Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

Greyfox

Deleted User wrote: »

The poster you answered already said not being able to drive is the issue......(not having a car is different )........so you obviously won’t be paying insurance if you don’t have a car . I already made the same point . Knowing how to drive is an essential skill in my mind as many posters have already said. It doesn’t mean you have to own a car.

the_pen_turner wrote: »

you are explaining why you dont need a car. thats ok, it doesnt suite you and is a waste if you wont use it.
that is not the same as not being able to drive.

Why would someone with no intention of driving bother to learn how to drive? That's just wasting money on lessons so yes the cost of insurance is the reason I never got lessons. It's not an essential skill when you can just call a taxi if you need to get somewhere fast

bitofabind

Someone who isn't kind. It translates in many ways - they could be tight / not generous with picking up the tab or looking out for you on dates, or not interested in what you have to say and how you feel, selfish and out for what they can get, dishonest about themselves or their intentions.

Most times it's gone pear-shaped with a guy, it's been about that kind of behaviour and my own naivety or hopeless optimism that "he's just tired / i misread things / it was something I said" etc but my instinct has always been right.

Kindness breeds so much - you'll typically see compassion, patience and loyalty too.

Redneck Reject71

When they are constantly checking their phone and talking about only themselves with no interest in anything else,heh.

lainey_d_123

Princess Calla wrote: »

Not an attack on you but my partner had this attitude and to be fair it has served him well. For me it's an absolute pain in the hole.

I made it clear from the start I wasn't a taxi service so there was no late night pick ups.

However weekends away, wedding, funerals etc I always had to drive, he always gets to have the wine at dinner.

Now we have kids, I'm the one who always does the shopping on my own. (I'd rather cut off my arms than turn a weekly shop into a family day out.... I also like to pick my own veg and meat so online delivery is not a runner)

Christmas shopping I'm the one sorting all the "presents"

I have to go to all his family events as the kids have to go or else give my car to one of his family to drive because of the car seats.... This is one of the biggest headwrecks ever!!!!

I bring the kids to all their parties etc.

There's alot more stuff I could add.

So while it wasn't a "deal breaker" as such for me. Don't underestimate the negative impact of not being able to split driving 50:50 with a partner can bring.

It sounds like you live rurally though, or have a lifestyle where a car is needed. I can't even remember the last time I asked someone for a lift...was probably a couple of years back and even then, they had offered and it was more convenient than taking 2 different buses. I could have got myself there if I'd had to.

The only reason I can think of to learn is to be able to rent a car when on holidays somewhere it would be nice to be able to drive around, but it's a massive expense and doesn't seem like a top priority to be spending money on, especially when I'd have no intention of getting a car. It seems more sensible to me to learn as and when I need to - for example if I did end up living rurally or having kids.

I have student loans to pay off and am still off ever being able to buy a house/flat... it just feels like spending loads of money on driving lessons 'just in case' would be a foolish choice for me at the moment.

Princess Calla

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It sounds like you live rurally though, or have a lifestyle where a car is needed. I can't even remember the last time I asked someone for a lift...was probably a couple of years back and even then, they had offered and it was more convenient than taking 2 different buses. I could have got myself there if I'd had to.

The only reason I can think of to learn is to be able to rent a car when on holidays somewhere it would be nice to be able to drive around, but it's a massive expense and doesn't seem like a top priority to be spending money on, especially when I'd have no intention of getting a car. It seems more sensible to me to learn as and when I need to - for example if I did end up living rurally or having kids.

I have student loans to pay off and am still off ever being able to buy a house/flat... it just feels like spending loads of money on driving lessons 'just in case' would be a foolish choice for me at the moment.

Nope I live in Dublin, my parents house was serviced by a fantastic bus service and the dart. The house I bought was serviced by bus and luas. The house I live in now is bus and dart.

I went to college in Dublin and work in the city centre. I have zero need for a car for daily living.

