Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

creditcarder

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I’m... not sure that’s something you’d want to rely on or that they’re as common as you are hoping. It’s easy to say at 31 that there’s another 20 years in it. I mean, knock yourself out believing that but you’ll likely be disappointed.

He isn't going to be disappointed to be honest. There are plenty of younger women who would like a safe older man to show them another aspect of the world

creditcarder

SusieBlue wrote: »

I get unsolicited dick pics quite regularly, I always reply informing them that I've screenshot it and that I've shared it in my group chat with my friends. I'm not lying either, I do often share them with my friends, because they're also on the receiving end of them.

This is usually met with anger about "invasions of privacy" and how I'm so disrespectful, its a pity they weren't so concerned with respecting me and invading my space.
I once opened a snapchat from a guy who I had been seeing, with his full morning glory on show. I was with company at the time in a public place and almost dropped my phone in my haste to get the picture off the screen. I was mortified in case anyone had seen.

Its highly disrespectful to send unsolicited pictures of your genitals to anyone, if you're brazen and arrogant enough to do it then be prepared to suffer the consequences, as far as I'm concerned.

Tbh, getting a dick pic from someone you are flirting with/seeing is quite different than a barrage of dick pics from people that you don't know out of the blue.



Hmmmm, I am curious if the genders were reversed whether the guy would gt in trouble for revenge porn laws?

KiKi III

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Ah, but that's not the point is it. Topless bathroom pics would have done the job for getting across the kind of men you are talking about. Which I agree with by the way, its creepy as f*ck. Almost as bad as unsolicited dick pics.

I don't find the topless bathroom pics creepy so much as generally unattractive and unimaginative. Like, if he was topless because he's on the beach in a pic, that'd be grand. And it may be crass, but it is easier to forgive if the guy in question boasts a particularly attractive body (at least then I understand why he's posting it)

And sure, it's crass to judge someone based on their looks but when it comes to dating apps that's often all you have.

creditcarder

SusieBlue wrote: »

If you got them on a regular basis it would make you feel quite sh*t about yourself actually, it would make you feel sexualised and disrespected and that's completely unwarranted when the pictures weren't even requested from the sender in the first place.

Its not so easy to ignore when a) it happens somewhat regularly or b) the person won't stop sending them (makes new accounts if you block them etc).

You'd run out of patience pretty quickly. I feel like I'm doing a public service tbh, if me screenshotting and sharing with my friends will make some assh*le think twice about doing it to another girl, its worth it.

Actions have consequences.

Holy crap, that's some toxic mothering thing going on.

Ficheall

I don't understand the mentality behind sending a dick pic, and can understand the threats of exposure in response (though I would never consider similar recourse even in response to any unsolicited unsightly lady bits pics), but.. I'm not sure I get the "I'm so upset by receiving this that I'm going to share it with other people.." logic.

creditcarder

Ah, I think people can calm down in regards to the age gap between men and women. It's super common since forever and, even if there is daddy issues, let's not belittle the woman. Perhaps she just wants to play aroudn with a guy who a) Isn't a whipped puppy, Won't get clingy, or C) Isn't as agressive and demanding.



Quick question: How is sending dick pics that different from having a lot of cleavage (or no bra) in an instagram picture? Or shoving your butt out? Sure, one is a sexual organ so on so forth, but hardly in the same order of magnitude.

Edit :

Time to get killed.

Ficheall wrote: »

I don't understand the mentality behind sending a dick pic, and can understand the threats of exposure in response (though I would never consider similar recourse even in response to any unsolicited unsightly lady bits pics), but.. I'm not sure I get the "I'm so upset by receiving this that I'm going to share it with other people.." logic.

Could be a humble brag and avoiding slut shamming?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

creditcarder wrote: »

He isn't going to be disappointed to be honest. There are plenty of younger women who would like a safe older man to show them another aspect of the world

Like I said, it’s not impossible but it’s not commonplace. And also like I said, knock yourselves out believing it is commonplace. That won’t change things.

SusieBlue

creditcarder wrote: »

Tbh, getting a dick pic from someone you are flirting with/seeing is quite different than a barrage of dick pics from people that you don't know out of the blue.



Hmmmm, I am curious if the genders were reversed whether the guy would gt in trouble for revenge porn laws?

Nope, sending an unsolicited picture of your genitalia to someone you barely know and have only met a few times is never ok. I can’t believe this even needs to be explained.

