Indirect bullying

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 2:55am #1

A coworker from another office has been trying to make me look bad constantly throughout my 6 months of working in a company, trying to make out that I am incompetent, stupid and cannot do the job. That person has been working for the company for over 15 years and is in a senior role while I am just a newbie.

Here is an example: someone else has assigned a job to me months ago and I still did not complete it until now even though that job was completed months ago to the required specification. However this individual has made it out to be that the scope of the task was much higher than it actually was = I did not complete the job fully. Completely made up as this individual is not even aware of my tasks and I do not report directly to him but we are all part of the same team so he has some kind of idea as to what I am doing. The person whom I did the job for is no longer working for the company so it is his word against mine and of course since he is in a senior role and works for many years, his word is taken over mine. Now I am being blamed for not completing my assigned jobs which is completely false.
"You were assigned this job 4 months ago, why it is not done?"

That person also has blamed the systems/software that I am responsible for, for interfering with the performance of the team without any reason. This results in me requiring to find proof that I am not responsible for some failure.

When performing some tasks, the person sends emails and CCs management with very basic instructions: have you tried turning on and off? Keep in mind that I am working for a mid level IT technical position but I am new in the company.

What all this means for me:
Management looks at me as stupid/unskilled/incompetent = no basic skills required for the job.
I am not doing my job = completing tasks on time.
Something goes wrong = immediately blame me because of me being new.
Management gives me no trust in assigning new tasks/responsibilities.

Basically just makes me look bad for no reason. I believe that person is trying to get me fired or lose my job after the probationary period. I am thinking of leaving the company myself because it is completely ridiculous. That person is never direct and many times talks bad behind my back. The only way I find some of this information is through my colleague which works directly with him and attends meetings with him. Recently he has blamed a software configuration that I was responsible for behind my back in another meeting, giving me no chance to defend myself. He never comes directly to me and it goes through someone else.

I got so upset recently that I was about to call him on his personal phone and tell him to **** off and stop trying to screw me over all the time for no reason but I hesitated since he works in such a senior position and it could get me fired. That person works from another country and I work as part of the international team. That person always talk to me in a passive aggressive manner and ignores messages.

OMM 0000 · 29-01-2020 7:18am

I'm not trying to be unsupportive, but...

someone else has assigned a job to me months ago and I still did not complete it until now

Management looks at me as stupid/unskilled/incompetent

Management gives me no trust in assigning new tasks/responsibilities

Is it possible you're not doing a good job?

I've worked in management over 10 years and consistently I've noticed people are in denial about how poor they are at their jobs.

Typically when multiple people have a problem with how you do your job, that's a massive indicator they may be telling the truth.

I'm not saying the above to be harsh, I'm just trying to give an honest assessment.

padjocollins · 29-01-2020 7:39am

get another job asap. keep working on your skills. Do an online partime programming course, be proficient in a couple of languages (for example python and js skills are in demand) and web dev (react/redux)
you can study outside of work at your own pace https://www.coursera.org/learn/interactive-python-1
I and others here can offer you further advice. Take back control.

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 10:03am

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm not trying to be unsupportive, but...

These are all these assumptions. I got no word from management at all during these events/blames. I just assume that is what they must think of me by now. There is only 1 person who always has a problem with everything I do, everyone else is very happy with me. I just believe at the end of my probation, it would affect opinion of me

Is it possible you're not doing a good job?

If not doing something according to a specification pulled out of thin air then I guess not.

I've worked in management over 10 years and consistently I've noticed people are in denial about how poor they are at their jobs.

Ok

Typically when multiple people have a problem with how you do your job, that's a massive indicator they may be telling the truth.

Only 1 person has a problem. I work in an international team of 20 people.

I'm not saying the above to be harsh, I'm just trying to give an honest assessment.

Answers inline. Pain to quote correctly using phone.

OMM 0000 · 29-01-2020 11:24am

Are you open at all to the idea that you could improve, and that the other manager may be at least partially correct?

For example, why was it a surprise to the other manager you haven't finished a task after 4 months? Are you not communicating your progress?

Johnny Sausage · 29-01-2020 11:26am

the new childrens hospital would be built quicker than the OP completing that task :pac:

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 11:38am

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Are you open at all to the idea that you could improve, and that the other manager may be at least partially correct?

