Walter Mitty thread

Signore Fancy Pants

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Here comes crisp guy trying to stick his dainty little boot in.

You can have a pop at me as much as you like, crisp guy, after you stop running to the moderators every time I hand your arse back to you. Good man.

Well, thats the last time I agree to a foursome with you, your da and that homeless paraplegic.

Do you normally like handling mens arses?

This is it

anewme wrote: »

I'm never sure half the time if people are messing or serious.

The internet is serious business.

Earthhorse

anewme wrote: »

I'm never sure half the time if people are messing or serious.

Half the time they're joking, half serious.

tea and coffee

Found one such person on a holiday forum recently.
Claimed to be getting married abroad. His twitter handle says he is dating a different named person since the day of the supposed wedding.
He has beaten cancer, has bad chrones disease and booked himself a middle seat to ensure easy access to the loo, hoping no-one would book the aisle seat as his asthmatic, autistic girlfriend (other threads have her with these various ailments) is terrified of flying and needs the window seat. Someone booked the aisle and BA rang them to explain yer mans medical condition but the other customer said he was taking a sleeping tablet and wouldn't move (gdpr anyone?)
He says he was a registered nurse but never went to college.
He wonders if he can lie on his Esta as he was fined for fraud before (you have to declare criminal convictions).
He wanted to know did he have to show his drivers licence for renting a car in the US as his had been revoked.
And so on and on.....
I was thinking if you are going to make up a life for yourself, at least make up a cool one, not a crime and disease riddled one.

anewme

Earthhorse wrote: »

Half the time they're joking, half serious.

Kinda like years ago nights out. The "banter" and "slagging" goes on all night till of a sudden there's a punch up.

Nigel Fairservice

I remember a guy I was in school with claiming he was arrested for a public order offence (drunkeness) and then having his way with the arresting bean garda in the cells after.

sbsquarepants

Die Hard 2019 wrote: »

Ah the underwater welder. We had one at a place I worked.

Did he share a name with a well known Crumlin pub by any chance?

ManOfMystery

Just remembered another guy who left our workplace years ago.

He used to have a few tall stories, but his main claim to be fame was that when he was younger (and I assume a bit more lithe than the portly shape he was when I worked with him), he was at Olympic level for a certain sport and was a member of the national team. He repeated this story very often.

In a meeting one day it cropped up, and unbeknown to him, one of the more senior participants at the meeting was married to a lady who ........ wait for it ......... was the coach for the national team for this sport. He immediately whipped out his phone and offered to ring her, thinking it would be good for her and Walter Mitty to catch up. Cue much stuttering and stammering and a red face, and a sudden excuse that he had to go to the toilet so couldn't make the call.

Omackeral

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Here comes crisp guy trying to stick his dainty little boot in.

You can have a pop at me as much as you like, crisp guy, after you stop running to the moderators every time I hand your arse back to you. Good man.

Are you gonna offer me outside for a straightener so, old timer? Or are you still on your wife's leash like in the last story?!

This is it

Crisp Guy and Barry Egan Stalker, 3 o'clock at the school gates and we sort this out once and for all.

Dance off.

Omackeral

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

Do you normally like handling mens arses?

Hogan's fantasy idea of a ''straightener''

the purple tin

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Just remembered another guy who left our workplace years ago.

He used to have a few tall stories, but his main claim to be fame was that when he was younger (and I assume a bit more lithe than the portly shape he was when I worked with him), he was at Olympic level for a certain sport and was a member of the national team. He repeated this story very often.

In a meeting one day it cropped up, and unbeknown to him, one of the more senior participants at the meeting was married to a lady who ........ wait for it ......... was the coach for the national team for this sport. He immediately whipped out his phone and offered to ring her, thinking it would be good for her and Walter Mitty to catch up. Cue much stuttering and stammering and a red face, and a sudden excuse that he had to go to the toilet so couldn't make the call.

I love when people get caught out like that.
All the talk above of 'straighteners' reminds me of another story.
A friend of a friend and total twat used to go on nonstop about his martial arts skills. The way he talked he would have beaten both Bruce Lee and Mike Tyson at once with one arm behind his back. Skinny little runt he was too. One night he was acting the maggot with the wrong guy who lost it, grabbed him by the collar put him up against the wall and asked him if he wanted to go outside.
Well twatty went as white as a ghost, promptly filled his knickers and apologised profusely for any offence caused.
Afterwards we were asking why he didn't take yer man outside and use his kung fu skills on him.
'Oh well...' he says meekly 'all my training was non-contact you see'
That certainly softened his cough thereafter.

Woke Hogan

Omackeral wrote: »

Hogan's fantasy idea of a ''straightener''

That image represents you giving me a blow job, mate.

Omackeral

Woke Hogan wrote: »

That image represents you giving me a blow job, mate.

Yep, that was the gag (excuse the pun).

ManOfMystery

This is it wrote: »

Crisp Guy and Barry Egan Stalker, 3 o'clock at the school gates and we sort this out once and for all.

