Loneliness and singledom

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Raconteuse wrote: »

Working from home full-time would not suit me at all. Much as I curse having to go in there at times. Working from home the odd day, grand - a novelty, but I don't think five days a week is good for someone. Maybe I'm wrong but my friend thought working from home was perfect for him yet he was not in great form a lot of the time at all. Still thinking he was happier! Then he had to get a job without the work from home option - not his choice, just dictated by circumstances. And he is so much happier.

I didn’t like working from home and I really, really miss working now that I no longer can. I miss the social aspect, being out in the world and just hearing a wide variety of opinions and stories. I too would bet that your friend was suffering from the lack of contact with people.

beejee

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I didn’t like working from home and I really, really miss working now that I no longer can. I miss the social aspect, being out in the world and just hearing a wide variety of opinions and stories. I too would bet that your friend was suffering from the lack of contact with people.

I find that a few days working at home suits me just fine.

I use a stethoscope to listen in on neighbours, so it feels like my social circle increases. Sometimes I laugh too loud and they hear me, then I hide behind the fridge.

So, not all bad.

Church on Tuesday

KiKi III wrote: »

My Mam is expecting me in Ballyhaunis at 8.30 but I suppose I could stay on and tell her it’s in the name of love!

I don't think your mam would be happy about that!

Earthhorse

KiKi III wrote: »

Very scared this is going to be a dick pic.

He asked you to PM him so you’re scared you’re going to send him a dick pic?!? :eek:

KiKi III wrote: »

This is actually a very good shout as I love reading. My past experience tells me it’s a place I’ll meet other slightly older women and not men, but that’s not the worst thing in the world.

There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

voldejoie

I have no real insight to add OP, just to say I completely understand how you feel. I am single and travel a lot for work, and most of my friends who still live in Ireland are coupled up - a few even have small kids! So when I'm home at the weekend or over a bank holiday it's rare enough I'd meet up with people, and I somehow find myself being abroad for work stuff whenever there are group meet ups.

I know you said that people sometimes mistake your extroversion for confidence, and that you work from home. I work from home the odd time too and it's a godsend to have the option, but equally if you are an extroverted person being in an office with colleagues (annoying as they can be :pac:) could do you the world of good. Even more so if there's a decent social scene

Im very much an introvert and love working from home but there was a time recently when I worked from home on a Friday and the following Monday and come Tuesday morning was starting to understand why solitary confinement of prisoners is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

Church on Tuesday

Deleted User wrote: »

Im very much an introvert and love working from home but there was a time recently when I worked from home on a Friday and the following Monday and come Tuesday morning was starting to understand why solitary confinement of prisoners is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

Nah feck that, you gotta be out meeting people I think ideally.

EmmetSpiceland

Earthhorse wrote: »

There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

JohnnyFlash

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

Or something modern, Irish, and ‘difficult’ for the sake of it.

Raconteuse

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Podcast and cinema club though.

Earthhorse

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is it anything like the “book” thread on here where every third book has “Auschwitz” in the title?

Or, at least, a topic that equally “harrowing”, and boring.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Or something modern, Irish, and ‘difficult’ for the sake of it.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, yes.

bitofabind

Deleted User wrote: »

I am rarely lonely now. I could be on top of a mountain and be full. That's because there's something inside me which I can access, a sort of "you have yourself no matter who comes and goes and you will be ok".
It took a lot of loss and therapy for me to get to that point.

That's such a lovely sentiment

I feel the same. I really enjoy my own company and between work and travel and social obligations, I don't quite ever feel like I get enough of it! Which is another problem in itself - I'm single and the incentive to date and meet someone can be lacking quite often. I'm sort of used to being single.

My philosophy with loneliness is kind of how I feel about those tougher emotions in general - you can't have the good without the bad. I felt extreme loneliness after a breakup a few years ago, it hits me out of the blue even now from time to time, but just serves to remind me of how lovely and warm and comforting it was to be in love with someone. To have my person. I'd like that again, we all long for that really. The loneliness kind of serves a point then, and kind of exists because of all of the love and loveliness that went before.

It's also so inherently human to feel lonely too. You just have to know that and treat yourself with compassion when it kicks in.

2 fast

It seems go an epidemic, yet when you go out looking for 30s single even just to make friends, it seems thin on the ground especially outside of Dublin....

airnwater

Serious suggestion , if you are living within reasonable distance of any city , check out meetup.com , loads of groups doing all sorts of activities eg hiking , meals out , going to gigs ,etc virtually all single people too . Need to stick at it for a while & give it a chance !

CtevenSrowder

Raconteuse wrote: »

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Podcast and cinema club though.

Where does this cinema club happen?

Stevieluvsye

CtevenSrowder wrote: »

Where does this cinema club happen?

Think this all code for a dogging club bud

creditcarder

KiKi III wrote: »

Thought I’d start a nice cheery one as it’s Friday; I may have posted about this before.

I’m recently single from what was essentially quite a casual relationship and it’s hit me hard.

