The elders - a megathread

expectationlost

Questions555 wrote: »

I’m sure I’m not the only one with this problem at the moment

My brother and I have tried explaining the seriousness of this but they’re continuing as normal. Going to Tescos, post office and still allowing all their grandkids near them

If you’re in the same boat, what have you said or done that’s got through to them?

Both parents are mid 60s and the father’s health has been ropey for years

Thanks

even older ppl havn't been told not to shop https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/coronavirus/at-risk-groups.html

dartboardio

Struggling with this atm with my own grandparents, they are in Gran Canaries in Spain at the moment and flying home Thursday (one of the highest affected places in Europe)

and keep laughing off our warnings/videos on the whatsapp group and saying ' ah it's not too bad, it's worse in Ireland'

I suppose all we can do is keep showing them the warnings/news/statistics, as you cannot deny the numbers going up.

They'll get a shock when they come home Thursday and nowhere is open.

Airyfairy12

Both my parents are in their 60's, my mother has COPD and another Autoimmune disease, she's also on an injection that lowers her immune system. We're all being really careful, carrying hand sanitizer, washing our hands constantly, wiping down anything we touch and not leaving the house. My dad on the other hand is living his life as normal, going to the bookies, going to work, not washing his hands, he deals with the public and handles money so hand washing should be a priority. He was making tea in the kitchen today, after he was finished with his spoon he dried it on his filthy jumper that he'd been wearing all day and put it back in the drawer for someone else to use. When he does wash his hands after being told to do so, he washes them over dishes in the sink and barely rinses them.
The stress this is causing my mother is through the roof. He's so pig headed theres no telling him to cop on and think about someone other than himself. He'd still be going to the pub every night if they hadnt been shut. I wish there would be a lock down, atleast then he'd be forced to stay in the house and not off down the bookies or going to work. Im terrified he's going to bring something into the house that will no doubt kill my mother.

NIMAN

Some people just can't be reasoned with.

There Is a large cohort of people of all ages who aren't taking this serious at all.

My own mother of 77 is one of them.

I watched the news earlier with her and there was an elderly woman on the BBC news on Skype, saying she would stay indoors for 4 months if she was advised to.

My mum laughed and said "Well more fool you love".

expectationlost

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Both my parents are in their 60's, my mother has COPD and another Autoimmune disease, she's also on an injection that lowers her immune system. We're all being really careful, carrying hand sanitizer, washing our hands constantly, wiping down anything we touch and not leaving the house. My dad on the other hand is living his life as normal, going to the bookies, going to work, not washing his hands, he deals with the public and handles money so hand washing should be a priority. He was making tea in the kitchen today, after he was finished with his spoon he dried it on his filthy jumper that he'd been wearing all day and put it back in the drawer for someone else to use. When he does wash his hands after being told to do so, he washes them over dishes in the sink and barely rinses them.
The stress this is causing my mother is through the roof. He's so pig headed theres no telling him to cop on and think about someone other than himself. He'd still be going to the pub every night if they hadnt been shut. I wish there would be a lock down, atleast then he'd be forced to stay in the house and not off down the bookies or going to work. Im terrified he's going to bring something into the house that will no doubt kill my mother.

tell him to act like he already has it to save his wifes life.

ruwithme

Questions555 wrote: »

I’m sure I’m not the only one with this problem at the moment

My brother and I have tried explaining the seriousness of this but they’re continuing as normal. Going to Tescos, post office and still allowing all their grandkids near them

If you’re in the same boat, what have you said or done that’s got through to them?

Both parents are mid 60s and the father’s health has been ropey for years

Thanks

Maybe cut them some slack. they've being around a while too. covid -19 could be with us for year's to come and no vaccine. that would be alot of indoors for anyone.

JP Liz V1

The best you can do is get them to wear masks and gloves plus get them to wash hands religiously, it is hard

Airyfairy12

expectationlost wrote: »

tell him to act like he already has it to save his wifes life.

He doesnt care he just laughs when its brought up and gets mad when he feels like he's being given out too. He's the maturity of a 9 year old sometimes.

the dark phantom

A deeply religious Traveller buddy of mine thinks God will protect him from the virus.