I could easily have adopted the attitude of not needing to learn how to drive.

It would be an absolute nightmare now if both of us couldn't drive, simple tasks like weekly shopping, recycling run, visiting relatives, days out with the kids all by using public transport would be an endurance test.

As a very recent example I drove to an event last week door to door in 4 hrs unfortunately it killed my car. To get back to collect the car once repaired took 9.5 hours on public transport. Seriously shoot me!!

Now while it's perfectly reasonable to say I don't need or want to learn how to drive, it is also perfectly reasonable for a prospective partner to want someone to share driving responsibilities with, especially when kids come on the scene.

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

There's lots of places you might want to go, that are not directly serviced by public transport, or poorly serviced... it's really only when you've had a car and then you have to go without, that you realize what a pain in the butt it actually is!

Also there is the convenience of knowing you can leave and return on your timescale, not the timetable of the public transport. You can bring more stuff with you, and leave it in the car too if you need to. And you can make multiple stops to for different things - like getting something to eat on a longer journey etc. Or picking something up that you forgot you needed... Going back for something you forgot... etc... Lots of everyday conveniences. In fact, I'm probably even forgetting some, because you take them for granted so much when you've got a car!

While I wouldn't make it a total deal breaker, if someone didn't drive... I would be very curious to know why they didn't. It is a life skill, and it gives you much greater independence in life. I probably would be strongly encouraging someone to get driving, if we were going out for a while. Not in a bossy way... but just gentle encouragement. You can very quickly become someone's private limousine service if you're not careful.

bitofabind

I live in central London, where a car would make no financial sense and would serve no purpose except for the occasional weekend getaway. I can just rent for that.

Ireland is extremely car dependent though. Even when I'm back for just a few days, unless I've rented a car or have access to my mother's/sister's car, planning anything beyond a traipse up to the local shops requires careful coordination and usually a reliance on someone being kind enough / available to drop me off, etc. It's very limiting and unpleasant.

lainey_d_123

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

There's lots of places you might want to go, that are not directly serviced by public transport, or poorly serviced... it's really only when you've had a car and then you have to go without, that you realize what a pain in the butt it actually is!

Also there is the convenience of knowing you can leave and return on your timescale, not the timetable of the public transport. You can bring more stuff with you, and leave it in the car too if you need to. And you can make multiple stops to for different things - like getting something to eat on a longer journey etc. Or picking something up that you forgot you needed... Going back for something you forgot... etc... Lots of everyday conveniences. In fact, I'm probably even forgetting some, because you take them for granted so much when you've got a car!

While I wouldn't make it a total deal breaker, if someone didn't drive... I would be very curious to know why they didn't. It is a life skill, and it gives you much greater independence in life. I probably would be strongly encouraging someone to get driving, if we were going out for a while. Not in a bossy way... but just gentle encouragement. You can very quickly become someone's private limousine service if you're not careful.

I'm sure this is all true but they are also very bad for the environment, very expensive and a lot of people in cities have nowhere to park.

My personal reasons have mainly been financial, but I also have quite severe ADHD and would worry about my safety and that of others given the impaired decision making and impulsivity that comes with it. I did have lessons for a while and had a couple of scary situations, and the reaction of the instructor put me off ever trying again. In addition I also have a fair bit of anxiety given that a close relative was killed in a horrible car crash. I'm sure I probably could get past this stuff to get my licence if I really needed to, but at the moment, the question would be, why?

I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to be my taxi driver and if that were the case, I'd learn to drive.

bitofabind

bitofabind wrote: »

I live in central London, where a car would make no financial sense and would serve no purpose except for the occasional weekend getaway. I can just rent for that.

Ireland is extremely car dependent though. Even when I'm back for just a few days, unless I've rented a car or have access to my mother's/sister's car, planning anything beyond a traipse up to the local shops requires careful coordination and usually a reliance on someone being kind enough / available to drop me off, etc. It's very limiting and unpleasant.

