The elders - a megathread

Xertz

It shouldn’t take long at all and I would suspect they’re rushing any applications. Fill in the forms immediately and get it underway.

Even pre COVID-19 that didn’t take long.

BorneTobyWilde

Lots of video's of children who brought death into their parents house, they survived, but they killed their parents and grand parents, a lot to live with.

scary

scary wrote: »

Of course you can. I'm an adult if i think my father doesn't get social distancing im going to give him a few home truths adult to adult, that's an adults responsibility. Doesn't matter if its to a parent. This is a life and death matter.

you can nag, advise, plead and beg.

dictate is not any of the above.

SnowyMuckish

With all due respect Snoopsheep, you can’t possibly understand the feelings and motivations of every ‘millennial’. You don’t know their relationship or the respect they have for their loved ones. The respect they have for their grandparents, (who I’m lucky enough to still have mine at 98. She has lived through many a tragedy and has taught me more than any history book. And I’m sure as you have suggested that there is much that I have still to learn from her). Not once did this millennial elude to the inclination that my much respected and loved elders were stupid and incapable of making their own decisions. Anxiety is not a core value of my life, it is out of love that I fear for their wellbeing. Wishing you well in this time of uncertainty. Good night.

SnowyMuckish

SnowyMuckish wrote: »

With all due respect Snoopsheep, you can’t possibly understand the feelings and motivations of every ‘millennial’. You don’t know their relationship or the respect they have for their loved ones. The respect they have for their grandparents, (who I’m lucky enough to still have mine at 98. She has lived through many a tragedy and has taught me more than any history book. And I’m sure as you have suggested that there is much that I have still to learn from her). Not once did this millennial elude to the inclination that my much respected and loved elders were stupid and incapable of making their own decisions. Anxiety is not a core value of my life, it is out of love that I fear for their wellbeing. Wishing you well in this time of uncertainty. Good night.

no, in fairness and that's a very well written and heartfelt post.

i shouldve underlined that of course one cannot handwave an entire generation like that, but i wasnt responding to your own posts, i was reacting to another post earlier in the thread that was itself a lazy generalising handwave.

which isnt helpful of me.

best to you, yours and everybody else. may we all come out the other end of this less inclined to pick fights online or otherwise :-)

Spon Farmer

Questions555 wrote: »

They live for their grandkids. They refuse to nor be around them. None of the grandkids are mine

Looking for practical advice from those in the same boat for the rest of the replies here

Not typical Boards thanks whoring

Cheers

Maybe you just had it in the thread title for dramatic effect but what is the “indoors” business about?

Who said people need to stay “indoors”?

dartboardio

67+68 year old grandparents finally starting to see this is an emergency after Leo varadkars announcement tonight on RTÉ.

They're returning from gran canaria this Thursday and have been laughing and ignoring at all our warnings about the coronavirus the last few days.

They won't be laughing when they catch it on the plane, considering there are 25k people travelling home from spain to Ireland this week

J. Marston

In the same boat. Close to two weeks of pleading and it's falling on deaf ears.

I've moved from worried to just fùcking pissed off at them, to be honest.

"We'll go mad stuck inside the house." Yeah, you'll be alive though. Pure stubborn idiocy.

freshpopcorn

There was a picture of elderly shoppers having coffee and Tea in a supermarket this morning and it was almost scary how they were almost all sitting on top of one another.

SnowyMuckish

Sorry snoopsheep it wasn’t my intention to create an argument, I took your post personally. Wishing you well.

Raconteuse

Some of the comments here are amazing.

People are worried sh1tless about their beloved parents and grandparents getting sick or worse and there are people with the neck to tell them that they're the unreasonable ones! Just wondering, are any of their parents alive?

My parents are being extremely vigilant (my dad wouldn't be only for my nurse mother) and yet I'm still so worried about them. Can't begin to imagine how upsetting it is for those whose parents won't follow the guidelines.

This stuff about how it'll upset them - they are big boys and girls and around long enough to deal with bluntness that's for their own good. They have had a much harder life than us - where does this notion come from that they suddenly become emotionally incontinent?

Plus we are not just talking about very elderly people. We are talking about people in their 60s also. Not even old by today's standards, which makes "they'll be dying soon anyway" even more stupid. A lot of the vulnerable to this virus could have another 25 years left if they don't catch it.

Also, millennials? Why do people keep throwing that out as a way to discredit? There are people here in their 40s and 50s ffs.

