Are you any good at eye contact?

Rufeo

Do you stare at the person you're talking to, or give them a look now and again? I'm no good at eye contact. I will try to look now and again, but I admire some people who can hold it steadily.

Hoop66

What the fuck are you looking at?

Rufeo

Hoop66 wrote: »

What the fuck are you looking at?

You highlighted a "u". This is a very inconsistent sentence.

One eyed Jack

Sometimes. I’m 50/50...

Aglomerado

Rufeo wrote: »

Do you stare at the person you're talking to, or give them a look now and again? I'm no good at eye contact. I will try to look now and again, but I admire some people who can hold it steadily.

I'm terrible as well. I have to really make an effort in job interviews. Ex boyfriend commented on it once that my eye contact is really bad, obviously not lost in his eyes!

calistro

Have been working rally hard at this. Previously my eye contact would always drop as I felt I was staring to hard at the person, but then I realised that when I dropped eye contact my eye direction went to chest level be it male or female!...so you know what that looked like! So now I make a concerted effort to keep eye contact and to hell with the cross eyed feeling!!

Kintarō Hattori

So good that sometimes I feel I might be making the person I'm looking at a little uncomfortable.

EmmetSpiceland

Aglomerado wrote: »

I'm terrible as well. I have to really make an effort in job interviews. Ex boyfriend commented on it once that my eye contact is really bad, obviously not lost in his eyes!

If you’re not into the “eye to eye” thing try focusing on the persons nose.

Aglomerado

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

If you’re not into the “eye to eye” thing try focusing on the persons nose.

Good tip. If the nose is a funny shape I might start laughing though

sbsquarepants

There's thin line you need to hit, unfortunately it's wedged tightly between looking very shifty and staring like a complete psycho. I'm not sure it's anything you can learn, it either comes naturally to you or it doesn't.

No one has ever commented on me one way or the other - however i have no idea if that's a good, bad, or completely indifferent thing

The Tetrarch

I look at my shoes.
When working in Africa forty years ago it was worse.
You shake hands. They hold on to your hand and have a lengthy conversation.

Graces7

Depends on the situation. If the contact is confrontational? Straight in the eyes,.. If casual. then not.

Pauliedragon

Rufeo wrote: »

Do you stare at the person you're talking to, or give them a look now and again? I'm no good at eye contact. I will try to look now and again, but I admire some people who can hold it steadily.

Depends on who I'm talking to. Men I always make eye contact. With the female variety my eyes tend to wander down slightly.

Depends on the breast size.

Salary Negotiator

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Sometimes. I’m 50/50...

because you only have 1 eye?

Church on Tuesday

50 % of the time you want to be making eye contact when speaking and 70% when listening.

Depends really how long you are in company with someone and the situation at hand. Obviously you don't want to stare into someones soul thus making them feel uncomfortable but also you don't want you eyes to flit around nervously either. Neither is a good look.

Just break eye contact naturally and glance at something or someone else if there's more than one person in the room with you. If it's a meeting or some such same thing applies really.

If it's a confrontational situation when someone is acting up you stare that **** down.

Terrible at it when I do not need to.

Generally stare over their shoulder or my gaze moves around a lot. In a social situation in a bar with one person I generally sit 90o to their side never opposite them - so generally not even looking at them directly at all.

As I age and I find my hearing slowly get worse - I find I am more and more looking at peoples mouth in louder environments. For some reason I can hear them better when doing this. No idea why. Subconcious lip reading? I dunno. There's probably some explanation for that.

If I am doing close up magic tricks or Mentalism stuff - I do consciously hold eye contact however. Part of magic is controlling what the mark sees and when - so holding eye contact can help you control when they look where you want them to look and when not. You can literally control when they look at you - allowing you to do sleight of hand - and when they look down. But I have to consciously force myself to it then. It doesn't come naturally.

Bobblehats

Graces7 wrote: »

Depends on the situation. If the contact is confrontational? Straight in the eyes,.. If casual. then not.

