Your boyfriend can only get that information if he goes to a solicitor and initiates legal proceedings. You have been told this countless times already. That answer is not going to change. He has chosen not to go to a solicitor. While neither of them go to a solicitor there will be no change in the situation.

As it stands, he already knows that if they decide to create a formal legal agreement given the fact that she has custody of the child and has been in a relationship with him for 20 years, that she will more than likely be allowed to live in the house, whether he will or not is another thing.

This arrangement suits him far better, he has no legal costs and he gets to remain in his house. You can always ask him to move in with you if you want the relationship to advance.

You keep asking the same question and you keep getting the same answer. That's not going to change.

Dundalkshelly

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Your boyfriend can only get that information if he goes to a solicitor and initiates legal proceedings. You have been told this countless times already. That answer is not going to change. He has chosen not to go to a solicitor. While neither of them go to a solicitor there will be no change in the situation.

As it stands, he already knows that if they decide to create a formal legal agreement given the fact that she has custody of the child and has been in a relationship with him for 20 years, that she will more than likely be allowed to live in the house, whether he will or not is another thing.

This arrangement suits him far better, he has no legal costs and he gets to remain in his house. You can always ask him to move in with you if you want the relationship to advance.

You keep asking the same question and you keep getting the same answer. That's not going to change.

Ok thanks for your advice rainbowtrout I got it, just interested in different opinions not asking any more

victor8600

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Ok thanks for your advice rainbowtrout I got it, just interested in different opinions not asking any more

There may be a way for your partner to stay in the house with you and for his ex-girlfriend to move away, probably by him agreeing to pay the rent on another place. If she can get a council house later as a single mother (which she is going to be after she moves out), then it's even better.

But before all that, he and she need to get legal advice and start moving towards some kind of a resolution.

Dundalkshelly

victor8600 wrote: »

There may be a way for your partner to stay in the house with you and for his ex-girlfriend to move away, probably by him agreeing to pay the rent on another place. If she can get a council house later as a single mother (which she is going to be after she moves out), then it's even better.

But before all that, he and she need to get legal advice and start moving towards some kind of a resolution.

She wont move out I know that, and him paying her rent??? No way! Sure some solution will come up but as some suggest, will wait a few years there's no pressure and bear in mind there's a young child involved

victor8600

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

.... bear in mind there's a young child involved

Your partner's son will have a new sibling soon? Congratulations! Imagine the fun living as a big, if somewhat unorthodox, family under one roof.

Dundalkshelly

victor8600 wrote: »

Your partner's son will have a new sibling soon? Congratulations! Imagine the fun living as a big, if somewhat unorthodox, family under one roof.

Ahhh no :pac: talking about the one and only child

Sardonicat

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

She wont move out I know that, and him paying her rent??? No way! Sure some solution will come up but as some suggest, will wait a few years there's no pressure and bear in mind there's a young child involved

Why on earth do you believe that he shoukd not be responsible for contributing to keeping a roof over his child's head?!

JustMe,K

Sardonicat wrote: »

Why on earth do you believe that he shoukd not be responsible for contributing to keeping a roof over his child's head?!

I dont think the OP believes her partner should not be contributing, just that he should not be paying for his ex entirely?

Sardonicat

JustMe,K wrote: »

I dont think the OP believes her partner should not be contributing, just that he should not be paying for his ex entirely?

Maybe so, but that's not how it's coming across. OP seems to disregard the needs of the child and regards the kid as an inconvenience to her moving in with her bf.

Dundalkshelly

Sardonicat wrote: »

Why on earth do you believe that he shoukd not be responsible for contributing to keeping a roof over his child's head?!

Theres a difference between contributing and paying all, one child has 2 parents, hence should be roughly 50/50 don't you think so?

Dundalkshelly

Sardonicat wrote: »

Maybe so, but that's not how it's coming across. OP seems to disregard the needs of the child and regards the kid as an inconvenience to her moving in with her bf.

seems so to you, can you read? So people are good at making up their own crap, don't comment if you dont know the details

wyrn

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Theres a difference between contributing and paying all, one child has 2 parents, hence should be roughly 50/50 don't you think so?

It should be 50/50 but in reality it's not always but also that 50/50 isn't always money.



Imagine if you got what you wanted, the mother working, out of the house and paying 50/50 - the costs for your partner would go up significantly. With the mother working, they'd have to pay for external childcare. With the mother out of the house, the bills for running two house holds would include (twice the rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries etc...). In reality your partner could end up paying a lot more and maybe they might end up getting a formal custody agreement which could mean he'd be taking care of his child more, leaving him with less time for you.


Be careful what you wish for.

Ginger83

Laney Alive Squaw wrote: »

Of course she has rights as his partner of 20 years and mother of his child. Doesn't matter who's name is on the title deed, you can bet a judge won't turf her and their child out.

Does your partner want her (and their child) out of the house?

Not a hope of that happening any time soon even if he does, glad you 'don't mind her living there' because this is what you'll have for the foreseeable.

Why doesn't he move out if it's such an issue............for you.

Three years together and he still lives with his ex, I'd say he's happy with the arrangement to be honest, can't be that bad if he's still there over 3 years later.

Cake and eat it comes to mind.

What man would complain.....2 women on the go

Elmo

Dundalkshelly wrote: »

Theres a difference between contributing and paying all, one child has 2 parents, hence should be roughly 50/50 don't you think so?

I haven't read all of the posts so bare with me.

It sounds to me like the Mother of the Child is providing for the child as a stay at home mother, there might be issue around that as in the Child's father is taking care of the child too much while also supporting both the Mother of his Child and his child.

If on the other hand the mother is minding the child, providing some money towards the child's food and education then its pretty much 50/50.

Even if the mother is on less money and working full time she is still providing 50/50 care to the child. It may not necessarily about about money.

I think you should talk to your partner about this, and you should both talk to a solicitor. I would say she as the primary care giver has as much right to the house as your partner, its up to them to sort this out.

In terms of inheritance your partners child will own part (if not all) of the house.