Father passed a comment that he thinks I'm crazy

LegacyUser

This is a bit of a weird one.
Recently my dad has started passing comments where he implies I'm crazy or gone off the rails.
He says this quite seriously and in a non joking way.

The reason for this is, I'm quite an active and eccentric person.
I'm 30, work a full time job, quite happy and doing well for myself even despite all this covid stuff. I've been living with my parents to save for a house.
My day job involves long shifts and I'm usually out of the house from 7am to 8pm every day.

Come the weekends or when I have time off I'm often out doing a lot of extreme sports, or unconventional physical activities.
I also end up making lots of food, watching movies, playing music, have a couple of cans, and play games with friends in between everything else.
I'm a busy person.

He hates seeing anybody drink alcohol or being drunk. He frowns upon a lot of things I do. He thinks me going rock climbing or mountain biking where I'm "not supposed" to is weird.

I feel like he's such a misery merchant at times. But it got me thinking. I am quite a high energy person and I get a bit wild/eccentric at times. I like to party a bit during my free time off.

I had a couple cans of guiness last week and got a large take away and was in the kitchen when he passed a comment "are you feeling okay, you're in a bad state right now". I just laughed and said I'm grand would you relax.

Just today I was cooking a big pizza and got a can out of the fridge and he said "take it easy, dont be going acting all crazy this weekend again" and rolled his eyes.

wtf?

For the record. I only drink about twice a month and only have 3 cans tops. I don't think I have any alcohol problems etc. I do get a bit anxious at times which he also loathes.

I think maybe he's bothered by how I enjoy myself. I try to be as considerate as possible and don't disturb him much aside from the odd stupid conversation.

On the other hand I think he might be depressed and anxious himself with everything going on right now.

LilacNails

Do ye do anything together or have anything in common? It does sound like he might be bothered by u been busy and enjoying yourself, but maybe he might resent that your too busy all the time to spend some time with him.......

The J Stands for Jay

You have a few cans, and you do outdoor activities, neither of which he does and therefore doesn't understand. Meh, wouldn't be too bothered by his opinion.

Airyfairy12

Sounds like he thinks you should be like him and wont accept that you're different.

Wanderer78

You sound like you re having a lot of fun in life, and best of luck with it, who knows what your father's issues are, but it sounds like you ll be moving out in the near future anyway. Try keep the peace as best as possible, and focus on moving out, when that occurs, try mend your relationship with your father, my own died a few years ago, so I don't have options there, I just wish I had. Best of luck

The J Stands for Jay

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Sounds like he thinks you should be like him and wont accept that you're different.

This sounds like the answer.

amdublin

I agree with all of the above.

I also think, it is just one throwaway comment from a man who sounds like he is a bit bitter himself. Let him at it!

Feel your feeling, process it, then let it go.

Be you. And do what makes you happy.

Take care.

vikings2012

Your dad just had a different mindset on life.

My dad is pretty much the same. He would worry for me when I go diving, skiing, biking etc. He is just concerned that I might hurt myself or sustain a lifelong injury. So even though he might disregard my activity choices he has my best interests at heart.

Also, he doesn’t like when I or any of my siblings drink. I don’t drink at home cause I know he doesn’t like it and that’s fair. It’s his house after all. His father had a drinking problem so I suppose that’s why he has a negative image of alcohol.

Maybe sit down with him and actually tell him how you feel and how your choices are what you like doing and what makes you happy. Parents just want to see us happy after all.

Best of luck

Ticking and Bashing

Common theme these days on boards.ie of 30 year olds complaining about living at home

His house..his rules..you are merely a guest. He could go as far as telling you to stop drinking in his house or ask you to leave.

Sounds like a throwaway comment he made. Don't read into it. Ignore and move on.

Augme

There seems to be a huge amount of people who just move into their parents place in their 30s to save for a house who fail to recgonise how selfish it is.

So maybe he is just pissed off at having to live with his 30 year old child and this is how he vents that frustration?

Wanderer78

Augme wrote:

There seems to be a huge amount of people who just move into their parents place in their 30s to save for a house who fail to recgonise how selfish it is.

Or maybe there's something fundamentally going wrong with our housing/accommodation market!

Augme wrote:

So maybe he is just pissed off at having to live with his 30 year old child and this is how he vents that frustration?

He's a 30 year old adult having fun and enjoying life, trying his best to better himself and his situation

beauf

aminotcrazy wrote: »

This is a bit of a weird one.
Recently my dad has started passing comments where he implies I'm crazy or gone off the rails.
He says this quite seriously and in a non joking way.

....

I feel like he's such a misery merchant at times. .....
I think maybe he's bothered by how I enjoy myself. I try to be as considerate as possible and don't disturb him much aside from the odd stupid conversation.

On the other hand I think he might be depressed and anxious himself with everything going on right now.

Maybe you need to talk to him more, and ask him not us. Who knows. Maybe some space between you would be better. People get older they can get very cranky and can be depressed. It can become your role to show them the glass is still half full. But in a subtle way.

irishguy1983

aminotcrazy wrote: »

This is a bit of a weird one.
Recently my dad has started passing comments where he implies I'm crazy or gone off the rails.
He says this quite seriously and in a non joking way.

The reason for this is, I'm quite an active and eccentric person.
I'm 30, work a full time job, quite happy and doing well for myself even despite all this covid stuff. I've been living with my parents to save for a house.
My day job involves long shifts and I'm usually out of the house from 7am to 8pm every day.

