Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

Loafing Oaf

SusieBlue wrote: »

but putting that responsibility on another person without communicating it with them, and then judging them for it, is grossly unfair.

Hard to talk about it explicitly in a dating situation though. Is he supposed to 'set out the ground rules' at the start of the first date?

Assetbacked

Candie wrote: »

What I mean is that you rule out a girl as a possible or probable relationship if they have sex on the first date, so do you think you should be ruled out as a possible relationship because you're a guy who has sex on the first date?

Not judging, just curious.

I rule it out based on past experience. It's something that I didn't cop until the current relationship that they had a common theme which was not sleeping together too early. When I realised this I worked backwards to workout why this might be the case and conclude that it must be to do with the fact you have lost the allure of the dating game which involves flirting, kissing and just generally getting to know the person more - all of which contribute to a better first time sleeping together as it adds a bit more of a personal feeling to the deed. I don;t mind being judged and would openly admit it on a first date if the topic came up; "in my experience, relationships have not tended to develop if sleeping together too early etc".

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

TBH I think he is using it as a cop out...easy exit strategy.

I had a buddy like that before. He also was in the habit of discarding some fantastic women for the most stupid of reasons. I mean really stupid...it's a few years ago now but one reason I recall was he didn't like the girl's underwear. Real stupid crap like he was purposefully looking for reasons to sabotage the relationship.

I knew a guy like that too.

Came to light years later that he, actually, had an embarrassing “problem”. Some sort of “malformation” of his genitalia.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Assetbacked wrote: »

What is boyfriend material in this context? I would be more likely to be with a girl longer-term who is open and relaxed with sex, communicates well when it comes to sex and is not ashamed of anything to do with it.

Right, open and relaxed with sex, but doesn't "throw it out" too early.

Communicates well when it comes to sex, but reads your mind that you don't think sex on the first date is a good idea, despite the fact you're engaging in precisely that.

Not ashamed of anything to with sex, but you are clearly allowed to make a value judgement on them because of their attitude to sex.

You're entitled to your opinions but I'd stop trying to rationalise this one if I were you.

Would you say your failure to get far past the two year mark in your relationships is at all connected to the fact that you're the kind of guy who puts out on the first date or is that just a neutral fact about you?

Or did they end for other reasons, like she turned 30 or something else deal breaking like that?

I bet you think you love women dontcha?

Assetbacked

KiKi III wrote: »

The hypocrisy is that you’re holding the woman to a standard you’re not holding yourself to.

I don't understand how you think I am holding myself to a high standard in this scenario.

Another red flag is putting any stock in astrology. No second date.

optogirl

Assetbacked wrote: »

I don't understand how you think I am holding myself to a high standard in this scenario.

I think the point was that you are not. You are happy to be the person who has sex 'too early' but then deem the woman to be not worth getting into a relationship with as a result. You ask, why couldn't she just wait a while? Why couldn't you?

Stevieluvsye

I'm sure the stallion has been on the receiving end of his tactics also

Assetbacked

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Right, open and relaxed with sex, but doesn't "throw it out" too early.

Communicates well when it comes to sex, but reads your mind that you don't think sex on the first date is a good idea, despite the fact you're engaging in precisely that.

Not ashamed of anything to with sex, but you are clearly allowed to make a value judgement on them because of their attitude to sex.

You're entitled to your opinions but I'd stop trying to rationalise this one if I were you.

Would you say your failure to get far past the two year mark in your relationships is at all connected to the fact that you're the kind of guy who puts out on the first date or is that just a neutral fact about you?

Or did they end for other reasons, like she turned 30 or something else deal breaking like that?

I bet you think you love women dontcha?

I'm giving an explanation whereas those replying are trying to rationalise it, not me!

The three relationships I have had, all of which involved several dates before sleeping together, didn't involve delaying having sex for any lack of interest on my part. Each had their own reasons;

Girlfriend one - I was so nervous, first girlfriend and all that, I didn't know how to show her I was attracted to her.
Girlfriend two - no possibility for "sleep overs" at the time.
Girlfriend three (current girlfriend of three years) - she wanted to wait to try to see if the guy wanted more than just sex.

Loafing Oaf

optogirl wrote: »

I think the point was that you are not. You are happy to be the person who has sex 'too early' but then deem the woman to be not worth getting into a relationship with as a result.

But he's saying it's a visceral, instinctive thing that if a girl 'puts out too early' he is not attracted to her as a potential long-term partner, it's not a case of the rational part of his brain 'deeming' she's not right for that.

optogirl

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

But he's saying it's a visceral, instinctive thing that if a girl 'puts out too early' he is not attracted to her as a potential long-term partner, it's not a case of the rational part of his brain 'deeming' she's not right for that.