You can easily live in London and not have a car, the transport services are excellent and there are congestion charges to discourage private motorists in London so it makes sense not to have a car. But you cant compare London to coming home to Ireland - London is one of the biggest cities in the world so you would expect public transport to be excellent. Outside of Dublin public transport in Ireland is awful and we all know that. But its not London !

My daughter works in London yet she learned to drive when she was 18 here in Ireland. She didn't need to have a car when she lived in Clapham but in the last year has moved in with her boyfriend in Hertfordshire. She has bought a car since then - she didn't want to be dependent on him all the time for lifts.

She often goes off to Parkruns at weekends, goes shopping, visits friends, drives to and from the train station in Winter when its safer than cycling. She would be at a serious disadvantage not being able to drive and totally reliant on her boyfriend. I am glad I raised her and her sister to be independent - both of them were driving by 18 - I absolutely consider it to be a life skill. You never know when your circumstances will change and you will need the flexibility that driving offers - no matter where you live.

Both my girls live abroad but when they come home I insure them on my car and off they go - or else they hire a car. They don't consider it unpleasant!

Airyfairy12

Another deal breaker for me.
I was recently in contact with a guy who made everything I said about himself and made no effort to get to know me. Also, conversation never moved past small talk, anything I asked him he'd give short answers to and change the topic to ask me something really mundane like what did I do today? No effort made on his part at all, getting conversation out of him was like drawing blood from a stone. Why message me? I swear some men carry on like theyre forced to speak to you.

lainey_d_123

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Another deal breaker for me.
I was recently in contact with a guy who made everything I said about himself and made no effort to get to know me. Also, conversation never moved past small talk, anything I asked him he'd give short answers to and change the topic to ask me something really mundane like what did I do today? No effort made on his part at all, getting conversation out of him was like drawing blood from a stone. Why message me? I swear some men carry on like theyre forced to speak to you.

And then they turn around and tell you you're boring :pac:

lainey_d_123

Deleted User wrote: »

You can easily live in London and not have a car, the transport services are excellent and there are congestion charges to discourage private motorists in London so it makes sense not to have a car. But you cant compare London to coming home to Ireland - London is one of the biggest cities in the world so you would expect public transport to be excellent. Outside of Dublin public transport in Ireland is awful and we all know that. But its not London !

My daughter works in London yet she learned to drive when she was 18 here in Ireland. She didn't need to have a car when she lived in Clapham but in the last year has moved in with her boyfriend in Hertfordshire. She has bought a car since then - she didn't want to be dependent on him all the time for lifts.

She often goes off to Parkruns at weekends, goes shopping, visits friends, drives to and from the train station in Winter when its safer than cycling. She would be at a serious disadvantage not being able to drive and totally reliant on her boyfriend. I am glad I raised her and her sister to be independent - both of them were driving by 18 - I absolutely consider it to be a life skill. You never know when your circumstances will change and you will need the flexibility that driving offers - no matter where you live.

Both my girls live abroad but when they come home I insure them on my car and off they go - or else they hire a car. They don't consider it unpleasant!

I think that's quite patronising - I was also raised to be independent, and I am. I've travelled alone and lived all over the world. I just haven't really ever needed to drive. I wouldn't choose to live somewhere rural or without good public transport, or where I couldn't walk almost anywhere I needed to go. I don't understand why you say 'you never know when your circumstances will change' as if that is outside someone's control. Why not learn *if* you ever needed to?

rapul

Just learn to drive ya lazy bastids!

Poor_old_gill

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Another deal breaker for me.
I was recently in contact with a guy who made everything I said about himself and made no effort to get to know me. Also, conversation never moved past small talk, anything I asked him he'd give short answers to and change the topic to ask me something really mundane like what did I do today? No effort made on his part at all, getting conversation out of him was like drawing blood from a stone. Why message me? I swear some men carry on like theyre forced to speak to you.