For example, why was it a surprise to the other manager you haven't finished a task after 4 months? Are you not communicating your progress?

Improve on what exactly? How would I improve upon something like that? It seems like you did not read my message. He is literally telling false things about me and then I have to go off and gather proof that I am not in fact guilty of the accused thing. I have done that multiple times now and proved my innocence so how can I improve upon something that I am not even responsible for?

He is not a manager in any sense, he is a my coworker and not managing me at all in any way or managing anyone. We even work on separate teams but sometimes our duties intersect. He is not aware what I am doing since he is not a manager and we work in a different teams, he is just assuming what my duties or tasks are and then claiming that I didn't do something. How would he even know what I'm doing.

Again I repeat, he is not a manager, just a coworker. I don't report to him at all. He only has small idea what I'm doing from some meetings.

He says I'm doing X task for someone else
Someone else asks me where is the result.
I go find proof that it was not part of the task (emails and messages).

He also blamed me for creating a problem with something recently and then it was found out that it was actually his actions that have caused the problem.

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 11:40am

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

the new childrens hospital would be built quicker than the OP completing that task :pac:

I proved my innocence by showing evidence that the task was completed many months ago. I used emails and chat logs with my manager as evidence. Literally took screenshots and sent it to everyone. I have heard no response since until something else comes up. Now it seems that I have actually completed the task as assigned since no one can deny it. I guess you cannot reasonably take a look at a screenshot of a chat log and say that it is photoshopped. Not in a professional context anyway.

OMM 0000 · 29-01-2020 12:00pm

You're not explaining yourself very well. And the fact you're trying to blame me for that tells me you may not be totally innocent.

Here is an example: someone else has assigned a job to me months ago and I still did not complete it until now even though that job was completed months ago to the required specification.

I really don't know if that means you did or didn't do it.

The fact you are utterly closed to the idea that you could improve at your job tells me clearly part of the problem is you.

Good luck.

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 12:04pm

OMM 0000 wrote: »

You're not explaining yourself very well. And the fact you're trying to blame me for that tells me you may not be totally innocent.

I really don't know if that means you did or didn't do it.

The fact you are utterly closed to the idea that you could improve at your job tells me clearly part of the problem is you.

Good luck.

I did the job. If someone makes lies about my job and then blames me for not doing that made up thing then yes I am bad at my job. The person thought I did the job to a greater extent than I actually did (out of scope)

bucketybuck · 29-01-2020 12:04pm

WannaCry wrote: »

Improve on what exactly? How would I improve upon something like that? It seems like you did not read my message.

Your message/posts are quite difficult to parse, I've read them and I'm still not sure if you completed that task on time or not.

Regardless, what has your own boss/manager said about this? I assume you have told him all this?

bucketybuck · 29-01-2020 12:05pm

WannaCry wrote: »

I did the job. If someone makes lies about my job and then blames me for not doing that made up thing then yes I am bad at my job. The person thought I did the job to a greater extent than I actually did (out of scope)

Genuine question, is English your first language?

Mellor · 29-01-2020 12:21pm

WannaCry wrote: »

someone else has assigned a job to me months ago and I still did not complete it until now even though that job was completed months ago to the required specification.

Is this what you actually intended to write?
In the middle you say you didn't complete the task until now. But at the end it was completed months ago.

OMM 0000 · 29-01-2020 12:22pm

WannaCry are you willing to accept you might have poor communication skills?

And maybe that's why your colleague has no idea what you are or aren't doing?

Diziet · 29-01-2020 12:35pm

I think you need to have a chat with your own line manager and bring this up as an area of concern.

padjocollins · 29-01-2020 1:25pm

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Are you open at all to the idea that you could improve, and that the other manager may be at least partially correct?

For example, why was it a surprise to the other manager you haven't finished a task after 4 months? Are you not communicating your progress?

like he said, there was no specification of the task or follow up for ages so fault lies with the manageemnt. He could be more proactive allright, report what heäs done and ask for feedbac but i doubt that would fix the problem. To me it's sounds that one person has it in for him for whatever reason and from experience it's very difficult to fix as that person would already have aired his problem too him but i bet there isn't anything concrete. it sounds like a bit of bullying to me.

padjocollins · 29-01-2020 1:31pm

OMM 0000 wrote: »

WannaCry are you willing to accept you might have poor communication skills?

