Can women have any truly platonic male friends?

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

So the argument being put forward is that every man wants to take all their ATTRACTIVE women friends out for a gallop?

FYP

Real answer. If in a relationship it would be possible even if you fancy them.

But, if they are attractive and both single it's going to be crossing their* minds.

* Male at least. Can't talk for the fairer sex.

Edit. I've had many female friends, very much enjoy their company. But, if we were single and I found them attractive I'd not be shy in coming forward.

Assetbacked

Deleted User wrote: »

FYP

Real answer. If in a relationship it would be possible even if you fancy them.

But, if they are attractive and both single it's going to be crossing their* minds.

* Male at least. Can't talk for the fairer sex.

Edit. I've had many female friends, very much enjoy their company. But, if we were single and I found them attractive I'd not be shy in coming forward.

As well with attractive women, so many will play down the close friendship with the guy externally, but they know themselves that they are leveraging the attraction from him to get attention.

Outlaw Pete

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

Earleybird

Davy05 wrote: »

But when we actually got through them all only one had never made some sort of pass at her.

Whats his deal!?!? Keep an eye there. Playing the long game.

sbsquarepants

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

That's the very definition of non platonic though.

I've had plenty of female friends who i've never so much as kissed, or made any sort of move on due to timing etc. Either i or they were with someone else, or maybe i thought she was hot but got the feeling she didn't really think the same about me or any number of reasons, but that's not really the same thing as purely platonic.

Given the right set of circumstances, i would have fúcked them all. I've kind of drifted away from all my female friends over the past few years, i've only really stayed close to one of them (she's smoking hot, but going out with a very nice bloke i work with, so even if i was single, she's off limits!) Any others i have are like in laws, or my missus friends and stuff like that, or work colleagues.

Truth be told i'd ride most if not all of them too in a different life, obviously it's never going to happen but if we met as unattached strangers then yea, there's a hottie or two in there!

Maybe there are men out there who wouldn't, but i don't think i know any of them!

Earthhorse

Raconteuse wrote: »

Or yes once at least one of them is in a relationship with someone else.

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

The people who seem very invested in the idea that it's not possible seem to have very high standards for what they'll accept constitutes platonic, imo.

Hmmm. So I get what ye're both saying but to me the word pure does imply a high standard and also, just in general, I think idle thoughts constitutes non platinicity (a word I just invented).

Don't get me wrong, I have loads of female friends I think are absolutely great and have no serious romantic interest in; but if they were single and we were on a night out and we knew there wouldn't be fall out in our friendship after etc.

My point is that just because the friendship isn't purely platonic doesn't mean it's in someway violated or worthless. These are friendships I cherish and I hope the women concerned do too.

There are a small few friends I've had where the attraction was too strong and I had to say goodbye to the friendship which is a shame but it's the reality. Most of the time there is no such dichotomy at play though.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

sbsquarepants wrote: »

That's the very definition of non platonic though.

Mmm it's not though. It's a close relationship, and it's not a sexual relationship. I mean, I'veprobably given a few moments absent minded speculation about what it'd be like to fcuk pretty much everyone I've ever had a conversation with, I'd imagine a lot of people have a similar interior landscape. It doesn't mean every relationship I've ever had is sexual, and I wouldn't call a friendship where no sexual activity has ever occurred, been sought, been spoken of, a sexual relationship, and it's not a romantic one, a familial one, so what is it?

I mean the term Platonic itself evolved from some pretty romantic beginnings.

I get that people are probably operating by different definitions of what it means to them but like I said above there's a peculiarly high and purist standard applied to this that isn't to other relationships.

NSAman

I see sheep wrote: »

Couldn't get it up for a hot girl, fair enough man it happens to the best of us.

Have you had this erectile dysfunction long? There are physical issues that might need to be addressed along with the obvious psychological ones...:)

You have options do not worry, see a doctor and a therapist immediately.

moritz1234

There's a lot of lads lying on here.
I've 100% no doubt that the women are telling the truth, but no way are the men telling the truth, no way.

Bobblehats

NSAman

moritz1234 wrote: »

There's a lot of lads lying on here.
I've 100% no doubt that the women are telling the truth, but no way are the men telling the truth, no way.

