4 month old sleep advice

SmallgirlBigcity

So I'm missing the support of my regular mammy groups and thought this forum might help. I have a 4 month old boy and his nap/ sleep routine goes like this:

Awake at about 6.30am when he starts doing all his poos. He doesn't poo throughout the night. I change him and bring him downstairs for an hour and then back up for a nap an hour later.

Then he naps an hour and a half after waking throughout the day. After the first nap, the second is a walk in the pram (usually about an hour), the third is in his bed, fourth in the pram again and then bed at about 7.30/8pm.

My problem is that I've always rocked him to sleep so he depends on it now and it's exhausting. I find the naps in his co-sleeper bed so tiring. It takes ages to get him asleep. I've tried just putting him down when he's sleepy but he can't seem to settle himself, he just gets upset and I eventually give in and rock him to sleep as usual.

Any advice on how to get him asleep without the cry it out method. I don't like the idea of leaving him alone bawling crying. Or am I stuck rocking him to sleep now until he's a bit older? Also, should I skip the last walk in the pram and let him go to bed at about half 5 or 6pm? Thanks in advance!

shesty

On my first I came to the realisation around 16 weeks that if I kept rocking my back would be totally done for:D
So I started putting her in bed and sitting beside the cot. Now she did take a soother, but the point was I put her in the bed, and basically sat there for as long as it took - let her hold my hand (or find what he likes, he might like your hand on his tummy or something), give him a little teddy or comforter. I aimed to do nap no.1 in the cot, then usually the second was out maybe in the buggy or something and the third in her cot- bit hit and miss because it was usually dinner time and a fairly short one anyway. My second and third kiddos tended to have that last nap in the sling as I made dinner.
Started doing it around 10/11 weeks on my other 2, so it settled in as a habit quicker. No crying needed, you are right there, just don't really interact with them.Try to get him when he is getting tired, as opposed to tired. At that age I used a rough guideline of approximately 2 hours since they last woke up, they are ready for bed again. That can vary - sometimes it's actually 1.5 hours in the morning and then 2 hours for the others.
The reason I went for the first nap of the day in the bed was because they are at their most rested then after their night's sleep, and will settle easiest. As the day goes on they get tireder and harder to settle. So I figured the easiest way to get the habit going was on the first nap.It takes time, you could be sitting there for a long while for a week or 2 but have patience...it is worth it in the long run. He will get into the swing of it.

Also as for skipping the nap, just see how you go. He will need about 4/5 naps a day at that stage. Quite soon it will drop to 3. Personally I was always glad to see the end of those evening naps, they were a nuisance, but he probably does still need them for now.

SmallgirlBigcity

That's super helpful, thank you! I'm definitely going to try that with the morning nap tomorrow, thanks a million

shesty

Best of luck.You could be there a while foe the first few days, like 20-30mins, because you are basically teaching him a whole new way to fall asleep, but I found it was a method that worked best for me over time.Tweak it to suit yourself.

SmallgirlBigcity

I lasted 40 mins and then gave in. He's currently asleep on me. He kept crying and it's so hard to just watch him get so upset. All he wants is to be picked up and I felt so bad not doing it. I'm disappointed though because it seems there is no other way. A lot of my pals in my breastfeeding group say they safely co-sleep with their babies so I'm always torn on whether to just keep doing what I'm doing or bite the bullet and try train him somehow to sleep on his own in the co-sleeper cot. Thanks for the advice anyway. Maybe I'll try again another time...

Electric Nitwit

Around four months was a really tough time, don't beat yourself up about it too much

We rocked ours asleep for a lot longer than four months (well over a year!)
I'm not recommending that (although I don't regret doing it) but just to let you know it'll ease up one way or another. I know it's really tough, but you will get through it even if you can't make an "ideal" plan work

SmallgirlBigcity

Thanks Electric Nitwit, that's just what I needed to hear. Appreciate it

anndub

I have an almost three year old girl and an almost seven monthr old boy. With my daughter we were able to apply the stay and support method for her with a fairly high level of success from 3 months. She rarely got upset and would chat or coo herself off to sleep. We were very cocky and thought we had parenting down, couldn't understand why everyone couldn't manage it.

Along came number two to teach us a lesson. Like you've described he would become very upset if put down and all the singing, stroking, and clock watching made no difference. He just didn't like it. Luckily he was number two and we knew better than to get hung up on it so he either slept on me or we took him for strolls in the buggy when he got tired. We tried the cot every week or so to see if he was ready but ultmately realised if we got him dressed in his snow suit and put him in his pram in the hall he'd usually just drift off without us having to actually go for a walk. That was our failsafe for naps until about two weeks ago and we've now started with the cot again, morning naps only for now as Shesty suggested. No problems this time, he goes off with a bit of cheek stroking and the odd cry off protest. I suppose he almost had himself sleep trained in the pram without realising himself he was doing it!