Just dont proceed with such lazy pr*cks

Poor_old_gill

I gave my list of turnoffs earlier and not that I wann get all soppy ,etc but I waited a relatively long time to find someone (31 years) but am happy that I did because a few years later I'm the happiest I have ever been.

It's funny my folks didnt know what to think about me settling down and my mom suggested once that I may be gay just because I hadnt settled down at my age - it was a ludicrous suggestion by the way.

I guess what I am saying is dont settle too early and hold out for someone that you really want to be with.

lainey_d_123

Poor_old_gill wrote: »

I gave my list of turnoffs earlier and not that I wann get all soppy ,etc but I waited a relatively long time to find someone (31 years) but am happy that I did because a few years later I'm the happiest I have ever been.

It's funny my folks didnt know what to think about me settling down and my mom suggested once that I may be gay just because I hadnt settled down at my age - it was a ludicrous suggestion by the way.

I guess what I am saying is dont settle too early and hold out for someone that you really want to be with.

31 is nothing these days, sure. I'm actually really shocked at how many people get married in their 20s, or stay with the same person through their 20s. I have a way better idea now of who I am and what I want out of life. Very, very happy I didn't settle too early (and I was close to getting married in my late twenties).

Poor_old_gill

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

31 is nothing these days, sure. I'm actually really shocked at how many people get married in their 20s, or stay with the same person through their 20s. I have a way better idea now of who I am and what I want out of life. Very, very happy I didn't settle too early (and I was close to getting married in my late twenties).

Are you not saying more or less the same thing as me tho??

Airyfairy12

Poor_old_gill wrote: »

Just dont proceed with such lazy pr*cks

I gave up, lol

Poor_old_gill

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I gave up, lol

I dont know what to say other than I really hope it works out for ya

Airyfairy12

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

31 is nothing these days, sure. I'm actually really shocked at how many people get married in their 20s, or stay with the same person through their 20s. I have a way better idea now of who I am and what I want out of life. Very, very happy I didn't settle too early (and I was close to getting married in my late twenties).

Theres no right or wrong but like I know a load of girls that got married a few years ago in their 20's and theyre already separated or divorced.
Ive a friend who broke up with her partner of 15 years. I know women in their 40's and 50's that got divorced after 25 years of marriage and I know people who met in their late 30's and 40's and married within 2 years.
Theres no point in comparing yourself to other people because personal situations change so quickly. You could literally meet someone tomorrow and be married this time next year lol.
That said, relationships are stressful and not for everyone, allot of people are really happy single, its just society expectations that put pressure on us to find a partner when it's actually grand just being single

lainey_d_123

Poor_old_gill wrote: »

Are you not saying more or less the same thing as me tho??

Ehhh yes, I am agreeing with you...with the exception that I don't even think 31 is 'waiting a relatively long time' these days.

Ficheall

Anyone whose profile/bio consists of "Ask me." or anything of that ilk.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Greyfox wrote: »

Here's one, i think spending 3k on insurance is an incredibly stupid waste of money and I don't see myself ever changing my mind. Getting lessons would be a waste of money for me.

Some of the turnoffs on this thread are silly

Yup. As if people would turn somebody that strongly ticks every other box because they don’t drive. It’s one of those things it’s easy to say as a hypothetical because you have nobody in mind.

Greyfox

bitofabind wrote: »

It's very limiting and unpleasant.

Nonsense. Theres advantages and disadvantages.

rapul wrote: »

Just learn to drive ya lazy bastids!

Well no, it's too expensive and there's too many cars on our roads anyway.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Princess Calla wrote: »

Explain that one to me?

We both work in the city centre.... I have never once used my car for work or a work related activity, I'm working over 20 years!

I have all the expenses that a car brings not him, my insurance is through the roof as I don't have a second driver on it... Insurance company will only accept a spouse/partner.
I pay for the diesel, car servicing etc. Just paid 1,200 yesterday as my fuel injection system fecked up last week.