And maybe that's why your colleague has no idea what you are or aren't doing?

what are you beating on this guy non stop ? read back your posts and cop yourself on. You have an opinion which may or may not be fact. bit of humble pie please.

OMM 0000 · 29-01-2020 1:45pm

padjocollins wrote: »

what are you beating on this guy non stop ? read back your posts and cop yourself on. You have an opinion which may or may not be fact. bit of humble pie please.

I'm not, I just have a different opinion to you.

Are you WannaCry?

vixdname · 29-01-2020 2:10pm

'We even work on separate teams but sometimes our duties intersect.'

'but we are all part of the same team so he has some kind of idea as to what I am doing'

Which one is it OP ?????....Not making sense

C3PO · 29-01-2020 2:14pm

If the OP communicates as confusingly in work as he/she does in a forum post then I understand why there might be an issue! Is English your 1st language OP?

IITYWYBMAD · 29-01-2020 4:17pm

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm not trying to be unsupportive, but...

Is it possible you're not doing a good job?

I've worked in management over 10 years and consistently I've noticed people are in denial about how poor they are at their jobs.

Typically when multiple people have a problem with how you do your job, that's a massive indicator they may be telling the truth.

I'm not saying the above to be harsh, I'm just trying to give an honest assessment.

You're experience in management is irrelevant. I've 10 years experience in outer space, that seem ok to you?

I don't see where the OP said that multiple people have an issue with him.

He did reference "What all this means for me". My understanding of that the OP has the feeling that the perceived bullying actions of his co-colleague is 'possibly' putting him in a bad light.

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Are you open at all to the idea that you could improve, and that the other manager may be at least partially correct?

For example, why was it a surprise to the other manager you haven't finished a task after 4 months? Are you not communicating your progress?

Did you read the OP?

OMM 0000 wrote: »

You're not explaining yourself very well. And the fact you're trying to blame me for that tells me you may not be totally innocent.

I really don't know if that means you did or didn't do it.

The fact you are utterly closed to the idea that you could improve at your job tells me clearly part of the problem is you.

Good luck.

I'd suggest going on a communication and diversity program. You seem to completely disregard (assuming you have come across them) some of the essentials when it comes to effective communication.
Clarity of Information
Adequacy of Message
Consistency of Message
Feedback
Understanding the Receiver
Consultation
Determine Medium

Can I also re-iterate, you claim of being 10 years a manager has no relevance whatsoever, so please stop banging that drum.

OP, This situation has obviously escalated to one of strain between yourself and this co-worker. I'd suggest not trying to deal with this directly. What I would suggest is the following:

1) Determine your intentions with regards to employment with this company.

If you intend to stay.

2) Detail the alleged behavior.

3) Ask for a second opinion from a trusted colleague or friend.

4) If you feel the need, approach HR, and ask them to deal with it.

If you intend to leave, don't do any of the above.

Strumms · 29-01-2020 7:49pm

WannaCry wrote: »

He is not a manager in any sense, he is a my coworker and not managing me at all in any way or managing anyone. We even work on separate teams but sometimes our duties intersect.

Again I repeat, he is not a manager, just a coworker. I don't report to him at all. He only has small idea what I'm doing from some meetings.

If he isn’t your manager and you are not answerable to him, why are you engaging with him and enabling his behavior ?

Next time... “ listen, I’m stopping you here, we’ve been here before, I’ve explained multiple times and I’m NOT repeating it, I’ve unlike you it seems, work to be getting on with, if you want to escalate this go speak to our/my manager..”.

If he try’s to break in again, stand up from your desk.., “ok I can see it’s bothering you, let’s both go and see (manager) now and work this out”...

He’ll be put on the spot, out of his depth.... bully’s succeed only if they are enabled, when the gun is pointed back, they falter.

Dav010 · 29-01-2020 8:15pm

Strumms wrote: »

If he isn’t your manager and you are not answerable to him, why are you engaging with him and enabling his behavior ?

