Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

KiKi III

Also, I'd be absolutely delighted if a guy suggested a walk in the Phoenix Park and trying to find some deer as a first date.

Total cost: €0.00.

KiKi III

Leg End Reject wrote: »

You haven't explained it, beyond it being the "nice, gentlemanly thing to do" and that you'd see them as cheap if they didn't offer.

My comprehension isn't the problem.

That is the explanation. The fact that you don't like it or agree with it doesn't make it any less adequate.

I want to date guys who are kind/ generous/ sound. What's hard to understand about that? In the limited timeframe of a first date, one of the indicators if he is those things would be whether or not he offered to pay.

I can't break it down any further than that for you.

purplecow1977

Turn-offs?

People who use apostrophes incorrectly, or think that because a word ends in s it should have an apostrophe....

Poor grammar/spelling in general.

Yes I am a bit of a nerd!

Other turn-offs include bad breath, arrogant, into drugs.

Turn-ons? Well, that's a different story!

Ficheall

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, that’s the problem. Men still do the majority of asking so if even half the women they date take them up on the offer to pay, that could add up to a lot of money. I don’t think it’s miserly to be cognisant of that.

I find this an interesting thing even on non-dates. Generally speaking, if I go for a meal with a male friend, we'll argue/race/take turns over who pays, but if it's a female friend, she'll let me get it or insist we split it. I dunno if this stems from the dating scene or whatever? How do ye ladies pay for meals with others? Are women less averse to splitting a bill in general?

Leg End Reject

KiKi III wrote: »

That is the explanation. The fact that you don't like it or agree with it doesn't make it any less adequate.

I want to date guys who are kind/ generous/ sound. What's hard to understand about that? In the limited timeframe of a first date, one of the indicators if he is those things would be whether or not he offered to pay.

I can't break it down any further than that for you.

I'd imagine many men feel the same.

Your sweeping statement about the men who post here, and your presumption that they're all unattractive, coupled with your sneery insinuation that I have comprehension difficulties really don't paint you in the best light.

Leg End Reject

Ficheall wrote: »

I find this an interesting thing even on non-dates. Generally speaking, if I go for a meal with a male friend, we'll argue/race/take turns over who pays, but if it's a female friend, she'll let me get it or insist we split it. I dunno if this stems from the dating scene or whatever? How do ye ladies pay for meals with others? Are women less averse to splitting a bill in general?

Split evenly would be my preference, not arguing over who drank the most wine!

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ficheall wrote: »

I find this an interesting thing even on non-dates. Generally speaking, if I go for a meal with a male friend, we'll argue/race/take turns over who pays, but if it's a female friend, she'll let me get it or insist we split it. I dunno if this stems from the dating scene or whatever? How do ye ladies pay for meals with others? Are women less averse to splitting a bill in general?

We tend to split it. Usually evenly, unless somebody insists on paying more because their share comes to a good bit more. I don’t really drink but I’m generally not arsed nitpicking the bill unless a lot is drank. It’s not worth the tiny saving and I enjoyed my friends’ company so that makes it worth it.

creditcarder

Deleted User wrote: »

if you send on an unsolicited picture of your penis to somebody, i dont think you have any grounds at all for complaint no matter what they do with it

How would you feel if a male friend was showing a nude picture and making fun of the woman to his male friends? In a pub over beers after he had talked to her/met her a few times.



In regards to the paying thing:



1) There was a study that said something like 60% of women go on dates when they have no intention of doing anything sexual or even wanting to see the guy again.



2) Yeah, sometimes it's good not to pay as you can then be seen as the 'whore' and not the 'husband'. Especially if you are a foreign man

KiKi III

creditcarder wrote: »

How would you feel if a male friend was showing a nude picture and making fun of the woman to his male friends? In a pub over beers after he had talked to her/met her a few times.



In regards to the paying thing:



1) There was a study that said something like 60% of women go on dates when they have no intention of doing anything sexual or even wanting to see the guy again.



2) Yeah, sometimes it's good not to pay as you can then be seen as the 'whore' and not the 'husband'. Especially if you are a foreign man

I'll donate €20 to the charity of your choice - screenshot to be posted here - if you can link me to that "study".

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

I'll donate €20 to the charity of your choice - screenshot to be posted here - if you can link me to that "study".

