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Why don't Irish houses have bidets?

2

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Ficheall wrote: »
    I always use a squirt of baby cream onto the toilet paper for the second or third approach. Works wonderfully.



    - Dr Ficheall (phd in the mathematical study of holes, as it happens)

    When you say "baby cream"... Well, its not the stuff you make yourself, is it?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    They make sense like. If you had sh*t smeared on your forearm for instance would you be content to just give it a wipe with some paper?

    I'm definitely getting an arse washer in my next gaff.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,785 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Power washer from Lidl, now with arse washer attachments.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 5,840 Mod ✭✭✭✭irish_goat


    I rented a house in Derry a while ago that had a bidet, never used it and I don't think anyone else did. Used them on holidays before and I have to admit, after a serious feed of spicy Asian food the night before, those washers were a pleasant experience in the morning.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    I love a bumgun. Don't feel clean without it so another reason I am not fond of coming home to Ireland. If I ever move back, my house will have one


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Water is fûck all use in cleaning your hole if you’re after 4 solid days of fried breakfasts, pints, and late night kebabs. What you need is lovely soft 4-ply toilet tissue, and lots of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭Shlippery


    Just back from Japan....all i'll say is...game changer.

    Don't knock it til you've tried it.


    Even has a little button to play a jingle.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,877 ✭✭✭BENDYBINN


    Why don’t Irish houses have bitches I thought the title said.....they do and plenty of them....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,538 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Can't beat a good scrub with soap and water Johnny. You wouldn't 'clean' sh1t off your hand with only paper now would you?

    In Cavan there was a great fire / Judge McCarthy was sent to inquire / It would be a shame / If the nuns were to blame / So it had to be caused by a wire.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    I don't like them.

    What kind of freaky fetishist enjoys squirting cold water on their balloon knot.

    Fúck that shít!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,582 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    lertsnim wrote: »
    I'd love one of those Japanese toilets.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,538 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    What kind of freaky fetishist enjoys squirting cold water on their balloon knot.

    Some of us have hot water in our houses. Just sayin'.

    In Cavan there was a great fire / Judge McCarthy was sent to inquire / It would be a shame / If the nuns were to blame / So it had to be caused by a wire.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    What kind of freaky fetishist enjoys squirting cold water on their balloon knot.

    What kind of freaky fetishes enjoys plastering sh it into all the cracks and crevices of aforementioned balloon knot?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    glasso wrote: »
    how would you know - you don't have one?

    works well I can tell you :pac:

    saves the hassle of installing a hose and it's portable.

    Well, I probably wouldn't spend money on something with limited water supply, that's for sure.
    I am not saying it is not good for its original purpose though… (while I for one would defo not need one)


  • Posts: 18,962 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    mvl wrote: »
    Well, I probably wouldn't spend money on something with limited water supply, that's for sure.
    I am not saying it is not good for its original purpose though… (while I for one would defo not need one)

    you can always refill with water if the Klingons sent in the whole fleet.

    usually not too far away from a tap in a bathroom you'd have to agree. takes about 5 seconds.

    if you look on amazon for the other similar items they are very popular for this use - the wimmins thing is just another use.

    just posted that model as it's the best!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    A squirt of hot water on the hoop can be ...uh ..somewhat therapeutic .

    Cleans away all the ar$e debris and ground in weenies .

    Quick swipe of a moistened kitten soft and you have a gleaming hoop !

    What's not to like about that ? AND you have the added bonus of an unsoiled skiddi ?


  • Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 19,158 Mod ✭✭✭✭byte
    byte


    Clag-gone is yer only man! ;)

    020_04012014_09-43.png


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,593 ✭✭✭funkey_monkey


    How do you dry?
    All toilets (most anyway) are plumbed using only cold water. To get hot water to them would be a sizable job unless you are updating the bathroom anyway.
    Do you do your business on the toilet and then crab walk over to the bidet to blast off the dingle berries?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    How do you dry?
    All toilets (most anyway) are plumbed using only cold water. To get hot water to them would be a sizable job unless you are updating the bathroom anyway.
    Do you do your business on the toilet and then crab walk over to the bidet to blast off the dingle berries?