Approaching somebody on a footpath can be long and confrontational. And some flash their teeth, which is a sure sign of aggression

One eyed Jack

Salary Negotiator wrote: »

because you only have 1 eye?

Well I’m glad someone got the joke


(real answer is I just don’t make eye contact with people anyway. People who try to make eye contact on purpose are weird)

10 in a row

No, I'm terrible at it. Today I will make an attempt to make more eye contact when talking and listening to people

Bobblehats

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Well I’m glad someone got the joke

Yeh definitely not making contact with you pal. Might catch the aids!

One eyed Jack

Bobblehats wrote: »

Yeh definitely not making contact with you pal. Might catch the aids!

Cheers for the advance warning at least.

Bobblehats

I’m always protected.

RobertKK

Depends on whom one is talking to.

Tough03

I'm not great myself at keeping eye contact. Some people do not mind but I find others it puts them off the conversation.

Redneck Reject71

I always look people in the eye when having a conversation. The trick to not making them feel uncomfortable, is to add facial expressions along with it.Such as a curious, interested, thoughtful expressions while they talk to you. Just staring blankly at them the whole conversation would be uneasing and strange. Like serial killer strange,heh.

As for working with animals, usually maintaining eye contact is a bad thing,heh.

RandomViewer

Depends on the situation, will lower my head slightly and look upward when I really need to make a point

SmartinMartin

I interview people for a living, so yes making eye contact is a huge part of my work.

Rufeo

SmartinMartin wrote: »

I interview people for a living, so yes making eye contact is a huge part of my work.

So how do your candidates fare? Do you get nervous yokes who won't look or people who keep staring.

SmartinMartin

You always know when someone's been coached to make eye contact and they take it to the extreme!

Tony EH

Rufeo wrote: »

Do you stare at the person you're talking to, or give them a look now and again? I'm no good at eye contact. I will try to look now and again, but I admire some people who can hold it steadily.

This is a bullshit American thing that's been spread by pseudo psychology nonsense.

Most cultures do not constantly stare at one another when in a conversation. It isn't a natural thing to do and is considered to be an aggressive stance to hold. It isn't polite and it isn't "listening".

It's just bollocks.

It's much more natural to occasionally look at the person conversing and then look away. But the talker will tend to look at a listener for longer periods.

Nobody holds a stare for the duration of a conversation. It isn't a normal, or comfortable, thing to do. For anybody.

I’m not great at it, but I can give the odd glance to try not be rude. If I don’t look at you at all it means I hate your guts.

ILoveYourVibes

OP you are one of my fav characters from Hook

I look at different parts of the person ...the hands the body the face the eyes etc...I smile i look at their smile etc ...i think of that as eye contact. I read them and react bounce my eyes slowly around ..i don't eyeball em.

BBDBB

If listening to someone mix up the eye contact with looking at their mouth as they talk
If talking to someone look at the bridge of their nose, it appears to them that you have eye contact, even if you actually dont

ILoveYourVibes

BBDBB wrote: »

If listening to someone mix up the eye contact with looking at their mouth as they talk
If talking to someone look at the bridge of their nose, it appears to them that you have eye contact, even if you actually dont

Depends on their face shape ..sometimes their forehead is better.

Really its about the unspoken communication. If you call it eye contact ...it might be working.

Its about making people feel at ease etc.

And different cultures do it differently. Americans smile much more ...Irish people use tone of voice more.

The best way is to just listen genuinely That's the best thing.

Look into my eyyyyyyyes

ILoveYourVibes

bluewolf wrote: »

Look into my eyyyyyyyes

JoChervil

When I was a kid I thought that you had to look at someone, when you are approaching them in the streets. And one day I made an effort and looked aside. It was such a relief, that I can do it. I thought that by not looking I was rude like ignoring someone.

Then 20 years ago I went to States and there I became invisible. My American friend told me that it was rude to look at people, so when you get 8 meters from them, you should look away to give them privacy. I think he was right because when I returned to Europe I felt being visible again and I liked it. But maybe it was only South American small town thing?

