3.5 year old boy's behaviour in ECCE

calgary bound

Hello,

I am at my wits end and wondering if someone can offer me some advice about my 3.5 year old son. He attends ECCE 5 days a week. There are 11 in his class. His teacher is telling me that he is engaging in “rough play” and doesn’t understand boundaries of when he goes too far when playing with the other boys in his group. Today, she called my Mum aside when she was collecting him to say that there were 3 incidents today where she had to correct him for being out of line.

He is a very good boy at home, very kind towards his brother, perhaps he gets a little over-excited sometimes and can be a little emotional but I thought this was in line with normal behaviour for a child this age. He is good in other group environments (with his cousins etc) but the problem only seems to arise in ECCE with this group. He has been in the same ECCE creche for 2 mornings a week for 6 months prior to starting ECCE to ease him in (different teacher and different group) and I never once had a single complaint about him.

I am really upset, can any parents offer any advice please?

Thanks so much.

CheerLouth

What are they defining "rough play" as would be my first question? Children have a tendency to get over excited especially when having fun with other children. I'd consider having a meeting with the teacher and asking her to detail out these incidents. Is it just the kids getting over zealous & she can't manage them perhaps? Is she the only teacher in the room? Are they getting time outside to run off some of their energy etc?

calgary bound

Thank you for your reply. There is only one teacher and they do play outside but only for the last half hour of the session so from 12pm to 12.30pm.

I am being told that my son is the instigator of rough play between a couple of boys (that is the teacher's word). I am assuming rough play is messing on the floor, chasing each other that then can turn into pushing etc.

I really appreciate any advice.

starbaby2003

I agree with the other poster, ask them to define rough. Honestly some people think grabbing a toy, perfectly normal behaviour is rough play in children. Do you have any concerns your self ?

jlm29

To be honest, I think this is a side effect of them lowering the entry age into ecce and giving kids two years instead of one. Of course he doesn’t know about boundaries etc, he needs to be taught, both in school and at home. My now 4 yr old would definitely have been a bit rougher in his play last year, and my now 2.5 yr old Is a demon. The change from 2.5-4 is absolutely massive. Obviously if there’s outrageous bad behaviour, or excessive outbursts or whatever, some action has to be taken. But the teacher can’t expect all the kids in the class to behave the same, if there’s a range of ages.
I understand that it’s upsetting. If I were you, I would probably ask the teacher what exact behaviours are an issue, but also what she thinks you need to do. Explain that it doesn’t happen at home and go from there

CheerLouth

I wonder what the teacher's reactions to this behaviour are? I just know from my own kids that generally if they know a certain sort of behaviour is going to get a reaction from me then they have a tendency to keep it up, especially if they know it presses my buttons! Kids are perceptive like that.

seamus

It could just be this specific group. Children in single-sex groups can lose their minds a little bit. Boys specifically in a boys-only group, turn into a pack of wild dogs when the group grows beyond 3 or 4.

If he plays relatively nicely at home and with his cousins, then it's probably with a mix of ages and sexes. At ECCE it sounds like the boys are gathering together, and they're all about the same age. So it turns to carnage.

It's doesn't sound like there's anything "wrong" with your boy at all, but if he does tend to get a bit over-excited and emotional, then that's probably winding up the other boys and after a few minutes they all go crazy. He is singled out as the "ringleader", but he's far too young to even begin to understand his role in it.

As said above, find out what the teacher thinks you need to do. They're the qualified child eduction professional, they must have the knowledge and experience. The teacher should also be making an effort to keep the boys in smaller groups and defuse the insanity before it happens. If she sees them standing around winding eachother up, she should be distracting their focus and getting them to do something, for example, that involves sitting and co-operating, rather than jumping around and battling.