    No ..you do your business and "clean up" as normal...then over to the bidet w which is in VERY close proximity ...squat (Pulling the cheeks open is optional) fire a couple of " ranging" shots of water to the hoop.

    Once the target ( Your Hoop) has been dialled in give her full choke and pressure and watch the few remaining flakes of dried in sh1te succumb to the onslaught and fcuck off down the pluggie.

    Final wipe ..dry off...squirt of Lynx Africa...and your good for Coppers !


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,433 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Final wipe ..dry off...squirt of Lynx Africa...and your good for Coppers !

    A very dangerous “recommendation”, I had a run-in with an aerosol as a young man. Just a little spray but god did it sting.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    A very dangerous “recommendation”, I had a run-in with an aerosol as a young man. Just a little spray but god did it sting.

    Good point Spicy....should have put in a health warning ...don't squirt Lynx Africa on a bad case of Ball Rash.

    Woulda thought that was kinda basic ...you obviously had plans for knobbing the waitress with the big t1tts from the Shamrock Bar ?

    Understandable...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,622 ✭✭✭El Tarangu


    LirW wrote: »
    If you have good water pressure upstairs, there's an adapter for the toilet that you can hook up and hose your hole.

    Bum gun is absolutely the way to go.
    • More hygienic - your hand doesn't go anywhere near the fecal matter
    • Better for the environment - a looooad of electricity and water go into making each sheet of toilet paper
    • Less material for the sewer system to handle
    • Cheaper! Much cheaper!
    • You never run out, you don't suffer if there is a run on toilet paper (as now)

    Best of all is the lovely clean refreshed feeling your bumhole feels after a blast of the sphincter rinser :o:o


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,904 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    byte wrote: »
    Clag-gone is yer only man! ;)

    020_04012014_09-43.png

    He probably peddled away his ballsack as well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,439 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    endacl wrote: »
    Don’t do that. Even though the wipes themselves are flushable, a huge proportion of Irish plumbing uses old pipes that can’t handle them.

    Just put them in the bin beside the toilet!

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,454 ✭✭✭NSAman



    What kind of freaky fetishist enjoys squirting cold water on their balloon knot.

    Fúck that shít!


    If you are into Scat then that is your prerogative.

    Some of us have warm water in our Bidets... they work fine, as does a shower head at the side of the toilet (which is very useful in these toilet paper hoarding times)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 87 ✭✭Grueller Baby


    Ah bidets.... the kid's toilet.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    How do you dry?
    All toilets (most anyway) are plumbed using only cold water. To get hot water to them would be a sizable job unless you are updating the bathroom anyway.
    Do you do your business on the toilet and then crab walk over to the bidet to blast off the dingle berries?

    I noticed that there always seemed to be a face cloth on the edge of the bidets in restaurant toilets in Portugal. Hope there's not the same one for everyone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    I'd have found a bidet very useful a few years ago when I had a pilonidal sinus removed. For six weeks I had to sit over the edge of the bath sluicing out my raw man gash with the shower head, three times a day for the first 2 weeks.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,454 ✭✭✭NSAman


    Seamai wrote: »
    I'd have found a bidet very useful a few years ago when I had a pilonidal sinus removed. For six weeks I had to sit over the edge of the bath sluicing out my raw man gash with the shower head, three times a day for the first 2 weeks.

    Hopefully your man gash recovered?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 25 haydoyo


    A sponge is a good way of never having to buy toilet paper.

    Just rinse it out once your done!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,598 ✭✭✭the_pen_turner


    Seamai wrote: »
    I'd have found a bidet very useful a few years ago when I had a pilonidal sinus removed. For six weeks I had to sit over the edge of the bath sluicing out my raw man gash with the shower head, three times a day for the first 2 weeks.

    TMI has never been more apropriate


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    NSAman wrote: »
    Hopefully your man gash recovered?