ILoveYourVibes

JoChervil wrote: »

When I was a kid I thought that you had to look at someone, when you are approaching them in the streets. And one day I made an effort and look aside. It was such a relief, that I can do it. I thought that by not looking I was rude like ignoring someone.

Then 20 years ago I went to States and there I become invisible. My American friend told me that it is rude to look at people, so when you get 8 meters from them, you should look away to give them privacy. I think he was right because when I returned to Europe I felt being visible again and I liked it.

Not sure what you mean. I never think about eye contact with people i don't know. That would be weird.

JoChervil

Few years ago it was such theory running around that it is enough to ask another person 20 question (as I remember) and stare at them for 11 minutes to make both of you fall in love.

I never tried it. 11 minutes is a lot of time!

JoChervil

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Not sure what you mean. I never think about eye contact with people i don't know. That would be weird.

I mean, when you are passing by. Are you American maybe?

I feel giving people a quick look, when passing them by is like acknowledging their existence...

Sardonicat

JoChervil wrote: »

Few years ago it was such theory running around that it is enough to ask another person 20 question (as I remember) and stare at them for 11 minutes to make both of you fall in love.

I never tried it. 11 minutes is a lot of time!

How would you make them stare back at you for 11 minutes though? I mean, if you're in a situation where you are staring at each other for 11 minutes you're probably falling for each other naturally. If, on the other hand, you're staring intently at them and firing 20 questions at them without any reciprocal feelings on their part, you're just gonna creep them out.

ILoveYourVibes

JoChervil wrote: »

I mean, when you are passing by. Are you American maybe?

I feel giving people a quick look, when passing them by is like acknowledging their existence...

No not American at all. Its just something I would never do to a stranger. If its a neighbor or someone i have been introduced to that's another matter.

But a stranger I don't really want to acknowledge their presence. I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.

JoChervil

Sardonicat wrote: »

How would you make them stare back at you for 11 minutes though? I mean, if you're in a situation where you are staring at each other for 11 minutes you're probably falling for each other naturally. If, on the other hand, you're staring intently at them and firing 20 questions at them without any reciprocal feelings on their part, you're just gonna creep them out.

This theory was about two people, who would like to fall in love. So questions were invented for it (they were not random questions) and the stare was to be agreed by both sides

Sardonicat

JoChervil wrote: »

This theory was about two people, who would like to fall in love. So questions were invented for it (they were not random questions) and the stare was to be agreed by both sides

If two people 'want to fall in love' are they not actually in love? Or is this a scenario of two strangers who would like to fall in love with someone?

Sardonicat

Sardonicat wrote: »

If two people 'want to fall in love' are they not actually in love? Or is this a scenario of two strangers who would like to fall in love with someone?

It’s just an experiment.

JoChervil

"I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.[/QUOTE]"



Once I did Crav Maga course and they said that people, who don't want to attract attention attract attention the most of "baddies" out there. There was a survey done in prisons. They showed footage of the street. Just random people passing by and asked criminals to point a person they would most likely pick. And guess, whom they chose the most often....

_Brian

It depends.

In a casual setting it’s actually really weird if someone is giving you the death stare. Casual should be a mix or eye contact and body language.

For a presentation, interview or formal work situations it’s important to focus on direct eye contact to quickly build rapport and gravity in the situation. That has to be a conscious act to do it correctly.

Redneck Reject71

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

No not American at all. Its just something I would never do to a stranger. If its a neighbor or someone i have been introduced to that's another matter.

But a stranger I don't really want to acknowledge their presence. I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.

I find that sad for some reason.

JoChervil

Sometimes, when people feel someone lies, they say: "look into my eyes and repeat it". And from my experience liars usually give you this bold stare, while I would expect avoiding eye contact would be prevailing...

ILoveYourVibes

Redneck Reject71 wrote: »

I find that sad for some reason.

Yes I think its sad too. But it's the real world.

Its what my life has taught me. If its different for you where you grew up that is happy no ?

Its a wisdom i was gifted.

Good people will understand and not hold it against you later.