Angry ex

LegacyUser

The relationship between me and my ex broke down 5 years ago. It was her decision and her call and I took in in my stride. It was almost as if it was some sort of a hyperbole and she wanted me to run after her. I didn't and she has been harassing me since. I have 1000s of messages/emails from her. Some of them are down right crazy. Some of the messaged she sent me pictures of her lower body in underwear asking me do I miss it. I didn't respond and she got more brazen and eventually she sent me pictures of her naked body with message like - 'hey miss this? I bet you want it?'. I have a disabled sibling and she even mocked my disabled sister.

The cops aren't helping me. When I reported her she counter claimed to the police officer who rang her saying that I'm the bad one, and it's me harassing her. The cop suggested to me don't contact her, in which I'm not. She's a piece of filth and she's not on my radar and he suggested civil action. I don't have the money for civil action due to health issues and aging parents. Basically my plate is full.

There's so much on the news lately about feuds and this is exactly what it is. It's a feud. It's a one sided feud because I'm not serving her feelings. She wants me to regret our break up and go back to her and she wants all the work to happen from my side. There's no going back from this.

Neyite

Is there any reason why you can't change your number?

That's the first thing I'd do (and have done in the past to stop someone messaging me) and it worked. Second thing would be locking down all your social media. If she can't find you online she might stop bothering with you.

After that, you may need to go back to the Gardai as it may be stalking or harassment. A different Garda might have a different take on it and take you seriously.

I would go back to the Gardai, tell them you want to report harassment that has been going on for 5 years. If the guard doesn't help, go above to sergeant or higher.
She may just need a warning or scare from them.
Keep a note of everything, dates & times, & keep all text & Voicemail as evidence

Calypso Realm

How come you haven't blocked her from everything?

punisher5112

Like above sort out a new number and cut out social media for a while and change it that she won't find you.

skallywag

I would have thought, perhaps incorrectly, that it is criminal offense to send someone a picture of you naked unless the recipient is on-board with it.

Otherwise what is stopping me sending reams of naked images of myself to some randomer?

punisher5112

skallywag wrote: »

I would have thought, perhaps incorrectly, that it is criminal offense to send someone a picture of you naked unless the recipient is on-board with it.

Otherwise what is stopping me sending reams of naked images of myself to some randomer?

Oh how the tables would be turned if it were him or another guy sexually harassing a girl/woman...

Equality me hole.

AulWan

punisher5112 wrote: »

Oh how the tables would be turned if it were him or another guy sexually harassing a girl/woman...

Equality me hole.

While I actually agree wholeheartedly with the point made here... I have to ask why haven't you blocked her?

Most phones nowadays have a blocking feature you have control over so that she can send all the messages and photos she likes but you don't have to see them.

Likewise with emails - filter to junk mail and automatic delete.

And follow up with the Gardai. They should absolutely take you seriously. If some ex was harassing a girl with dick pics you can be pretty sure they'd take it seriously.

punisher5112

Wonder would talking with Amen or even the citizens info people could they advise as in a legal route that won't end up costing you an arm, leg and another arm.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Yeah I wouldn't accept that answer from the gards. Go back to them, explain that she'll most likely counter claim but that you have extensive evidence that she's the aggressor. If she has made any actual threats, have that evidence to hand.


It might take a bit of persistence, harassment isn't always taken seriously in general and you are at a disadvantage as a man being harassed by a woman.

I'm assuming you're doing this anyway but no responding to her AT ALL. Not to tell her to fcuk off, no matter what she says about your family. Nothing at all.

And sorry if you have already done this and she keeps getting your details again, but change all your numbers and accounts and be judicious in who you give the new ones to.

If that information is leaking, you need to figure that out.

Is she contacting anyone else to try and get to you through them? If so would they be willing to back you up to the gards?

Princess Calla

skallywag wrote: »

I would have thought, perhaps incorrectly, that it is criminal offense to send someone a picture of you naked unless the recipient is on-board with it.

Otherwise what is stopping me sending reams of naked images of myself to some randomer?

You've obviously never tried online dating!

OP change your number if you can.

Also would you be eligible for free legal aid? Might be no harm chatting to one of their solicitors... I know you don't want the stress but might be enough for her to back off.

LegacyUser

Electro Bitch has summer it up. The woman is blocked. I have a new email address. Social media presence is very limited and strict private settings. The woman had turned down other avenues like old employer, family members, friends that she has remembered, social and hobby groups that she remembers. Anywhere that she's able to dish her dirt out to me.

skallywag

Princess Calla wrote: »

You've obviously never tried online dating!