    It did perfectly thanks, amazing how something so big filled in leaving just a shiny scar.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 503 ✭✭✭Rufeo


    Some how threads on here always get back to shyte. There's some sick b.astard on here who needs help. Get yourself some help. Haha.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,433 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Just put them in the bin beside the toilet!

    Like a Greek. So gross.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Posts: 18,962 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    you don't need to be concerned with drying your hole really after using bum gun / bidet bottle job / hose

    just a final confirmatory wipe with bog roll will serve the dual purpose to verify that your ring is indeed clean as a whistle and to soak up any remaining water droplets


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,034 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    When you say "baby cream"... Well, its not the stuff you make yourself, is it?
    It is not, no.. I don't think that stuff would help the situation at all.


    https://www.tesco.ie/groceries/Product/Details/?id=301891859


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    Like a Greek. So gross.

    I remember years ago staying in a pension on a small Greek island and coming back one evening after the beach, it was 40 degrees and someone had forgotten to empty the bin.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,538 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    All toilets (most anyway) are plumbed using only cold water. To get hot water to them would be a sizable job unless you are updating the bathroom anyway.

    Yeah, there won't be a waste pipe for a bidet either, so you'll need that too. Who knew that a plumbing fixture would need plumbing...? :rolleyes:

    In Cavan there was a great fire / Judge McCarthy was sent to inquire / It would be a shame / If the nuns were to blame / So it had to be caused by a wire.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,464 ✭✭✭FGR


    glasso wrote: »

    The description for this one (amazon's #1 best seller apparently!) is straight to the point!
    Portable Travel Bidet, Personal Bidet Sprayer for Kids Ass Washing,Pregnant Women Cleansing, Postpartum Clean, Handheld Travel Bidet with 450ML Water Capacity and Angled Nozzle Spray


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,538 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    FGR wrote: »
    The description for this one (amazon's #1 best seller apparently!) is straight to the point!

    "Kids Ass Washing"

    Need the mansize version.

    In Cavan there was a great fire / Judge McCarthy was sent to inquire / It would be a shame / If the nuns were to blame / So it had to be caused by a wire.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    Bidet would be seen as 'having notions'.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 73 ✭✭Sac O Spuds


    You'd end up having to install them in all the bathrooms in a house. Ensuites are small enough without another fixture. Would or do people actually use them?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,538 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    You wouldn't. We are a one-pot household unfortunately, but I hear that many of those who are more endowed in the toilet department have "designated" pots to accept the heavier loads. e.g. no shyteing in the poorly ventilated en-suite.

    In Cavan there was a great fire / Judge McCarthy was sent to inquire / It would be a shame / If the nuns were to blame / So it had to be caused by a wire.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,128 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    Could the government for their dole just make the unemployed go around and use their hand to wipe the workers backside?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,195 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    No ..you do your business and "clean up" as normal...then over to the bidet w which is in VERY close proximity ...squat (Pulling the cheeks open is optional) fire a couple of " ranging" shots of water to the hoop.

    Once the target ( Your Hoop) has been dialled in give her full choke and pressure and watch the few remaining flakes of dried in sh1te succumb to the onslaught and fcuck off down the pluggie.

    Final wipe ..dry off...squirt of Lynx Africa...and your good for Coppers !

    I'd substitute Old Spice body-spray for the Lynx Africa, but this man spake trath. Just the ticket after a dump worthy of a Caterpillar 994K. :cool:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 57 ✭✭Firefork


    You’d have to turn the immersion on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,431 ✭✭✭✭smurfjed


    Just had my 3 bathrooms renovated and had bum-guns installed in all of them. Great for the arse and removing skid marks on the bowl before the wife sees them.


  • Posts: 7,499 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Do what they do in India
    Fit a hose onto the wall next to the toilet.

    ANd in thailand,
    its called the bum gun.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,440 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    ANd in thailand,
    its called the bum gun.

    So, what's with your finger?


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 93,583 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    IMHO after Glenroe no Irish person wanted a Biddy in their house.


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