Why?

decky1

I thought they were , trusted both of them , Wrong again.

moritz1234

NSAman wrote: »

Why?

A scorpion, which cannot swim, asks a frog to carry it across a river on the frog's back. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung by the scorpion, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. ... Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

nullzero wrote: »

That or people just sharing their own experiences without projecting their feelings onto anyone.

Well, the following for example isn’t just limited to that one poster’s experience:

Earthhorse wrote: »

It's certainly possible but it's rare that it's purely platonic for guys.

NSAman

moritz1234 wrote: »

A scorpion, which cannot swim, asks a frog to carry it across a river on the frog's back. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung by the scorpion, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. ... Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both.

WE are talking male and female friends here of the human varierty... not inter-species.

Bobblehats

Anyone else think Plato looks like Paul galvin?

Earthhorse

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, the following for example isn’t just limited to that one poster’s experience:

Depends what you mean. I obviously have plenty of friends whom I've discussed such matters with over the years. Most guys I know would say the same as me. So not just my experience but their experiences shared with me.

NSAman

Earthhorse wrote: »

Depends what you mean. I obviously have plenty of friends whom I've discussed such matters with over the years. Most guys I know would say the same as me. So not just my experience but their experiences shared with me.

So you have no female friends?

nkl12xtw5goz70

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I mean, I'veprobably given a few moments absent minded speculation about what it'd be like to fcuk pretty much everyone I've ever had a conversation with, I'd imagine a lot of people have a similar interior landscape.

Completely agreed. Most people are loath to admit these interior private thoughts for reasons of public respectability. That's entirely understandable, as far as it goes -- but anyone who claims not to have sexual thoughts about anyone besides their partner is most likely lying. Same-sex attractions are common too -- one study found that 60 percent of heterosexual women have had sexual thoughts about other women.

Earthhorse

NSAman wrote: »

So you have no female friends?

Read my posts on this thread and discover the truth for yourself!

Bigbagofcans

NSAman wrote: »

WE are talking male and female friends here of the human varierty... not inter-species.

We're talking about a female frog and a male scorpion

NSAman

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

We're talking about a female frog and a male scorpion

Such Racism.... why is it always a French woman?

banie01

I honestly expected the OP to Mr Fegelien...

Bobblehats

NSAman wrote: »

Such Racism.... why is it always a French woman?

Who’s a french woman?

sbsquarepants

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I get that people are probably operating by different definitions of what it means to them but like I said above there's a peculiarly high and purist standard applied to this that isn't to other relationships.

Probably, i'm taking it to mean a relationship where there is no sexual attraction, as opposed to any sexual activity.

If you have never touched your friend, but think they have a really sexy arse, is that platonic?

Bigbagofcans

NSAman wrote: »

Such Racism.... why is it always a French woman?

Cos of their lovely frogs' legs.

moritz1234

NSAman wrote: »

Such Racism.... why is it always a French woman?

When it comes to French women the bar is lowered (due to the accent), it would be from 3/10 upwards.

NSAman

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Probably, i'm taking it to mean a relationship where there is no sexual attraction, as opposed to any sexual activity.

If you have never touched your friend, but think they have a really sexy arse, is that platonic?

Say it to them.... always a good ice breaker.

Like you say to your own partner when she asks you "does this make my arse look big" your obvious reply is:

"No honey, it doesn't look big... It looks ginormous"

Xertz

I'm bi, so if this rule applied I'd basically be unable to have any friends at all or just have to go out with all of them.

Of course you can have platonic friends! It's utter nonsense that men and women are incapable of just being friends. We seem to still have these puritanical nonsense notions that bubble up now and again from some archive that belongs in the 1600s.

Feisar

Xertz wrote: »

I'm bi, so if this rule applied I'd basically be unable to have any friends at all or just have to go out with all of them.

Of course you can have platonic friends! It's utter nonsense that men and women are incapable of just being friends. We seem to still have these puritanical nonsense notions that bubble up now and again from some archive that belongs in the 1600s.

I have done or would have done all my female friends, YMMV

moritz1234

moritz1234 wrote: »

A scorpion, which cannot swim, asks a frog to carry it across a river on the frog's back. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung by the scorpion, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. ... Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both.

You left out the most relevant bit

The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung the frog despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: "I couldn't help it. It's in my nature.