Au contraire, though there was a hell of a lot of donkey work involved back then, and no easy swiping :mad::pac:

I am still struggling to see how it can not be a serious offense though. e.g. If I am on a bus and drop my pants to a passer by that I see out the window, then I am likely to end up as a registered sex offender if I get caught. But if I send such a pic to someone in a message then there is no come back, if the recipient has not consented etc. to receiving such pics.

OP, did you actually show the naked images to the Guards?

The number changing is certainly an option, though it for some folk it could be a major hassle to do so, for various reasons.

LegacyUser

The first thing you need to do is block her on everything. If you haven't already done this, why haven't you?

Get a new phone number if necessary, close down emails that she knows and set up new ones (ones that do not have your name in them).

Go back to the Guards - what she is doing is harassment. Tell them you want someone to call to her and give her a warning.

Keep a record of everything and do what is takes (legally) to put this to bed. As another poster said, try legal aid if money is an issue for you right now.

Calypso Realm

How long were you together OP?

Reason I ask (as you may have seen signs of it then) is because she certainly sounds a bit deranged to me if she's behaving like this. Bad enough just after the RL ended but at this point, I wonder if she's actually insane! Seriously.

This is one reason I'd persist with the gardai.

Princess Calla

skallywag wrote: »

Au contraire, though there was a hell of a lot of donkey work involved back then, and no easy swiping :mad::pac:

I am still struggling to see how it can not be a serious offense though. e.g. If I am on a bus and drop my pants to a passer by that I see out the window, then I am likely to end up as a registered sex offender if I get caught. But if I send such a pic to someone in a message then there is no come back, if the recipient has not consented etc. to receiving such pics.

OP, did you actually show the naked images to the Guards?

The number changing is certainly an option, though it for some folk it could be a major hassle to do so, for various reasons.

No I agree I think it should be an offence.

However just look at the "dealbreaker" thread in after hours and you'll see how many girls have received d1ck pics.

I myself received them way back when, very first message no previous contact with the person and there he is in all his glory. It's definitely a violation, personally I just deleted it.

However there's something even more disturbing if it's an ex that won't let go!!

TheBoyConor

Hmm. Op, are you sure you are not actually unconciously liking the drama she is creating for you?

I mean it takes all of 30 seconds seconds to block someone from your message apps and social media. Why have you not done this?

If I went to the gardai over every crack pot I dated that got bad and started sending me quare pictures I'd have a path beaten up and down to the Garda station.

I've had this a few times, I just block them and forget about it. I did once have a right pest who would keep setting up new facebook profiles and she would try add or message me from them. i just set my facebook to private/friends only and that was the end of it.

If messages keep getting delivered then she knows that they are being seen by you and is getting a kcik out of it.

Bunny Colvin

I think you're complicit in this, maybe subconsciously. It seems to me that all you have do to is block her from all social media/your phone and you've got your problem solved.

Sorry man but it's nearly laughable that it's been five years and it's still causing you stress. You need to cut off the oxygen supply by properly blocking her on all avenues and getting on with your life. Failure to do so is completely on you.

Don't forget that you're the one giving her power by being available for contact and she'd love to see you being affected by this and you are. It's time to move on with things man but it's completely up to you if you wanna do that or not. I sincerely hope you do. Otherwise you're just needlessly wasting your time and energy for no reason at all.

cj maxx

punisher5112 wrote: »

Like above sort out a new number and cut out social media for a while and change it that she won't find you.

My number is all I have for alot of people. Foreign based relatives/old friends and employers that I want to keep in touch with. Though cutting all social media stuff is relatively easy changing numbers is drastic. Just make sure you block her and keep a record

skallywag

cjmc wrote: »

My number is all I have for alot of people. Foreign based relatives/old friends and employers that I want to keep in touch with.

Agree strongly with this. Changing my number would really not be an option without having the same consequences concerning old friends, family and professional links, many of whom I myself may no longer have a contact for.

Sure, the argument will come that one can be tracked down very easy via social media etc. these days, but that generally only holds for the younger demographic.

While blocking them is a good suggestion, if I was really determined to harass someone then it would not take much effort to set up new numbers, profiles etc, which could be used.

Caranica

Caranica wrote: »

If you're not willing to do these, which will solve the problem, what are you looking for on here?

Could people maybe read the thread not the last comment?

OP said in a follow up comment that he has blocked her everywhere.

Caranica

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Could people maybe read the thread not the last comment?

OP said in a follow up comment that he has blocked her everywhere.

I had read the thread but thought I was replying to the OP.

OP said she was blocked but doesn't mention changing phone number. Some apps are linked to phone number.

QuestionTime18

Go back to the gards it's clearly harassment and if the shoe was on the other foot and you were harassing her you can be absolutely sure they would be very quick to arrest you. Get them to give her a warning and if she doesn't stop after that then the next step is to make a complaint/statement and have her arrested.