If I wanted a picture of someone’s dick I’d ask for one. One should never assume that anyone would want to receive a picture like that.
It’s highly disrespectful.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

KiKi III wrote: »

I don't find the topless bathroom pics creepy so much as generally unattractive and unimaginative. Like, if he was topless because he's on the beach in a pic, that'd be grand. And it may be crass, but it is easier to forgive if the guy in question boasts a particularly attractive body (at least then I understand why he's posting it)

And sure, it's crass to judge someone based on their looks but when it comes to dating apps that's often all you have.

It’s not crass. Dating is inherently discriminatory.

KiKi III

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Like I said, it’s not impossible but it’s not commonplace. And also like I said, knock yourselves out believing it is commonplace. That won’t change things.

If you're going to be a silver fox with plenty of money, driving an Audi and maintaining your hairline and physique, it's definitely possible.

Can't see many boardsie dudes fitting that demographic. Except <snip>, obviously, he could give the lads some tips on how its done.

creditcarder

SusieBlue wrote: »

Nope, sending an unsolicited picture of your genitalia to someone you barely know and have only met a few times is never ok. I can’t believe this even needs to be explained.

If I wanted a picture of someone’s dick I’d ask for one. One should never assume that anyone would want to receive a picture like that.
It’s highly disrespectful.

I know it's so scandalous :O



Yeah, I'm goign to agree to disagree. I've recieved nudes off women after seeing htem a few times and I am secure enough not to feel disrespected.



For full disclouser, I don't look down on anybodies reaction to this situation, I'm just being a little bit of a dick.

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

- doesn't offer to pay on the first date (I always pay my share, but not to offer comes off cheap)

From what I've seen of your posts you seem to be very vocal about women's right and equality. This goes against what you preach, it's an old-fashioned view that stems from a time women didn't have equal educational and employment opportunities.

Why in hell should a man be expected to offer to pay when women earn their own money? Why is it cheap?

KiKi III

creditcarder wrote: »

Quick question: How is sending dick pics that different from having a lot of cleavage (or no bra) in an instagram picture? Or shoving your butt out? Sure, one is a sexual organ so on so forth, but hardly in the same order of magnitude.

You shouldn't be allowed outside on your own if you don't know the answer to that.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

If you're going to be a silver fox with plenty of money, driving an Audi and maintaining your hairline and physique, it's definitely possible.

Can't see many boardsie dudes fitting that demographic. Except PermaBear, obviously, he could give the lads some tips on how its done.

Eh, I think you're wrong. I'm below the age of thirty, but I know plenty of 20 somethings who are attracted to older men that range from blue collar to white collar. If anything the rich man you are describing is a bit of scary for that age group.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

You shouldn't be allowed outside on your own if you don't know the answer to that.

Not really. Both are obvious signs of testosterone.



Are you going to give a reply of your own opinion as a sidenote?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ficheall wrote: »

I don't understand the mentality behind sending a dick pic, and can understand the threats of exposure in response (though I would never consider similar recourse even in response to any unsolicited unsightly lady bits pics), but.. I'm not sure I get the "I'm so upset by receiving this that I'm going to share it with other people.." logic.

It’s flashing. That it’s not in the flesh doesn’t change that. Somebody upthread also related accidentally opening an unsolicited dick pic in company. The threat of sharing the photo seems to be to try and deter people, maybe have the idea take hold that the photo can be shared more widely. It’s a bit vigilante but I struggle to have sympathy for the sender, to be honest.

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

From what I've seen of your posts you seem to be very vocal about women's right and equality. This goes against what you preach, it's an old-fashioned view that stems from a time women didn't have equal educational and employment opportunities.

Why in hell should a man be expected to offer to pay when women earn their own money? Why is it cheap?

Did you not read the full post though? He offers to pay, I say "Ah no, we'll split it." Or he says "I'll get the cinema tickets" and I'll get the popcorn and drinks. He gets the first round, for sure I'll get the second round.

I wouldn't expect a man to pay for the first date, but I think it's good manners to offer - especially if the date was his idea/ he picked where you're going.

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

If you're going to be a silver fox with plenty of money, driving an Audi and maintaining your hairline and physique, it's definitely possible.

Can't see many boardsie dudes fitting that demographic. Except PermaBear, obviously, he could give the lads some tips on how its done.

Wow. Do you hate all men or just the ones who post here? This smacks of bitterness, and again if a man posted similar he'd be accused of misogyny.

