Im a mess

Graceface2010

Hi everyone, just wondering if I could have some help.
I have one very bad habit that I developed as a small child and cannot break. Im a very messy person, my bedroom is a shambles, I have piles of clothes, shoes, jackets, books, empty water bottles, rubbish, cutlery all over my floor. My dresser and tables are completely covered in paper, bottles and rubbish. Im a hoarder, I hold on to things that hold nostalgia, connection or memory for me, particularly happy memories, its not extreme, my house isnt packed with things and every so often I have a bit of a clear out and challenge myself to throw out a couple of things and when I do clean up the mess, which I do every couple of months, theres allot of floor and desk/shelf space but its bad enough to leave me with little space to hang things up or put things away. All the things I hold onto are in boxes under the bed, ornaments and knickknacks on tables and desks, boxes of old makeup I dont ever use,clothes in the wardrobe I dont ever wear, draws full of pajamas from my teenage years.
Ive been like this for as long as I can remember, even as a child, my bedroom was a mess. I attached my feelings onto objects. I used to not want to throw out the rubbish as I felt bad for it. I know how that sounds crazy. im now much older now and this problem hasnt gone away.
I feel what is the point in tidying it will be a mess again in a couple of days. I just find it so hard to keep on top of. I have been to counselors but didnt feel any recovery. I want to change but I dont know how to.
I quit smoking, I stopped biting my nails, im a healthy person, I go to the gym and eat well, I have a nice job and have a masters degree but just cant get on top of this.
Thanks.

Neyite

Have you read any of the Marie Kondo Books? Might be helpful because she discusses our attachments to 'things' and why, when they have outlived their usefulness or their meaning, we still hold onto stuff. Her first book is called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.


She's a bit ott in parts and utterly ruthless at decluttering so I wouldn't follow her methods to a tee. But as an overview and how we reframe our thinking about 'stuff' it's quite interesting. I went through my clothes using her method and got rid of lots that I held onto for sentimental reasons. And it's also changed how I buy things - I only buy something if I really love it rather than buy something for the sake of it.



I'll confess I've to do the rest of my stuff but my wardrobe still looks great.

ManOfMystery

I used to hoard a lot of stuff but I've slowly learned over the years to let it go. I got into a habit of looking at each item and seriously questioning why I have it, why I would ever need it, and why I'm holding onto it. Unless it serves some purpose, it has to go. You have to almost be ruthless with yourself and aim to operate as minimalist as possible.

Once you reduce the amount of stuff there is, the cleaning and tidying naturally becomes much easier.

I find the same in my work. I think more clearly and work more clearly when my physical space isn't so cluttered. So I keep my desk as empty as possible most of the time too, whereas years ago it would have erred on the messy side.

ILoveYourVibes

I attached my feelings onto objects. I used to not want to throw out the rubbish as I felt bad for it. I know how that sounds crazy.

This is really interesting OP.


I guess right now this is your comfort zone. For some people their comfort zone is having mess around them. If you clean it they have to get it dirty again.

So i guess you have to stretch your comfort zone. Get used to being in clean places. Get used to seeing objects as disposable and not worth attaching your feelings to.

The Marie Kondo stuff sounds good ..i've not read her though.

But one thing i notice ..people who did her method some of them ended up making a huge deal of the things they gave away ....like they had to find the right person to give it to..or they had to get the right amount of money etc.

Maybe if you RITUALIZED the getting rid of stuff. It would help.

I think that's not the right way either.

Some people like mess and can't stand clean places. Some people can't sleep in a messy bedroom ..some can't sleep in a tidy one.

joeguevara

You’re messy. Not a mess.

Start with the clothes. If you haven’t worn something in last 6 months get rid.

Have two laundry baskets in your room. One for colours and one for whites. It’s as easy putting clothes in there rather than on the ground.

Don’t bring food or papers to your room.

I live by myself and getting a small dishwasher was a godsend. It can only fit 4 plates, 4 glasses, 4 bowls and cutlery but means easy to fill and easy to put away so never dirty plates.

If you find it difficult to get rid of nostalgic nicknacks etc, then a small storage unit might be a good temporary solution. Then it will de litter your home and you can see if you can live without them entirely.

I did a complete de clutter of my house early in the summer and it was one of the best things I have ever done. It was amazing the positive impact it had on me.

tea and coffee

To be honest, recommending cleaning methods to a boarder is just papering over the cracks
Not to denigrate them- They are useful, but you would also need to do some work on yourself.
Hoarding is usually borne out of trauma, anxiety etc. It's very emotional. I would look at some self help or if you feel that wouldn't work, maybe some counselling to get the to root of the issues.
Marie Kondo et al are useful on a practical level but for consistent change, you'll also need to "look under the hood"