Next time... “ listen, I’m stopping you here, we’ve been here before, I’ve explained multiple times and I’m NOT repeating it, I’ve unlike you it seems, work to be getting on with, if you want to escalate this go speak to our/my manager..”.

If he try’s to break in again, stand up from your desk.., “ok I can see it’s bothering you, let’s both go and see (manager) now and work this out”...

He’ll be put on the spot, out of his depth.... bully’s succeed only if they are enabled, when the gun is pointed back, they falter.

It seems management are already aware of the issue as the manager in question is cc'ing them all the instructions the op finds upsetting. Doing what you advise may then be counterproductive. It does read like the op is not absolutely clear about his/her performance of the requested tasks, but that may well be a slight posting language issue if English is not the first language

Strumms · 29-01-2020 10:10pm

Dav010 wrote: »

It seems management are already aware of the issue as the manager in question is cc'ing them all the instructions the op finds upsetting. Doing what you advise may then be counterproductive. It does read like the op is not absolutely clear about his/her performance of the requested tasks, but that may well be a slight posting language issue if English is not the first language

Being aware of the issue means SFA... that real lazy management cop out speak. If they are aware, what are they doing about it ?, what’s going to happen ? by not dealing with it proactively and successfully, the failure lands on the shoulders of the victim... just not good enough I’m afraid.

If I’m a senior manager I’m pretty perturbed by what I’d be reading in this complaint..I’m saying directly to the complainant that I will investigate and giving a rough timeframe of when I’ll feedback..

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 10:13pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

Your message/posts are quite difficult to parse, I've read them and I'm still not sure if you completed that task on time or not.

Regardless, what has your own boss/manager said about this? I assume you have told him all this?

My manager tries to avoid making me interact with that person.

bucketybuck wrote: »

Genuine question, is English your first language?

No.

Mellor wrote: »

Is this what you actually intended to write?
In the middle you say you didn't complete the task until now. But at the end it was completed months ago.

Yes, completed months ago.

OMM 0000 wrote: »

WannaCry are you willing to accept you might have poor communication skills?

And maybe that's why your colleague has no idea what you are or aren't doing?

He doesn't have an idea because he does not work with me and is not aware of what I am doing, just a rough idea.

Diziet wrote: »

I think you need to have a chat with your own line manager and bring this up as an area of concern.

He is aware now and tries to avoid me putting to any work with him, however this is sometimes unavoidable.

padjocollins wrote: »

like he said, there was no specification of the task or follow up for ages so fault lies with the manageemnt. He could be more proactive allright, report what heäs done and ask for feedbac but i doubt that would fix the problem. To me it's sounds that one person has it in for him for whatever reason and from experience it's very difficult to fix as that person would already have aired his problem too him but i bet there isn't anything concrete. it sounds like a bit of bullying to me.

There was follow up, the task was regarded as 100% completed at that time to which I have sent proof in e-mails. Manager thanking me for the completed task.

vixdname wrote: »

'We even work on separate teams but sometimes our duties intersect.'

'but we are all part of the same team so he has some kind of idea as to what I am doing'

Which one is it OP ?????....Not making sense

Like we both work in IT but we work on different teams. Sometimes the teams need to collaborate. I work in a team which often requires assistance from the other team to complete certain tasks and vice versa.

C3PO wrote: »

If the OP communicates as confusingly in work as he/she does in a forum post then I understand why there might be an issue! Is English your 1st language OP?

The communication is not really an issue. It is the passive aggressive manner which attempts to make me look bad or screw me over.

Strumms wrote: »

If he isn’t your manager and you are not answerable to him, why are you engaging with him and enabling his behavior ?

Next time... “ listen, I’m stopping you here, we’ve been here before, I’ve explained multiple times and I’m NOT repeating it, I’ve unlike you it seems, work to be getting on with, if you want to escalate this go speak to our/my manager..”.

If he try’s to break in again, stand up from your desk.., “ok I can see it’s bothering you, let’s both go and see (manager) now and work this out”...

He’ll be put on the spot, out of his depth.... bully’s succeed only if they are enabled, when the gun is pointed back, they falter.

Because often enough, I am required to work directly with him or he needs my help to complete something. He also works out of a different country so he communicates using messages/calls/emails.

