Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

Ficheall

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I dont think it should be up to either the man or woman to pay for the meal, ive happily put my hand in my pocket and insisted I pay for myself.
As for the woman making the first move, ive tried this and my female friends have tried this too, it rarely ever goes well. Either they act like the girl is a crazy psycho for showing a little bit of interest, they get a big head and think they can treat her like ****, it's like they think theyre are god or something, its mad or they immediately decide she must be a slut that's desperate for the D.
I dont know what it is with allot of men but theres a good reason why women dont make the first move.

It was in reference to Kiki's earlier posts on the thread.



As to your defence for not making the first move.. myself and male friends have also tried making the first move, and it also rarely goes well. Randomly drawn lots might be the way to go!

ArchXStanton

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I dont think it should be up to either the man or woman to pay for the meal, ive happily put my hand in my pocket and insisted I pay for myself.
As for the woman making the first move, ive tried this and my female friends have tried this too, it rarely ever goes well. Either they act like the girl is a crazy psycho for showing a little bit of interest, they get a big head and think they can treat her like ****, it's like they think theyre are god or something, its mad or they immediately decide she must be a slut that's desperate for the D.
I dont know what it is with allot of men but theres a good reason why women dont make the first move.

Bit of a cop out and one I've heard many a time,women's egos wouldn't handle the hit of rejection and it puts them at a disadvantage in the dating game and you don't think men suffer all the same?

Potential-Monke

Oh we do. It's part of the reason I stopped asking tbh, getting constantly rejected when you think it's going the right way does tend to put you off trying again in the future. And of the 5 in recent memory I've asked, all 5 were in some sort of relationship, with 3 of them being married! Great nights all the same, but deflating when you think it may go x way due to perceived signs, but ends up the other and back to a sad drunken **** once the night is over the feel goods are gone.

And I've no suggestion on how to improve this from either sex's side. I did learn I can't read signs though. As Billy Connolly said, she could be nibbling me ear and I'd be trying to bat her away. C'est la vie!

creditcarder

ArchXStanton wrote: »

Bit of a cop out and one I've heard many a time,women's egos wouldn't handle the hit of rejection and it puts them at a disadvantage in the dating game and you don't think men suffer all the same?

Yeah, women get scorned. I'm going to humble brag and say I have had three landlords (one of them a work friend) get scorned when I wasn't into them (I was but shy tbh)

NoviGlitzko

The people who have the classic 'look away from the camera' photos as their profile pictures on social media (on travels for instance).

Also to the people with the pretend to be asleep while their 2 month old baby is asleep in their hands. Either you're posing and pretending to have you're eyes closed and going though the trouble of asking someone to take the picture, which is so cringe beyond words, or that child is gonna fall out of your arms and bump it's head because you're that careless you'd fall asleep with a helpless newborn.

Which gobshite are you gonna be?

Raconteuse

Reading this, I think my generation is easygoing as fuq. No games, no politics, no analysing, no over-thinking, no paranoia. It seems to be a Tinder generation thing.

How you appear in photographs, where you work... wtf.

Airyfairy12

When people stick their tongues out in photos.

Tinder/dating sites seem to engender a sort of window shopping/shopping list type situation. It's like being in a huge supermarket - you have all this apparent extra choice, but you know the few things you want anyway so it just makes it more difficult to find them.

I know lots of people who've met through the apps as well though, tbf.

skooterblue2

Motivator wrote: »

Hairy box.

I would just settle for a box. A lot of False advertising going on, or was I just unlucky?

Purple Mountain

skooterblue2 wrote: »

I would just settle for a box. A lot of False advertising going on, or was I just unlucky?

straight

Am out of the game a long time but reading the thread was gas. Definitely agree with the being rude to service staff, vegans, been to ozzy gang, watching too much tv. Wouldn't have a problem with the hairy box myself.