I suppose what I'm saying is they're all very different but you'd be forgiven for thinking if you don't do everything by the book you'll end up with some kind of "broken" child. You won't. However, if you do keep persevering with things that don't work you will end up broken yourself! Take a break for a week and try again next week. In the meantime see what else might work. Don't worry about bad habits, once whatever you're doing isn't affecting you yourself too adversely go with it.

At night I coslept until we invested in a sleepyhead which did the trick. When he outgrew that we had issues again but the sleeping bag with sleeves from slumbersac was a game changer. He really likes his comforts!

jlm29

My 8 month old Is currently outside the back door, asleep in her buggy. She has always napped in her buggy. Would you try that?

SmallgirlBigcity

Thanks anndub, that's reassuring. Yeah I think because I'm a first time mam I keep thinking I'm doing everything wrong.

So I alternate between naps in bed and in the pram. He gets two naps in bed and two in the pram. I was doing them all in the pram because it's easier but I was exhausted doing four walks a day.

He sleeps really well in the pram but he wakes up as soon as you stop...so keeping him in the hall doesn't work unfortunately.

I'll just keep doing what I'm doing I think. It only takes about ten minutes of rocking him to sleep when he naps in bed which isn't too bad really. Thanks guys

Electric Nitwit

SmallgirlBigcity wrote: »

Thanks anndub, that's reassuring. Yeah I think because I'm a first time mam I keep thinking I'm doing everything wrong

We (I'm the dad) were exactly the same. Best advice I received was not to listen too much to advice and not to worry too much. Easier said than done though!

shesty

I will add that I persevered with mine because my first only ever slept 40 minutes at a time anywhere up to 6 months old, rarely in car seats, never in prams.....my options were limited.It had to be the cot.She hated the sling too.Second and third were sling babies no bother, but never, ever slept in buggies.No.2 slept in a car seat the odd time.
I just have particularly nosey babies!!!!!So they just had to get into the cot habit tbh.

PhilOssophy

Yeah 4 months is probably the grimmest time on the sleeping front. Ours regressed badly at 4 months, only started sleeping all night around 1st birthday.
Up to then, wife was just breastfeeding until fell asleep, transferred over. Generally worked.
I read recently that there is no impact of the cry it out but like the OP we weren't willing to do it either (until recently enough and now is able to soothe himself once falls asleep). Now, we wait 15 minutes to go in if crying.
Hang in there OP - it gets much easier. The key is to establish a routine that works, and stick to it rigidly. We allow sleeping in pram for 2 hrs around 11.30-12, then bed time 7.30. I can't exactly remember what we did at 4 months.
Would love if child slept in the cot during the day, but the fresh air is healthy its hard to go very far at the moment.

fits

OP dont worry too much about ruining your baby with bad habits. Just do what works without mum or baby getting upset. Everything is a phase and they grow out of it eventually.

ax530

Bouncy chair might work you could tap it with your foot to bounce while watching TV or having a cuppa

I cant offer much advice to your question as too far ago to remember much about 4 months.
But may be helpful if I tell you my 3 children all are so different re sleep so I think lot has to do with the childs personality. As with most parenting just go with what easiest for the mom.

My eldest could put down anywhere when tired slept, my next (5 now) never found it easy to fall off asleep and is still the same likes reassurance & company. My youngest always napped in pushchair so I could move it around as with a toddler in house not safe to leave in a room unattended has not impacted ability to nap or sleep alone in bed.

SmallgirlBigcity

Thought I'd give an update on this. So I decided to try a sleep training method recommended to me by a friend and it worked!

I've always been against 'cry it out' and hated the idea of it. But my baby was feeding every 2 hours at night and when he wasn't feeding, he'd be shuffling around which kept me awake. So as a last resort I thought I'd give it a go.

The method involves doing his regular bedtime routine of feed, bath, massage and song and then placing him into his sleep bag in the co-sleeper, kissing him goodnight and leaving the room. When he cries, time it for a minute, go back in and do 3 long loud shushes and then go back out. Last night was my first night doing it and he cried for 45 mins on and off and then went asleep.

It was really hard and I hated it. But he slept a lot better, only fed every 3 hours and didn't shuffle all night so I'm pretty amazed by it.

And tonight, I put him down, he cried for a minute, I went in and did the shushing and he went asleep. No major crying at all. I can't believe it.

Just wanted to share my experience in case anyone else wants to try it. I spent weeks agonizing over whether to do it or not and I'm so glad I did. It's hard to hear them cry but for these results, I'm so glad it worked ðŸ‘