He gets to sit in the passenger seat and have a snooze/ nose in the phone for every single journey.....this is more than frustrating especially if you are 39 weeks pregnant and still suffering "morning sickness"

So once again I will say don't under estimate the impact of your decision not to learn how to drive has on your partner.

Ahh, would you not talk to him about this? It sounds like it’s a big source of resentment, to be honest.

Redneck Reject71

I went on a date once with a woman,and ended up knowing more about her ex than her,heh.

Snails pace

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I guess this only really applies if you live in the sticks. I can't remember the last time I'd have needed to drive somewhere. I walk, cycle or get public transport anywhere I need to go. Even on holidays, etc.

Public transport? Apart from a bus to school, I only ever got a public bus once, I wanted to drive but theres was no guarantee for parking, I hated the bus and the people. I live in the country and no license is a deal breaker.

Raconteuse

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Yup. As if people would turn somebody that strongly ticks every other box because they don’t drive. It’s one of those things it’s easy to say as a hypothetical because you have nobody in mind.

That's the case with so many of the examples here.

No it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if someone is very attractive to you but looks a certain way in a photograph or has a biog that says something completely innocuous or they work in one of the Big 4, or they went backpacking.

People are mixing up things they find annoying/stereotypes that aren't always true... with dealbreakers in a potential partner.

job seeker

Greyfox wrote: »

That was that person. I don't drive as for me it's a waste of money as I can walk to work. I never expect lifts and would also offer to put something towards petrol on a long journey.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I guess this only really applies if you live in the sticks. I can't remember the last time I'd have needed to drive somewhere. I walk, cycle or get public transport anywhere I need to go. Even on holidays, etc.

Oh yes! It’s not an issue if you live in a big city with trains, darts, buses etc. I live in Sligo, 30 miles from the nearest town..

But after being that person to do all this driving, for me it seems like more hassle than it’s worth..

job seeker

[Deleted User] wrote: »

+100. For me it wouldn’t feel equal to date a man who couldn’t drive.
Even if someone doesn’t have a car everyone should know how to drive . It’s an essential skill these days.

Example : My neighbours are a lovely couple both on their seventies. He had a major operation for cancer very recently, 2 days later she was diagnosed with cancer and had an operation this week. They have an adult daughter who can’t drive. So this daughter is not able to pop over to help out, cook a meal, provide company or do some shopping or worse still if there is a medical emergency. I think it’s really tough for them.

I’m dropping in some food and will be calling in when my neighbour is home from hospital to offer help and to chat , but they are not my parents . Everyone should be taught to drive at school, it’s a necessary life skill .

Exactly, you become much much more independent, especially if you live in the sticks like me.

Princess Calla wrote: »

Not an attack on you but my partner had this attitude and to be fair it has served him well. For me it's an absolute pain in the hole.

I made it clear from the start I wasn't a taxi service so there was no late night pick ups.

However weekends away, wedding, funerals etc I always had to drive, he always gets to have the wine at dinner.

Now we have kids, I'm the one who always does the shopping on my own. (I'd rather cut off my arms than turn a weekly shop into a family day out.... I also like to pick my own veg and meat so online delivery is not a runner)

Christmas shopping I'm the one sorting all the "presents"

I have to go to all his family events as the kids have to go or else give my car to one of his family to drive because of the car seats.... This is one of the biggest headwrecks ever!!!!

I bring the kids to all their parties etc.

There's alot more stuff I could add.

So while it wasn't a "deal breaker" as such for me. Don't underestimate the negative impact of not being able to split driving 50:50 with a partner can bring.

This is so true as well! Even if it enables you to rest in the passenger side seat. While your OH drives for a while..

job seeker

Greyfox wrote: »

Here's one, i think spending 3k on insurance is at n incredibly stupid waste of money and I don't see myself ever changing my mind. Getting lessons would be a waste of money for me.

