Access During COVID-19

Dravokivich

Dravokivich wrote: »

It really needs to be commented on practically and not against the court order. Single parents, with the kid, living with grand parents or other elderly relatives, should not be mixing with other households.

My son who lives with me and my parents, was with me initially for a few weeks, he's now with his mother, until whenever this social distancing / lockdown thing is to ease off.

It's going to be difficulty for all of us, but we need to look at the reality of the situation and stop mixing it in with parental alienation. While its a topic that needs to be addressed, it should not be pushed into how we handle this pandemic.

My ex in my opinion has taken it to a different level. she is not mingling with anyone but is on her own with the kids. majority of people still need to go to shops, her claim is that she is protecting the kids. My biggest fear now is that she will move her mother in, as i have been pressing her on access as social distancing is with us for another year easily.

Kevhog1988

Hi all, a bit different than the rest of ye as i have had my little lad since the start of lockdown. It was agreed that he would prefer to be here with us as we have land and a bit of a farm for him to muck about with. The only issue is i have been still paying the weekly maintenance even though he is now with me full time (complying with court order). Anyone in the same boat?

Shelli2

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/covid19_and_family_law.html

Essentially it comes down to what the mother says

My ex has now claimed my kids have underlying conditions over getting common sickness over winter and now I suspect she is trying to move in her mother to claim vulnerability.

But if I am forced to take to an emergency court hearing it's at my cost, I have no faith in the system how this can happen, if I with held maintenance to pay for this which is being forced on me, then I am the bad guy. Will she be made pay court costs, not at all

Rattlehead_ie

Deleted User wrote: »

My ex has now claimed my kids have underlying conditions over getting common sickness over winter and now I suspect she is trying to move in her mother to claim vulnerability.

I feel for you. I can only say though I would have thought a court would not look too kindly on the granny moving in now!Its a bit late to be pulling that stunt. As for her claiming the children have underlying issues, being part of their life up to now Im sure you are privy to Dr appointments and unless a doctor says so then thats rubbish too.

AulWan

Kevhog1988 wrote: »

Hi all, a bit different than the rest of ye as i have had my little lad since the start of lockdown. It was agreed that he would prefer to be here with us as we have land and a bit of a farm for him to muck about with. The only issue is i have been still paying the weekly maintenance even though he is now with me full time (complying with court order). Anyone in the same boat?

have you discussed maintenance with the other parent and asked to reduce it or revisit the amount being paid?

If they are agreeable, get something in writing. If not, the best advice would be to stick to the court ordered amount (if there is one) until you can apply for a variance.

Or, at the very least, apply for the variance before making any reduction in payment (still frowned upon) but have your ducks in a row explaining any reduction before going to court.

AulWan

Deleted User wrote: »

Essentially it comes down to what the mother says

My ex has now claimed my kids have underlying conditions over getting common sickness over winter and now I suspect she is trying to move in her mother to claim vulnerability.

But if I am forced to take to an emergency court hearing it's at my cost, I have no faith in the system how this can happen, if I with held maintenance to pay for this which is being forced on me, then I am the bad guy. Will she be made pay court costs, not at all

Can you not represent yourself in court?

I think any Judge would see through kids suddenly developing underlying conditions they didn't have before.

AulWan

AulWan wrote: »

Can you not represent yourself in court?

I think any Judge would see through kids suddenly developing underlying conditions they didn't have before.

i was chatting to my solicitor and this was basically what i was told, judges are not hearing breaches of court orders, some judges are of the opinion kids should not move between house contrary to what the guidelines say. Also was told that i am not the only one in this position and that it is going on wholesale. The solicitor was genuinely very frustrated with the whole thing.

So basically the fathers in this country get screwed over again and the vast difference of punishment for breach of court orders is completely lopsided.

Another annoying thing here is the constant concern over mental health, i know from my own experience, my ex would be the first putting things up on social media about mental health and all that, however fathers being kept out of there childrens lives without any repercussions to the mothers for doing so is going to cause massive issues with mental health and shows that a lot of these mother are in fact extremely narcissistic.

I can see past it, a lot can't. It angers me that my kids are at a crucial age and if my ex manages to keep them from me for 6 -12 months over social distancing it will be extremely hard to rebuild the bond and it will be a major catch up from lost time. Its extremely damaging and this will lead to long term issues as kids will also suffer mentally over this.

Gael23

I would cut off maintenance in that case

jimmycrackcorm

Gael23 wrote: »

I would cut off maintenance in that case

Not exactly, the maintenance is for the benefit of the kids. So I wouldn't be going spending it as a court could order back-owed maintenance to be paid.

jimmycrackcorm

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Not exactly, the maintenance is for the benefit of the kids. So I wouldn't be going spending it as a court could order back-owed maintenance to be paid.

Yeah i am trying to think of a strategy. She has torn up the rulebook and is dictating how i see my kids via video call or through a window. Almost like supervised access, plus under 0.2% of the population are active covid 19 cases from a total of 0.4% active cases. That leaves 99.8% of the population not known to be active or showing any signs, its scandalous that this practise of treating fathers are diseased and not allowing to hold their kids.It validates a mother vindictiveness. I am more disgusted that this is not on the press briefings by our leaders, this is something that is going to lead to far more mental health issues than any other group, but hey its only single male fathers, they don't sell newspapers.

Rattlehead_ie

@Keeffo2005,
Ive follow this thread since you started it and your situation sounds very difficult. It does seem as if the child's mother will do anything to twist the situation in her favor and I can only say I know how you feel. Its hugely unfair how the other parent in this country is treated. Its all based on the good will and willing to work on something from the other person and we all know thats not always possible.

