Feeling angry and powerless

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice on how to manage feeling powerless/angry. I find myself getting quite angry at stupid little things where at best I should feel only minor annoyance. To give you an example, I was trying to post a letter and I wanted to personally put it into the post box, but the woman in the post office wouldn't give it back to me and kept insisting that she would do it. It was an important letter and I would have felt more re-assured to know that I put it in the post box myself.

I found myself getting viciously angry, like I wanted to give her a slap levels of anger. I find myself getting like that when I feel a bit powerless or like someone is "getting one over on me". I then find myself getting to the point where I'm nearly in tears from it.

I can't afford therapy just yet, but will be looking into this as soon as it is financially possible. In the meantime, I am just looking for any advice on how to manage these feelings, any good books or blogs or something. Tired of feeling this way.

Neyite

Counselling will help you lots.

I was the exact same many years ago. Now people describe me as fairly laid back and calm. And like you say it's tiring being angry and feeling the red mist at stupid stuff. I wasn't actually an angry person, but I didn't know how to express myself any other way so it always came out as anger.

Here's what helped me - it's actually a technique I learned in counselling. Firstly, for me there was an underlying emotion I was experiencing that caused the anger. So I started by identifying that. In the example you mentioned, it sounds like there was an anxiousness/ worry you were experiencing that translated into the anger you felt. So what I would do when I felt that surge is ask myself 'what's my underlying emotion here? In the example I'd reply (to myself!) "I'm worried. Not angry. This is important to me and I'll worry if I don't personally put it into the postbox." Once you identify the underlying emotion it might be that your anger evaporates and leaves you more able to articulate in a constructive way. That's what happened with me.

It took a bit of practice, but it's now automatic to me, and sometimes I didn't know what I was feeling so I'd tell myself to park the thought overnight and I'd usually be able to see more clearly the next day. That helped a lot too. Once I'd identify what I was feeling I was able to think about why I was feeling that way and whether or not I was being daft or worrying for nothing or whatever.

santana75

Hulksmash wrote: »

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice on how to manage feeling powerless/angry. I find myself getting quite angry at stupid little things where at best I should feel only minor annoyance. To give you an example, I was trying to post a letter and I wanted to personally put it into the post box, but the woman in the post office wouldn't give it back to me and kept insisting that she would do it. It was an important letter and I would have felt more re-assured to know that I put it in the post box myself.

I found myself getting viciously angry, like I wanted to give her a slap levels of anger. I find myself getting like that when I feel a bit powerless or like someone is "getting one over on me". I then find myself getting to the point where I'm nearly in tears from it.

I can't afford therapy just yet, but will be looking into this as soon as it is financially possible. In the meantime, I am just looking for any advice on how to manage these feelings, any good books or blogs or something. Tired of feeling this way.

Sounds like you're stressed. I read a book recently called "Play" by Dr stuart Brown. Its about the importance of play and creativity in our lives. As kids we instinctively know how to play and we do it just for fun, with no outcome needed. But as adults we lose this and take on more "Grown up" stuff, which is not good for your well being and sense of joy. And if you dont allow yourself to have play and creativity in your life then this will turn into anger that lashes out randomly. You have to look after yourself, not just physically and mentally but also in terms of allowing creativity and play into your life, its literally the antidote to seething anger.

KiKi III

If you can't try counselling for the moment, look into other ways to express your feelings in a healthy way. I've found journalling/ writing letters to people I'm angry with and then destroying them (not sending them) helpful.

Write down three specific things you're grateful for every day; this is proven to improve your mental health.

Ask yourself "Will this still matter in five years?" If not, you know it's probably not worth getting really angry over.

Exercise might burn off some of the negative energy (I find it almost has a power of its own)

Do you have a trusted friend or sibling you could confide in?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Thanks so much for the replies. Not sure how to multi-quote but to reply:

@Neyite: thanks for this, I've never thought to look at it that way (what's beneath the anger), I just get so caught up in the anger I never look deeper. I'll try to keep this in mind the next time I find myself getting angry over something trivial.

@santana75: it's funny you mention about play, because even my hobbies stress me out! I feel like I have to do them perfectly and everything has to be 100% right and perfect. It wasn't until you mentioned how carefree we are as children in play that it struck me just how little enjoyment I get out of most things. I feel like I'm failing at things if they're not done 100% right. I suck the joy out of whatever I'm doing with the pressure I put on myself. I'll check that book out, thanks.

@Kiki III: I have tried keeping a diary in the past and I have found it helpful. Though I find that I ruminate so much in my head that when it comes to writing it down I don't have the energy to do it consistently. But it is something that I have found to be helpful in the past and I will try to maintain it more consistently from now on. In terms of people to talk to, I have a few close friends I'd trust not to repeat things, but I feel a bit like I overburden them, that I lean on them too much. I'm conscious of not wanting to be too much of an emotional vampire.

Thanks again for the replies and I'll implement the suggestions x

doughef

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Mod note: please do not provide medical advice.

Calypso Realm

Is this all a fairly recent issue OP?

Even if not, I think, as a priority, you should go and see your GP as well to rule out any medical issues. Conditions like high BP or even hyperthyroidism to name but a few, could be equally responsible for these symptoms, both of which are easily treatable with medication.

cj maxx

+1 on seeing your GP. Even if there no underlying condition they can refer to the relevant department. And may prescribe something to help though I find GPs , correctly, prefer to leave medication to specialist drs for some issues.
And don't beat yourself. You recognise that you are behaving uncharacteristically at times so that's a start.