But you might as well say - I love crisps but if a girl eats crisps it's a no from me

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I knew a guy like that too.

Came to light years later that he, actually, had an embarrassing “problem”. Some sort of “malformation” of his genitalia.

Not good to be living with that every day

My buddy met his match a few years ago and is now in a fully fledged relationship. He tried to self sabotage and press the destruct button but being a no nonsense country girl she told him to cop the **** on and she was going nowhere. She knew what he was up to- he quietened down.

He just needed a strong women to take control.

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I knew a guy like that too.

Came to light years later that he, actually, had an embarrassing “problem”. Some sort of “malformation” of his genitalia.

I don't know about anyone else but I would love to know more detail on what the malformation was.

SusieBlue

Assetbacked wrote: »

On the hypocritical point, I disagree. As I said previously, if someone is willing to have sex early on in the dating process, it means they are fairly casual when it comes to sex and do not hold it up on this pedestal as being the ultimate manifestation of expressing desire and love for someone else.
In this context, noting that the person is not too hung up on sex, do you think it is much different to going on a date, having fun but not ending up going on another date?

How do you know that, though? You are making assumptions. For all you know it may have been the first or only time she slept with someone on a first date.
You are holding women to a standard you don't even hold yourself to.

And as for your second point, its completely different, because you know full well you have no intention of pursuing anything with her and you are basically using her to fulfil your needs.
Quite different to getting along with someone, having a good time, and deciding not to meet again.

SusieBlue

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

Hard to talk about it explicitly in a dating situation though. Is he supposed to 'set out the ground rules' at the start of the first date?

No, of course not. When the opportunity arises to go back to her place, just say no thank you, sleeping with someone on a first date isn't for me. Wish her well, and send her on her way, job done and no hurt feelings on either side.
Its the fact that he's sleeping with her, using her to fulfil his needs, and all the while she's oblivious to the fact that she's already been written off and discardrd is what I take issue with.
That isn't a nice way to treat anyone.

Assetbacked

SusieBlue wrote: »

No, of course not. When the opportunity arises to go back to her place, just say no thank you, sleeping with someone on a first date isn't for me. Wish her well, and send her on her way, job done and no hurt feelings on either side.
Its the fact that he's sleeping with her, using her to fulfil his needs, and all the while she's oblivious to the fact that she's already been written off and discardrd is what I take issue with.
That isn't a nice way to treat anyone.

It's not how you would like to be treated but I presume you would not sleep with someone early on for that reason? Someone who would have sex on the first or second date most likely doesn't see it as being treated in a not nice way, for the reason being that it is not much different to going on a date and having fun but then not ending up on further dates because the other person isn't interested.

It works both ways - I wouldn't get too hurt if the girl had a few dates with me before sleeping with me then decided she was no longer interested. "Still had sex".

Deebles McBeebles

Fans of Meatloaf need not apply.

I would do anything for love....but I won't do that.

Leg End Reject

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Fans of Meatloaf need not apply.

I would do anything for love....but I won't do that.

We can never be lovers.

I don't quote Marilyn Monroe, I know who Paul McGrath is, but I like Meatloaf. Now don't be sad, because 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Marvel people. Like not people who think "these are good fun" but people who think they're genuinely, objectively good films and CARE about them.

I have friends who are Marvel people and I accept it as one of their foibles but there's a specific quality and degree of respect that you need for a romantic relationship and I don't think I could feel that for someone who thinks like that.

Deebles McBeebles

Leg End Reject wrote: »

We can never be lovers.

I don't quote Marilyn Monroe, I know who Paul McGrath is, but I like Meatloaf. Now don't be sad, because 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Not even a quickie where neither of us wants anything to do with the other after because it all happened too fast?

Like a bat out of hell I'd be gone when the morning comes. When the night is over, like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone, gone, gone.

Leg End Reject

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Not even a quickie where neither of us wants anything to do with the other after because it all happened too fast?

Like a bat out of hell I'd be gone when the morning comes. When the night is over, like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone, gone, gone.

No, it just doesn't sound like paradise by the dashboard light.

Leg End Reject

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Marvel people. Like not people who think "these are good fun" but people who think they're genuinely, objectively good films and CARE about them.

I have friends who are Marvel people and I accept it as one of their foibles but there's a specific quality and degree of respect that you need for a romantic relationship and I don't think I could feel that for someone who thinks like that.

Or the Care Bears. Shudder.

Deebles McBeebles

Leg End Reject wrote: »

No, it just doesn't sound like paradise by the dashboard light.

That's a deep cut. You really are a Meatloaf fan! :eek::eek::eek:

Leg End Reject

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

That's a deep cut. You really are a Meatloaf fan! :eek::eek::eek:

I bet you're thinking "life is a lemon and I want my money back" right now.