Raconteuse

HamSarris wrote: »

What young people don’t realise is the elderly live with the reality of death every year so don’t get as excited about this killer virus narrative. About 30,000 people will die each year, the vast majority due to an age-related illness – cancer, heart disease etc. No one is panicking over the 9,000 deaths from cancer each year. It’s horrible but we just accept it as age-related illness and don’t decimate our economy in an attempt to find a cure. No one cares that the mortality rate of people entering a nursing home in the first few months is suspiciously high (27%) – families are often just glad to avoid the inconvenience of caring for their parents.

My suspicion is that some people are using the virus as a means of value-signalling, pretending to care for the elderly while at the same time calling them thick, backward and ordering their isolation. I’d be very resistant to restrict the civil liberties of any individual. We all will be old some day and it may become routine to isolate the elderly every time a dodgy flu comes round. I'd rather be able to leave my home. buy my own stuff and have my independence than be trapped at home dependent on others.

The Armageddon porn and overreaction to this virus will have far more serious consequences than the virus itself. The trillions that will be printed to bail out everyone should devalue global currencies by about 50% over the next few years. The biggest losers will be retirees who will see their pensions decimated by the decline in the stock market and their fixed income from the state lose 50% in purchasing power. This economic and resultant social deprivation of retirees will kill far more people than the virus itself. But an abstract correlation between poverty and death is far less powerful than a killer virus narrative.

Nobody cares? Speak for yourself.

And suspect what you like but that says more about you.

How difficult is it to accept that people simply just love their elderly relatives and don't want them risking being struck by this illness which is horrendous in its severe form?

And no, the "over reaction" is not worse than the fallout from the disease and efforts to contain it.

Talk to civil rights bodies if this is what you think constitutes breach of them. They could do with a laugh I'm sure.

If this is an over reaction by the way, have a look at the video about the death notices in italy.

The denial really is incredible from some still. And I don't like people revelling in doom either but I equally dislike the opposite extreme.

Feisar

What do these grandparents do when families go on hols for two weeks during the Summer?

sudzs

I live in an apartment and yesterday I saw neighbours in their 70s getting a visit from 4 grandchildren. Neighbours stood at their open french windows on first floor, grandkids below chatting away with them and showing them pictures they'd painted for Patrick's day.

It was too much for me! 😢🤧


But finally my parents have seen sense and are staying in. They sound depressed already facing the prospect of having zero contact with any family for months. Going to try a visit like the neighbours had and roar at them from the bottom of the garden!


Any other ideas on how to keep the oldies going during this, especially the ones without Internet or smart phones?

Maxpfizer

Raconteuse wrote: »

Some of the comments here are amazing.

People are worried sh1tless about their beloved parents and grandparents getting sick or worse and there are people with the neck to tell them that they're the unreasonable ones! Just wondering, are any of their parents alive?

My parents are alive but I don't own them. It's not my place to order them around. They are their own people and so they should be.

It's like trying to convince people to stop smoking or something. Sure, their actions now will probably kill them in the end but their body, their choice etc.

People flying off the handle because their elderly parents had the gall to go to the pub or the supermarket or *gasps* take a holiday to Spain need to dial it back a bit.

Maybe we should just weld the elderly into their homes "for their own good" and pass food and supplies to them through small gap under the door?

Maxpfizer

J. Marston wrote: »

In the same boat. Close to two weeks of pleading and it's falling on deaf ears.

I've moved from worried to just fùcking pissed off at them, to be honest.

"We'll go mad stuck inside the house." Yeah, you'll be alive though. Pure stubborn idiocy.

Wait. It's OK to go outside.

They can go for walks and stuff no problem. Just keep a bit of distance from others and keep up a good hand washing routine.

You are only pleading with them to avoid social gatherings, right?
Please tell me you aren't demanding that they stay indoors completely?

Mebuntu

"Persuading older stubborn Irish parents to stay the f*ck indoors"

After their reckless carry-on last week it's perfectly obvious that it's the 20-40 y/o's that should be staying "the f*ck indoors".

SnowyMuckish

SnowyMuckish wrote: »

Sorry snoopsheep it wasn’t my intention to create an argument, I took your post personally. Wishing you well.

my argumentative comment was ruefully self-directed.

you're above reproach!

expectationlost

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Just from what I can see a lot of elderly people think they are fine to out shopping,etc once they don't have any major issues going on. The shops are even giving them priority shopping hours now and they believe everything is fine.
These also the issue as well that a lot of them don't like being bossed around by their kids and they may dig there heals even more.(Going by my father).

older people haven't been told not to shop https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/coronavirus/at-risk-groups.html yet

Jakey Rolling

Maxpfizer wrote: »

My parents are alive but I don't own them. It's not my place to order them around. They are their own people and so they should be.