SusieBlue

creditcarder wrote: »

Holy crap, that's some toxic mothering thing going on.

I really couldn’t care less, this is a very common occurrence for most single women, a polite ‘please leave me alone’ or blocking them doesn’t always work, and if a grown man doesn’t realise that it’s unacceptable to send unsolicited pictures like that then he has no one to blame but himself.

Of course it’s possible to misread a situation and presume the other person would want to receive a pic like that, and in those cases if there’s an apology then it would be accepted and forgotten about.

Any time I’ve confronted a man about sending them all I’ve gotten back is a barrage of abuse and name calling.

I have yet to meet a man who has said ‘Jesus sorry, totally misread the situation there, that won’t happen again’, and that’s very telling.
A lot of men get off on it cause they see it as a type of voyeurism.
I just won’t tolerate that, especially from someone who clearly has no respect from me. And why should I?

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

Did you not read the full post though? He offers to pay, I say "Ah no, we'll split it." Or he says "I'll get the cinema tickets" and I'll get the popcorn and drinks. He gets the first round, for sure I'll get the second round.

I wouldn't expect a man to pay for the first date, but I think it's good manners to offer - especially if the date was his idea/ he picked where you're going.

Why should he offer? Why shouldn't the woman?

creditcarder

SusieBlue wrote: »

I really couldn’t care less, this is a very common occurrence for most single women, a polite ‘please leave me alone’ or blocking them doesn’t always work, and if a grown man doesn’t realise that it’s unacceptable to send unsolicited pictures like that then he has no one to blame but himself.

Of course it’s possible to misread a situation and presume the other person would want to receive a pic like that, and in those cases if there’s an apology then it would be accepted and forgotten about.

Any time I’ve confronted a man about sending them all I’ve gotten back is a barrage of abuse and name calling.

I have yet to meet a man who has said ‘Jesus sorry, totally misread the situation there, that won’t happen again’, and that’s very telling.
A lot of men get off on it cause they see it as a type of voyeurism.
I just won’t tolerate that, especially from someone who clearly has no respect from me. And why should I?

Hmmmm, I can see where you're coming from if it's out of the blue, but if you have met him a few times or have been in contact with him a lot, it seems just looking for an excuse tbh.



But, my opinion isn't that strong about it tbh.

Deebles McBeebles

KiKi III wrote: »

If you're going to be a silver fox with plenty of money, driving an Audi and maintaining your hairline and physique, it's definitely possible.

Can't see many boardsie dudes fitting that demographic.

Topless bathroom pic on the way. I hope you don't mind that my natural hair colour is still in full force!

creditcarder

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Why should he offer? Why shouldn't the woman?

Ah well, I guess motherliness can be a type of seduction (cooking, cleaning, caring, listening, so on so forth) and fatherliness can be a type of seducation(providing, protecting, chaperoning).



Of course, that aspect is a teensy bit double standard, but I wouldn't judge a woman from seeing it 'sexy'.

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Why should he offer? Why shouldn't the woman?

In my own opinion, he should offer because it's the nice, gentlemanly thing to do and on a first date people are usually trying to put forward the best possible impression of themselves. So if he doesn't, I'd wonder why.

And I'd get my rounds in because while I expect soundness from him, I expect it from myself too.

Most men have absolutely no issue with this and do offer to pay, and I usually have to insist on paying my share.

pgj2015

I will never understand the mentality of someone who sends a dick pic, i just fail to understand why they think it is a good idea.saying that a woman who i just talked to on a dating web site sent me naked pics of her without being asked, it didnt bother me to be honest, she was hot. i blocked her in the end without meeting up with her but thats just because i prefer being single and usually cant even be arsed to date anyone.

KiKi III

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Topless bathroom pic on the way. I hope you don't mind that my natural hair colour is still in full force!

Deebles, you have my full consent to send me such a pic. I'll be waiting

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

In my own opinion, he should offer because it's the nice, gentlemanly thing to do and on a first date people are usually trying to put forward the best possible impression of themselves. So if he doesn't, I'd wonder why.

And I'd get my rounds in because while I expect soundness from him, I expect it from myself too.

Most men have absolutely no issue with this and do offer to pay, and I usually have to insist on paying my share.

Nice, gentlemanly thing to do? That's a cop out, it's something you expect and will use to judge a man.

I'm a woman and wouldn't expect a man to offer in this day and age.

