Wedding abroad [Title updated]

sarahzxe

Hi all, a good friend of mine is getting married abroad in malta over summer. Unfortunately myself and husband are worried about finances. We currently in process of buying a house and just had our first baby 3 weeks ago. We have accommodation booked but with free cancellation until june. Flights are getting more expensive by the day. Prob would need to budget 1500-2000 to go over for four nights.

I feel awful but how bad would it be if I explained situation to friend that I cant attend wedding and obviously still give her a wedding gift. We just dont think we could afford it. Going by myself isn't option as I wouldn't know others attending. Any advice appreciated 😊

bee06

I think most people who choose to get married abroad would understand why you can’t go. If she doesn’t she’s not really that good a friend.

qwerty13

Your friend chose to have her wedding abroad. Part of that must be that she accepts that some people can’t go, whether due to family or work commitments, or financial reasons.

I’d Just let her know, sooner rather than later, that you can’t make it.

Thelonious Monk

sarahzxe wrote: »

Going by myself isn't option as I wouldn't know others attending

You're a big girl I'm sure you'd manage

Katgurl

That's the risk with weddings abroad. Your friend should have prepared for this. I would just be honest.

meeeeh

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

You're a big girl I'm sure you'd manage

Why would she though. 4 days at a wedding you don't know anyone is pure torture.

Op we had wedding abroad (I'm not Irish) and we expected some people won't make it. It's completely understandable and personally I paid no attention to who gave us a gift and who didn't either. Anyway nobody would expect you to leave such a young baby at home or if you are expected to take them with you you can blame Corona and being apprehensive travelling with an infant.

Emme

OP you've bought a house and have just had your first baby. Your friend will understand. Cancel the accommodation. Send her a nice card and a gift token for whatever you can afford.

Scarinae

I'm getting married in Canada this summer and have had several people tell me they won't be able to come for various reasons. I knew that having a wedding abroad would mean that not everybody would be able to come, and I'm sure your friend will understand too!

jj880

Look after yourself and your new family. If a wedding (or any other event in the next year) is too expensive or will cause you stress politely decline.

Pistachio19

Cancel your accommodation, tell her your finances just won't stretch to a trip abroad this year. And then put it out of your mind. The couple have to understand that some people simply won't be able to afford it, sort childcare, take holidays from work etc. And some people just won't want to go. That's the risk you take booking your wedding abroad.

Tork

I thought it went without saying that when someone decides to get married abroad, they're not going to get the numbers they would have if they'd had the wedding here. Unless your friend is a Bridezilla, she'll understand why you can't make the trip. Both of your main reasons are good enough by themselves for not going. It's a no-brainer that this is a wedding to skip. Tell her you can't go, give her a present and tell her you'll catch up with her when she gets back. Buying a house and getting it ready is going to hoover up your money for the next while. If you choose not to go, you will thank yourself for making that decision once those keys to the house are in your hands. Believe me! You're also going to have your hands full with the new baby. You'd probably prefer to stay home and look after your little one anyway. A wedding at this stage of your child's life sounds like nothing but hassle. This is a predicament which faces a lot of parents of smallies, by the way. Also, with this Coronavirus starting to spread, who knows what's around the corner? By the time the wedding comes around, there might be far fewer guests attending than your friend had thought.

Purple Mountain

Emme wrote: »

OP you've bought a house and have just had your first baby. Your friend will understand. Cancel the accommodation. Send her a nice card and a gift token for whatever you can afford.

I'll add to this.. Offer to take her for a nice lunch or afternoon tea so ye can catch up and spend some time for her to share her excitement with you.

MartyMcFly84

We had a wedding abroad and it's a given that some people won't be able to make it.

What I would say is, if you have definitely made your decision not to go, to let the couple know as soon as possible. This will allow them to extend an invite to others who perhaps were not on the first round of invites. As the wedding is abroad the more notice they can give others the better.

We had a couple of very late cancellations which were very annoying as we had to pay in advance and it was too late to extend to anyone else.

I am sure your friend won't mind at all, but having been on the other side the sooner the couple knows the better.

pwurple

Weddings abroad shift the cost of a wedding off the couple and onto the guests. They get a cheaper wedding, their guests get an expensive holiday. That’s basically how it works.

Decline.

We didn’t do any foreign trip for the first three years after a baby. Couldn’t afford it , and, it’s torture bringing babies through airports.

meeeeh

pwurple wrote: »

Weddings abroad shift the cost of a wedding off the couple and onto the guests. They get a cheaper wedding, their guests get an expensive holiday. That’s basically how it works.

Decline.

We didn’t do any foreign trip for the first three years after a baby. Couldn’t afford it , and, it’s torture bringing babies through airports.

Ignoring the judgemental tone of the post the real advantage is that people who don't overly want to go have an excuse not to go. Those type of weddings are very good at keeping numbers down but it will be a lot less likely that you will cover the cost of wedding with presents. So in the end they are not cheaper for the couple either.

Anyway as stated people expect cancellations for weddings abroad so I wouldn't about saying no at all.

joeguevara

If they are a good friend they will understand. Maybe do something before it or as a present arrange for a meal afterwards. Don’t stress. It’s probably the last thing a good friend would want.

shreko

pwurple wrote: »

Weddings abroad shift the cost of a wedding off the couple and onto the guests. They get a cheaper wedding, their guests get an expensive holiday. That’s basically how it works.

Not true. We had a wedding abroad and spent more than many of my friends who had weddings at home. I was very conscious of the cost for our guests so made sure we covered food and drink for as many days and nights as we could to keep spending costs down for people.

OP I wouldn't worry about telling your friend you cant go. When you choose to get married abroad you make that choice knowing you will more than likely lose some people you would love to have there. We had lots of people decline for various reasons and never had an issue with anyone. It was our decision to go abroad and we completely accepted anyone's decision not to join us. Agree with previous poster though, the sooner you can tell them them better.

MartyMcFly84

Weddings abroad shift the cost of a wedding off the couple and onto the guests. They get a cheaper wedding, their guests get an expensive holiday. That’s basically how it works.

Decline.

We didn’t do any foreign trip for the first three years after a baby. Couldn’t afford it , and, it’s torture bringing babies through airports.

This is definitely not true.

You have all pretty much all the same expenses and more because you are accommodating people who have travelled from abroad to attend so you want to reduce their costs as much as possible.

Family and guest cannot contribute in the same way by getting flowers etc that normally happens at an at home wedding, so you end up covering more than the standard wedding. Open bars, transport, food, some hotels rooms.

You can also say goodbye to the bulk of your monetary presents and the couple recoup only a fraction of the total costs. I am still paying for my wedding in September.

That said we had a great time, in really memorable location. Everyone who attended had a great time. We were a bit unlucky with the weather on the day but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

audman13

pwurple wrote: »

Weddings abroad shift the cost of a wedding off the couple and onto the guests. They get a cheaper wedding, their guests get an expensive holiday. That’s basically how it works.

Decline.

We didn’t do any foreign trip for the first three years after a baby. Couldn’t afford it , and, it’s torture bringing babies through airports.

Weddings Abroad are not cheaper. You should get your facts right first.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

I'm locking this thread as it seems to have run its course and the OP hasn't been back in a while.

Audman 13 please bear in mind that when replying to a thread here posters are asked to give constructive advice to the OP.