It's like trying to convince people to stop smoking or something. Sure, their actions now will probably kill them in the end but their body, their choice etc.

People flying off the handle because their elderly parents had the gall to go to the pub or the supermarket or *gasps* take a holiday to Spain need to dial it back a bit.

Maybe we should just weld the elderly into their homes "for their own good" and pass food and supplies to them through small gap under the door?

I'd agree mostly with your sentiments, the only caveat being it is this age group who are most likely to be needing a hospital bed when they do contract the virus. Puts an unnecessary burden on our health services. Unless they want to stick a disclaimer to their door saying "if I get sick, just leave me die"?

Ave Sodalis

My grandparents are in their 70s and this virus will kill them both. My mother went over to their house on Saturday, scrubbed the entire place down with bleach and disinfectant, and told them to stay away from people. They have multiple people to rely on and we have all offered to get them whatever they need. My granny rang me yesterday and mentioned she was going to the bank and the credit union this week. She has diabetes and poor lungs that have hospitalized her several times. It took me, my cousin, my mother and my aunt ringing her to convince her otherwise. Whilst we were focused on that, my grandfather, who has had a lingering cough for months now, had snuck off to get coal despite my cousin having offered the day before.

Yeah, social isolation is difficult, but I don't really fancy having my remaining grandparents die when it was entire preventable. Last year was bad enough. I'm going to leave some jigsaws and things outside their door today to keep them occupied. It's one of the few times I'm glad our public health system is so slow because with multiple autoimmunes, I should probably be on suppressants and shored up in my house as well. Yet, with an appointment every couple of months to a year, they haven't gotten that far yet!

Oh, and most of my family have had cancer at least once so believe it or not, I can worry about more than one thing.

Akrasia

My Mother wouldn't stand a chance, way too many pre-existing conditions

She hasn't left the house in days which is good, and she says she won't leave either, but her partner goes to the shop ever day to buy the paper.

They both have smartphones, and a tablet so they don't need to get the paper version

They really don't know how serious this is, and how contagous this is, and how high risk shops are even if they try to keep their distance, there is nothing stopping someone from coughing on them or the items they are trying to buy and spreading the illness that way.

They have to presume that absolutely everyone they come into contact with has already been infected and is transmitting the virus

Strumms

Deleted User wrote: »

ye cant dictate to other adults folks

its infuriating but that's the height of it

You can’t lock them in the shed, not sterilizing the truth however is the way to go. Regardless if they are spouse, parent, sibling, boyfriend/girlfriend, mother n law, father n law... if they are being careless and jeprodisring their health and therefore the health of those around them they need to be encouraged in the strongest possible terms to cop the fûck on and quit what they are doing... we’ve already had the ‘nice’ version of this conversation with my father who likes to be out yapping to all his neighbors while getting the post but if he’s seen again hanging over the wall or garden gate it’s going to be a tougher love... might sound harsh but these are difficult times, only takes a moment of carelessness and the wellbeing and lives and wellbeing of those around us are in danger.... remember....tough love for now !

Maxpfizer

Strumms wrote: »

You can’t lock them in the shed, not sterilizing the truth however is the way to go. Regardless if they are spouse, parent, sibling, boyfriend/girlfriend, mother n law, father n law... if they are being careless and jeprodisring their health and therefore the health of those around them they need to be encouraged in the strongest possible terms to cop the fûck on and quit what they are doing... we’ve already had the ‘nice’ version of this conversation with my father who likes to be out yapping to all his neighbors while getting the post but if he’s seen again hanging over the wall or garden gate it’s going to be a tougher love... might sound harsh but these are difficult times, only takes a moment of carelessness and the wellbeing and lives and wellbeing of those around us are in danger.... remember....tough love for now !

What the hell? It's fine to talk to other people just you need to keep a bit of distance.

Some of the comments here, I think people need to be mindful that they don't slip into a situation that amounts to psychological abuse.

Old folks can still go outside. They can still take a walk in the park. They can still talk to neighbors, from a safe distance.

Leading them to believe that they must be locked in their homes, for god knows how long, or else is a bit much for me.