You're cracking me up people, and I don't even understand most of it.

Essential trait in romantic interests: A love of silliness.

partyguinness

Slightly off kilter but we received in a CV from young lady during the week and she listed "President of the Harry Potter Society" as an interest/hobby- immediately into the bin. So any women into that...bye bye.

Leg End Reject

partyguinness wrote: »

Slightly off kilter but we received in a CV from young lady during the week and she listed "President of the Harry Potter Society" as an interest/hobby- immediately into the bin. So any women into that...bye bye.

Sorcery!

Floppybits

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Bit of a damned if you do and damned if you don’t “scenario”.

I know lads who won’t hang around longer than three “dates” if they haven’t gotten any. Personally, I find that an immature attitude but I’d view dismissing someone for “putting out” early the same.

I don't get this, the same as people who only date a certain type of person like blondes, big tits, big muscles, arseholes or whatever, I just don't get it.

As for sleeping with someone on the first date, what's the problem? If it is meant to be it doesn't matter when you sleep together and if its not then it is going to fizzle out no matter how soon you sleep together.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Marvel people. Like not people who think "these are good fun" but people who think they're genuinely, objectively good films and CARE about them.

I have friends who are Marvel people and I accept it as one of their foibles but there's a specific quality and degree of respect that you need for a romantic relationship and I don't think I could feel that for someone who thinks like that.

Yes!

I have a family member that gets irked at the fact that I don't rate Marvel films at all. I compared them to chart music. Safe, designed for mass appeal, familiar, created by marketing execs, not so much by artists.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Turquoise Hexagon Sun wrote: »

Yes!

I have a family member that gets irked at the fact that I don't rate Marvel films at all. I compared them to chart music. Safe, designed for mass appeal, familiar, created by marketing execs, not so much by artists.

"Well if they're not good then how have they made so much money, huh?? :mad:" Love that defence.

I do have high standards/low tolerance when it comes to films, I admit it. It's my main interest/hobby, I volunteer for the viewing panel for a film festival, I have a masters degree in film history and theory.

So y'know, don't need to listen to me when it comes to making life choices, or money, but I'm pretty secure that I've earned my snobby film opinions

Earthhorse

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Marvel people. Like not people who think "these are good fun" but people who think they're genuinely, objectively good films and CARE about them.

Ugh! Typical attitude from a store-bought nerd such as yourself. The Marvel-metaverse is a carefully constructed and intricately woven multi-narrative that can only be truly understood by deep familiarity with the source material and a thorough embrace of the intellectual.

Let me try and explain (or as I prefer to call it, mansplain) why you're wrong; you see...

Raconteuse

Candie wrote: »

Essential trait in romantic interests: A love of silliness.

Oh my god, this all day long.

The stupider and more absurd, the better.

Floppybits

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Marvel people. Like not people who think "these are good fun" but people who think they're genuinely, objectively good films and CARE about them.

I have friends who are Marvel people and I accept it as one of their foibles but there's a specific quality and degree of respect that you need for a romantic relationship and I don't think I could feel that for someone who thinks like that.

Would the same apply if they were DC people or is this specific for Marvel? What about Star Trek vs Star wars?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Floppybits wrote: »

Would the same apply if they were DC people or is this specific for Marvel? What about Star Trek vs Star wars?

I don't think I've encountered a DC person actually, but probably. I like Star Trek and old Star Wars so if someone strongly felt that one should pick a team there, that might lead to conflict. Lost track of/interest in new Star Wars around the time of Rogue One, which I recall quite enjoying. I believe there's been approximately 29847316 new Star Wars things since then.

It's the sheer scale of the Marvel fanbase that makes it a thing for me I think. I cannot listen to one more person go on about their complex story telling and adult themes.

Floppybits

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

I don't think I've encountered a DC person actually, but probably. I like Star Trek and old Star Wars so if someone strongly felt that one should pick a team there, that might lead to conflict. Lost track of/interest in new Star Wars around the time of Rogue One, which I recall quite enjoying. I believe there's been approximately 29847316 new Star Wars things since then.

It's the sheer scale of the Marvel fanbase that makes it a thing for me I think. I cannot listen to one more person go on about their complex story telling and adult themes.

Dc haven't caught up on Marvel yet but I know people who won't go to a DC movie ( superman, wonder woman) because they are marvel and vice versa.

lainey_d_123

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

I bet you would... lots of people will.

17+ million leave voters... It's not logical to think that every single one of them, is either an idiot or a racist (or both). Lots of them are just normal decent people, like everyone else... they just happen to have a different political stance!

Sorry, but no. I don't believe anyone who voted for Brexit isn't either thick as pig sh1t or a bigot (or both).