Some of the turnoffs on this thread are silly

This was in no way a dig at you or anyone who didn’t have/need or couldn’t afford a car.. it was about having to be the driver and how people can get comfortable getting driven everywhere.. (If you don’t need to learn to drive, more power to you.. )

the_pen_turner wrote: »

some of these deal breakers are pety but learnign to drive isnt. its about independance and being reliant on other people. it wouldnt be a total dealbreaker for me but would be fairly high up there. if she was prity perfect other than that it would be ok but combine it with outher dealbrakers then it would be an issue

3k is nothing considering what it get you. you could spend a lot less by going named driver etc. you dont even need your own car and insurance to learn to drive. just get lessons.

Exactly what pen turner said here. I really liked her and we were together for 6 months and at the time I did kind of ignore this issue. But looking back on it now, driving everywhere was a right pain. If we wanted to go out at night, we had to say in town 30 miles from my home. When we went out during the I had to consider parking and paying for parking hourly and things like that.

When ever I couldn’t find a parking space, to her “any place would do”. Parking on a Sunday or bank holiday, it was just easier to “take a chance” and not buy a Parking ticket. Her attitude showed me, that she seen my car as an inconvenience sometimes. Despite me driving us everywhere.. fcuk that..

She went back to college and as I’m finished college and working now. I was supposed to drive up to Belfast, as the bus took 6 plus hours to come to Sligo due to the route it took.. erm no..

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The poster you answered already said not being able to drive is the issue......(not having a car is different )........so you obviously won’t be paying insurance if you don’t have a car . I already made the same point . Knowing how to drive is an essential skill in my mind as many posters have already said. It doesn’t mean you have to own a car.

Even to know in case of emergency of having to move cars if there was a crash of someone blocked because of one. Such an easy thing to learn to do .

In my book it’s an absolute deal breaker , not a “silly” reason.

It’s different when you are doing all the driving. Sometimes I wished I didn’t have to drive. Even if she was on her parents policy, I’d have tried to put her as a named drive on my policy. But without a license that’s not gonna happen. Even when she was off college at the summer she was working. I had to pick her up after work and drop her home!

Previously I’d not have given two hoots about dating someone who didn’t drive. But only after experiencing the ball ache of driving everywhere, I realised the inconvenience...

Leg End Reject

I can drive.

Please form an orderly queue.

Elemonator

Self obsession, no aspirations, no hobbies and not knowing where you stand with them. Basically looking to avoid someone who is a blank canvas.

I met someone who was the total opposite. A complete softie. They are my favourite!

Potential-Monke

Is there anything more annoying than being the driver and all the passengers spend all the time on their phones or asleep? As a passenger, I always try to keep alert/awake for conversation with the driver, it's only fair imo. I'm rarely a passenger though.

lucalux

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Is there anything more annoying than being the driver and all the passengers spend all the time on their phones or asleep? As a passenger, I always try to keep alert/awake for conversation with the driver, it's only fair imo. I'm rarely a passenger though.

I'd be too nervous to fall asleep as a passenger after a few incidents, so i fully agree. I'm making sure that driver is alert, but not distracted

Padre_Pio

Went on a date with a girl who said video games were a waste of time.

Then she asked me if I was watching Love Island. No.
TOWIE? No.
First Dates? No.
Hollyoaks? No.

Also I found out that Home and Away on Youtube is actually a few days ahead of the Irish airing of Home and Away.

sabat

The one good thing about a man telling you he can't drive is that he's guaranteed not to be a serial killer- I can't think of any who transported their victims on the crossbar of a bike or by public bus.

Potential-Monke

Padre_Pio wrote: »

Went on a date with a girl who said video games were a waste of time.

Then she asked me if I was watching Love Island. No.
TOWIE? No.
First Dates? No.
Hollyoaks? No.