KathleenGrant

KiKi III wrote: »

If you're going to be a silver fox with plenty of money, driving an Audi and maintaining your hairline and physique, it's definitely possible.

Whatever about maintaining physique a man can't really help what his hairline is. Anyway bald men are sexy.

EmmetSpiceland

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I'm a woman and wouldn't expect a man to offer in this day and age.

What if he asked you out? That’s how I’d gauge it, if the guy asks he pays, or at least “offers” to. And vice versa.

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Nice, gentlemanly thing to do? That's a cop out, it's something you expect and will use to judge a man.

I'm a woman and wouldn't expect a man to offer in this day and age.

That's grand for you. I don't view a first date as a "battle of the sexes"; it's just an opportunity to get to know someone.

If a guy offers to pay, I'm likely to see him as kind and generous. If he doesn't, like I said I'd wonder why. I wouldn't necessarily assume he's cheap, but it'd be in the back of my mind, and that's a really unattractive trait in my book.

Leg End Reject

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

What if he asked you out? That’s how I’d gauge it, if the guy asks he pays, or at least “offers” to. And vice versa.

I'd be flattered he asked, but I wouldn't leave my wallet at home. I really don't see why a man should offer to pay.

Ficheall

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

It’s flashing. That it’s not in the flesh doesn’t change that. Somebody upthread also related accidentally opening an unsolicited dick pic in company. The threat of sharing the photo seems to be to try and deter people, maybe have the idea take hold that the photo can be shared more widely. It’s a bit vigilante but I struggle to have sympathy for the sender, to be honest.

Right, I get all that - my point was more.. Adam sends Becky a dick pic, Becky is traumatised, so Becky sends Carol and Deirdre the dick pic..
I've zero sympathy for Adam, but I'm now less convinced of Becky et al's mental scarring.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

That's grand for you. I don't view a first date as a "battle of the sexes"; it's just an opportunity to get to know someone.

If a guy offers to pay, I'm likely to see him as kind and generous. If he doesn't, like I said I'd wonder why. I wouldn't necessarily assume he's cheap, but it'd be in the back of my mind, and that's a really unattractive trait in my book.

I can see where you're coming from, but if a woman expected me to pay on the first date I would see her as 'a good time'. I wouldn't trust her to have to 'step up' if something happens to my career, or health if we have children until I can fix the proble,



It sounds bad, but you know. In fairness to Irish women, they were excellent at helping their husbands when times were tough during the recession. Shame it's not talked about more often, but going to work in a shop after being a stay at home mother for a certain amount of time is quite comendable.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ficheall wrote: »

Right, I get all that - my point was more.. Adam sends Becky a dick pic, Becky is traumatised, so Becky sends Carol and Deirdre the dick pic..
I've zero sympathy for Adam, but I'm now less convinced of Becky et al's mental scarring.

I presume the people sending them on give a warning. Or do it rashly. And doing it rashly is indicative of anger that is completely understandable. They might not be traumatised, they might just be angry.

Ficheall

KiKi III wrote: »

In my own opinion, he should offer because it's the nice, gentlemanly thing to do and on a first date people are usually trying to put forward the best possible impression of themselves. So if he doesn't, I'd wonder why.

And I'd get my rounds in because while I expect soundness from him, I expect it from myself too.

Most men have absolutely no issue with this and do offer to pay, and I usually have to insist on paying my share.

When was the last time you offered to pay for the whole meal on your first date, as a matter of interest?

Deebles McBeebles

KiKi III wrote: »

Deebles, you have my full consent to send me such a pic. I'll be waiting

You would be terribly disappointed. No Audi

KathleenGrant

[quote="KiKi III;112399151
If a guy offers to pay, I'm likely to see him as kind and generous. If he doesn't, like I said I'd wonder why. I wouldn't necessarily assume he's cheap, but it'd be in the back of my mind, and that's a really unattractive trait in my book.[/quote]

I thought we had moved on from this 40 years ago.

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I'd be flattered he asked, but I wouldn't leave my wallet at home. I really don't see why a man should offer to pay.

creditcarder wrote: »

I can see where you're coming from, but if a woman expected me to pay on the first date I would see her as 'a good time'. I wouldn't trust her to have to 'step up' if something happens to my career, or health if we have children until I can fix the proble,

You're both getting mixed up between expecting someone to pay, and expecting someone to offer. I would fully expect the guy to offer, I would not expect him to pay.