Dance off.

Graces7

Never in all my years have I heard anything like all this.

Sitting here mouth wide open.

Wonderi ng what happens i:eek:f these types decide to rereg under a different name and start all over again?

A problem that I have occasionally is that I get accused of inventing things that I mention. I mean really! I am nearly 80 and my life is and has been very full. And at times unusual. But I would never ever lie and I keep a lot back .

Thank you for the …. education... I think !

This is it

Graces7 wrote: »

Never in all my years have I heard anything like all this.

Sitting here mouth wide open.

Wonderi ng what happens i:eek:f these types decide to rereg under a different name and start all over again?

A problem that I have occasionally is that I get accused of inventing things that I mention. I mean really! I am nearly 80 and my life is and has been very full. And at times unusual. But I would never ever lie and I keep a lot back .

Thank you for the …. education... I think !

Don't be silly, no one lies on the internet.

world class wreckin’ cru

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Here comes crisp guy trying to stick his dainty little boot in.

You can have a pop at me as much as you like, crisp guy, after you stop running to the moderators every time I hand your arse back to you. Good man.

I've had the misfortune to read some of your posts over the last few months. You come across as an angry individual and perhaps a bit of a Walter Mitty yourself.

I believe you mentioned you had kids at some point. How would any child (of any age) feel if they read posts such as these? Aside from embarrassment and disappointment I mean.

Snails pace

I was contracted into a job for a few days a couple of months ago, I was working with a fella in his early 20's. The fella couldn't lie in his bed straight. He told some woeful tall stories about calling out a ethnic minority family and beating them all on his own, another one was he got 620 points in the LC, he got medicine but preferred driving machinery. The one i really got a laugh from was he got in a fight with a son of the Kavanagh coaches and nearly put him in hospital. I felt sorry for the fella because no one wanted to talk to him because of the shíte he spews.

EmmetSpiceland

Nervous Laugh wrote: »

I believe you mentioned you had kids at some point. How would any child (of any age) feel if they read posts such as these? Aside from embarrassment and disappointment I mean.

Have you seen how he talks about his daughter?!

Omackeral

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Have you seen how he talks about his daughter?!

It's f*cking disgraceful.

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I would never order a takeaway from any of those disgusting fast food places. Greasy fried pig **** for gluttons and the self-indulgent, the opiates of the massive.

That being said, my daughter orders a lot of takeaways and she does tip the driver (and the scale!).

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I changed my kids' nicknames to "Crockett" and "Tubbs" on Facebook messenger. My son is Crockett because he loves wearing pink shirts and my daughter is Tubbs because she's put on a bit of weight in the past decade or so, but I told her it's because she has curly hair.

Imagine your father talking about you like that. Sad and vile.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Graces7 wrote: »

Never in all my years have I heard anything like all this.

Sitting here mouth wide open.

Wonderi ng what happens i:eek:f these types decide to rereg under a different name and start all over again?

A problem that I have occasionally is that I get accused of inventing things that I mention. I mean really! I am nearly 80 and my life is and has been very full. And at times unusual. But I would never ever lie and I keep a lot back .

Thank you for the …. education... I think !

You've claimed every storm of the past few years has been the worst in living memory. So I'd say you're partial to a bit of embellishment and poetic licence to be honest.

Nothing wrong with that. Just an observation

Woke Hogan

Nervous Laugh wrote: »

I've had the misfortune to read some of your posts over the last few months. You come across as an angry individual and perhaps a bit of a Walter Mitty yourself.

I believe you mentioned you had kids at some point. How would any child (of any age) feel if they read posts such as these? Aside from embarrassment and disappointment I mean.

Why would they be embarrassed? That particular poster has a habit of taking pops at me (and now my family), then running to the moderators if I say anything back. All I am doing is standing up for myself.

Meanies are still a better crisp than Tayto. I parted with my wife a few years ago, she literally fell off the page.

Omackeral

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Why would they be embarrassed? That particular poster has a habit of taking pops at me (and now my family), then running to the moderators if I say anything back. All I am doing is standing up for myself.

No, you do that all on your own pops.

Woke Hogan wrote: »

For a time it was popular to tell someone who was ****e at sport that they should be competing in the Special Olympics. Sometime between the late 90s when Ireland was announced to host it in 2003 and about five years ago. I used to say it to my daughter years ago without offence but my son (he's younger) wouldn't have it

I feel sorry for her, legitimiately.

This is it

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Why would they be embarrassed? That particular poster has a habit of taking pops at me (and now my family), then running to the moderators if I say anything back. All I am doing is standing up for myself.

You've taken a few pops at your family yourself by the looks of it.

Omackeral

This is it wrote: »

You've taken a few pops at your family yourself by the looks of it.

Sounds like a bullying, abusive father to be honest.

Deebles McBeebles

C'mon lads, AH could do with more imaginary fat daughter jokes. I'm starting to think the lads who pop in and post about how sh*t the place is are right. And that's a world I don't want to live in.