"I'd better not see you leaning over that gate talking to the neighbors old man!"

Last week it was all about giving out over young ones going off to events and going to pubs and restaurants etc.

"They just don't give a damn about the elderly!"

Now it's the turn of the oldies to be on the receiving end.

"Lock them indoors and berate them into submission if they step out of line."

Maxpfizer

Jakey Rolling wrote: »

I'd agree mostly with your sentiments, the only caveat being it is this age group who are most likely to be needing a hospital bed when they do contract the virus. Puts an unnecessary burden on our health services. Unless they want to stick a disclaimer to their door saying "if I get sick, just leave me die"?

Of course, this was always an argument with smokers and fatties. That they put strain on the health services through their own actions.

I don't know what the solution is.

Sure we all have to make sacrifices and there is a good reason why.
However the "cost" part of the "stop the virus at any cost" attitude is concerning.

This was always going to be an issue in countries like Ireland.

OK in some places where the government dictates what to do and anyone stepping out of line mysteriously disappears.

Some of these old folks will hold personal freedom above all else I would expect. Doesn't feel right to basically shame them into staying behind locked doors for weeks or months.

iamwhoiam

Maxpfizer wrote: »

Of course, this was always an argument with smokers and fatties. That they put strain on the health services through their own actions.

I don't know what the solution is.

Sure we all have to make sacrifices and there is a good reason why.
However the "cost" part of the "stop the virus at any cost" attitude is concerning.

This was always going to be an issue in countries like Ireland.

OK in some places where the government dictates what to do and anyone stepping out of line mysteriously disappears.

Some of these old folks will hold personal freedom above all else I would expect. Doesn't feel right to basically shame them into staying behind locked doors for weeks or months.

There is also the issue that when younger folk get sick and then who is going to mind the children ? I have my own difficulties here trying to do what is right for my family as a whole . My daughter has underlying issue and if she gets sick we will have to help with a very young baby
Each family have different issue to sort abd deal with .

Seathrun66

Questions555 wrote: »

I’m sure I’m not the only one with this problem at the moment

My brother and I have tried explaining the seriousness of this but they’re continuing as normal. Going to Tescos, post office and still allowing all their grandkids near them

If you’re in the same boat, what have you said or done that’s got through to them?

Both parents are mid 60s and the father’s health has been ropey for years

Thanks

Alas the only think that worked on my mother was repetition. The auld lad fine and restricting movements but the mother thinks hand sanitiser is too sticky! Ad nauseum instructions and advice finally got through.

And these are the people that reared us well. Ya'd think they'd know better.

Keep safe all of you.

expectationlost

Akrasia wrote: »

My Mother wouldn't stand a chance, way too many pre-existing conditions

She hasn't left the house in days which is good, and she says she won't leave either, but her partner goes to the shop ever day to buy the paper.

They both have smartphones, and a tablet so they don't need to get the paper version

They really don't know how serious this is, and how contagous this is, and how high risk shops are even if they try to keep their distance, there is nothing stopping someone from coughing on them or the items they are trying to buy and spreading the illness that way.

They have to presume that absolutely everyone they come into contact with has already been infected and is transmitting the virus

maybe he is not really going out to buy the paper.

riffmongous

But all these measures we are taking at the moment are basically to protect primarily the elderly, that's why we're wrecking the economy, it's why people will lose their jobs, their freedoms.. and if a few of these vulnerable people are just going to put themselves at risk regardless, it's a slap in the face for us

Strumms

Maxpfizer wrote: »

What the hell? It's fine to talk to other people just you need to keep a bit of distance.

Some of the comments here, I think people need to be mindful that they don't slip into a situation that amounts to psychological abuse.

Old folks can still go outside. They can still take a walk in the park. They can still talk to neighbors, from a safe distance.

Leading them to believe that they must be locked in their homes, for god knows how long, or else is a bit much for me.

"I'd better not see you leaning over that gate talking to the neighbors old man!"

Last week it was all about giving out over young ones going off to events and going to pubs and restaurants etc.

"They just don't give a damn about the elderly!"

Now it's the turn of the oldies to be on the receiving end.

"Lock them indoors and berate them into submission if they step out of line."

Everyone is on the receiving end... nobody is asking people to remain indoors you are deliberately misrepresenting the context. Distance is key, quite correct and why people need to be purposeful in ensuring loved ones maintain, cooperate and are reminded regarding the distancing.