Feel bit ... put out ..

2012paddy2012

My sister has our folks over to her house .. I’m divorced and live nearby , with a teenage son.

She is having dinner with them , she texted me to see if I wanted to drop up , very nice , as im leaving one job retiring , starting new job Monday , suppose that’s a lot of the reason .. just to wish me well... I’m delighted , very nice thought ....

This is the thing ... I said thanks , delighted when asked .... I asked would I bring son along , answer , of course ,she mentioned what’s for dinner 🥘 ðŸ™႒, I just happened to mention son doesn’t like it . Maybe something handy , small , instead , not wanting to put her out , she says , well if he doesn’t like it , she can’t give him one thing and her own the dinner planned .... thought ok , fair enough , was very decent , to ask us , then she says , sure if he doesn’t eat it ( as he won’t ) you can get him a chicken roll on the way home ..

I just feel if the shoe was on the other foot , and I knew one of her kids didn’t like what I was cooking , I think I would probably cook something they did like? Rather than the “ chicken roll” suggestion ....

Overthinking it I know , wondered what people thought ...

zapper55

I think it was ungrateful to mention your son didnt like that particular dinner. Either feed him first or don't bring him.

She's already hosting your parents, she invites you for dinner and you are put out she doesnt make a different meal for your son? That is not reasonable. Her chicken roll comment was restrained of her.

Do you think you overly spoil your son?

amdublin

I was going to ask what age your son was and then re-read your post.

Oh my gosh she was totally right. Would you stop, people can't be making a million different dinners for everyone who just doesn't like something.

anewme

You are out of order OP. It's not a Restaurant.

I had something similar happen and person was told in no uncertain terms to f o. I was livid.

punisher5112

She probably should already know he doesn't..,

I hate and am afraid of butter..... Yes yes punisher is afraid of something ;-)


I don't see it been as been bad but look I'm sure he could have a sandwich or something while there....

Wouldn't say any more about it though....

I've 3 sisters and can't win....

Funny thing is she may actually have something on that he will eat.... Even if it's a bread roll....

Don't be stressing.

2012paddy2012

zapper55 wrote: »

I think it was ungrateful to mention your son didnt like that particular dinner. Either feed him first or don't bring him.

She's already hosting your parents, she invites you for dinner and you are put out she doesnt make a different meal for your son? That is not reasonable. Her chicken roll comment was restrained of her.

Do you think you overly spoil your son?

Yes perhaps your right I might overly spoil him a bit ...chicken roll comment ... restrained .. good to know ... recently divorced , so probably trying a bit too hard .. re son. Your right . Thanks .

2012paddy2012

amdublin wrote: »

I was going to ask what age your son was and then re-read your post.

Oh my gosh she was totally right. Would you stop, people can't be making a million different dinners for everyone who just doesn't like something.

Thank you. I just said he doesn’t like the meat , I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. Bit annoyed with myself now. Will bring nice vino for her ....now ! Thanks.

I just simply thought If I was told that say , one of her kids didn’t like what I was cooking .. for me I’d stick something else on .for that kid .. not a problem , but certainly I take your point , thanks .

amdublin

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Thank you. I just said he doesn’t like the meat , I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. Bit annoyed with myself now. Will bring nice vino for her ....now ! Thanks.

I just simply thought If I was told that say , one of her kids didn’t like what I was cooking .. for me I’d stick something else on .for that kid .. not a problem , but certainly I take your point , thanks .

Ah fair play to you. You seem to take honest feedback well. Lookit, it's life sh1t happens, no one is perfect, nice bottle is a great idea!

Enjoy the evening. Good luck with the new job.

2012paddy2012

amdublin wrote: »

Ah fair play to you. You seem to take honest feedback well. Lookit, it's life sh1t happens, no one is perfect, nice bottle is a great idea!

Enjoy the evening. Good luck with the new job.

Ah so nice thanks ... I will also apologise to her as well .. just wasn’t thinking properly ... everyday is a school day !!!! That’s why I love boards .. great to put things in perspective ..thank you

amdublin

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Ah so nice thanks ... I will also apologise to her as well .. just wasn’t thinking properly ... everyday is a school day !!!! That’s why I love boards .. great to put things in perspective ..thank you

A quick apology! And on with a nice evening.

It's true. We are all just learning and muddling through as best we can eh!

Princess Calla

I'm going to be different

Personally I would have no issue if my sister told me my niece/nephew wouldn't eat what I was serving.