Larbre34

Poor_old_gill wrote: »

Turn-offs:

Smoker
Low level of education - usually wont have same interests as me
Doesnt want kids
Too dolled up all the time
Seems like a hunzo
Doesnt like doing active things
Little ambition
Doesnt like to go out and do things like drinks/brunch/etc

Likes:
Opposite to all of the above.

Are you a straight male?

PoisonIvyBelle

KiKi III wrote: »

Have to say scrolling through AH it becomes more and more clear to me that any guy who is against feminism would not be for me.

I wouldn’t mind so much if he was somewhat indifferent but if he actively hates feminism and everything it stands for, he’s not the guy for me.

This made me think. On the other side of it, if a guy wrote "feminist" in his dating bio it would put me off. I'm all for feminism, being a woman and all that, but I'm not down with third wave feminism and I find men who fall into that bracket tend to irritate me.

OwlsZat

Anyone puts down all men/women in sweeping "banter".

worded

I read that

Can you imagine how packed the trails would be if everyone saying they hiked on tinder actually did it

lainey_d_123

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

A deal breaker for me was recently enough I was messaging a guy on tinder, he seemed fairly decent so we swapped numbers and started texting. Everything was going well until I asked him how was his weekend, he told me he spent the saturday playing board games with his folks, - I dont have a close family and find it cringy and awkward when I hear people talk about hanging out with their parents but I am willing to overlook this as I know that I is me with the problem but things just went down hill from there. He said he regularly plays board games with his folks and also has board game tournaments with his friends, told me about how two of his friends got girlfriends and they had to include them into their board game tournaments and how it changed everything. He then started listing out names of board games and asked me if I knew them. I showed interest, its good to have a hobby but just said I didnt play them and I hadnt played a board game since I was about 8, thinking he'd leave it at that and move on to a different topic, he asked me what game was it then tried to guess the name of the last board game I played.
He's 38, just came across as a bit obsessive and immature.

The getting annoyed about having to include friends' girlfriends in the tournaments is a bit weird but tbh board games is kind of a hipster/cool thing to do now. I know people in London who go to games evenings at least once a week and they're not weirdos. It's just a hobby.

PoisonIvyBelle

worded wrote: »

I read that

Can you imagine how packed the trails would be if everyone saying they hiked on tinder actually did it

My friend is mad into hiking and recently went out with a guy who's also mad into hiking, and he's her type physically, has a 5 year plan apparently, has a house, good job, they have EVERYTHING in common, and basically he has all the things men think they need and a lot of women think they want "on paper".

... but she's not into him.

There's a lot to be said for chemistry, and if you don't have it then it doesn't matter a fcuk what else you have in common! Or if you hike:p

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

When people stick their tongues out in photos.

How dare you!

The king of kings demands an apology post haste!

worded

Candie wrote: »

Tinder/dating sites seem to engender a sort of window shopping/shopping list type situation. It's like being in a huge supermarket - you have all this apparent extra choice, but you know the few things you want anyway so it just makes it more difficult to find them.

I know lots of people who've met through the apps as well though, tbf.

On line dating - women get isle after isle of choice like super value while men get a corner shelf of choice like LIDL

worded

worded wrote: »

On line dating - women get isle after isle of choice like super value while men get a corner shelf of choice like LIDL

Variety doesn't equal quality. It's tough for everyone out there, it's just tough in different ways.

job seeker

Someone who doesn’t drive.. Jesus wept sort your life out..

job seeker

worded wrote: »

On line dating - women get isle after isle of choice like super value while men get a corner shelf of choice like LIDL

Sure in Lidl the food is on pallets..

Tell me how

worded wrote: »

On line dating - women get isle after isle of choice like super value while men get a corner shelf of choice like LIDL

Girl I was dating recently explained it from a females perspective.