However, lets take some bit of a positive. I think we all have a date of May the 18th now that would seem to allow all other parents back into the lives of their little person(s). As I said previously take pride in the fact those kids will be only delighted to see their father and it is perfectly within your right to ask for more time to make up for time lost.

Best of Luck

PmMeUrDogs

Query for a friend - is it possible to apply for a hearing for breach of maintenance, or are the courts closed?

Friend is up in court for a maintenance appeal from the father, was supposed to be in March but was pushed out to July over Covid.

Father has refused to take the child for his access since the beginning of March (no reason not to, no immunocompromised, elderly or otherwise sick people in either family), but has also refused to pay any maintenance for two months and the friend is starting to struggle financially.

AulWan

PmMeUrDogs wrote: »

Query for a friend - is it possible to apply for a hearing for breach of maintenance, or are the courts closed?

Friend is up in court for a maintenance appeal from the father, was supposed to be in March but was pushed out to July over Covid.

Father has refused to take the child for his access since the beginning of March (no reason not to, no immunocompromised, elderly or otherwise sick people in either family), but has also refused to pay any maintenance for two months and the friend is starting to struggle financially.

As far as I know the courts are operating with limited staff. If there is already an application before the courts in relation to maintenance, your friend should ring and ask can she make an application for enforcement of arrears of maintenance to be held on the same date in July as the father's request for a variance. Its unlikely it would be heard before then.

Regarding the refusal to take access, thats not actually a breach of any court order, the non-custodial parent is not bound by an access order, only the custodial parent is.

PmMeUrDogs

AulWan wrote: »

As far as I know the courts are operating with limited staff. If there is already an application before the courts in relation to maintenance, your friend should ring and ask can she make an application for enforcement of arrears of maintenance to be held on the same date in July as the father's request for a variance. Its unlikely it would be heard before then.

Regarding the refusal to take access, thats not actually a breach of any court order, the non-custodial parent is not bound by an access order, only the custodial parent is.

Thank you for that, I'll tell her to call and ask can she make an application with regards to the maintenance breach.

We know she can't do anything about him not taking access, except obviously if it becomes a frequent thing, she can apply for access to be discharged, but she won't do that as she wants them to have a relationship.

Thanks for the advice!

Rattlehead_ie

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

@Keeffo2005,
Ive follow this thread since you started it and your situation sounds very difficult. It does seem as if the child's mother will do anything to twist the situation in her favor and I can only say I know how you feel. Its hugely unfair how the other parent in this country is treated. Its all based on the good will and willing to work on something from the other person and we all know thats not always possible.

However, lets take some bit of a positive. I think we all have a date of May the 18th now that would seem to allow all other parents back into the lives of their little person(s). As I said previously take pride in the fact those kids will be only delighted to see their father and it is perfectly within your right to ask for more time to make up for time lost.

Best of Luck

Thanks Rattlehead

Unfortunately i can still see her using the social distancing card.

One of my friends told me to read up on parental alienation as his sister went through the same. Maybe i am looking too hard but i think there is definitely early signs and signs of past actions with her other kid.

AulWan

Judge Larkin brought up parental alienation in the update to that court case posted above. Irish Examiner

Its more common then people think it is.

AulWan

AulWan wrote: »

Judge Larkin brought up parental alienation in the update to that court case posted above. Irish Examiner

Its more common then people think it is.

Reading that article has me confused, she describes what she sees as parental alienation but further down attacks both parents over their incapacity to act as parents. Surely this is a contradiction as if parental alienation is taking place how can the father act as a parent when the mother is actively manipulating the child against the father. Obviously there is a bit more to this case

AulWan

Oh i'd say there is a lot more history of conflict between the parents - probably years of back and forth over various issues.

The judge was not accusing the father of alientation though, only the mother, for witholding access. Parental alienation is not generally recognised in Ireland, I'm surprised the Judge said it outright.

Rattlehead_ie

@keeffo2005
Out of interest. Even if say she moved her own mother in. What would be your thinking on when you could see the kids again?
Is it an acceptable risk to have the kids knowing they will go back into the house with granny there? Otherwise you would be waiting till there was a vaccine? I ask due to the questions in my own head at the moment.

Rattlehead_ie

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

@keeffo2005
Out of interest. Even if say she moved her own mother in. What would be your thinking on when you could see the kids again?
Is it an acceptable risk to have the kids knowing they will go back into the house with granny there? Otherwise you would be waiting till there was a vaccine? I ask due to the questions in my own head at the moment.

I think if she moves her mother in it will be in spite as her mother never lived there. I would be of the opinion that I am entitled to see my kids and the mother moving in is at her risk and not mine. Therefore my access should continue and should not be compromised by my ex having her mother in the house. It is effectively placing the grandmothers importance above that of the father.

I am not waiting for a vaccine to see my kids again, realistically in a positive results trial we a year away from mass production. Existing plants will need to be modified ie size of vessel, motors, pumps, instruments all depending on the recipe and the batching process, that in itself would take time to build without social distancing and social distancing will slow down construction. Some people think existing plants can do, they can if you are lucky and you might get lucky that only minor mods are needed to a plant.

Sorry for going off a bit there, kind of giving an oversight why we are a year at best away from a mass production of a vaccine. This is why hard decisions need to be made. Its 2 months now, if the mother of your child is not putting forward a timeline to you or at what stage of coming out of the lockdown you can hold your child then you need to start acting in my opinion