We weren’t serious but we had been spending quite a bit of time together, and I feel quite lonely since.

It’s in quite a broad sense too - it’s not just about missing him. I spent a lot of my 20s living abroad and my friends are spread out all over the world. That can be amazing in some ways (I’m never short of an exotic holiday destination when the opportunity comes up) but it can mean sometimes I look at my life in Dublin and think “Where are all my friends?”

I’m in my early 30s so a lot of the friends I do have are in long-term relationships or have kids, and since I don’t drink alcohol I’m rarely out on mad nights out. I have hobbies that I’ve made acquaintances and broadened my social circle through, but it hasn’t led to any close friendships yet - most of those are still abroad and largely conducted through WhatsApp.

I’ve read that there’s an epidemic of loneliness amongst my generation and I certainly feel it a lot. I spend a lot of time by myself (I work from home). I can’t help but feel that if I had an OH a lot of the friendship stuff would bother me a little less.

Anyone else in the same boat? Any advice?

I know this could easily go in PI but if mods are okay with it I’d rather see a more general discussion as you can have here.

Could go study abroad, lie about your age and hang aroud with the mid 20s?

Rufeo

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

Stevieluvsye

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

Thinly veiled "i'd like to shag you"

Rufeo

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

I really like the 51. Didn't know it was happening on a Friday night

lozenges

It's definitely easier being in a relationship. I enjoyed being single and was for most of my early -mid 20s but it can be lonely. Not just because you don't have partner, but I definitely find you're invited out to more holidays/parties/events when in a couple than as a single person.

Irish_rat

Single in mid 30's don't go out much either. I'm not huge into drink but will definitely see what kinda groups I could join

PmMeUrDogs

I can understand the loneliness.


I've been single for a couple of years, early thirties. All of my friends are coupled up, all have children, and they're obviously not as available as they used to be. Add to that I'm fairly introverted and shy, and that all leads to massive loneliness.


So I made a massive effort to make more friends. I didn't do meet up groups because I've got no real interest in doing that.


Instead, I invited people I'd chat to regularly on social media for drinks, coffee, etc. They'd generally say yes.


Now, I'm not so lonely. I have a good group of close, single friends who I can see regularly because we're all more available than my older friends (who I do still see! I didn't ditch them). I have plans once or twice a week, and I enjoy my days off more.


Obviously I still get lonely moments. I'd love to have someone I could have deeper or intimate conversations with. But what I have is lovely and I enjoy being single far more now than I used to.

nkl12xtw5goz70

Raconteuse wrote: »

The book club a friend of mine wants me to join does tend towards the auld Auschwitz titles all right.

Ha, I recently joined a book group and the first pick was All the Light We Cannot See, set in WWII France.

KiKi III

Rufeo wrote: »

OP, if you can handle the 51 bar on a Friday night there's lots of action in there.

Otherwise most other nights its dead and you'd have the likes of me (38) to put up with. Haha. Give me strength.

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

seannash

lozenges wrote: »

It's definitely easier being in a relationship. I enjoyed being single and was for most of my early -mid 20s but it can be lonely. Not just because you don't have partner, but I definitely find you're invited out to more holidays/parties/events when in a couple than as a single person.

I find single people don't wamt to do "coupley" things. Invited two single people on a Christmas market holiday and they both refused because it was 3 couples going.
I kept saying its 6 people going not 3 couples

anewme

seannash wrote: »

I find single people don't wamt to do "coupley" things. Invited two single people on a Christmas market holiday and they both refused because it was 3 couples going.
I kept saying its 6 people going not 3 couples

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

Earthhorse

You all move in very antagonistic circles. I often hang out with my coupled up friends. It’s not a problem.

One eyed Jack

anewme wrote: »

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

I wouldn’t take that as a reflection on you tbh, it’s more of a reflection on them, but I get how having to put up with it can be wearying.

KiKi III

Earthhorse wrote: »

You all move in very antagonistic circles. I often hang out with my coupled up friends. It’s not a problem.

I really enjoy hanging out with my couple friends. I’d just love to have some single friends that live in Dublin to go out with.

Earthhorse

KiKi III wrote: »

I really enjoy hanging out with my couple friends. I’d just love to have some single friends that live in Dublin to go out with.

That’s cool. I’m talking about people whose single friends won’t hang out with their married ones or whose attached friends eye them with suspicion.

funkey_monkey

SSr0 wrote: »

I think I have some info that could help your situation. PM me for details.

And this life changing information is...?
What about the rest of us?

KiKi III

Earthhorse wrote: »

He asked you to PM him so you’re scared you’re going to send him a dick pic?!? :eek:



There is a boards Book Club going if you’re interested.

Does it do IRL meet-ups or just online?

