Overthinking everything is ruining my life

didntgotoplan

This will probably be a bit of a rambling mess but I'm not sure how or where to start this but I guess I want to let out all these feelings.

About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Graves disease, its a thyroid condition which can result in anxiety and irritability. I was put on medication for and after a few months, I've been refered to specialists. I have been waiting for a surgery which I got a consultation for this month after waiting 18 months for it. I hope that this will help me get back on track with my life as it has been at a standstill while waiting for multiple specialists as I had multiple appointments so I stopped taking holidays and stopped planning things for fear that it clashed with my appointments.

A few years ago, I moved to a new career path and I loved my job until I was moved to a new team 3 months ago as the old team quit suddenly. I do the same job but work with one person. I still love my job but I think this was really the start of most of my anxiety as I loved the people I worked with and now I hate the person I work with as she is less of a team player, while before we shared responsibility. I personally am an open person but there is something about her I dont trust so I feel I'm bottling up my feelings and thoughts around her to protect myself. I've tried to slowly become more open but she responds negatively so I retreat. I've asked to move team but they told me that they are unlikely to move me as they have no one to replace me and rather we work out my issues but I have no idea how to work out a gut feeling. I cant move jobs as they paid for training recently and I need to stay in the same job so they recuperate it. I come home most evenings over analysing everything I have done or said, or upset over a way in which she said something to me. I also have begun to overthink everything she says to me trying to find out her thoughts and feelings on it. Honestly I spend most of my evenings and weekends worried about how she is thinking of me when I know she probably not giving me any thought. I even took a week off work in the last month to stop myself from overthinking but my last working week with her, she complained about me getting a week off multiple times, got irritable any time I was talking about my week off, she put on a negative or angry face the entire week before and on my last day working with her, she was snappy to me as I was behind in my job due to unexpected issues (i still got the job done) which led me to leave on a bad note and spend half of my week off overthinking everything she said and then I spent the rest of my week worried about what I was coming back to.

All this overthinking has stopped me looking after myself. As in wearing my pjs all day instead of getting dressed during weekends, stopped dressing up when going out with friends and overall just stop caring about my appearence. I used to care about my health and weight. Before my diagnosis, I was 2 stone from my goal weight having lost a lot and worked hard to lose it. After my diagnosis, I had a year of maintaining my weight before I gained 3 stone in the last year. I've stopped caring about losing weight and have started unhealthy eating habits of takeaways, sugary foods and too many fizzy drinks and lacking in exercise. Honestly anytime I overthink, I eat to distract myself. Anytime I try to change, I find myself giving up due to overthinking and it brings me back to unhealthy habits.

My gp knows about my feelings about myself as I've spoken about this to her before and she has asked me to wait out the surgery treatment and we can review my feelings afterwards. I just feel I'm slowly becoming a different person that I used to never be and I just want to get back to that loving life person I used to be.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I know that I will probably get told to start looking after my weight and health and getting out for a walk or exercise will help but I'm finding it hard to let go of this form of comfort even though I know its not making me any happier in the long run.

HildaOgdenx

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I'm not familiar with that condition, but any illness that affects one's life, takes time to process and come to terms with, in my opinion.

The work situation also sounds tough. In the overall scheme of things, it's not as important as your health. That must come first, both your physical and mental health.

I'm not dismissing the work issue in saying that. Have a look online, search for 'dealing with difficult people at work'. Some of the strategies outlined might help. She sounds unpleasant, to say the least. I understand the bit about feeling you can't move jobs right now, but never say never. Throw out some feelers towards the people you used to work with. It's an awful feeling to feel almost trapped where you are. Remember, you're not. There are other jobs out there. There must be a reason why others quit suddenly. Keep in touch with them and you may well find an opportunity opening up.

I think you would find counselling helpful, as it will give you the opportunity to talk out your feelings and help you with techniques to manage the overthinking.

Your GP may have details of counselling services in your local area. Your employer may have an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) or you may be able to obtain sessions via private health insurance, if you have it.

This link might also be helpful;
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057956018

All the best.

Hannibal_Smith

I would say it to your GP. They can possibly change your medication.

Also, I was put on bp medication years ago for a short period and suffered horrendous anxiety. One day I read the leaflet that came with the medication and one of the side affects was anxiety! It was changed pretty sharpish.

I know you say you suffer from anxiety any way so I may be wrong, but definitely have a word with the GP and discuss the medication that you're on.

didntgotoplan

Thanks, I'm going to go back to my gp this week and see if there is anything else that can be done. I just don't feel like myself anymore and I'm tired of spending my free time overthinking everything that leads to me crying or eating.