Fair enough. Still game if it's above 45 % as I most probably got the percentage wrong?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Ficheall wrote: »

I find this an interesting thing even on non-dates. Generally speaking, if I go for a meal with a male friend, we'll argue/race/take turns over who pays, but if it's a female friend, she'll let me get it or insist we split it. I dunno if this stems from the dating scene or whatever? How do ye ladies pay for meals with others? Are women less averse to splitting a bill in general?

You know that bit where Mrs Doyle and her friend each start insisting on paying the bill and get arrested? There's a reason that joke lands.

I work in retail and hospitality and I've seen someone take their friend's card out of their hand and sit on it so I'd take their card.

I don't know if or how that pertains to the whole date thing but. When I'm out for lunch or whatever with girlfriends it does tend to be a your-shout-my-shout system

Ghosteen

Being a gob****e.

creditcarder

Whoops, 23/33 %. Tbh, I was sure I read one study that said 60%.



https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/06/190621140343.htm


How about half to some mens rights thing?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

creditcarder wrote: »

How would you feel if a male friend was showing a nude picture and making fun of the woman to his male friends? In a pub over beers after he had talked to her/met her a few times.

That relates to unsolicited dick pics how?

KiKi III

creditcarder wrote: »

Whoops, 23/33 %. Tbh, I was sure I read one study that said 60%.



https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/06/190621140343.htm


How about half to some mens rights thing?

Ummm... no.

creditcarder

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

That relates to unsolicited dick pics how?

Here, I'll give you a chance to think on it so I do not bellitle you by explaining it to you.



1


2


3


Becuase it's an unsolicated nude picture

KiKi III

creditcarder wrote: »

Here, I'll give you a chance to think on it so I do not bellitle you by explaining it to you.



1


2


3


Becuase it's an unsolicated nude picture

It's yourself you're belittling with your complete misunderstanding of ODB's post.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

That relates to unsolicited dick pics how?

If a friend showed me a guy's dick pics or any kind of nudes and it turned out she'd asked him to send them I'd be absolutely appalled by her. It's never happened but it would be something that would make me really reconsider the friendship tbh, that's not on.

beejee

All this fluff about whether you or the other pays for dinner or split it or flip a coin or whatever...

Just literally say this "the whole thing is nonsense, so we'll cut the nonsense out and split it. No, this doesn't mean anything. No, it isn't worth talking about."

There, now you've learned how to communicate like a human.

mrcheez

Checking their phone frequently while having a dinner date.

I'm assuming that rules me out of dating completely in this era?

Die Hard 2019

Deleted User wrote: »

Guys who 'don't like the feel' of condoms :rolleyes:

So Guys.

Ficheall

beejee wrote: »

All this fluff about whether you or the other pays for dinner or split it or flip a coin or whatever...

Just literally say this "the whole thing is nonsense, so we'll cut the nonsense out and split it. No, this doesn't mean anything. No, it isn't worth talking about."

There, now you've learned how to communicate like a human.

Which way do you split it, oh wise one?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

If a friend showed me a guy's dick pics or any kind of nudes and it turned out she'd asked him to send them I'd be absolutely appalled by her. It's never happened but it would be something that would make me really reconsider the friendship tbh, that's not on.

I agree. My point is that it comes across as an attempt to distract from the issue of unsolicited dick pics. It’s a separate issue. Both are problems. If somebody showed me an unsolicited dick pic they were just sent, I’d feel no guilt at looking at it. None. Because my friend would just be reacting to the violation.

beejee

Ficheall wrote: »

Which way do you split it, oh wise one?

I split it in three.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

It's yourself you're belittling with your complete misunderstanding of ODB's post.

You should read Susie Blue's post She was talking about how she has done it after talking to the guy a few times or meeting him a few times and he sent a dick pic.


In my scenario, I never said the guy asked for the pics, and in my scenario it was just impromptu.



It's funny about the mental gymnastics though when it was reversed

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I agree. My point is that it comes across as an attempt to distract from the issue of unsolicited dick pics. It’s a separate issue. Both are problems.

I think he might genuinely not understand, to be fair. There's the confidence of someone who thinks they have a real checkmate off those posts, bless. God love the poor young wans he's knocking around with but y'know. Bless.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

Ummm... no.

Hmmmm, is this what a feminist looks like?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

creditcarder wrote: »

You should read Susie Blue's post She was talking about how she has done it after talking to the guy a few times or meeting him a few times and he sent a dick pic.