I would feel absolutely awful if anyone at my dinner table went hungry. I'd be embarrassed if I put a plate in front of someone not realising they wouldn't eat it. (I'd end up missing my dinner while cooking something else for the guest)

I personally would prefer advance warning if people don't like what is being served.

While I get the reluctance to serve something else due to her own children then refusing to eat the main dinner. I would find the chicken roll comment very passive aggressive.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed your meal

amdublin

Princess Calla wrote: »

I'm going to be different

Personally I would have no issue if my sister told me my niece/nephew wouldn't eat what I was serving.

I would feel absolutely awful if anyone at my dinner table went hungry. I'd be embarrassed if I put a plate in front of someone not realising they wouldn't eat it. (I'd end up missing my dinner while cooking something else for the guest)

I personally would prefer advance warning if people don't like what is being served.

While I get the reluctance to serve something else due to her own children then refusing to eat the main dinner. I would find the chicken roll comment very passive aggressive.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed your meal

Hmm... I don't know. There is being a good host, and there is being...a doormat.

Seriously. A teenage boy who wouldn't eat literally anything on the plate?? I think if the aunt doesn't want to pander to him then she was right. Like, it is not actually a bad suggestion, he could get a chicken roll on the way home. Chances are he would like that more!

ToddDameron

Love my nieces and nephews to bits. If they want something different and are polite about it I'll make it for them. It's only food amongst family. Some people here have little to be worrying about.

Would be more worried about supporting my divorced sibling and his kid, letting them know the family is there for them, than being stubborn about stupid food. You're going through a lot of life changes and she's nit picking about trivial ****e, I'd be put out too OP.

Princess Calla

amdublin wrote: »

Hmm... I don't know. There is being a good host, and there is being...a doormat.

Seriously. A teenage boy who wouldn't eat literally anything on the plate?? I think if the aunt doesn't want to pander to him then she was right. Like, it is not actually a bad suggestion, he could get a chicken roll on the way home. Chances are he would like that more!

Are you inviting someone to dinner to feed them or for them to watch you eat?

There's plenty of grown adults that don't eat certain foods.

I don't understand why you would invite someone to dinner and then serve food you know they won't eat.... Then tell them sure you can pick up food on the way home.

amdublin

Princess Calla wrote: »

Are you inviting someone to dinner to feed them or for them to watch you eat?

There's plenty of grown adults that don't eat certain foods.

I don't understand why you would invite someone to dinner and then serve food you know they won't eat.... Then tell them sure you can pick up food on the way home.

Well that is not really what happened in this instance at all. His sister is doing dinner for the parents and invited her brother. He said will I bring the boy along and she said of course. Then mentioning what she was making.

Very different from inviting someone for dinner and then going out of her way to cook something they don't eat.

What if she planned her fridge around making X and it suits 90% of the table. You would expect the guest who doesn't like X, to be a good guest, not make a fuss and eat everything else on the plate.

Don't get me wrong. I get what you are saying. Of course you don't want this to happen. But it's happened. Said teenage boy will have to pull his big boy pants on and deal with it (and hey! maybe get a chicken roll on the way home if he is still hungry).

I'm not arguing with you, but good prep for other occasions for the young man not to be pandered to on this occasion

splinter65

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

My sister has our folks over to her house .. I’m divorced and live nearby , with a teenage son.

She is having dinner with them , she texted me to see if I wanted to drop up , very nice , as im leaving one job retiring , starting new job Monday , suppose that’s a lot of the reason .. just to wish me well... I’m delighted , very nice thought ....

This is the thing ... I said thanks , delighted when asked .... I asked would I bring son along , answer , of course ,she mentioned what’s for dinner 🥘 ðŸ™႒, I just happened to mention son doesn’t like it . Maybe something handy , small , instead , not wanting to put her out , she says , well if he doesn’t like it , she can’t give him one thing and her own the dinner planned .... thought ok , fair enough , was very decent , to ask us , then she says , sure if he doesn’t eat it ( as he won’t ) you can get him a chicken roll on the way home ..

I just feel if the shoe was on the other foot , and I knew one of her kids didn’t like what I was cooking , I think I would probably cook something they did like? Rather than the “ chicken roll” suggestion ....

Overthinking it I know , wondered what people thought ...

Your sister kindly invited you and your teenager to dinner at her house to congratulate you on your new job. You asked her if she could cook something extra for your little darling because he wouldn’t eat what she is intending to serve.
She declined your suggestion and you’re a bit miffed.
I think it’s astonishing.