It's easier for girls to get laid, it's easier for guys to find partners.
It seems, ('m not stating this as fact) that proportionally, a greater number of girls on OD are looking for something long term. To use your analogy, the experience for girls can be more like digging through a bargain bin in TK Maxx hoping to find something of genuine quality amongst all the sh*te which is only in your way.

Earthhorse

If I were running a company and was recruiting for a vacant position I would prefer to have too many applicants rather than too few. They are both problems, in their own way, but one is a good problem to have, the other not so much.

Not a perfect analogy for dating but I'd still be loath to draw a false equivalence between the problems of men and women in this sphere. Women definitely have it easier, at least in the initial stages of finding dates or someone to hook up with, which doesn’t necessarily translate into having it easier finding a long term partner they’re really happy with.

Raconteuse

Raconteuse wrote: »

Reading this, I think my generation is easygoing as fuq. No games, no politics, no analysing, no over-thinking, no paranoia. It seems to be a Tinder generation thing.

How you appear in photographs, where you work... wtf.

i found it grand but i didnt take it seriously really.
himself has a friend on it and is constantly agonising over these small details. couldn't cope with that

KiKi III

Earthhorse wrote: »

If I were running a company and was recruiting for a vacant position I would prefer to have too many applicants rather than too few. They are both problems, in their own way, but one is a good problem to have, the other not so much.

Not a perfect analogy for dating but I'd still be loath to draw a false equivalence between the problems of men and women in this sphere. Women definitely have it easier, at least in the initial stages of finding dates or someone to hook up with, which doesn’t necessarily translate into having it easier finding a long term partner they’re really happy with.

Would you though? If you were recruiting and you found day after day that candidates were turning up who actually didn’t want the job at all but just wanted the benefits, do you not think after a while you’d get really frustrated and disappointed and just feel like it’s all a waste of time?

Earthhorse

Absolutely. Because I think it would be relatively easy to filter out such candidates and still have options from people who were really enthusiastic about the position. It would also give me confidence I was doing something right that a lot of people wanted to work there. By contrast if I had only a few candidates and after filtering them out I was left with no options I’d find that very disheartening. There’d be far more work involved in addressing the latter.

lainey_d_123

job seeker wrote: »

Someone who doesn’t drive.. Jesus wept sort your life out..

This one is baffling. There are plenty of good reasons someone wouldn't drive.

job seeker

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

This one is baffling. There are plenty of good reasons someone wouldn't drive.

That’s fair enough for them! I dated someone who didn’t drive and I had to drive us everywhere.. the cost of petrol on top of the normal dating experiences was annoying. Every time we planned something it always started with “I’ll collect you at..” If you been in this situation, you’ll understand. I felt like a right fool! Just not for me! Therefore I’m not going to date someone who doesn’t drive..

Greyfox

job seeker wrote: »

That’s fair enough for them! I dated someone who didn’t drive and I had to drive us everywhere.. the cost of petrol on top of the normal dating experiences was annoying.

That was that person. I don't drive as for me it's a waste of money as I can walk to work. I never expect lifts and would also offer to put something towards petrol on a long journey.

lainey_d_123

job seeker wrote: »

That’s fair enough for them! I dated someone who didn’t drive and I had to drive us everywhere.. the cost of petrol on top of the normal dating experiences was annoying. Every time we planned something it always started with “I’ll collect you at..” If you been in this situation, you’ll understand. I felt like a right fool! Just not for me! Therefore I’m not going to date someone who doesn’t drive..

I guess this only really applies if you live in the sticks. I can't remember the last time I'd have needed to drive somewhere. I walk, cycle or get public transport anywhere I need to go. Even on holidays, etc.

Ash.J.Williams

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

This one is baffling. There are plenty of good reasons someone wouldn't drive.

Yes but deep down it emabaresses women

job seeker

job seeker wrote: »

That’s fair enough for them! I dated someone who didn’t drive and I had to drive us everywhere.. the cost of petrol on top of the normal dating experiences was annoying. Every time we planned something it always started with “I’ll collect you at..” If you been in this situation, you’ll understand. I felt like a right fool! Just not for me! Therefore I’m not going to date someone who doesn’t drive..