Come the weekends or when I have time off I'm often out doing a lot of extreme sports, or unconventional physical activities.
I also end up making lots of food, watching movies, playing music, have a couple of cans, and play games with friends in between everything else.
I'm a busy person.

He hates seeing anybody drink alcohol or being drunk. He frowns upon a lot of things I do. He thinks me going rock climbing or mountain biking where I'm "not supposed" to is weird.

I feel like he's such a misery merchant at times. But it got me thinking. I am quite a high energy person and I get a bit wild/eccentric at times. I like to party a bit during my free time off.

I had a couple cans of guiness last week and got a large take away and was in the kitchen when he passed a comment "are you feeling okay, you're in a bad state right now". I just laughed and said I'm grand would you relax.

Just today I was cooking a big pizza and got a can out of the fridge and he said "take it easy, dont be going acting all crazy this weekend again" and rolled his eyes.

wtf?

For the record. I only drink about twice a month and only have 3 cans tops. I don't think I have any alcohol problems etc. I do get a bit anxious at times which he also loathes.

I think maybe he's bothered by how I enjoy myself. I try to be as considerate as possible and don't disturb him much aside from the odd stupid conversation.

On the other hand I think he might be depressed and anxious himself with everything going on right now.

Ummmm...Sounds like you lead a fairly healthy lifestyle or maybe I am missing something....Maybe your Dad is just having a joke....

JeffKenna

You sure your fathers reference to "going crazy again this weekend" was in relation to alcohol? I read it as him asking you to stay in... You seemed to have been out ignoring the restrictions last weekend and him asking you not to go crazy again this weekend is in relation to that.

listermint

Ticking and Bashing wrote: »

Common theme these days on boards.ie of 30 year olds complaining about living at home

His house..his rules..you are merely a guest. He could go as far as telling you to stop drinking in his house or ask you to leave.

Sounds like a throwaway comment he made. Don't read into it. Ignore and move on.

Personally I'm finding this his house his rules an abysmally tiring response. It's the type of response that can result in families never talking again.

Maybe consider switching it up to... Find some common ground because adults living at home is the new normal. Good idea to tell people to talk than walk no ? Or should we reduce everything down to ownership and conflict.

Panrich

JeffKenna wrote: »

You sure your fathers reference to "going crazy again this weekend" was in relation to alcohol? I read it as him asking you to stay in... You seemed to have been out ignoring the restrictions last weekend and him asking you not to go crazy again this weekend is in relation to that.

That was the first thing that I thought too when reading the initial post. The fact that the op quoted places where he’s ‘not supposed to be’ jumped out as the point of contention. Older people are terrified at present and are trying to isolate and cocoon to avoid infection.

LegacyUser

The first few responses hit the nail on the head I think. Thanks all.

vikings2012 wrote: »

Your dad just had a different mindset on life.

My dad is pretty much the same. He would worry for me when I go diving, skiing, biking etc. He is just concerned that I might hurt myself or sustain a lifelong injury. So even though he might disregard my activity choices he has my best interests at heart.

Also, he doesn’t like when I or any of my siblings drink. I don’t drink at home cause I know he doesn’t like it and that’s fair. It’s his house after all. His father had a drinking problem so I suppose that’s why he has a negative image of alcohol.

Maybe sit down with him and actually tell him how you feel and how your choices are what you like doing and what makes you happy. Parents just want to see us happy after all.

Best of luck

The weird thing is nobody has ever had a problem with drink in our house.
Nobody ever drinks more than 2-3 cans a week and myself I drink maybe twice a month.

He had another go at over the weekend. I made some food and took a bottle of cider out of the fridge. I brought it outside to eat/drink in the sun.
He copped me with cider in my hand and was like "why are you drinking at 5pm, take it easy".

I got pretty annoyed and said sure what other time would I be drinking at? Having a drink with my dinner is like the most normal thing.
He seemed to think it was not.

Ticking and Bashing wrote: »

Common theme these days on boards.ie of 30 year olds complaining about living at home

Nice little passive smiley face there. Unhelpful comment.

JeffKenna wrote: »

You sure your fathers reference to "going crazy again this weekend" was in relation to alcohol? I read it as him asking you to stay in... You seemed to have been out ignoring the restrictions last weekend and him asking you not to go crazy again this weekend is in relation to that.

I haven't left the 2km distance at all. I do go out every day to exercise.
That line wasnt in relation to recent restrictions.
for what its worth, my dad has driven well out of the 2km zone every day for walks himself.

Augme

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Or maybe there's something fundamentally going wrong with our housing/accommodation market!


He's a 30 year old adult having fun and enjoying life, trying his best to better himself and his situation

I'm not sure why the first one is his Dad's problem.

Our course he is having fun and enjoying life. He is living somewhere nice and cheap while he saves for his own place. A great situation to be in. Less so for his Dad, but sure, why would the OP care about that?

meeeeh

I don't know what country you live in op, but there seems to be a bit of opposition to extreme sports from doctors because there is bigger chance people end up in a&e. Thinking that rock climbing or mountain biking at the moment are crazy seems perfectly rational assessment to me.

Getting upset by a few drinks is a bit much but there are people who will never consider drinking at home acceptable. There is not much you can do about that until you move out.

LegacyUser

Yeah fair assessment. I should really just knuckle down and keep things on good terms as much as possible until i can move out.

mods can you lock now please.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note


Thread closed as per OP's request.

Thank you to all who replied and best of luck OP.