Or even just distracting your son in a non-punishment way, getting him calmed down to keep everything calm.

shesty

The last post is very good.You say she is also the only teacher to 11 kids?At that age group, she will need to be everywhere to intercede if needed, so it would be very difficult to keep on top of it all.I have a daughter (bit older now) along those lines, quite excitable and gets stuck in and can take things too far, way too quickly.We have never had these problems with the preschool though because they have a very high teacher pupil ratio, and things are caught before they get out of hand...which I think is really necessary for 3 year olds. While he is in preschool, he is her responsibility to be honest, you aren't there to manage him.And he could probably do with some more outdoor time, they all go a bit cracked when indoors in a big group like that for any length of time.

Digs

I would agree there with Shesty. My daughter is 3.5 and in Naíonra, her session has 20 pupils and 4 teachers, so it’s a 5:1 ratio. It could be that your teacher is a bit stretched (I actually don’t know the required ratios myself!).

I would ask for more specific information on the behaviour that she’s mentioning. Are you at all concerned about his behaviour outside of school?

Digs

calgary bound wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. There is only one teacher and they do play outside but only for the last half hour of the session so from 12pm to 12.30pm.

I am being told that my son is the instigator of rough play between a couple of boys (that is the teacher's word). I am assuming rough play is messing on the floor, chasing each other that then can turn into pushing etc.

I really appreciate any advice.

Sorry, just to add! The play she’s describing sounds perfectly normal. Unless he’s knocking the heads off them I would imagine that sort of play is age appropriate?! I see it a lot in my own daughters class, admittedly amongst the boys, my own daughter can be a bit horrified at times

jlm29

Digs wrote: »

I would agree there with Shesty. My daughter is 3.5 and in Naíonra, her session has 20 pupils and 4 teachers, so it’s a 5:1 ratio. It could be that your teacher is a bit stretched (I actually don’t know the required ratios myself!).

I would ask for more specific information on the behaviour that she’s mentioning. Are you at all concerned about his behaviour outside of school?

11 to one is the required ratio. But I’ve never heard of a preschool with only one teacher, 22:2 is more manageable I think, a second pair of eyes, ears and hands in invaluable. Ours has 22 pupils and 3 teachers.

calgary bound

Thank you all so much for your replies, they really are much appreciated and have made me feel a bit better about the situation.

The teacher in the creche has said that he can overstep boundaries (which I know he doesn’t yet understand) and be a “messer” in the room and can disrupt activities with this “messing”. He pushed his best friend yesterday which seemed to stem from playing outside and they were playing / chasing each other. The teacher thinks that there is no ill intent to this but they still are complaining about his behaviour most days. There are a group of 4 boys engaging in this “messing” but I am the only parent who has been spoken to regularly.

My son came home from creche last Friday with a number of bruises on his face and explained exactly which boy caused them so he is on the receiving end of this rough play also. The teacher said she didn’t see anything happen but I guess that is a limitation of having 11 x 3-4 year olds under your watch. There is one year 1 ECCE class with 11 students and 1 teacher and a year 2 ECCE with 11 students and 1 teacher also. They are in separate rooms and only join together for the 30 mins outdoor time at 12pm.

He is absolutely not like that at home, just plays away by himself and sometimes can get a bit excited if his brother tickles him for example and maybe tickle him a bit too much back but he thinks it’s all just great fun. We are strict parents and he is disciplined if required.

He is supposed to have year 2 ECCE in the same creche from next September, the above issues have been on-going since not long after he started ECCE (but not the actual creche, he did 2 x 3 hour sessions prior to starting ECCE with a different group and teacher and got on wonderfully).

Thanks so much for your inputs.

shesty

It sounds like it is just the combination of kids involved.Do you ever see him on playdates wih kids his age, and how he plays in those situations?
I am fairly sure he realises that there is more leeway there and that the games can get a bit rougher than at home.Some of the time, he may be learning from the other kids too.
I suppose my question for the teacher would be what she wants you to do about it.I mean, the child is 3.5.He doesn't sound like he is doing anything way out of the normal.You aren't physically there when this is going on
I mean ok, you can reinforce no rough play at home or with other kids outside creche but other than that, I would still say the onus is on her to manage it in the school....either by redirecting the play before it gets too out of control, by giving them more outdoor time, or by trying to direct play so the couple of boys in question don't spend too much time together.I am not really sure what else she wants you to do.