Dav010 wrote: »

It seems management are already aware of the issue as the manager in question is cc'ing them all the instructions the op finds upsetting. Doing what you advise may then be counterproductive. It does read like the op is not absolutely clear about his/her performance of the requested tasks, but that may well be a slight posting language issue if English is not the first language

Yes, there is only 1 manager and he is aware. What happened recently, I was sitting beside his desk and he was chatting with him and started to write negative things about me, so much so that the manager had to send him a message informing him that I am sitting beside him.

Also if there is a problem, the manager prefers to inform that individual himself and not let me do it since if he does it, he will get a positive response and if I do it, I will get a negative response. Basically if I say something is bad, then he does not care and usually ignores me but if my manager says exactly the same thing, it gets recognized. If I find some fault from his side of things I mean.

Dav010 · 29-01-2020 10:15pm

Strumms wrote: »

Being aware of the issue means SFA... that real lazy management cop out speak. If they are aware, what are they doing about it ?, what’s going to happen ? by not dealing with it proactively and successfully, the failure lands on the shoulders of the victim... just not good enough I’m afraid.

If I’m a senior manager I’m pretty perturbed by what I’d be reading in this complaint..I’m saying directly to the complainant that I will investigate and giving a rough timeframe of when I’ll feedback..

Perhaps this is why you are not a senior manager, the ops manager has already laid the foundation of his charge that he/she is not doing the tasks assigned, it will be easier, and cheaper to let the op go if it comes to having to choose.

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 10:15pm

Strumms wrote: »

Being aware of the issue means SFA... that real lazy management cop out speak. If they are aware, what are they doing about it ?, what’s going to happen ? by not dealing with it proactively and successfully, the failure lands on the shoulders of the victim... just not good enough I’m afraid.

If I’m a senior manager I’m pretty perturbed by what I’d be reading in this complaint..I’m saying directly to the complainant that I will investigate and giving a rough timeframe of when I’ll feedback..

The manager is probably afraid to upset that person as he is in a senior role and is obviously more valuable than me.

WannaCry · 29-01-2020 10:19pm

Dav010 wrote: »

Perhaps this is why you are not a senior manager, the ops manager has already laid the foundation of his charge that he/she is not doing the tasks assigned, it will be easier, and cheaper to let the op go if it comes to having to choose.

That is simply false. My coworker said that not any manager. I have literal proof of the e-mail thanking me for my work done. I have already mentioned multiple times that the coworker makes up lies about this task. How would he even know as to what I am doing? He ASSUMED that I had to do something but when in fact, I have not but he still went on and lie about me. I of course proved my innocence but that still might have changed opinion of me for some people. Just like when someone gets accused of rape. Yes that person might be innocent but he still gets associated with it.

amadangomor · 29-01-2020 10:19pm

OMM 0000 wrote: »

WannaCry are you willing to accept you might have poor communication skills?

And maybe that's why your colleague has no idea what you are or aren't doing?

He didn't phrase it brilliantly but you equating that to him not doing his job properly is jumping to conclusions and unfair.

Dav010 · 29-01-2020 10:23pm

WannaCry wrote: »

That is simply false. My coworker said that not any manager. I have literal proof of the e-mail thanking me for my work done. I have already mentioned multiple times that the coworker makes up lies about this task. How would he even know as to what I am doing? He ASSUMED that I had to do something but when in fact, I have not but he still went on and lie about me. I of course proved my innocence but that still might have changed opinion of me for some people. Just like when someone gets accused of rape. Yes that person might be innocent but he still gets associated with it.

I’m sorry wannacry, I am not assuming you have done anything wrong or that you are not very competent at your job. I am pointing out to the other poster that the manager giving you a hard time has been careful to lay out his issues with you to his superior.

Strumms · 29-01-2020 10:27pm

Dav010 wrote: »

Perhaps this is why you are not a senior manager, the ops manager has already laid the foundation of his charge that he/she is not doing the tasks assigned, it will be easier, and cheaper to let the op go if it comes to having to choose.

Perhaps I’m not a senior manager because I’ve never applied for a Senior Managers job, I’m not a professional footballer either but I know a challenge worthy of a red card, I’m not a chef but I know a good spaghetti Carbonara, I’m not an F1 driver but.... :rolleyes:

Indirect bullying

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