Princess Calla

amdublin wrote: »

Well that is not really what happened in this instance at all. His sister is doing dinner for the parents and invited her brother. He said will I bring the boy along and she said of course. Then mentioning what she was making.

Very different from inviting someone for dinner and then going out of her way to cook something they don't eat.

What if she planned her fridge around making X and it suits 90% of the table. You would expect the guest who doesn't like X, to be a good guest, not make a fuss and eat everything else on the plate.

Don't get me wrong. I get what you are saying. Of course you don't want this to happen. But it's happened. Said teenage boy will have to pull his big boy pants on and deal with it (and hey! maybe get a chicken roll on the way home if he is still hungry).

I'm not arguing with you, but good prep for other occasions for the young man not to be pandered to on this occasion

I get what you're saying and I get where the sister is coming from.

However I've been that guest with the one roast potato on my plate and it's absolutely awful. Trying to make that one potato last the duration of a dinner, when everyone else's plates were overflowing. (yes they knew I didn't eat anything they were serving, they forgot.. Gotta love in-laws )

The majority of people have chicken goujons or something in the freezer 12 mins on a baking tray is hardly a massive effort.

I don't see the issue in the op flagging that the child wouldn't eat it. No point in wasting good food either, just so he has something to push around his plate.

radiotrickster

Princess Calla wrote: »

I don't see the issue in the op flagging that the child wouldn't eat it. No point in wasting good food either, just so he has something to push around his plate.

I’m gonna agree here. My partner has a couple of nephews who have always been spoiled in every sense of the word and won’t eat a lot. Their parents say they have a special diet to people outside the family but they’re just picky eaters and have never been pushed to try something new.

As much as my partner and I both disagree with it and think that as teenagers they should be trying regular food at this stage (never tried rice, chips, pasta, pizza, any sort of meat!), we know that if they come over then they’ll be getting something specific, regardless of what dinner is being made.

It just keeps the peace, if anything. No point inviting them and giving them something we know they’ll cause a fuss about (and cause an argument with the parents).

2012paddy2012

Princess Calla wrote: »

I'm going to be different

Personally I would have no issue if my sister told me my niece/nephew wouldn't eat what I was serving.

I would feel absolutely awful if anyone at my dinner table went hungry. I'd be embarrassed if I put a plate in front of someone not realising they wouldn't eat it. (I'd end up missing my dinner while cooking something else for the guest)

I personally would prefer advance warning if people don't like what is being served.

While I get the reluctance to serve something else due to her own children then refusing to eat the main dinner. I would find the chicken roll comment very passive aggressive.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed your meal

Agree with this indeed. Thank you

2012paddy2012

amdublin wrote: »

Hmm... I don't know. There is being a good host, and there is being...a doormat.

Seriously. A teenage boy who wouldn't eat literally anything on the plate?? I think if the aunt doesn't want to pander to him then she was right. Like, it is not actually a bad suggestion, he could get a chicken roll on the way home. Chances are he would like that more!

As it happens have a nice stew cooked today before the invite came!!! Will be having a bit myself not a fan of the main course either !!!! Was just coming from my own view that I personally would prefer to cook something different if I was aware if the shoe was on the other foot , that’s all . Thanks

2012paddy2012

splinter65 wrote: »

Your sister kindly invited you and your teenager to dinner at her house to congratulate you on your new job. You asked her if she could cook something extra for your little darling because he wouldn’t eat what she is intending to serve.
She declined your suggestion and you’re a bit miffed.
I think it’s astonishing.

Good to know , thank you indeed.

qwerty13

Thing is though, you weren’t invited for the original dinner plans. You were as if you’d like to drop in. So the implication with that is that you’re fitting in with plans that were already made. Then you changed that by inviting your son, and your sister was ok with that. Then you said that he didn’t like the food being made. I’m afraid that does (to me anyway) come across as very very cheeky.

It would be slightly different if the invite included you and your son from the start. But really, unless they were serving something seriously out there, or he has food allergies, then there’s no good or polite reason to put your sister to extra work (and possibly extra shopping). He can surely eat some stuff on his plate, and just leave what he doesn’t like - as we’d all do if invited to someone else’s home and they didn’t cook things that I like.

I hope the night went well though, and that your apology to your sister smoothed things over.