+100. For me it wouldn’t feel equal to date a man who couldn’t drive.
Even if someone doesn’t have a car everyone should know how to drive . It’s an essential skill these days.

Example : My neighbours are a lovely couple both on their seventies. He had a major operation for cancer very recently, 2 days later she was diagnosed with cancer and had an operation this week. They have an adult daughter who can’t drive. So this daughter is not able to pop over to help out, cook a meal, provide company or do some shopping or worse still if there is a medical emergency. I think it’s really tough for them.

I’m dropping in some food and will be calling in when my neighbour is home from hospital to offer help and to chat , but they are not my parents . Everyone should be taught to drive at school, it’s a necessary life skill .

Princess Calla

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I guess this only really applies if you live in the sticks. I can't remember the last time I'd have needed to drive somewhere. I walk, cycle or get public transport anywhere I need to go. Even on holidays, etc.

Not an attack on you but my partner had this attitude and to be fair it has served him well. For me it's an absolute pain in the hole.

I made it clear from the start I wasn't a taxi service so there was no late night pick ups.

However weekends away, wedding, funerals etc I always had to drive, he always gets to have the wine at dinner.

Now we have kids, I'm the one who always does the shopping on my own. (I'd rather cut off my arms than turn a weekly shop into a family day out.... I also like to pick my own veg and meat so online delivery is not a runner)

Christmas shopping I'm the one sorting all the "presents"

I have to go to all his family events as the kids have to go or else give my car to one of his family to drive because of the car seats.... This is one of the biggest headwrecks ever!!!!

I bring the kids to all their parties etc.

There's alot more stuff I could add.

So while it wasn't a "deal breaker" as such for me. Don't underestimate the negative impact of not being able to split driving 50:50 with a partner can bring.

Greyfox

Deleted User wrote: »

Even if someone doesn’t have a car everyone should know how to drive . It’s an essential skill these days.

It's not if you live in a city, if I was stuck I can always get a taxi, also everything about owning a car including learning to drive is a rip off. Considering how hard it is to find that spark it would be riddiculous to use not driving as a reason not to date someone from the same county as you.

the_pen_turner

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

This one is baffling. There are plenty of good reasons someone wouldn't drive.

baring medical reasons i cant think of any genuine reasons not to be able to drive. not haveing a car is diferent

Greyfox

Princess Calla wrote: »

Don't underestimate the negative impact of not being able to split driving 50:50 with a partner can bring.

Its frustrating for you but as a couple you's are saving a lot of money.

Ficheall

I (33) have my first driving lesson tomorrow. A year from now, I expect to be inundated with suitors.

Greyfox

the_pen_turner wrote: »

baring medical reasons i cant think of any genuine reasons not to be able to drive. not haveing a car is diferent

Here's one, i think spending 3k on insurance is an incredibly stupid waste of money and I don't see myself ever changing my mind. Getting lessons would be a waste of money for me.

Some of the turnoffs on this thread are silly

JustAThought

turnoffs -

never bothering learning to drive! & seeing it as an asset

thick horny yellow toenails

bad breath on an ongoing basis ( not just post smelly meal)

spittle or white foam collecting in corners of mouth

too thin /or food eating issues ( obvious food avoidance/issues )

I cannot bear being around someone who is continually avoiding eating or never wants to eat out or only wants a starter in a restaurant for a planned meal or never wants a desert or eats and them spends the tet of the week talking about how they hate food or are so fat or how they still need to work off that meal or still feel full. See a psychiatrist. Never again and I am genuinely sorry for your troubles but I have absolutely had enough and no you are not fat.

the_pen_turner

Greyfox wrote: »

Here's one, i think spending 3k on insurance is an incredibly stupid waste of money and I don't see myself ever changing my mind. Getting lessons would be a waste of money for me.