Also I found out that Home and Away on Youtube is actually a few days ahead of the Irish airing of Home and Away.

As a gamer, I would have been gone on the first comment. Well, after trying to find out why and see if it's just an opinion she holds because that's what others think, or because she has a genuine reason to believe that.

But to then ask about watching those eye cancer shows? I take it ye didn't meet up again?

Padre_Pio

Potential-Monke wrote: »

As a gamer, I would have been gone on the first comment. Well, after trying to find out why and see if it's just an opinion she holds because that's what others think, or because she has a genuine reason to believe that.

But to then ask about watching those eye cancer shows? I take it ye didn't meet up again?

Honestly I don't have the time for gaming anymore, but the hypocrisy was enough for me.

One man's trash is another man's treasure I suppose.

Potential-Monke

Padre_Pio wrote: »

One man's trash is another man's treasure I suppose.

True. But there's no excuse for watching Love Island and it's ilk. That's just trash, no treasure to be found!

Widdershins

If they were authoritarian, but especially if they see themselves as liberal but act illiberally. I can't deal with the kind of person who tries to censor or correct my views. Totally different to debate or stimulating conversation.

Or, if thryre an incel type with a misogynist streak.

I went on a first date with someone I didn't know from Adam. I told 3 people who I was going with, where, and I got 3 check-up texts that evening. The only time I looked at my phone was to reply to those. He asked "who knows youre with me?" (A bit creepy in itself). I said like alot of women I take sensible precautions if I meet someone new. "Why? Men can get attacked by women too" he pouted. (Towering two ft taller and broader than me..but...I won't start a row by going into the nitty gritty of his comment...) "You could always let a friend know where youre going and with whom" I said. Him: "er...um...ah...I dont really know any..friends..." . I can't imagine why.

And if theyre very ambitious and wealth oriented they'd be mismatched with me. I like a work ethic in a man (or woman). I just don't have any grand lifestyle aspirations.
Utter laziness sloveliness and lack of any self discipline at all is equally a deal breaker. I hate to see all the potential in a healthy life being squandered by festering in front of tv or in a pub or whatever lazy people do. And theyd probably find me uptight. Its all about compatibility and perspective, I guess.

Widdershins

Do deal breakers apply to friends?
Or would you be more relaxed and understanding with the habits and attitudes of friends?

Is it just me or is it as if people are a bit perfectionist and unforgiving with people who are potential dating partners ?

Princess Calla

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Ahh, would you not talk to him about this? It sounds like it’s a big source of resentment, to be honest.

Every single member of his family is on his case. His mother on her death bed made him promise to learn.

I have never put pressure on him to learn. If he ended up in an accident I'd never forgive myself.

The points I was making just because you can survive happily as a singleton not needing a car doesn't mean you can survive your whole life with that attitude. I do believe it's easier to learn when you are younger.

He's lucky I don't drink, but if you enjoyed a few glasses of wine at dinner or a couple of pints at an event but your whole future is now mapped out as a driver never a drinker it would take its toll.

Yes there are taxis but when you've a few kids hanging out of you and all their "stuff" the game changes.

Resentment isn't the right term, I don't know what is.

However when you know you're the one that will be doing the supermarket shopping each week, you'll be the one in ikea wrangling wardrobes into the car, you'll be the one picking up paint in the hardware, you'll be the one at the kids parties, you'll be the one at football matches, while I actually don't mind doing any of the above knowing he'll never once be able to say you stay at home I'll go or we'll ever be able to split a long car journey is a pain in the hole.

completedit

ITT: Interests are only legitimate if they are fun and instagramable. Don’t dare be into politics or talk about it because I’ve seen your opinions already.

Earthhorse

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I can drive.

Please form an orderly queue.

Great stuff.

I've a few dates lined up this week and this'll save me waiting on the bus.

Ficheall

Raconteuse wrote: »

That's the case with so many of the examples here.