And yes, Leg End, I would judge him on it, in tandem with a bunch of other stuff from where he picked to meet, whether he showed up on time, what he talked about, how he dressed and a million other tiny indicators people use on a first date to decide if this is someone they want to see again.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

KiKi III wrote: »

In my own opinion, he should offer because it's the nice, gentlemanly thing to do and on a first date people are usually trying to put forward the best possible impression of themselves. So if he doesn't, I'd wonder why.

And I'd get my rounds in because while I expect soundness from him, I expect it from myself too.

Most men have absolutely no issue with this and do offer to pay, and I usually have to insist on paying my share.

Maybe expecting him to offer if he arranges the date is okay IF you would offer to pay if you’re the one who organised the date. If you think he should offer just because he’s a man, that’s pretty retrograde.

KiKi III

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Maybe expecting him to offer if he arranges the date is okay IF you would offer to pay if you’re the one who organised the date. If you think he should offer just because he’s a man, that’s pretty retrograde.

That's actually 100% true - if I asked him out I'd be the one under obligation to offer. I wouldn't normally ask a guy out though, so that doesn't come up.

And before you ask why I don't ask men out Leg End, it's because I can be a bit insecure, and while I am a feminist, I'm not perfect.

KathleenGrant

KathleenGrant wrote: »

Whatever about maintaining physique a man can't really help what his hairline is. Anyway bald men are sexy.

god bless u ma'am

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

That's actually 100% true - if I asked him out I'd be the one under obligation to offer. I wouldn't normally ask a guy out though, so that doesn't come up.

And before you ask why I don't ask men out Leg End, it's because I can be a bit insecure, and while I am a feminist, I'm not perfect.

I wasn't going to ask if you ask men out, I simply don't understand why you expect a man to offer to pay. Especially as you identify as a feminist and thus want to be seen as equal to a man. It's a dichotomy however you look at it.

KiKi III

Ficheall wrote: »

When was the last time you offered to pay for the whole meal on your first date, as a matter of interest?

I wouldn't generally go out for dinner as a first date - more likely to be drinks. On the few times I have done that, it's been the guy who suggested it, chose the restaurant and booked it - so I'm at a loss as to why I'd suggest paying for his meal?

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I wasn't going to ask if you ask men out, I simply don't understand why you expect a man to offer to pay. Especially as you identify as a feminist and thus want to be seen as equal to a man. It's a dichotomy however you look at it.

Well, I've already explained it twice, so feel free to go back and reread those posts if you still don't understand...

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

KiKi III wrote: »

That's actually 100% true - if I asked him out I'd be the one under obligation to offer. I wouldn't normally ask a guy out though, so that doesn't come up.

And before you ask why I don't ask men out Leg End, it's because I can be a bit insecure, and while I am a feminist, I'm not perfect.

Well, that’s the problem. Men still do the majority of asking so if even half the women they date take them up on the offer to pay, that could add up to a lot of money. I don’t think it’s miserly to be cognisant of that.

Ficheall

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I presume the people sending them on give a warning. Or do it rashly. And doing it rashly is indicative of anger that is completely understandable. They might not be traumatised, they might just be angry.

Doesn't sound like it's rash - sounds like certain people do it as a matter of course. Again, I'm not defending the sending of unsolicited dick pics at all. But I'm not sure Adam sending Becky a dick pic is altogether so much more offensive to the eyes than Becky sending Carol the same dick pic.

Ficheall

Ficheall wrote: »

Right, I get all that - my point was more.. Adam sends Becky a dick pic, Becky is traumatised, so Becky sends Carol and Deirdre the dick pic..
I've zero sympathy for Adam, but I'm now less convinced of Becky et al's mental scarring.

if you send on an unsolicited picture of your penis to somebody, i dont think you have any grounds at all for complaint no matter what they do with it

HamSarris

Women who never ask a guy out because of tradition and then expect the guy to pay for the meal because he asked her out

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ficheall wrote: »

Doesn't sound like it's rash - sounds like certain people do it as a matter of course. Again, I'm not defending the sending of unsolicited dick pics at all. But I'm not sure Adam sending Becky a dick pic is altogether so much more offensive to the eyes than Becky sending Carol the same dick pic.

All this could be prevented by... not sending unsolicited dick pics.

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

Well, I've already explained it twice, so feel free to go back and reread those posts if you still don't understand...

You haven't explained it, beyond it being the "nice, gentlemanly thing to do" and that you'd see them as cheap if they didn't offer.

My comprehension isn't the problem.