Some of the turnoffs on this thread are silly

some of these deal breakers are pety but learnign to drive isnt. its about independance and being reliant on other people. it wouldnt be a total dealbreaker for me but would be fairly high up there. if she was prity perfect other than that it would be ok but combine it with outher dealbrakers then it would be an issue


3k is nothing considering what it get you. you could spend a lot less by going named driver etc. you dont even need your own car and insurance to learn to drive. just get lessons.

Princess Calla

Greyfox wrote: »

Its frustrating for you but as a couple you's are saving a lot of money.

Explain that one to me?

We both work in the city centre.... I have never once used my car for work or a work related activity, I'm working over 20 years!

I have all the expenses that a car brings not him, my insurance is through the roof as I don't have a second driver on it... Insurance company will only accept a spouse/partner.
I pay for the diesel, car servicing etc. Just paid 1,200 yesterday as my fuel injection system fecked up last week.

He gets to sit in the passenger seat and have a snooze/ nose in the phone for every single journey.....this is more than frustrating especially if you are 39 weeks pregnant and still suffering "morning sickness"

So once again I will say don't under estimate the impact of your decision not to learn how to drive has on your partner.

The Princess Bride

From one Princess to another, Calla, you have the patience of a saint.

Princess Calla

The Princess Bride wrote: »

From one Princess to another, Calla, you have the patience of a saint.

Haha not at all

It does cause a certain amount of resentment for the want of a better word at times.

The Princess Bride

Many years ago, I met a man on a night out.
Chatted and lots of chemistry, nice shift and we arranged a date.

It was a beautiful summer and I arrived wearing sandals.
Instant turn off for him, apparently he had a thing about feet, everyone's feet, even my pretty feet.
In fairness when it came to the end of the night it was obvious, poor lad.

I have to laugh now, but at the time I was disappointed.

Greyfox

Greyfox wrote: »

Here's one, i think spending 3k on insurance is an incredibly stupid waste of money and I don't see myself ever changing my mind. Getting lessons would be a waste of money for me.

Some of the turnoffs on this thread are silly

The poster you answered already said not being able to drive is the issue......(not having a car is different )........so you obviously won’t be paying insurance if you don’t have a car . I already made the same point . Knowing how to drive is an essential skill in my mind as many posters have already said. It doesn’t mean you have to own a car.

Even to know in case of emergency of having to move cars if there was a crash of someone blocked because of one. Such an easy thing to learn to do .

In my book it’s an absolute deal breaker , not a “silly” reason.

Ash.J.Williams

Ficheall wrote: »

I (33) have my first driving lesson tomorrow. A year from now, I expect to be inundated with suitors.

After you lose the plates

JustAThought

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

After you lose the plates

shows commitment and courage and strength of character - not a dealbraker!

Greyfox

the_pen_turner wrote: »

some of these deal breakers are pety but learnign to drive isnt. its about independance and being reliant on other people.

3k is nothing considering what it get you.

It is petty if you don't live far from each other. Again I'm not reliant on other people when I have the bus/luas nearby and I can always get a taxi. 3k is not nothing, and it's 3k a year plus car cost, petrol and getting things fixed every now and then, a car offers very poor value for money.

Princess Calla wrote: »

Explain that one to me?

I know you dont see a saving, i was referring to how generally a household running 2 cars would cost the household more.

the_pen_turner

Greyfox wrote: »

It is petty if you don't live far from each other. Again I'm not reliant on other people when I have the bus/luas nearby and I can always get a taxi. 3k is not nothing, and it's 3k a year plus car cost, petrol and getting things fixed every now and then, a car offers very poor value for money.



I know you dont see a saving, i was referring to how generally a household running 2 cars would cost the household more.

you are explaining why you dont need a car. thats ok, it doesnt suite you and is a waste if you wont use it.
that is not the same as not being able to drive.