In my scenario, I never said the guy asked for the pics, and in my scenario it was just impromptu.



It's funny about the mental gymnastics though when it was reversed

Showing solicited nudes around is wrong. I’ve been shown unsolicited dick pics by friends but they never sprang them on me. I’ve never been shown solicited nudes. I have zero sympathy for anyone has their unsolicited nudes shown around. They have no moral high ground.

Deebles McBeebles

mrcheez wrote: »

Checking their phone frequently while having a dinner date.

I'm assuming that rules me out of dating completely in this era?

Don't lose all faith, still some good ones out there. And by good I mean, not having a phone holder instead of a hand.

creditcarder

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

I think he might genuinely not understand, to be fair. There's the confidence of someone who thinks they have a real checkmate off those posts, bless. God love the poor young wans he's knocking around with but y'know. Bless.

Do you have any argument or is your sole post condescension

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

Potential Deal breaker: If she agrees with everything I say, and I get a general vibe that she is trying to artificially align all our interests, likes, dislikes etc... so that we are a good match!

People do this. Sometimes it's subtle... sometimes not so subtle. But I have a very good nose for it... I understand why people have the instinct to do it, but it's a turn off.

Just be yourself... the real authentic you!

creditcarder

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Showing solicited nudes around is wrong. I’ve been shown unsolicited dick pics by friends but they never sprang them on me. I’ve never been shown solicited nudes. I have zero sympathy for anyone has their unsolicited nudes shown around. They have no moral high ground.

Again, they were not solicited :P Ah, this is kind of funny tbh. The same scenario is reversed and it is portrayed as more consensual when the genders are reversed.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

creditcarder wrote: »

Do you have any argument or is your sole post condescension

Whichever one of those will get you to stop talking to me.

amadangomor

KiKi III wrote: »

I wouldn't generally go out for dinner as a first date - more likely to be drinks. On the few times I have done that, it's been the guy who suggested it, chose the restaurant and booked it - so I'm at a loss as to why I'd suggest paying for his meal?

I presume you ate on these dates also? You agreed to go for a meal, you both ate, so in an equal world you both pay equally. Who did the asking doesn't matter.

If I organise a night out and get all my friends together should I pay say a grand to cover everyone's expenses for the night just because I asked everyone to go? Doesn't make sense.

Ficheall

creditcarder wrote: »

Again, they were not solicited :P Ah, this is kind of funny tbh. The same scenario is reversed and it is portrayed as more consensual when the genders are reversed.

I think the issue is that you didn't specify in your original post that the pictures were unsolicited, and the two different scenarios diverged from there. e-b is talking about solicited pics, and is absolutely right, and you are talking about unsolicited pics.

KiKi III

creditcarder wrote: »

Hmmmm, is this what a feminist looks like?

You claimed the study said 60%.

I said I'd make a €20 donation if that was true. You asked if I'd honour it if it was 45% or above.

It turned out it wasn't true and you wildly misrepresented the figure, which was 23%, so I don't have to make a donation.

How does this have anything to do with feminism?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

creditcarder wrote: »

Again, they were not solicited :P Ah, this is kind of funny tbh. The same scenario is reversed and it is portrayed as more consensual when the genders are reversed.

No, unsolicited nudes are unacceptable either way. If a woman sent one, I’d think it just as bad.

This post was unclear:

creditcarder wrote: »

How would you feel if a male friend was showing a nude picture and making fun of the woman to his male friends? In a pub over beers after he had talked to her/met her a few times.

Ficheall

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

Potential Deal breaker: If she agrees with everything I say, and I get a general vibe that she is trying to artificially align all our interests, likes, dislikes etc... so that we are a good match!

People do this. Sometimes it's subtle... sometimes not so subtle. But I have a very good nose for it... I understand why people have the instinct to do it, but it's a turn off.

QFT.




Also I hate the environment.

creditcarder

Journee Odd Pensioner wrote: »

Whichever one of those will get you to stop talking to me.

Um, if you reply to a post the person is going to reply back. Goodness gracious, do you not have any lenght of argument to show off?



So yeah, reply and I'll reply, don't and I wont'

beejee

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

Potential Deal breaker: If she agrees with everything I say, and I get a general vibe that she is trying to artificially align all our interests, likes, dislikes etc... so that we are a good match!

People do this. Sometimes it's subtle... sometimes not so subtle. But I have a very good nose for it... I understand why people have the instinct to do it, but it's a turn off.