My parents didn't take it seriously until they watched the Late Late. The empty audience made them realise how serious it was. I could see it in their faces as the realisation hit them, and they've been very careful since.

TBH, I figure older people will catch on pretty quick, except for a stubborn few. It's the younger generations that I'm more concerned over. Imagine the guilt in knowing that you brought the virus into your grandparents home? Or exposed your sisters young children to it...

There really needs to be more done to reinforce the message of unintended consequences. Many people don't consider beyond the risks to themselves, which they're willing to dismiss. I've always been one of those people... which was easy since I live alone.. but being back in Ireland during this crisis, really brought home the selfishness and irresponsibility of such an attitude.

Barelyworking

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

He doesnt care he just laughs when its brought up and gets mad when he feels like he's being given out too. He's the maturity of a 9 year old sometimes.

Well just last week you slated someone in the beauty thread for advising you to consider others in regard to the virus. Determine what changed your opinion and behaviours and try apply it to your dad.

krissovo

Corca Baiscinn wrote: »

If North London ends up with food shortages later in the year your Dad will be a popular man! He must have great energy to manage 7 allotments. He sounds like he'll come out of it alright but can't see him taking kindly to Boris's promise this evening to "shield" the elderly for 12 weeks!

Its a sad story why he has 7, the popularity of allotments is dropping and he is taking on the allotments when someone passes away to keep them maintained or they will be sold to developers.

His flat looks like a grocery wholesalers, anyone who visits gets a bag of spuds and onions. He gives the veg to the pub as credit for pints and meals.

Airyfairy12

Barelyworking wrote: »

Well just last week you slated someone in the beauty thread for advising you to consider others in regard to the virus. Determine what changed your opinion and behaviours and try apply it to your dad.

I slated somebody? Im completely sure that I didnt. I know the thread youre referring too, the one were I said I would continue to wash my face. I also said I would wash my hands, use sanitizer and keep my work space sanitized. What more could be done?
Keep in mind a week ago we never imagined the schools would be closed and the country, along with the rest of Europe, would be essentially locked down. I dont think many realised the seriousness of the situation in the beginning. All we had to go on was the media which was, at the time, encouraging people not to be alarmist.
Whats changed? thousands of people have died, a very small number of people in the country were tested positive for coronavirus, this week, that number has risen to over 200.
The situation itself has entirely changed.

ixoy

I'm fortunate that my dad's level headed and my parents are now self isolating but I know of others who see the virus as "over there". I think you could try showing them some of the stuff from Italy but that's still "over there".

So perhaps try and focus on the Irish stories that are going to come out - look for personnel stuff. See if you can put in an Irish context - it's no longer that Lombardy region, but a place a few miles from them would surely drive it home a bit more. Unfortunately, it might take a few more serious cases here for that sort of story to come out but maybe it'll be the best focus.

Irish Steve

It's not just Irish Parents that are a nightmare, Step Father is 90, Mother is 95, they don't watch TV news much, and their news comes from 2 or 3 day old copies of the Daily Mail that a neighbour drops in, and brutally, there's not much news in the Mail, other than scandal, soaps misdeeds, and the like, so at the moment, despite trying hard to persuade them to change their habits, the attitude is they are still going to go to 3 or 4 supermarkets, and get a few bits in each, rather than order on line and have it delivered, they're going to garden centres, coffee shops and the like, and carrying on as if there's nothing happening around them. They've even offered to drop a neighbour to the hospital for an appointment in a few days time, assuming it doesn't get cancelled, which seems to me to be highly dangerous.

My brother and his wife went in today to try and get through to them that they are probably facing a 3 or 4 month isolation under current UK thinking, but even that didn't make an impression.

The fact that we're half a day's travel away under normal circumstances, and for the next while probably 18 hours away makes it hard, the biggest concern is that they seem to be oblivious to what's happening across the globe, and it's getting worse in the UK by the day.

Depending on what happens here, it could well be the case that we too won't be able to travel, there are likely to be no flights, and I'm not confident that ferries will be carrying passengers and cars for much longer, if that happens, even if they are taken ill, we won't be able to get there to provide support, and if they are seriously ill, then it would be inappropriate for us to travel anyway.