No it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if someone is very attractive to you but looks a certain way in a photograph or has a biog that says something completely innocuous or they work in one of the Big 4, or they went backpacking.

People are mixing up things they find annoying/stereotypes that aren't always true... with dealbreakers in a potential partner.

Title also says "turn-offs". (Incidentally, why is "turn-offs" hyphenated and "deal breakers" isn't?)


As to the bio thing, it's the laziness and lack of creativity that bothers me. If you are initiating contact and have to come up with an original message based on someone's profile, it's very difficult to do if their profile is completely devoid of anything remotely comment-worthy.

Johnny Sausage

if their bio on tinder etc is any of the following "..." " x " "ask me" "will fill this in later lol"

Floppybits

Poor_old_gill wrote: »

Turn-offs:

Seems like a hunzo

What's a hunzo?

SusieBlue

I actually realised last night I've been somewhat self sabotaging myself lately, and I don't know if I'm actively trying to find faults in people, or if I'm just being prudent about not wasting my own time :pac:

Case in example, I was talking to a guy most of last week who seemed really great. He was just my type, nice, funny, and easy to talk to.
We had made loose plans to meet soon, when I made the mistake of looking up his social media.
All the pictures he used on Tinder were a minimum of 8yrs old and without being overly harsh, he didn't look great in his more recent ones. The ones on the app were not an accurate portrayal of how he currently looks at all.
He had also shared a lot of anti-repeal stuff in the run up to the abortion ref last year and at that point I knew there would be no point in even continuing to speak to him, as that's a massive dealbreaker for me.
I was really disappointed, but also a bit relieved I hadn't taken the time to meet him in person as I'd have been completely wasting my time.

Its happened with other guys recently too. A lot of them were using extremely old photos, one claimed to be 5'10 but was shorter in a photo than an acquaintence who I know is shorter than me (I'm 5'5) , one was an avid supporter of fox hunting (no thank you), and another was posting passive agressive statuses b*tching about his ex. All dealbreakers.

I mean, in a way, I'm glad I did the digging cause it revealed dealbreakers that would have come up at a later date and I'd have just been wasting my time. But at the same time I don't know am I spoiling things for myself by even looking because I inevitably end up finding something I don't like!
Its a lose lose situation, really.
I just hate dishonesty and make a huge effort not to misrepresent myself which is why I have no patience for others who do.

optogirl

SusieBlue wrote: »

I actually realised last night I've been somewhat self sabotaging myself lately, and I don't know if I'm actively trying to find faults in people, or if I'm just being prudent about not wasting my own time :pac:

Case in example, I was talking to a guy most of last week who seemed really great. He was just my type, nice, funny, and easy to talk to.
We had made loose plans to meet soon, when I made the mistake of looking up his social media.
All the pictures he used on Tinder were a minimum of 8yrs old and without being overly harsh, he didn't look great in his more recent ones. The ones on the app were not an accurate portrayal of how he currently looks at all.
He had also shared a lot of anti-repeal stuff in the run up to the abortion ref last year and at that point I knew there would be no point in even continuing to speak to him, as that's a massive dealbreaker for me.
I was really disappointed, but also a bit relieved I hadn't taken the time to meet him in person as I'd have been completely wasting my time.

Its happened with other guys recently too. A lot of them were using extremely old photos, one claimed to be 5'10 but was shorter in a photo than an acquaintence who I know is shorter than me (I'm 5'5) , one was an avid supporter of fox hunting (no thank you), and another was posting passive agressive statuses b*tching about his ex. All dealbreakers.

I mean, in a way, I'm glad I did the digging cause it revealed dealbreakers that would have come up at a later date and I'd have just been wasting my time. But at the same time I don't know am I spoiling things for myself by even looking because I inevitably end up finding something I don't like!
Its a lose lose situation, really.
I just hate dishonesty and make a huge effort not to misrepresent myself which is why I have no patience for others who do.

I don't think you're being too picky with the above examples.