My mother's family is from the north of England and it's really eye opening to be there and see how thick and uneducated so many people are. Lads who left school with no GCSEs at 16, have no skills, absolutely nothing to offer, blaming the 'foreigners' for taking all the jobs. Haven't a notion what the EU even is, let alone how any of it works. David Cameron just massively underestimated how many of these kind of people exist when he tried to score some political points, and it all backfired.

LirW

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

I have a masters degree in film history and theory.

SHHHH, don't let boards know you have a "worthless art degree"!

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Sorry, but no. I don't believe anyone who voted for Brexit isn't either thick as pig sh1t or a bigot (or both).

My mother's family is from the north of England and it's really eye opening to be there and see how thick and uneducated so many people are. Lads who left school with no GCSEs at 16, have no skills, absolutely nothing to offer, blaming the 'foreigners' for taking all the jobs. Haven't a notion what the EU even is, let alone how any of it works. David Cameron just massively underestimated how many of these kind of people exist when he tried to score some political points, and it all backfired.

Good for you buddy!

You're entitled to your opinion, but I respectfully disagree with you!

(And I do have connections in the UK myself too btw)

Raconteuse

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

If you see the roll fixed the proper way, paper out, do you “rearrange” it?

I’ll be honest with you and say that if I see it done your way I “correct” the mistake and put it right.

Candie does too.

I don't though. I guess you could say I just... roll with it.

/puts on sunglasses

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr07fqVYgFY

Raconteuse

Candie wrote: »

I don't know who Paul McGrath is.

Only the greatest rugby player New Zealand ever knew throughout the entirety of the 70s. Born in Ireland too (Galway).

Loafing Oaf

Raconteuse wrote: »

Only the greatest rugby player New Zealand ever knew throughout the entirety of the 70s. Born in Ireland too (Galway).

I assumed he was talking about the former FG TD
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_McGrath_(politician)

Women on instagram who put throwbacks in stories/pics of their holidays....from 2 weeks ago.....we had to endure the daily 6000 stories/posts with "inspirational" comments/mottos and fishing for likes of fellas in your bikinis...give us a break for a while please....

Rufeo

Has anyone ever encountered a woman with a smelly muff (sorry, i know it's gross).

beejee

I have an immaculately maintained collection of strange smells. "Never leave home without an airtight jar" as my grandmother used to say. I have her smell catalogued too.

I will have an annual sniff marathon where I'll disappear into the basement for an entire weekend with only a bulb-pipette and a change of underwear.

If this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, give it a chance, take my hand and we'll go down this rabbit hole together.

EmmetSpiceland

beejee wrote: »

I have an immaculately maintained collection of strange smells. "Never leave home without an airtight jar" as my grandmother used to say. I have her smell catalogued too.

I will have an annual sniff marathon where I'll disappear into the basement for an entire weekend with only a bulb-pipette and a change of underwear.

If this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, give it a chance, take my hand and we'll go down this rabbit hole together.

Do you need to use anything in those jars? Like some balls of cotton wool soaked in a “chemical” or maybe powdered cobalt chloride?

Raconteuse

Rufeo wrote: »

Has anyone ever encountered a woman with a smelly muff (sorry, i know it's gross).

My friend's housemate years back. I'd call over to my friend and pray the housemate wouldn't sit next to me on the couch, because the reek of minge...!

Leg End Reject

Raconteuse wrote: »

My friend's housemate years back. I'd call over to my friend and pray the housemate wouldn't sit next to me on the couch, because the reek of minge...!

Vom

Did you ever drop any hints? It must have been bad if you could smell it when she was fully dressed.

beejee

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Do you need to use anything in those jars? Like some balls of cotton wool soaked in a “chemical” or maybe powdered cobalt chloride?

I'm glad you asked

I have manually cloned a genetically pure strain of dung beetle, divided into control jars of fresh air, and active markers for each of the 20'000-strong collection.

Every night, at midnight, dressed all in black, I creep into the basement real quiet like. Don't want to disturb the beetles.

Then I play a medley of classic music on my organ, gradually building to a crescendo by 1am.

I then record the beetles behaviour for the following hour.

The results thus far have been most...unsettling.

Send me your full contact details with a recent photo and I'll follow up with you. When you least expect it.

Raconteuse

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Vom

Did you ever drop any hints? It must have been bad if you could smell it when she was fully dressed.

Moving away from her as much as I could. I'd say she knew and didn't care. You couldn't care if that bad. Oh yeah and she was constantly farting, which resulted in an "enhancement" of the existing offending aroma.

Deebles McBeebles

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

I assumed he was talking about the former FG TD
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_McGrath_(politician)

Where was he when Baggio and Signori were threatening our defence in '94? Not reading the game like he could see the future and tackling his way into my heart, thats for sure!