Just be yourself... the real authentic you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwjPIVhCO2U

Ficheall

KiKi III wrote: »

You claimed the study said 60%.

I said I'd make a €20 donation if that was true. You asked if I'd honour it if it was 45% or above.

It turned out it wasn't true and you wildly misrepresented the figure, which was 23%, so I don't have to make a donation.

How does this have anything to do with feminism?

A quarter to a third of women going on a date just for the food is still pretty high, you'll admit, but cc clearly hasn't been reading any of your posts if he thinks he's likely to get you to part with any cash.

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

You claimed the study said 60%.

I said I'd make a €20 donation if that was true. You asked if I'd honour it if it was 45% or above.

It turned out it wasn't true and you wildly misrepresented the figure, which was 23%, so I don't have to make a donation.

How does this have anything to do with feminism?

Take a breather there Kiki. You don't have to pay as you also don't have to pay on a date

KiKi III

amadangomor wrote: »

I presume you ate on these dates also? You agreed to go for a meal, you both ate, so in an equal world you both pay equally. Who did the asking doesn't matter.

If I organise a night out and get all my friends together should I pay say a grand to cover everyone's expenses for the night just because I asked everyone to go? Doesn't make sense.

You are not reading my posts carefully. As I've said on more than one occasion, on a date I almost always split the bill.

The point I've been making is that it's nice of a guy to offer. I will then gently decline his offer and suggest going halves, or very occasionally if I think it's going well and we'll definitely see each other again I'll let him pay this time on the condition that I pay next time.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

KiKi III wrote: »

You are not reading my posts carefully. As I've said on more than one occasion, on a date I almost always split the bill.

The point I've been making is that it's nice of a guy to offer. I will then gently decline his offer and suggest going halves, or very occasionally if I think it's going well and we'll definitely see each other again I'll let him pay this time on the condition that I pay next time.

If you don’t expect him to pay, why do you need him to offer?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

Potential Deal breaker: If she agrees with everything I say, and I get a general vibe that she is trying to artificially align all our interests, likes, dislikes etc... so that we are a good match!

People do this. Sometimes it's subtle... sometimes not so subtle. But I have a very good nose for it... I understand why people have the instinct to do it, but it's a turn off.

Just be yourself... the real authentic you!

I want to agree with that but I'm not sure how to go about it

It's very true though, insightful. I know when I was younger and I still see it around me now, in the early days of the relationship there can be an element of being on your best behaviour, being self effacing and self denying, and the taller that tower is the harder it'll fall.

Leg End Reject

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

If you don’t expect him to pay, why do you need him to offer?

That's the 60 million dollar question.

Floppybits

KiKi III wrote: »

You are not reading my posts carefully. As I've said on more than one occasion, on a date I almost always split the bill.

The point I've been making is that it's nice of a guy to offer. I will then gently decline his offer and suggest going halves, or very occasionally if I think it's going well and we'll definitely see each other again I'll let him pay this time on the condition that I pay next time.

Would you ever offer to pay the bill first? Why don't women take the initiative more?

givyjoe

amadangomor wrote: »

I presume you ate on these dates also? You agreed to go for a meal, you both ate, so in an equal world you both pay equally. Who did the asking doesn't matter.

If I organise a night out and get all my friends together should I pay say a grand to cover everyone's expenses for the night just because I asked everyone to go? Doesn't make sense.

Mental gymnastics to cover justification of a free meal.

KiKi III

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

If you don’t expect him to pay, why do you need him to offer?

Leg End Reject wrote: »

That's the 60 million dollar question.

Already answered more than once but I'll have another go.

On a first date, you don't know very much about the other person. The whole purpose is to get to know each other better. For that reason, on a first date, you're in a kind of heightened state of awareness (you pay more attention to how someone behaves than you would if you were meeting up as friends) because they are a potential romantic partner.

So, if I think about the kind of person I want to be with and the qualities they might have, they would include generosity, kindness, general soundness, and one way that would be indicated is in if they offered to pay. I would then indicate my generosity/ soundness by insisting we work it out somehow.

It's a social dance.

Deebles McBeebles

amadangomor wrote: »

If I organise a night out and get all my friends together should I pay say a grand to cover everyone's expenses for the night just because I asked everyone to go? Doesn't make sense.

Only difference is you're not trying to dip the wick in your friends....hopefully.