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Joint custody

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  • 27-02-2020 10:48am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I’m not really looking for legal advice, just looking for people who can share some knowledge who went through similar.

    I’m legally separated nearly 2 years now. We got a deed of separation done up and everything was ok. My ex wife was the main carer for our child. I pay maintence, and also give half to clothing and education.
    But my ex has a terrible habit of abusing her role as primary carer. She dictates what I do when I have my child with me, makes stupid rules and generally makes life incredibly difficult when she dosent get her way. This of course is having a knock on effect with our child.

    Basically, I’m thinking of applying if joint/equal custody. I know the Irish court system heavily and unfairly, always sided with the mother in custody cases. I’m a good father, never miss payments. I have a good job, ans have my own homeSo my questions,

    1, Have I a hope in hell?
    2, would this cripple me financially? As in, how much does this kind of thing normally cost?
    3, would I still have to pay maintenance if I had joint custody? I have no problem splitting every single cost regarding my child fairly.
    If there’s any other info I’m missing or should know, please tell me. Thank you


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    #2
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users Posts: 12,818 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    Going on Irish custody laws etc, I’d say you’ve no hope


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    #3
    singledad1979
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭singledad1979


    Hi,

    I am a father who has 50 - 50 custody of my children. When me and ex split (her choice, not that it matters) we agreed on 50 - 50 custody.

    As she was unemployed I agreed to pay her rent in a new place in lieu of maintenance.

    In the lead up to judicial separation things became very difficult between us. Similar to you with the rules, and dictating terms and conditions. Luckily the children have coped well and adapted. She looked to reduce my time with the children and when this was approached in court the judge left it to us to arrange some weekend access. The judge suggested the amount and frequency of the weekend access. Without going into specifics this is not what my ex wanted and I now bringing me back to court to try and get it varied again.

    I am no expert but I can only offer this advice:

    My children are old enough to express their feelings and as such they can voice what they want. Only for this I am sure my ex would have reduced my time by pressuring them.

    My employers are very accommodating (hope that continues). This means that I can personally care for the children all of the time. This is important if you are to demonstrate your ability to care for them.

    I have family close by that help with some drop offs etc.

    At the beginning my solicitor told me that I would not be able to keep the 50 - 50 custody and that the system is biased to mothers. It is difficult but it can be done. However without the consent of your ex it is going to be very costly and time consuming. If you make the decision to go for it make sure you leave no stone unturned.

    If you earn more than her you will be paying maintenance. The amount of time you have the children makes no difference. If there is still a need for financial assistance (even with 50 50) and you have the proven ability to pay, you will pay. Most likely the same as you are now.

    If you are to change the current custody arrangements through court you will need multiple reports Section 32 or 47 reports. These are expensive, time consuming and difficult for judges to rule on. There main aim to is to keep both parents in the childs life for as long as possible. The exact split of time (unless there is a care issue) can be very difficult to predict. (Costs for reports €3-10k with some taking 6-8months)

    So in summary. While it is unpalatable the best way to increase your time with the children is to get it by agreement. If you can do that it will be easier. If you do get it do whatever it takes to maintain that access for as long as possible. A long established routine is harder to change than one that is just in place a few months. The closer the children get to 12-13 the more likely either a judge or the parents are to listen to what the child wants/needs.

    It is possible but it is not easy. PM me if you need specific help.


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