Not easy, and I don't see any way we can actually get through to them that the situation is a lot more serious than they've realised. The fear is that given their ages, and their lack of awareness, one or both of them could become seriously ill with Covid, and there will be no way to provide support for them, given the numbers that are likely to be involved, I'm under no illusions that medical staff are likely to be having to make very hard decisions in the coming months about who they save, as there is clearly a massive shortage of beds and equipment for critical care in the UK.

ArchXStanton

Tie them up

Victor

I'm 47, have mild asthma, and a bit of a sniffle, so my risk would be slightly higher than for many adults. In the last two weeks, I've been out so little, that I've touched nobody and spoken to exactly 15 people in person. Many of them no more than "Can I buy this? Thank you". Lots of things are possible when you put your mind to it.

---

Once, when my sister was visiting my parents with her children, Dad was dropping them back to the station to head home. just as they pulled off in the car, there was a scream of "Granddad, STOOOOOOPPPP!!" from the 3-year old. Dad, of course, stopped the car, thinking some child was being maimed.

The 3-year old had noticed that dad wasn't wearing his seat belt, which for her was a complete 'no'. Dad had a habit of not wearing a seat belt, as it would aggravate his shoulder when he turned the steering wheel hard. The next car he bought had power steering and he always wore his seat belt.

So:
1. Arrange Skype or similar for the grandparents, the grandchildren and the grandparents' friends. Let them chat several times per day. Have the grandparents read books to the grandchildren.
2. Simplify their routine - one big shop, not something every day.
3. Arrange so the grandparents have time off from each other.
4. Tell them that they need to be a good example to the grandchildren.

If the above doesn't work:
5. Prohibit them from seeing the grandchildren.
6. Tell them you are keeping the grandchildren emotionally separate from them, so the grandchildren won't miss them as much when they die.
7. Drop some funeral home brochures in the letter box. This may may be upsetting for some people to read ---->

Make sure it includes a piece about child-sized coffins.

If the above doesn't work:
8. If there is a woman of child-bearing age (doesn't have to be pregnant), get her all emotional, have her throw a wobbly an blurt out "I can't deal with the thought of you guys dying before the baby is born"

Sheep breeder

krissovo wrote: »

Its a sad story why he has 7, the popularity of allotments is dropping and he is taking on the allotments when someone passes away to keep them maintained or they will be sold to developers.

His flat looks like a grocery wholesalers, anyone who visits gets a bag of spuds and onions. He gives the veg to the pub as credit for pints and meals.

This sounds like this is what keeps him getting up in the morning and going and very hard to change this type of life.
My mother was something similar till a couple of knee ops slowed her down and she is worried about the virus. All you can do is your best.

lainey_d_123

I'm in the same boat. I think it's starting to get through now but I don't know how much. Pair of them travelled over to England this weekend gone for a party.

I don't know why so many people of that generation seem to think it's all grand while so many of mine (millennials) are scared sh*tless. Maybe because we graduated into a massive recession, have never had a hope of buying property and all that stuff...my parents seem to have a faith in the government and in the 'system' that was knocked out of me long before I turned 25. I feel like I need to look out for myself because no-one else will, and they just don't seem to feel that way.

My dad was asking my aunt why she doesn't just head to Italy on her holiday next month if the restrictions are listed, because sure, her EHIC would cover her if she needed hospital treatment...at a time when dozens of Italians are being left to die because they haven't enough beds and ventilators for them all!

I was just speechless....how can people be this clueless??!!

lainey_d_123

Deleted User wrote: »

My parents didn't take it seriously until they watched the Late Late. The empty audience made them realise how serious it was. I could see it in their faces as the realisation hit them, and they've been very careful since.

TBH, I figure older people will catch on pretty quick, except for a stubborn few. It's the younger generations that I'm more concerned over. Imagine the guilt in knowing that you brought the virus into your grandparents home? Or exposed your sisters young children to it...

There really needs to be more done to reinforce the message of unintended consequences. Many people don't consider beyond the risks to themselves, which they're willing to dismiss. I've always been one of those people... which was easy since I live alone.. but being back in Ireland during this crisis, really brought home the selfishness and irresponsibility of such an attitude.