Porklife

I think it's only possible if you don't find your friends attractive. I have loads of male friends and they have all at one time or another tried it on with me, literally all of them. I have kissed/slept with a few who I found attractive but definitely did not want a relationship with! There was no real awkwardness afterwards and we went back to being friends.

If you've been friends with somebody from a young age they tend to become more like a sibling to you even if they are attractive.

If I meet someone now though, a work colleague for example and we become friends then hell yeah I can fancy them! I can also restrain myself and just be friends with them so of course it's possible. Will I fancy them though? Yes! If I find them attractive I will want to sleep with them but it doesn't have to affect the friendship. It would only affect the friendship if it was acted upon.

I've a work mate who I get on like a house on fire with, he's sound as they come. He is really attractive too is the gorgeous girl he's marrying in May. Does it affect our friendship, the laugh we have at lunch together, nights out etc no, not one bit! I think he's attractive but he's taken so he's off the cards. I still find him really funny and great company though! but I'm also delighted for him that he's getting married because he's madly in love with his wife to be.

Xertz

Isn't that just part of being human though? I mean you're inevitably going to find some of your friends attractive, but that does not translate into you jumping into bed with them or becoming some kind of sex pest. The vast majority of people are well able to respect the boundaries of people being in relationships, married, not interested or that they just do not want to move the friendly relationship into that space.

Also it is definitely possible to have 'crossed that line' and then crossed it back again and still be good friends afterwards. I think we TOTALLY over-do this victorian notion of sex somehow being so unbelievably huge a deal that you have to immediately get married to someone afterwards.

I mean, at the end of the day, if something did happen between you - and you're both sensible and mature about it - it's just one of those things and probably was a nice experience with someone you got on well with. Why does that mean you suddenly end up in some bizarrely awkward situation afterwards? Life moves on.

Add to that that a small, but quite significant % of the population are probably gay or bisexual so, you've an additional dynamic going on there too where a sizeable number of people will have crushes on same-gender friends too. So it's more or less impossible to avoid the fact that humans are .. humans.

My view of it is just be friends with who you want to be friends with and stop over thinking it! Life's way too short to be ruling out 50% of the population based on the fact you might have a bit of sexual chemistry with them.

Why rule out a potentially great friendship ?!

sbsquarepants

Porklife wrote: »

I've a work mate who I get on like a house on fire with, he's sound as they come. He is really attractive too is the gorgeous girl he's marrying in May. Does it affect our friendship, the laugh we have at lunch together, nights out etc no, not one bit! I think he's attractive but he's taken so he's off the cards. I still find him really funny and great company though! but I'm also delighted for him that he's getting married because he's madly in love with his wife to be.

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

Wibbs

moritz1234 wrote: »

When it comes to French women the bar is lowered (due to the accent)

No, it really isn't. Maybe in fantasyland, not in reality. An initially "sexy accent" can get very old, very quickly if someone is a pain in the fundament.

Xertz

I speak French and it usually just reminds me of a Drogheda accent, but I mean there's nothing unsexy about County Louth.

Bobblehats

My favourite pornstar had a french accent...I mean she’s Vietnamese; to look at but she had a french accent....

NSAman

Bobblehats wrote: »

My favourite pornstar had a french accent...I mean she’s Vietnamese; to look at but she had a french accent....

That's called Dubbing..;)

andekwarhola

I actually tend to agree with the idea that men might be slightly more unlikely to have platonic relationships with women than vice versa.

Obviously this is an anecdotal and informal observation and won't be published as a scientific report so I'll just get it on record in advance that I've scant interest in long, declamatory arguments about it, especially from offended men who are more in tune with their inner saint than me.

Adyx

I, a male, have mostly platonic female friends. So yes.

Davy05

Davy05 wrote: »

In your experience is it possible for a woman to have any entirely platonic male friends?

Seems so to me at least. And I say that from three sides. I am the platonic male friend of some. I have platonic female friends myself. And I have platonic friends of varying genders and orientations around me.

I have seen quite a number of threads on this very topic over the years on a number of forums - and not one of them has offered a reason to suspect it not to be possible in fact.

Porklife

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.
The fact that he's handsome doesn't come into my head most of the time. I've never met his fiance but I've no doubt she's as lovely as him and she's a lucky girl.
We are definitely just friends so I think it can work.