KiKi III

KiKi III wrote: »

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

As i said earlier, I really like the 51 but its pointless me rocking up on Friday night knowing no-one. I've a better chance of meeting someone to chat to on a Tuesday. Except the person I have a decent chance of meeting is male and twice my age.

anewme

[Deleted User] wrote: »

As i said earlier, I really like the 51

In my day, we preferred the 69, but the nearest to it these days is on my birth cert.

Earthhorse

KiKi III wrote: »

Does it do IRL meet-ups or just online?

IRL

anewme

anewme wrote: »

In my day, we preferred the 69, but the nearest to it these days is on my birth cert.

With wit like that I find it difficult to believe you can't find a partner.

Deja Boo

anewme wrote: »

I've been invited to dinners where there were more couples...the wives often suspiciously think you are after their husbands.

spent one christmas dinner like this :rolleyes:

brookers

I know people will laugh when I say this but I belong to a minority religion and when i was younger i went to church and joined their activities, badminton, tennis etc, you would always meet really nice people, guys too and all denominations were welcome. Was nice to have something to go to during the week nights and have a chat etc,

Purple Mountain

I have a solution.
For all us lost and lonely single souls on this thread.
Forget a thread meet up, let's get the first thread gang bang going.
I'm in, if all you keyboard warriors can assure me you're Coronavirus free.

Rufeo

KiKi III wrote: »

The issue with going out is that I have no one to go out with. Even just saying that makes me feel like SUCH a loser but there are lots of reasons for it as previously mentioned.

I wouldn't waste time feeling like a loser, I'd get up and go (wherever it is I want to go). But then it's different for me I suppose. I'm a man. I don't know what it's like for a woman.

Anyone tried speed dating? Was gonna give it a go but some of the shpiel makes it sound like a bunch of insufferable arseholes who go regularly for the ego boost.
There's no way my cynicism is what's keeping me single... :pac:

SnowyMuckish

I think loneliness effects a lot of people in some shape or form. There are so many people affected but don’t speak up because it’s almost a forgotten taboo in this age of insta perfect lives. I’m married, have beautiful kids, but never felt so alone, What helps me are my hobbies. That and chocolate biscuits, they get me out of bed in the morning

jaxxx

brookers wrote: »

I know people will laugh when I say this but I belong to a minority religion and when i was younger i went to church and joined their activities, badminton, tennis etc, you would always meet really nice people, guys too and all denominations were welcome. Was nice to have something to go to during the week nights and have a chat etc,

So long as it's not Scientology, cos that's a cult not a religion.


Hindu, Islam, Judaism, Christianity, etc have at it. But Scientology and then we've got a problem.


[smashes fist together in an intimidating manner]


***Disclaimer: the above post is sarcastic/comic in nature, for those among you who may be a little too "special" to arrive at that conclusion yourselves. There was a time when this sort of thing didn't need pointing out, but there ya go.

Rufeo

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Anyone tried speed dating? Was gonna give it a go but some of the shpiel makes it sound like a bunch of insufferable arseholes who go regularly for the ego boost.
There's no way my cynicism is what's keeping me single... :pac:

Yes I did it in Dublin and Galway. Haha. It wasn't too difficult, since you only have to talk for a minute or so.

I did match two women, one wanted to be friends (there were different levels of matching), the other one was a transvestite. Needless to say I didn't bother with either lol. Though i did like that first girl, damn. Haha

jaxxx

SnowyMuckish wrote: »

I think loneliness effects a lot of people in some shape or form. There are so many people affected but don’t speak up because it’s almost a forgotten taboo in this age of insta perfect lives. I’m married, have beautiful kids, but never felt so alone, What helps me are my hobbies. That and chocolate biscuits, they get me out of bed in the morning

Hold my beer!


Jaxxx's Profile
Age:

30


Sex:

Male


Species:

Physiologically: Human

Psychologically: UNKNOWN


Friends

Human: 0
Rats: 1
Birds: 27
Dogs: 9
Cats: 3
Spiders: 1,764


Humans Dated:
0


The important thing to take from that is, that the important bits are true.


Loneliness taboo: 0
Jaxxx: 1

Ladybird18

SnowyMuckish wrote: »

I think loneliness effects a lot of people in some shape or form. There are so many people affected but don’t speak up because it’s almost a forgotten taboo in this age of insta perfect lives. I’m married, have beautiful kids, but never felt so alone, What helps me are my hobbies. That and chocolate biscuits, they get me out of bed in the morning

You see that really is the definition of lonliness: being in a room full of people but still feeling alone.
Keep the head up, enjoy your hobbies, eat those chocolate biscuits and be happy.
Now going to try that advice myself.

SharpshooterTom

I'm too socially awkward to have friends. :pac:

Why I remain a permanent social outcast.

SnowyMuckish

I wish I knew what is ‘normal’ for being lonely as opposed to ‘ you need to talk to someone about this loneliness’. What is the ‘normal’ ( if such a thing exists) of loneliness?

SnowyMuckish

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I'm too socially awkward to have friends. :pac:

Why I remain a permanent social outcast.

Being introvert is very normal, read about it, it always helps to read about things....