I think it's the older generations who are much worse. Myself, my siblings and my cousins have all stopped socialising completely, barely leaving the house, obsessively handwashing and sanitising. Our parents are still going about as normal, barely washing hands, attending family gatherings.

It's infuriating.

Drumpot

I’ve gotten my mum watching Dr John on YouTube. He’s retired and older people may be able to relate to his manner. But I called around to her weeks ago with supplies and started prepping her so she wasn’t completely surprised with this week. It might take some parents awhile to get this I’m afraid.

Also we told our children that we are self isolating to protect their grandparents. We haven’t scared them, in fact part of the reason we told them that was so they wouldn’t be scared themselves. You could tell your parents that you told the told children this and maybe FaceTime them and have the grandkids guilt your folks into staying in doors. Might not work but if shouting isn’t working maybe guilt trip
Might...

Recliner

My Dad (88) was saying to me today on the phone that he hadn't been out yet today. He couldn't grasp that he shouldn't be out at all.
My mother in law (82) couldn't understand why one of her sons hadn't brought his children out to visit considering they were off school.
Both intelligent people, who would religiously watch the news.
My MIL lives in a house with a person who is seriously immunocompromised and she's still not getting it.
I don't know what else we can do to impress on them how serious this is.

YFlyer

This is where the HSE should tell where positive virus diagnosis are.

TravelTiger

I'm in a similar boat to OP. My excuse of a sister is still using my parents as her childminders 3 days a week while she does her part time job.

I can feel a big family row brewing. If I take her to task she'll complain to the parents who'll then turn on me because all three can't see the seriousness of this.

I know how it'll play out and it's me getting told to mind my own business by all three and one or more not speaking to me for a good while.

I'm very tempted to get a one way ticket out of the country to be honest. To a place with no closed borders yet and who have been doing an amazing job of containment. I also have a friend in the same area there for chats.

Mark my words. This b@stard of disease will cause splits in Irish families at a time when we should be all there for each other.

YFlyer

Feel your pain Tiger.

My brother is currently back from London and living with my father. Haven't talked to him in awhile but have an idea how he'll think about the virus. Spent years smoking daily weed. Had a house but didn't pay mortgage for years. Death strangle he said. Lost the house. Was David Icke freak and Freeman on the Land fanboy. Ssid the world will end in less than 10 years. Tiring

freshpopcorn

Just from what I can see a lot of elderly people think they are fine to out shopping,etc once they don't have any major issues going on. The shops are even giving them priority shopping hours now and they believe everything is fine.
These also the issue as well that a lot of them don't like being bossed around by their kids and they may dig there heals even more.(Going by my father).

Noo

The video of the Italian obituaries is very confronting....along with the reality that most of those elderly people died alone in hospital with no family around or no family able to bury them. As a nation where death and funerals are such a big occasion, something like that might hit home.

Another is that story if the poor Italian guy who had to be quarantined with his dead sister because no funeral home would take her. Then when one finally did, no family were able to go to the funeral for the obvious reasons. Heartbreaking stuff.

Claw Hammer

Darc19 wrote: »

Mid 60s is not elderly,

Mid 60's is well past middle age, so is elderly.

Claw Hammer

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm in the same boat. I think it's starting to get through now but I don't know how much. Pair of them travelled over to England this weekend gone for a party.

I don't know why so many people of that generation seem to think it's all grand while so many of mine (millennials) are scared sh*tless. Maybe because we graduated into a massive recession, have never had a hope of buying property and all that stuff...my parents seem to have a faith in the government and in the 'system' that was knocked out of me long before I turned 25. I feel like I need to look out for myself because no-one else will, and they just don't seem to feel that way.

My dad was asking my aunt why she doesn't just head to Italy on her holiday next month if the restrictions are listed, because sure, her EHIC would cover her if she needed hospital treatment...at a time when dozens of Italians are being left to die because they haven't enough beds and ventilators for them all!

I was just speechless....how can people be this clueless??!!

Many old people did not learn science at school and are quite clueless about hygiene and infection. Many older ones lived through the TB and Polio epidemics of the 1950s. They are also , at their age, very much creatures of habit. At the rate this is going they won't even have a priest to bless them when they die, let alone have a funeral.

ThewhiteJesus

Your parents have lived longer than you, it’s their choice show them respect, distance yourself if need be