UI_Paddy

Deleted User wrote: »

Seems so to me at least. And I say that from three sides. I am the platonic male friend of some. I have platonic female friends myself. And I have platonic friends of varying genders and orientations around me.

I have seen quite a number of threads on this very topic over the years on a number of forums - and not one of them has offered a reason to suspect it not to be possible in fact.

It's most certainly possible to be attracted to a close opposite sex friend regardless of whether acting on it would or wouldn't be morally right. As has been said, that's just human nature. As long as you don't act on it, especially when your in a relationship there's no harm in it.

As for whether or not all men have ulterior motives in these scenarios - no. Sure some do, but I personally don't, and I know I'm not alone on that.

Porklife

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.
The fact that he's handsome doesn't come into my head most of the time. I've never met his fiance but I've no doubt she's as lovely as him and she's a lucky girl.
We are definitely just friends so I think it can work.

Wibbs

I've never been sexually attracted to my women mates. If I were I couldn't do the friendship thing. It would be ride or walk away TBH. In the highly unlikely event of one of them coming onto me, I'd have to dial it right back. It would feel well bloody weird, not the same as a male mate doing same of course, because I'm straight so that would include more of the eeeeeuwwww factor, but similar enough.

wakka12

What is even the point of these kind of discussions. Lots of men and women share platonic friendships, sometimes you just arent 'into' somebody even if they look decent and you get on well. There is more to wanting to be with somebody than those two traits, some people just dont click

And as another poster said, if it was true then bisexual people would have no mates. Which is obviously ridiculous, much like the premise of this thread

Quantum Erasure

NSAman wrote: »

That's called Dubbing..;)

urban dictionary, is like Joey from Friends

Urban Dictionary wrote:

dubbing
When a guy's frontal parts are pushing out onto a girl's butt in the act of dancing.
I was at the school dance when Jonah came up from behind and we started dubbing.

Let me tell you, the people I was dubbing with were really good!

cannotlogin

Lol at this thread, just spent the last ten minutes mentally scanning through my male friends and playing that yes/no/maybe game!

I can appreciate two of them are good looking & really fabulous people, but the attraction just isn't there. I'd fancy them if could but I just don't even though click in every other way. The rest are nice but no attraction.

There's no compensation for chemistry I guess.

Don't think any of them fancy me at all and any of them that hit on me where just horny rather than any genuine feelings/intention of a relationship. Thoughts of having sex with any of them does nothing for me.

Raconteuse

Assetbacked wrote: »

No, they can't be good friends, certainly not from the men's side anyway. Men who claim otherwise are in denial. This is fairly non-controversial as
it is not crazy that there is a possibility for one party to want it to go further when they are both straight and are both excellent friends. That is a great base for something further to develop.

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Can a man and women be 100% good/close friends without anything else? nope. not truly.

You'll often find out that people once hooked up... or at the very very least were gonna hook up at one point just before theother got into a relationship etc.
There's even people who "hook up" after years of being friends. Cause one half broke up. Like, we meant to believe there was no attraction (or even a bit of hanky panky on the side)

moritz1234 wrote: »

There's a lot of lads lying on here.
I've 100% no doubt that the women are telling the truth, but no way are the men telling the truth, no way.

More "what I think is what every man thinks". I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general. But you're taking it to another level - stating that it's not possible for men to have platonic friendships with women, when 1. It demonstrably is, and 2. Men don't fancy every woman ever.

Of course it would be difficult just to be friends with someone stunning to you whom you're head over heels attracted to/in love with but that's equally as difficult for women. And there's a vast chasm of difference between that and someone whom you'd do once for the heck of it. And then there are those opposite sex friends whom you just don't fancy.

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

The people who seem very invested in the idea that it's not possible seem to have very high standards for what they'll accept constitutes platonic, imo.

"Oh you've a loving relationship with your mother, really? Really? Never shouted at her or hated her, no? Yeah so that's not a loving relationship.'

"Oh you've a professional relationship with your boss? You're working for her every second of every day are you? Yeah that's what I THOUGHT."

Exactly this.

dd973

Yes, it's like that thing with female work colleagues you get on well with, some of them might be fanciable but you know in your head they'll never be into you or anythings going to happen.