2012paddy2012

qwerty13 wrote: »

Thing is though, you weren’t invited for the original dinner plans. You were as if you’d like to drop in. So the implication with that is that you’re fitting in with plans that were already made. Then you changed that by inviting your son, and your sister was ok with that. Then you said that he didn’t like the food being made. I’m afraid that does (to me anyway) come across as very very cheeky.

It would be slightly different if the invite included you and your son from the start. But really, unless they were serving something seriously out there, or he has food allergies, then there’s no good or polite reason to put your sister to extra work (and possibly extra shopping). He can surely eat some stuff on his plate, and just leave what he doesn’t like - as we’d all do if invited to someone else’s home and they didn’t cook things that I like.

100 per cent correct , thanks indeed

qwerty13

I presume it was all only a temporary storm in a teacup anyway OP. And I hope all is ok now, and that it was a good night.

irelandrover

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

she says , well if he doesn’t like it , she can’t give him one thing and her own the dinner planned ....

I think this is the important part. She doesn't want to show her own kids that if they don't like a dinner that she will cook something else for them. She'll end up cooking a few different types of dinner a day.

qwerty13

An idea OP, and maybe this is a bit out there, but does your son know how to cook?

I’ve found with teenagers (early teens - or even when they’re younger still) that if they’re involved with cooking, they get a better appreciation that meals don’t just ‘arrive’, it takes effort. And sometimes they get more into trying different foods if they’ve been involved with cooking. Or you could go mad and get him to pick a recipe and you cook it together and both eat it no matter what it turns out like!!

Dog day

For what it’s worth OP I don’t think your request was remotely unreasonable, as long as the request was delivered politely I’d see no issue with it whatsoever. Your Sister made a big deal of a minor ask & I think the chicken roll suggestion was rude in the extreme! I entirely disagree with the suggestion that simply stating your son doesn’t like something is ‘pandering’ to him.

To be honest I’m pretty surprised at some of the responses here! When I’m hosting it’s important to me that all guests enjoy the experience & I’d appreciate being told about my guests preferences.

Equally your Sister made a big deal of something minor at a time of readjustment for yourself & your son. I wouldn’t however think it’s worth having harsh words over, just chalk it down to ‘one of those things’!

As an aside....good luck with the new job

2012paddy2012

qwerty13 wrote: »

I presume it was all only a temporary storm in a teacup anyway OP. And I hope all is ok now, and that it was a good night.

Ah it’s today actually. I texted her last night lol telling her on reflection it was quite wrong to suggest she cook something else for my son.
I had quite a check suggesting it....

Delighted I seeked advice here , brilliant ... looking forward to it this evening !!!

In the end of the day , it was nothing all sorted ...
I was a bit miffed , but no right to be ...

Appreciate all the advice !

2012paddy2012

Dog day wrote: »

For what it’s worth OP I don’t think your request was remotely unreasonable, as long as the request was delivered politely I’d see no issue with it whatsoever. Your Sister made a big deal of a minor ask & I think the chicken roll suggestion was rude in the extreme! I entirely disagree with the suggestion that simply stating your son doesn’t like something is ‘pandering’ to him. To be honest I’m pretty surprised at some of the responses here! When I’m hosting it’s important to me that all guests enjoy the experience & I’d appreciate being told about my guests preferences. Equally your Sister made a big deal of something minor at a time of readjustment for yourself & your son. I wouldn’t however think it’s worth having harsh words over, just chalk it down to ‘one of those things’! As an aside....good luck with the new job

You obviously read the post’s throughout, and thanks , I would tend to be in agreement with you , however she didn’t have to invite us up and she did. I think that was nice ... thanks ... all well , now.

Dog day

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Ah it’s today actually. I texted her last night lol telling her on rejection it was quite wrong to suggest she cook something else for my son.
I had quite a check suggesting it....

Delighted I seeked advice here , brilliant ... looking forward to it this evening !!!

In the end of the day , it was nothing all sorted ...
I was a bit miffed , but no right to be ...

Appreciate all the advice !

‘Feelings are neither right nor wrong’ OP! I’d be miffed too! Hope you enjoy the evening anyway, in life I’m sure you’ll have bigger fish to fry (pardon the pun!)

2012paddy2012

Dog day wrote: »

‘Feelings are neither right nor wrong’ OP! I’d be miffed too! Hope you enjoy the evening anyway, in life I’m sure you’ll have bigger fish to fry (pardon the pun!)

Sure , spot on