Woke Hogan

This is it wrote: »

You've taken a few pops at your family yourself by the looks of it.

I never claimed both of my children were perfect, nor can I offer unconditional affection. If they behave distastefully, I reserve the right to react with distaste even if I am their father.

Anyway my children are adults now, they can handle a spot of constructive criticism.

Deebles McBeebles

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Anyway my children are adults now, they can handle a spot of constructive criticism.

And an all you can eat buffet! AMIRITE, Woke? AMIRITE???

JohnnyFlash

There’s a lad I play golf with who is a proper bullshïtter. Not sure if it’s Walter Mitty or just compulsive lying.

This lad has had an ongoing threesome arrangement with two women since they all were teenagers. They meet once or twice a year for a night of coke and riding.

Claims he was close to becoming a professional snooker player before suffering an eye injury playing tennis.

Worked as a security contractor for the CIA during his time in America.

Turned down the opportunity to bring the KFC franchise to Ireland.

Once drove Charlie Haughey home from a restaurant in town and ended up spending the night in Haughey’s house talking shïte about politics and drinking brandy.

There’s way more.

Signore Fancy Pants

Woke Hogan wrote: »

That image represents you giving me a blow job, mate.

So, you want to handle Omackerals ass AND you want a blowjob off him.

Hhmmmm.....starting to understand your tension towards him. You want to bang Omackeral.

Feisar

Some lad struck up a convo on a train with me once.

He was apparently a private security contractor in Iraq. Sounded like he was straight out of an Andy McNab/Tom Clancy book. Plus I couldn't have seen him "tabbing" any further than the nearest offy.

Woke Hogan

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

So, you want to handle Omackerals ass AND you want a blowjob off him.

Hhmmmm.....starting to understand your tension towards him. You want to bang Omackeral.

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

Leg End Reject

Woke Hogan wrote: »

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

Yes, you should just stop.

Omackeral

We asked Woke Hogan’s missus to describe him in three brief terms...

Mrs Hogan wrote: »

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

Sardonicat

Woke Hogan wrote: »

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

You'll never pull him that way, Woke. Play it cool, man, play it cool.

This is it

Woke Hogan wrote: »

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

If ever there was a case for "Your Ma!". This is it

Earthhorse

This is it wrote: »

If ever there was a case for "Your Ma!". This is it

Are you talking to yourself?

Woke Hogan

Omackeral wrote: »

We asked Woke Hogan’s missus to describe him in three brief terms...

I wonder if the moderators say the same thing about you when you run to them grassing people up after you try to antagonise them. You'll never get under my skin, amigo, no matter how hard you'll try. Meanwhile I'm living rent free in your head. You're embarrassing yourself.

Raconteuse

Remember the lad who said he and his family were moving to the Middle East to live in a mansion with a pool. "Only downside" was too many bedrooms or something. :pac:

Earthhorse

Raconteuse wrote: »

Remember the lad who said he and his family were moving to the Middle East to live in a mansion with a pool. "Only downside" was too many bedrooms or something. :pac:

Nope.

This is it

Earthhorse wrote: »

Are you talking to yourself?

No, I'm talking to your ma.

Signore Fancy Pants

Woke Hogan wrote: »

"Tiresome, desperate and trying too hard."

Pfft LOL Im not the one thats gay for Omackeral.

You keep linking him with in-your-endo's. Just PM him and get it overwith.

Raconteuse

Earthhorse wrote: »

Nope.

Found it:

"There are a couple of down-sides.

The move happens in August, so not much time to get home affairs in order. We also have to choose a property inside a compound....which is normal over there I am told. However, the compounds are like 6 star resorts and the worst choice of property is a very very large 5 bed house with an outdoor AND indoor pool."

Woke Hogan

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

Pfft LOL Im not the one thats gay for Omackeral.

You keep linking him with in-your-endo's. Just PM him and get it overwith.

Get lost, sidekick. I think Crisp Guy needs you back at the Crisp Cave to solve the mystery of the missing chromosomes.

Signore Fancy Pants

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Get lost, sidekick. I think Crisp Guy needs you back at the Crisp Cave to solve the mystery of the missing chromosomes.

Hey, you enagaged with me fcukface. I didnt even know who you were.

Now you can't handle it. If you don't like the heat, stay out of Omackerels pants.

Earthhorse

Raconteuse wrote: »

Found it

Yes, but I didn’t read it at the time so I don’t remember it. :pac:

Woke Hogan

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

Hey, you enagaged with me fcukface. I didnt even know who you were.

Now you can't handle it. If you don't like the heat, stay out of Omackerels pants.

"Engaged." Alright Rainbo, I get it, I drew first blood.

Actually speaking of which, you mentioned you were in the Irish military before, didn't you? Now there's an organisation choc a bloc with Walter Mitties. Pink faced middle aged men with step haircuts pretending to be soldiers, standing next to purple vans outside banks, practicing their "pew pew pew" sound effects. Dancing around a ping pong table. Hilarious.

*munches away through six-pack of Meanies*